The End is Better Then The Beginning
by Fallenangelqueen
Summary: The boys all suffer individually, tradgedies that they never expected to happen to them. Finally, after a few years off suffering, the boys meet at a school for help. RAPE/ BOY ON BOY
1. Chapter 1

**Gosh I am a horrible person! (gasp) raping all the sexy BTR boys? How dare I! WELL SUCK IT UP! I'm raping every single one of them! **

**Well I wish I could...but unfortunately the made up people in this story will get to (fuck!)**

**Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**MEMORY ONE-JAMES**

**-Minnesota, November 23 2001-**

An eight year old, by the name of James, sits alone in front of his TV. School was just let out not less then an hour ago and, after homework, his parents were home yet. James was a happy, spirited child, who was also, the tallest and handsomest boy in his grade. With shoulder-length copper hair and hazel eyes, he could be an angel for anyone knew.

Now James had many friends, but his main friend was a teenager who lived down the street, by the name of Jake. He was a tall boy,5"6 with short black hair and piercing grey eyes. Being fourteen of course he was pretty vulgar and could be rude, but seemed nice and polite enough around adults. James and Jake spent A LOT of time together.

And for the first time he was asking if Jake could spend the night. James watched as Spongebob danced around on TV and when the door opened, the cartoon was forgotten. He was up and running to the door where his parents entered with grocery bags in hand.

"Dad! Dad!" he jumped up and down as his parents trudged in, snow and wind blowing behind them. James shivered and helped shut the door before following his parents into the kitchen.

"dad!" he watched his dad unravel his scarf from his face and look at his son.

"yes Jamie?"

"ok I was wondering..." suddenly James stopped. He always became shy when it came to asking things from his parents. Even for a glass of milk! James was not greedy and only took when needed. Besides allowance ,he never really needed anything though. His parents understood his shyness though and dealt with it. His father smiled and picked him up as his mom took off her jacket.

"what is it Jamie? You know you can ask me for something if you want it."

James bit his lip,a horrible habit he dealt with that made his lips chapped.

"I was...wondering if I could have a sleepover."

His mom turned around and smiled. A sleepover? How fun!

"well of course, Jamie! But what friend would you want to spend the night with?"

This is where James bit his lip and blushed. Well a fourteen year old spending the night may have sounded fun to HIM, but what about his parents?

"is it okay if J-Jake can spend the night?" his parents stopped smiling and looked at each other. His dad slowly put him down and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I-I don't know about that Jamie."

James bounced up and down.

"pleeeaaassseeee? Please, please, please?" he would beg on his knees if they wanted! His parents sighed and looked at each other. His mom sighed.

"well, what would it hurt? I guess you can invite Jake to spend the night."

James jumped and pumped a fist in the air.

"yes!"

(midnight)

After a plate of pizza, several movies and hours of video games,James and Jake ended up laying in James queen bed, which he'd gotten since he rolled out of bed a few nights a week,and both were whispering to each other.

If only James could see the horrible smirk on Jakes face.

"so do you like any girls?"

James shook his head, visible in the darkness.

"nah girls are gross. What about you?" he turned to look at Jake in the dark.

"same here."

James giggled.

"okay my turn! Umm what's your favorite video game?"

Jake snickered a bit to himself. This was too easy.

"Halo Reach."

James giggled and yawned a second later. Wow was he tired! He rolled over on his side and looked at Jake.

"Jake I'm sleepy."

"yeah me too."

"can we go to bed?"

"sure. But I was hoping we could do something big boys do before we go to sleep."

James sat up, sleep disappearing from his mind. Big boy stuff?

"okay sure what is it?"

Jake sat up slowly and smiled to himself in the darkness.

"I'll tell you, but you gotta stay quiet okay?"

"okay!" James whispered. Jake leaned close to James,close enough to smell his scent. How delightful.

"first take off your clothes."

Take of his...clothes? James bit his lip. Why would he take off his clothes?

"w-why?"

"it's a big boy thing."

James thought it over and sighed. How he longed to do big boy things like Jake! Reaching under his covers he gently ripped his pajamas off and threw them to the ground.

"underwear too." he could feel Jake moving to get his clothes off to. If Jake was doing maybe he should too! He moved until his socks and underwear were off,tossing them to the ground with the rest of his clothes.

"okay I'm ready! What's next!" he whispered. Jake leaned close enough for James to see him.

"this." he whispered. He leaned close and suddenly James had a feeling of awkwardness. A feeling of...danger? Jake gently kissed James, pressing their lips together tightly,his hands reaching under the blanket to run them up and down across James's delicate body. James tensed and stood still. Why...why was Jake KISSING him? He pulled away quickly.

"J-Jake!"

Jake was quicker in thinking though and thrust a hand over his mouth.

"shhhhh! It's a big boy thing remember!" he half whispered-half yelled at him. James could feel his chest become tight, something that happened when he was scared. He slowly nodded and when Jake let go of his mouth he felt two large hands pushing him down onto his bed. Jake climbed over him, wrapping two large arms around James and hurrying his head in James's head, something James absolutely despised!

"oohhhh your so beautiful..." he whispered. James felt tears prick at his eyes. God how scared he was! And also considering the fact Jake was nearly crushing him! James began to whimper when suddenly something large, warm, and hard rubbed his leg.

What was that?

"J-jake...hurting me...please.." Jake lifted himself up and off James, to lift his torso up and kiss him before pushing him back down.

"You're so cute Jamie." James shivered in disgust at the nickname. How dare he use it! And suddenly Jakes hand were traveling down his body, teasing James in places he shivered at and to touching James...there. James cried as Jakes hand moved up and down, making movements that terrified James to no end. And suddenly, a slight blush crept it's way up to James's cheeks as his whole body shook and blood rushed through his body. He hurt uncomfortably down there and James felt disgusted. He felt gross, like he should take a bath.

"you like that? Yeah you do." Jake grunted lowly. James began to cry silently. Why did it hurt so much?

Suddenly his hips were lifted up and jakes hand disappeared. His hands squeezed his hips horribly,enough to make James give a loud sob and cover his mouth. A large smack came to his bottom and he cried out into his hands.

"I said shush! This is what big boys do!" he whispered. And then,James felt something down there,further down. It hurt horribly and suddenly a large pain shot up through him as...as what? What was Jake doing? He didn't know,and couldnt understand. All he felt was pain,and the tears that went with it. He began to sob uncontrollably and cry into his hands. The room was filled with horrible sounds of Jakes low grunts and flesh slapping sounds.

"fuck...fuck yeah,oh yeah fuck...feels so good..." Jake gripped James's hips harder and James sobbed. His chest tightened and the tears leaked harder now. He couldn't help but let go with one hand to trip the sheet beneath him. Oh gosh the pain...

"oh James you...so gorgeous...and tight! Oh so warm and tight!" Jake cried out lowly. James began sobbing worse and gripped the sheet harder. what was happening?

"o-oohhh ahhh...Jamie I'm-i'm gonna c-c-" with a low grunt,the worse pain of all happened and James felt Jakes body shudder against his and something...something warm filled him. Something warm and...disgusting. Something that didn't belong. Jake fell beside James and smiled. James felt something pouring from his body,the extreme heat making him realize he was bleeding. He let go of his mouth and sniffed.

He had a sudden paranoid feeling. He didn't want anybody to touch him and all he did was want to take a bath. Two large arms wrapped around him and yanked him across the bed to a warm chest,where kisses were peppered across his head.

"such a beautiful thing you are...so beautiful...and you're mine...ALL MINE." Jake whispered into James's ear.

James rolled away from Jake,threw up over the side of his bed and then laid down,his eyes shutting as he fainted.

...

James woke up the next morning,to find him dressed and the vomit gone. Jake was gone to. Had it been nothing but a nightmare?

As soon as he sat up,the realization hit him. The pain flared through him,making him cry a little and hold his back. Yes. Yes it had been real. After nearly an hour of walking around to get rid of the pain and evidence of tears,he left his room with a slight limp and downstairs,where he found Jake sitting at the table and his mom there to.

"ah good morning James! Was wondering when you'd get up sleepy head!" she chuckled. James smiled and slowly walked to the table,his mom frowning at his walk and limp.

"honey are you okay?" her look gave James a feeling of dread. Did she know? No she couldn't! She musnt. She would hate him. Why though? He didn't know. He nodded and smiled.

"y-yea just sleepy is all." he faked a yawn and smiled his mom. his mom eyed him and then shook her head.

"I-I guess so. Hope you're not getting sick kiddo." she tousled his hair and laughed,ready to see her son desperately fix his hair only to see him flinch and pull away. It confused her to no end afterwards but she thought nothin of it later.

...

Three Weeks went by. James had never been worse though. He was quiet after that,barely talking to anybody. He couldn't focus in class because he felt like everyone was staring at him,knowing what happened. He often begged to stay home,claiming he was sick.

He barely ate,stuffing two bites down to satisfy his parents so he could run to his room and cry silently. He sat in the bath,scrubbing himself over and over until the water went cold and never feeling clean afterward. People couldn't hug him without terrifying him to death,making him flinch. He barely responded to questions. It was like he ran out of emotions. Then fame the nightmares. The scene happened over and over,every night,forcing James to stuff his face in a pillow so his sobs and screams weren't heard when he woke.

He had to hide his sheets,the huge blood stain and white odd stain on his sheets horrifying him to no end. They were now hidden under his dresser. He often was alone and when he was he laid around silently,not thinking or speaking. just laying there.

His parents were frightened to no end and James was often called to the guidance counselors office,where he was questioned but just sat there staring at his feet. His parents met with the principal,where they discussed James and wondered why his grades were dropping. Late at night James could hear them discussing him and maybe seeing a "psychiatrist". James feared for himself.

It was the Friday of the third week,James laying on the couch waiting for mom and dad to come home when his doorbell rang. He slowly rose from his 45 minute space on the couch and trudged to the door slowly. When he opened it he froze and practically everything hit him.

Jake stood in front of him. Smiling like nothing happened.

"hey Jamie."

James stood still before attempting to slam the door,which was blocked by Jakes foot. He shoved the door open and walked in,looking at James who had fallen on the ground. His grey eyes smirked and next thing James knew the door was shut and locked and Jake was squatting next to him.

"you can't stop me from loving you Jamie."

"y-yes I c-can." he whispered as Jake lifted his chin with a finger. His grey eyes pierced through James head,the fury in them shaking James to the bone.

"nobody will ever have you. You're MINE." and then James was grabbed,yanked upwards an dragged to the couch. His clothes and James clothes were torn from their bodies by Jake and discarded on the floor. James remembered the pain and fought. He fought hard but it wasn't enough. Jake was stronger and ended up binding his wrists together with tape he found quickly in the coffee tables drawer. He put some over James's mouth to and picked him up as he laid down on the couch. He brought their faces together,hazel eyes filled with fear meeting grey ones filled with fury. He ran his fingers through James's hair and growled.

"my precious. You are mine and mine alone. But obviously you need to be punished for not understanding." James began to struggle as Jakes hold on his hips tightened and he lifted James to his knees,hovering his body over Jakes large organ. James cried out as Jake lowered him down roughly and fast onto it,the pain searing and heat flooding suddenly down there. James was being forced to bounce up and down on Jakes body,blood leaving his body quickly because of it. He became light headed and dizzy,water leaving his body through warm fast tears and blood leaving his body through jakes rough physical touching. Jake grunted low in his throat and held James hard enough to make him cry and scream through the tape.

"fuck so beautiful,riding me like a little whore. You're my little slut. Mine. Ugh so tight and warm." the worse that spilled from Jakes mouth disturbed James. He didnt know what they meant.

But from the whole impact of it all,James hung his head. He lost. He lost it all. Jake grunted and sighed happily before he began thrusting upwards. Jake won. Jake had always won. James threw his head back and screamed through the duct tape. Why him?

They were so caught up in what they were doing the sound of a car pulling up and people coming to the door didn't disturb them. The juggling of the doorknob and rattle of keys didn't either. It wasn't until the door opened and a loud gasp stopped Jake. He turned his head quickly to see James's parents. He gasped and grabbed the afghan on the couch to throw it over him and James,who he grabbed and pulled close to his body.

James's dad took one look from Jake to James,to the tape that bound his son. His eyes narrowed and he growled.

"you nasty son of a-" he was across the room in a flash. Jake slid from James,threw him down and jumped of the couch in that time,but repairs his efforts,James's dad grabbed him and threw him against the wall. He hit the wall and slid to the floor,passed out. He grabbed the afghan and threw it over him,before turning back to see his son in his wife's arms,sobbing hard when he was free of the tape. She held him close and sobbed hard to,looking up at her husband. Staring at James,he couldn't believe how he missed it all. How he misunderstood it. He thought it was because maybe he wasn't spending time with him enough. But this- this had never come to mind.

He crossed the room and slid to his knees to pull his son close and,for the first time in years,he cried. He cried hard as he held his son close. A beautiful thing his son was,and he was proud to be the father of him but...but how could something like this happen?

...

Jake was sent to a Juvenile facility,where he would stay until he was 18 then moved into the actual prison. The police talked with James,who finally cried it out and told everything. The sheets James had hidden were found and taken as evidence. James had to have surgery on his back and hips because of small fractures in his hips and spinal cord from Jake being to rough and holding him to tight. He was also sewn up from multiple rips.

He was sent to a therapist afterwards for many years. It didn't help. As he grew,James never changed. He was still paranoid and the only people he would speak with or even hug were his parents or therapist. James regretted everything and wished there was a way away from it all. People murmured about him for a few years after that. He heard them whisper and could see them staring. He learned to deal with it.

Until the night it all crashed down him. Tormented and his mind screwed up from the rape,James ended up being a homosexual. His parents didn't mind,and accepted him with love and support. Others didnt. He was prank called one night and was yelled,"Fag!" and "you're gonna burn in hell!" at.

James sobbed for hours afterwards. He needed an escape. He stood from his bed and walked to the bathroom, where he found his razors. He pulled the blades out and dragged them across his wrists a few times, watching the dark blood ooze out. Suddenly he was light headed and he feel slowly to the ground. The darkness around him began to overwhelm his vision and he smiled. The escape he needed was here. He slowly shut his eyes and waited. He heard several screams and his name being called before the blackness overwhelmed him.

**R&R IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ahhhhhh! Still typing my rape story I feel horrible! Okay here we go...**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**MEMORY TWO-CARLOS**

**-Minnesota, September 13,2004-**

The ten year old Latino that sat in the front row was a cute little ball of energy. Carlos was a nice,happy thing that could brighten anybody's day. And there was a few cute things about him that also stuck out in a weird fashion-he always wore a hockey helmet that was a bit to big for his head,and kept a cute little stuffed dog in his backpack.

Now Carlos was better at playing than schoolwork. He often tried and tried but after a while it got to much for him. But Carlos always had the one person he loved there for him-his Papi. His mother had passed away when he was three, of cancer. So they were the only things that had of family. And his dad was always there,with sports or school. He often helped him with homework.

Carlos was happy with his life. He missed his mami desperately,keeping a locket and a picture of her around his neck all the time. But besides hat he was happy with his life. Carlos gently swung his little legs that barely touched the ground and looked up at the clock.

Ten more minutes left. He couldn't wait to get to hockey practice. The other day he'd learned how to skate perfectly and now he was ready to keep practicing so he could get into the higher class,where the kids were already practicing with hockey pucks and sticks. Carlos gently swung his legs a but faster,bouncing in happiness in his seat when a shadow appeared over his seat. He looked up to see his teachers,,standing over him.

"Carlos can you stay after school for a little while?"

Carlos bit his lip and looked down at his fingers. Truly his teacher was nice but he often gave Carlos willies because of the way he sometimes smiled at him. He gave him looks sometimes that felt like he was...looking through him. But...well he needed help with math. He nodded and smiled at his teacher.

"okay."

...

After all the kids left,Carlos stayed behind,swinging his legs as he sat in his desk. His backpack was next to him on the floor,his puppies head sticking out so he could pet him gently while waiting for his teacher. was working on some papers,before making a few checks and standing. He smiled at Carlos as he walked past him to shut the door. Even though he stood in front of the door,Carlos could hear the lock click and a sudden shiver ran up his spine. Why did he lock the door?

His teacher turned around and smiled at Carlos.

"you've been bad Carlos."

Carlos's stomach suddenly twisted and he felt like throwing up.

"w-what?"

His teacher smirked,an evil smirk that made him wanna cry. His teacher walked slowly over to him and put his hands on both sides of the desk,which gave Carlos no escape.

"yeah. Not doing your math,having your dad do it for you. Failing at it. Bad bad Carlos." Carlos suddenly got the feeling of horrible danger. His eyes darted to the door and tried to stand up but his teacher gripped his forearms hard and made him sit down.

"o-ow please I d-don't want-t-this h-hurts please le-let me go." he began to cry as his teacher picked him up,holding him above the ground. Carlos began to cry and kicked his legs.

"p-put me down!" he began to cry harder. His teacher pulled him close,engulfing him in his large arms. He kissed Carlos on the head and smiled.

"shh...if you're good I wont punish you Carlos." Carlos's eyes widened in fright and he tried to squirm away. But his teacher began to drag him across the room,heading to his desk. His hand gently slid up to cover Carlos's mouth but Carlos wouldn't stop. He grabbed his hand and bit him. His teacher cried out in pain and dropped Carlos,who instantly scurried to the door. He grabbed the door knob and jiggled it,trying to open the locked door. He screamed and kicked at the door to open,when he was grabbed from behind and dragged across the room,a hand over his mouth and a strong arm wrapped around his middle. His shouts were muffled by the hand as he was thrown down on his teachers desk. His head banged backwards and he was glad he wore his helmet. His back hurt from being slammed down but he couldn't focus on that. He struggled with his teacher,who attempted to get Carlos's clothes off.

"no!" he cried but his teacher smacked him across the face.

"be good Carlos. I promise itll feel good if you do."

Carlos began to sob as his teacher yanked his shirt off and then slid his jeans off. Carlos laid there,sobbing hard,laying in nothing but his underwear,socks,helmet and his gold locket. He began to squirm an cry harder as his teacher grabbed at his clothes,yanking his underwear. A large ripping sound told him that his underwear ripped off and it was tossed to the other side of the room. He was lifted up and thrown back down so his back ached worse. He was sobbing hard as the pain wracked through his body. His head ached from the too big helmet hitting his head,but soon it was gone as his teacher yanked it off and dragged his fingers through his soft black hair.

"such a cute little kid..."he whispered to himself. Carlos sobbed gently as his teacher leaned down to kiss his chest,trailing his fingers down his naked body as he sucked and kissed at his body. Carlos sobbed and when he looked down he was horrified at his teacher. He wanted so badly to go home...and take a shower or a bath. His teachers fingers were suddenly gripping the gold locket around his neck.

"oh...oh I wanna see you in this...nothing but this." he whispered. Carlos began to cry harder.

Suddenly,a zipping sound was heard and something warm and large was touching his leg. He wouldn't look. He squeezed his eyes shut when that warmth was pressing between his legs. He didn't understand. But something was pushing...inside of him? Pain shot through him and he screamed. His teacher was over him suddenly and he was grunting and moaning low,holding Carlos close as he kissed and sucked at Carlos's body. The pain wracked through him horribly. He felt like dying.

"oh yeah...mm fuck..." he groaned. His hands gripped Carlos's hips hard,making hot tears run down his face. Suddenly his teacher shuddered and held him hard as something warm shot inside his body. He pulled away and sighed happily. Carlos stared up at him,sniffed,and curled up. His body hurt so bad...

"oh thank you Carlos. You were such a good boy." leaned forward and kissed him,making Carlos give a cry. His teacher stood and zipped his pants up,turning around to grab something. But it gave Carlos enough time. He grabbed his clothes and helmet from the ground and ran,grabbing his backpack. He hurried and unlocked the door and ran to the bathroom down the hall. As soon as he was in he locked the door,listening to his teacher run after him and bang on the door. Carlos slid to the ground and sobbed,looking down at his blood stained thighs,where something white trickled down them. He shuddered and unfolded his clothes,discovering he had no underwear. He yanked his jeans on and hissed in pain when his backside burned. He slowly pulled his shirt on and hooked his helmet on. He slid under the sink and began crying when his vision became blurry. He was losing some blood and it was making him tired. He had to get out of here. He looked around and found window's above the stalls. One looked open,so he scurried out from under the sink,hitting his head a bit as he scurried up the toilet and through the window. He jumped to the ground and began running,his ankle hurting from the long drop. His whole body ached and he began sobbing as he ran,ran as fast as he could. He didn't realize where he was until he reached the ice rink. Oh yeah he had hockey practice,didn't he? He felt paranoid though. He didn't want to be here for some reason. He limped gently into the rink,his jeans feeling wet,his vision blurry and his head hurting.

He limped into the rink and walked up to his coach. Everyone else was already on the ice. He gently tapped his coach on the arm. His coach turned around and his eyes widened. His jaw dropped and his whistle fell from his lips.

"C-Carlos?"

"I-I'm here c-coach. Sorry I'm late." Carlos slurred a bit,feeling a small trickle of blood slipping from the cut on his head. He hiccuped and leaned over to throw up,standing up to have his eyes roll back into his head and he fainted.

...

Being hurried to the hospital,Carlos had to have a rape kit done and a surgery because of the massive bleeding coming from his rectum. Hitting his head on sink caused a small fracture in his skull and he had to have surgery once more. When Carlos woke up,his dad was sitting next to him sobbing hard. Carlos sobbed into his dads arms. Now since his father was a cop,Carlos told him everything. A small investigation was done on the teacher,who was found guilty. Carlos's ripped underwear was found in the trash can of his classroom,blood on the desk,fingerprints on Carlos, the DNA from the kit came back for him. He was arrested immediately,serving 35 to life with no parole.

Carlos horrified. People wouldn't stop talking about it. He lost all his friends and eventually Carlos,under all of it,was home-schooled. Therapy didn't work for the little Latino. His mind was to messed up for it all. His dad suffered to. After protecting his son for years from the pedophiles and horrible people,how could this has slipped by him so easily? Both of them suffered horribly,not knowing who had it worse.

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

Okay ummm this is late I'm sorry I was in Texas for New Year's and couldn't work on anything. Hope you like it.

Memory 3-Logan, twelve years old, Minnesota.

Logan swung his legs hard, pouting as his mother click-clacked down the hall in her heels. He wasn't happy. His parents had planned a dinner and a movie date and were leaving Logan at home. With a babysitter. He was twelve for god sakes why should he need a baby sitter? The law said he could stay home alone at age eleven without any parents watching him. He glared at his mom as she stood in front of a mirror, putting a pair of diamond studs in. she glanced at her son in the mirror and sighed.

"Come on, Logan it's just one night."

Logan continued to glare. His mom sighed and turned around, walking over to her son and kneeling in front of him, her hands placed on his knees.

"I'll make you a deal,"

Logan sighed and looked up at his mom.

"Fine, what kind of deal."

His mom smiled, making Logan's lips upturn a bit. He loved his moms smile. He loved his mom. She could take a box and some glue and glitter and make a masterpiece. She was a wonderful mom and she was beautiful, with her large doe eyes and chocolaty hair. He loved his mom desperately.

"Next time we go out, I'll let you spend the night at David's."

Logan's smile lit up and so did his moms. She loved to make her little boy smile.

"Okay."

He smiled and leaned forward to hug his mom.

"Oh, alright."

They both stood as his dad walked out, fixing his tie. His mom chuckled and stood, walking to his dad to fix his tie, adjusting it. They laughed and giggled at each other. Logan loved his parents and he could see they were happy just the way they were. He hoped that it would never be ruined. Suddenly the doorbell rang and they all looked at it. Logan settled back into pout mode and glared at the floor as his mother invited the sitter in. Logan tried to glare at the floor, but his curiosity got the better of him and he looked up to see a teen, only about eighteen, standing in the doorway. He was odd looking, with brown bangs in the front, and then his hair was cut short in the back and dyed blonde. He wore light jeans and converse, a green band t-shirt and a rainbow choker. Logan studied the male while his parents spoke. But he caught on to what his mom was saying.

"And he's gotta be in bed by ten-"

"What? Its Saturday though! Come on mom! "Logan whined. His mom chuckled and bended over to kiss her son on the forehead.

"Fine make it eleven. But no sweets, I don't want you having nightmares." Logan felt his whole face heat up and he glanced at the babysitter. He was smirking and Logan pulled away from his mom.

"Mommm…." He whined. His mom chuckled and kissed him again before she stood and left patting the babysitter's back and linking her arms with her husband's. She pointed at the babysitter warningly.

"Take care of my baby." The sitter nod and they both laughed as his mom waved goodbye and left. The door shut behind them. The sitter and Logan turned and stared at each other. It was a moment of awkward silence between the two before the sitter chuckled.

"Nightmares?"

Logan frowned and crossed his arms.

"An override of sweets can make people have nightmares before bed."

The sitter chuckled again and scratched his head.

"Guess I don't need sweets before bed anymore." He leaned close and stuck out his hand.

"I'm Mack. Short for Mackenzie if you're wondering."

Logan grabbed his hand and shook it.

"I didn't know Mackenzie was a guy's name."

"Didn't know Logan was a guy's name either."

Logan frowned.

"Yeah I get that a lot."

The sitter shrugged and glanced around.

"Nice home ya got."

Logan nodded and looked around his living room. He truly loved his house. Another awkward silence filled the room and Mack coughed. He glanced at the TV, which had a cabinet filled with movies underneath. He smiled and looked at Logan, who met his eye at the same time.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

Logan shrugged and smiled at Mack.

"Sure."

After popping a bowl full of popcorn and settling on the couch with a blanket, the two boys popped in a DVD and relaxed. It turned out to be a scary movie, making Logan tense and jump and finally he ended it with a small scream and buried his face in his babysitter's chest, holding Mack's shirt in a death grip.

"Change it, change it!" he cried. Mack chuckled and switched the TV off. He hugged Logan and chuckled, his black hair falling over Logan's face as Mack leaned over. He smiled and switched the channel with the remote to regular TV, switching it to the first channel he saw-the History Channel.

"There Logan, now we're watching the history channel. Is that better?"

Logan sniffed and slowly lifted his head to peek at the TV and make sure Mack wasn't lieing. He saw he was telling the truth and sat up,rubbing his eyes.

"gee whiz that movie was scary. I don't wanna watch it again!" Mack chuckled and pulled Logan close,hugging him and holding him under his arm. Logan smiled and snuggled into the warmth. He felt...happier than he had been all night.

Mack smiled and groaned a little as he carried the cute tweleve year old,who was also pretty heavy. Mack usually didn't date,because he didn't like the older kids around his age. He preferred the cute little kids around logans age. And well,Logan was just _perfect._ With his soft,spiky hair,large doe eyes and soft pink lips,Mack couldn't keep his eyes off him. Now,Mack wasn't really eighteen,he was 24. He did babysit kids,though, but he rarely enjoyed it. Their childish company bugged him and he hated their squealy whines and cries. But Logan Mitchell….was _perfect._

He walked slowly into Logan's room, laying the adorable brunette on the bed and and surveying the room, which was covered in medical posters and books, and a few solar system items. A large Jupiter hung from the ceiling. How cute. He looked down at the brunette boy on the plaid comforter and sighed happily, before leaning over and gently brushing his hands through Logan's hair and caressed his cheek. How soft his skin was… he couldn't resist and leaned down to lightly press a kiss to the boys cheek. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer and peeled his shirt off. He dropped it to the floor and slowly climbed over the small boy,who reacted a bit when the bed dipped underneath him. He groaned and blinked,glancing around before attempting to sit up. But he was pushed down gently. He let out a small cry and glanced up to see Mack hovering over him,smiling and tracing his cheeks with his long fingers. Logan shivers from his cold touch and shrunk away.

"M-Mack?" he whispered but he was quieted as a pair of lips pressed over his. Logan began squirming and eventually a tongue was pushed into his mouth. He began screaming and bites the soft organ, elicitng a cry from the older male. Logan threw a punch to his face, but because of his thin muscles it didn't work out very well. He tried throwing his body away but the male held onto him.

"S-stop please!" Logan cried when he felt hands on his jeans.

"No."

"w-why are you-"

"You're so _perfect_, Logan." He purred. Logan shivered and tried moving away but instead he was flipped over, his hands held behind his back. He cried out as his clothes were yanked off, his jeans pulled down his legs harshly, followed soon by his briefs. He cried out when he felt his hands tied with something soft. His torso was lifted and his shirt was pulled up, Mackenzie's cold hands trailing up and down his body, trailing around to land between his cheeks. He cried out when he felt Mackenzie push his two fingers in, rubbing…_inside of him!_ Logan began shrieking loud, and kicking his legs. He wouldn't let him touch him!

Logan knew enough about sex to understand what was happening as Mackenzie maneuvered him, lifting his bum into the air and pressing his face into the mattress. He felt Mackenzie pressed a hard fleshy object to the place where his fingers had been. And he pushed.

Logan _screamed. Oh the pain! _He thought. All he could see was red and white flashes as the pain shot up his spine. He screamed so loud, his voice raising a few octaves as he felt Mackenzie move his hips forward and back harshly, sliding in and out of Logan, stretching him. He screamed into the mattress when he felt more pain, and another flash went through his head. Suddenly he felt warm heat and it took him a second to realize a liquid was dribbling from inside of him. He screamed harder. Mackenzie's sick groans and moans were heard from behind him. He felt his hands all over him, gripping his hips so hard. He cried and screamed harder when Mackenzie began moving faster and when he bit down on Logan's neck, his whole body spasming as they both screamed-one in pain, another in pleasure.

Fat tears rolled down Logan's face as he was set down, sobbing deep into his bed as the remainder of his clothes were pulled off and he lay naked on his bed,crying as he was gently rolled over,coming eye to eye with Mackenzie's grey eyes. He began sobbing deeply when Mackenzie kissed him, and as soon as the older male pulled away, Logan hiccupped and shut his eyes to let the sleep take over him.

Mack looked down at his beautiful Logan,his _perfect_ little boy. He wouldn't see Logan again probably,but he knew Logan was _ his _and_ only his._ He gently dressed the little boy in his adorable pajamas,the cute blue ones he found that were covered in pictures of thermometers and other doctor supplies. He dressed him gently,knowing his parents would be home at any given moment. He kissed him once more,pulled his clothes on and opened the door. He took one more look at him,that _perfect_ child, and without another though,left.

"what a wonderful night, thank you so much sweetheart." Logan's mom said as they pulled into their driveway and turned to her husband in the car and pressed a simple passionate kiss to his cheek,then his lips. It started to turn into something else,with Logan's dad starting to gently pull at his wife's dress strap,when she stopped him.

"Logan might still be awake honey."

"really quickly."

"I don't want him to see."

"but I love you and I want you." He whispered huskily in his wife's ear,making her shiver.

"if he's asleep we will."

"What if he's not?"

"We'll wait until he's asleep."

"You're the most wonderful women alive."

She giggled and put her strap back on, before reaching down and grabbing the small bag that contained a slice of the restaurants chocolate cake and a small teddy bear she had bought for her little Logie. They switched the car off and stepped from it, closing the doors and walking into the house. It was…eerily quiet and Logan's mom gave a shiver. It felt cold and unwelcome. She didn't see anybody, which worried her. She turned to her husband and frowned.

"I'm going to go check on Logan."

He sighed. It wasn't like Logan to stay up late.

"He's probably in bed."

Logan's mom pursed her lips and glanced at the stairs. Should she? She didn't know. She sighed and faced her husband, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him and tossing her heels off. Her husband carried her upstairs and they started down the hall to their room. But when they passed Logan's room, she spotted a light on and heard a small noise.

_He is awake…_she thought. Her stomach curled and she got that uneasy feeling again. She motioned for her husband to drop her and he looked disappointed. But he did and she glanced at her bag for Logan. Maybe he was still upset? She didn't know. She turned to her husband.

"I'll be there in a moment, but I really feel the need to check up on him." He nodded and she slowly opened her son's door. She saw the bathroom light on and chuckled, walking over to switch the light off, when she heard small gasping and crying noises. Logan was crying? Whenever he did, the pitiful sound broke her heart, knowing her baby was hurting. She walked over slowly, seeing Logan's tuff of brunette hair popping out from under his comforter. She sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Logan tense a little.

"Logan?"

He said nothing. It worried her and she reached up slowly to ruffle his hair when he pulled away.

"Logan, you're scaring me sweetie."

He was still silent. She sighed.

"I brought you a gift."

He laid still and continued making small sobbing sounds.

"Logan."

She stood and sighed before leaning over to kiss her son goodnight. He flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, making his mom stop and stare in confusement. Her eyes widened when she heard him whisper, _"Please don't hurt me, please."_

"L-Logan? I-I would never hurt you!" she whispered.

"_Not again. It hurt. Not again. P-Please! I'll be g-good!"_ he whispered. His mom's eyes widened and she switched on his lamp, showing his tear stained face, his blood-shot eyes and a dark spot on his comforter. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tears pricked at her eyes when she gently reached forward and touched the spot. It was wet, and she felt it. She gently dropped the bag. Her stomach churned and she slowly pulled the blanket off, screaming and tears flowing. She covered her mouth and stared at her baby, her poor, ruined baby boy.

The blood trailed from his pants, starting at his bottom and down his bent legs. It was a large puddle, a few inches wide and long on his bed. She took a step back and watched Logan sob and cry. She spotted the hickey on his neck and screamed.

"No! _Logan!" _she slipped to the ground and sobbed, hard and loud. It was enough to bring his father to the room.

"Honey? W-"he stopped and stared at his son. His lip trembled and his knees got weak.

"Logan!" he screamed and went to the bed quickly, grabbing his son and pulling him to his chest. Logan screamed and cried as they touched him and everything came back.

"p-p-please-"he whispered. But his dad clung tighter and sobbed. Logan leaned over the side of the bed, his stomach churning as he threw up, and fell back into his dad's arms, the darkness surrounding him once more.

The police were called, the sheets were taken, and the rape kit was performed. Logan was taken into police custody for the night, his parents left out. They didn't know what happened. Only Logan did. He tried to tell them everything, but the memories were horrific and horrible. He eventually had to leave, and was taken to a doctor.

The years passed and the case was still opened, but Mackenzie was never seen after that night. He had no family to report to and no friends came up. Poor Logan suffered. He came home after being interviewed by police and doctors and when he saw his bed and the stains, his knees went weak and his eyes went dull. He begged his parents to get rid of the mattress and in the end it was thrown out. Logan suffered in silence, staying quiet and soon afterwards he was mute. His eyes went dull, his body grew thinner, and a few weeks later he looked completely dead. He was taken to doctors of all sorts and finally his parents had no choice. The nightmares kept them up and their poor son's mental state was flipped. He was checked into a medical hospital for a year.

He returned, better, not completely healed, but happier. He started to speak again and eventually he looked healthier. But then one day he opened his drawers to find the pajamas. The blood stained pajamas that had somehow been washed and put back. He returned to his weak mental state. His parents were torn at his position. Logan suffered in silence once more.

He stood at his window and stared out at the people walking happily in the snow. His lips began twitching, turning into a frown. His eyes narrowed and he hit the window hard, sobbing as he fell to his knees.

_Why me? Why, why can't I be happy like them? Why me?_ He sobbed. Eventually he curled onto the ground, crying silently and staring at the ground as his eyes slipped close.

_I just Wanna go to sleep…._he thought_….and never wake up._

LOGIE! IM SORRY!

(Swallows hard) poor Kenny is next (KENDALL NO!) I feel horrible

Hope you enjoyed (or not…)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **

**Yea its me again. I hope you all like the story so far because now im raping KENDALL! And trust me im crying on the inside. I 3 kendall! Ugh, well might has well get it over with. (sobs)**

**Leave me alone just read! Go! I SAID GO READ THE GOD DAMN STORY! Oh sorry ill shut up *shotdead* **

Memory four-Kendall

Minnesota, May 23rd, kendall is 14.

Kendall strode into his home and sighed. Another hard day at school and a weekend filled with homework? Not fun. He climbed his stairs and into his room, dropping his heavy backpack on the ground and rolling his shoulders. Oh, they were numb from that weight. He sighed happily from dropping the weight and flopped down on his bed. The mattress sunk in a little and contoured to his body, making his eyes flutter shut a bit more and he began to snore.

**XXXXX3 hours laterXXXXx**

"Kendalll….kendall…kendall…"

Kendall continued to snore, twitching a little from the noise and the small hand tapping him. When the noise ceased and the hand stopped. He smiled a little in his sleep.

KENDALL!" Kendall's eyes snapped open as a figure jumped on his bed, making the bed bounce and it flew Kendall into the air and off the end of his bed. He hit the floor hard and groaned, sitting up and rubbing his cheek he fell on. He turned and looked at the little girl sitting on his bed and groaned.

"Katie, come on I was sleeping! What's more important than that right now?"

Katie's eyes were wide and Kendall finally noticed the small amount of fear in them.

"Mom's out and Dad has his friends over again…" her voice quieted a little and her lip trembled. Kendall suddenly understood and sighed as he stood. Now, Kendall's life wasn't all that bad. He had a nice house, nice good enough clothes, and the technology he could afford, like an iPod, a computer and TV's. But when it came to the Knight family, it wasn't what Kendall wanted. His dad was a horrible man, who spanked his kids with a thick leather belt as soon as they were two, and started doing things they didn't understand they shouldn't. He once slapped Katie when she was nine and left a bruise for a month on her cheek. Kendall knew his dad was abusive and it hurt when he saw Katie slapped that hard. He always stood up for his sister and mom, which meant he ended up with the bruises and the threats.

But he just couldn't stand to see his mom or sister hurt again. True, it hurt, but he knew he had to be strong, for them. And for himself. Now, kendall was only fourteen, but he knew he was gay, because he already dated some boys. His dad absolutely HATED homosexuals. When he found out, he beat Kendall to a pulp, but luckily, his mom and sister were home and threatened to call the cops. He stopped and Kendall hadn't been touched by him for a while. But his mom never left Kendall home alone with his dad since then.

Kendall bit his bottom lip and sighed. When his dad's friend's came over, he wasn't just drunk, but extremely abusive and horribly mean. If you even got near him when he was having fun with his friends, you would be beaten down until you were unconscious. Kendall knew he couldn't let them stay there for the night. He stood and sat beside his scared sister. He hugged her and she hugged him back.

"it's okay, Katie. Look go pack some clothes and things and I'll call Mrs. David and send you over there." Katie gazed up at him.

"what about you?"

"I'll go over to my boyfriend's." Katie looked at Kendall and smiled.

"What?"

Katie shrugged.

"I know it may sound weird, but I'm glad you're gay."

Kendall chuckled.

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, last time you dated a girl you didn't seem happy. You seem really happy now, though. I'm glad."

Kendall smiled and hugged his little sister.

"Thanks Katie. Now go get ready."

While his sister left to go get some stuff, Kendall slid downstairs and peeked into the living room. His dad was sitting in the middle of his group of friends, the TV was on and they were drinking and laughing, cheering at the football game that was probably on. Kendall glared at his dad and slid back upstairs, where he met his sister with her backpack. They nodded, and started slowly down the steps. Kendall slid into the living room, distracting his dad and making sure they didn't see his sister leaving through the back door. They yelled and threw empty cans at him until he finally moved.

He jogged back upstairs and sighed, walking into his room and rubbing his head where the cans had hit him. He started to fill his backpack up with things he might need when a thumping sound came up the steps. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply.

_No,please don't, _He thought. But the door opened and when he turned he saw his dad and his friends standing there.

"Now that we're alone, boy," he whispered,"I'm going to teach you a lesson."

Kendall swallowed hard and backed away. He glared at his dad.

"I'm going to make sure you never wanna fuck another boy again." He smirked and his friends filed into the room. Kendall glared at them and suddenly understood what they were going to do. He squeezed his eyes shut and sneered.

_I have to be strong._ He thought, _for mom and Katie._ He was yanked forward and thrown on the bed, the men climbing over him. He fought hard, kicking his legs and grunting as they sat down on him and held him down. He grunted and narrowed his eyes at his dad.

"You're sick."

"not as sick as you. Why anyone would want another guy's dick up his ass confuses me." His dad sneered down at him.

"then why would I want your dick up my ass?" Kendall growled.

"You don't, that's the point, and you won't want anyone else's after I'm done." His dad sneered and grabbed his son's jeans, tugging hard. Kendall grunted as the denim scratched his hips and, after a few more tugs, the jeans were finally grabbed hard and torn off. Kendall gasped and shut his eyes, not in fear, but because he knew that it would hurt. He truly had never had sex before, but he knew enough. He wasn't scared. He had to stay strong. His dad ripped his shirt off and then his boxers followed. He laid naked under the men's eyes and he didn't care. He just didn't want his mom or sister to see this, or even have to feel the horrible pain he was about to endure.

He heard the zipper going down and then the organ was pressed against his hole. With a swift thrust it was pushed in and Kendall couldn't, no he wouldn't, show them he was in pain. The tears littered his cheeks, despite trying to hold them back. He glared at his dad, who continued to pound inside of him. He glared at everyone.

"You …sick…perverts…"

Kendall felt his dad still inside of him and he was being slapped. They punched him and beat him, his dad pulling out of his bloody hole to throw him down. They kicked and hit hard. Kendall hit his head and felt the skin break, blood running down over his eyelid. He tried to hurry and brush it away, but the men grabbed him and dragged him out of his room. They threw him down the stairs. He laid there, trying to regain his breath. These bastards wouldn't break him, no they wouldn't. He wouldn't let them, even if they beat him to death, he wouldn't let them. He rolled over painfully and coughed, heaving up blood. He felt their hands grab him and he growled, kicking as they dragged him into the kitchen.

"No." he whispered when they threw him down on the table, the table he sat at with his mom and sister. He was held down once more and the men held him down. He watched his dad lift a kitchen knife and he screamed.

"You wouldn't!"

"you think I wouldn't?" his dad growled. Kendall narrowed his eyes at him.

"I hate you. You sick, disgusting bastard. I hate you." His dad stalked towards him and dug the tip of the knife into his chest. Kendall shut his eyes, bit his lip and turned away. The pain flared as his dad dug and carved something into his chest, and then slit a few places on his body. Kendall heard the knife drop and then his dad was pushing back painfully inside of him. He opened his eyes and glared at his dad.

"You…won't get away….with this." He grunted painfully. His dad came inside of him and pulled out. The men let go and stared at glared up at them, his cheeks wet with tears of pain. They had hurt him, ruined and defiled his body, but did they break him?

No,Kendall was stronger than that. He wouldn't let these men break him. He went to stand, his body aching painfully. He looked down at his chest, glaring at the hideous word FAG his dad had carved. He tried to limp away but they grabbed him and looked at his dad.

"what now?"

His dad looked at him, and glared. Kendall glared back.

"finish him."

Kendall's eyes widened and he felt himself being lifted. His blood dribbled down his legs and chest, dropping to the floor. He kicked, despite the white-hot pain he had going through his body. He was thrown, and his body crashed through the window. He fell to the wet grass, littering it with pieces of glass and blood. He laid there as rain began to fall and noises quieted down. He couldn't move. He wouldn't break, no, he wouldn't. But his dad had won. They had beat him. He was defiled and felt nasty. He just wanted to take a shower and forget it all, but he wouldn't let them break him.

He knew it was getting late, and he heard noises coming from inside. He heard shouts and heavy footsteps. He heard a scream and the back door opened, his mom flying down the steps. She cradle her naked son in her arms and sobbed.

"m-mom…is Katie okay?"

"Kendall, oh god, baby-"

"mom I'm,"he coughed,"okay. Where's Katie?"

"she's fine, I'm not worried about her right now, oh god you could've died." She began sobbing.

"I'm such a horrible mom."

He took his mom's hand and sighed.

"y-your a wonderful m-mom. A-are you o-okay?" he was starting to lose consciousness.

"Kendall! KENDALL? Oh, god, someone call 911! HELP SOMEONE!" she began screaming.

Kendall's eyes fluttered. He began slipping into the dark. He wouldn't let them win. He wasn't going to break.

"take care of Katie." He whispered., and then he was gone. He wouldn't break. He wouldn't.

**REVIEW**


	5. Chapter 5

**OKAY HERE IT IS FINALLY! IM JUST AS EXCITED! I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT!**

**JAMES POV**

"wow…look at this!"

I lifted my long held gaze from my shoes to out of the car window. The large school got bigger as my parents drove closer. It was big, white, and looked like the insane asylum from Shutter Island, with freshly mowed lawns and gardens.

I hated it already. Instead of answering my mom, I lowered my gaze down, staring at my arms. I gently slid a sleeve up and stared at the thick gauze wrapped around my wrist and arm. I touched it, scratched it, and started wanting to pick the gauze off and let myself bleed out. But my mom heard my inconsistent scratching and reached back to take a hold of my hand. I slowly stopped and turned away, tears littering my eyes and flowing down my cheeks silently.

"it'll get better. I promise." She whispered. I stared out the window, up at the new school. We finally reached the front of it, rounding gently into the large concrete driveway, and parked next to the large fountain. I looked at it and realized in the middle of it there was a woman holding children, and teens around the porcelain white woman. She had small holes in her eyes and tiny streams of water leaked from it, like tears. The fountain was beautiful but it had a sad aura surrounding it.

"well…we're here."

I stepped from the car, stretching my long legs out from the horrible car ride and turned to look up at the large school. I glanced around and saw two large buildings almost exact to the first, except bigger. And more "cheerful." I glanced up at the sign of the building and sighed as I grabbed my duffel bag and followed my parents in.

I glanced once more at the sign and swallowed hard.

It read,"MADEN'S REHABILITATION AND RENEWING."

****

"In this building is the class rooms and that's the cafeteria over there, which also has a few rooms branching off for the kid's. they have a few video games and foosball, ping-pong, and things as such. And over there are the dormitories. The kids fit four to a room, twin beds for each. Each child has their own nightstand and two kids can share a dresser. Each room is equipped with a TV and a miniature refrigerator, but the kids have limited times and must show what they buy and put in the fridge. The rooms are checked every day at 5 pm and must have it clean. Lights out at 9 during the week, and the weekend its 11. Must be indoors when the street lamps come on, which is around 5:30, and can not leave the premises without permission."

The woman that was showing us around pointed out all the buildings and finally let us in to the dormitory, reaching behind a receptionists desk to grab a few pieces of paper. They smiled at each other and the lady continued leading us around. She escorted us into what looked like a small lounge and we sat down on the chairs. I set my heavy duffel down and sighed, rubbing my sore shoulder.

"what about laundry services? And bathrooms?" his dad questioned.

"every dorm has its own bathroom and there are three laundry rooms with dryers and washers on every floor."

"sports? Activites?"

"teachers hold activities for any child wanting to participate and children can sign up for sports, but must keep their grades up and must follow rules."

James glanced at his parents, watching as they nodded at each other. His mom smiled and signed the form she had been given.

"this place seems perfect."

**XXXXXXXA FEW MINUTES LATERXXXXXXXXXX**

I sighed and glanced around the dreary room I would be living in for a year or more. My parents were awing at the room, but really I didn't care about it. I just didn't want to be here. My parents were still taking it in though. I sat down on my bed and sighed, glancing up and seeing the window. There was a large window seat, that curved like a bay window. I was on the top floor, so I could see all of the grounds. I lowered my head and reached back, grabbing my hoodie and flipping it up over my head. It fell down and hung over my bangs a bit.

I heard my dad say something about the car and the door shut. I was hoping I was alone, but then my mom walked around my bed and sat on the window seat. She smiled and glanced out the window.

"this place is beautiful. I just know you're going to love it here."

I gave a grunt. My mom turned towards me and sighed, before standing and coming over to sit next to me.

"Hey, kiddo. It's gonna be great, okay? You're gonna make friends, and a new start." She rubbed my shoulder and I began crying, tears littering my cheeks.

"no it's not, mom. Can't you see how bad I am? How long it's been since…IT happened? It won't get better!"

She grabbed me and pulled me close, tucking my face into her shoulder as I gently sobbed.

"that's why we found the best. There are going to be people here, who have gone through something similar and others different, who could use comfort, just like you. I promise it'll get better."

I sniffed and buried my head in my mom's shoulder, smelling the scent I loved since I was a baby; she smelled like dead rose petals- a spicy sweet smell that made you smile. I inhaled her scent and gently hugged my mom, trying not to crush my small mom with my giant arms. I hugged her, remembering the way she felt. A year later, I hope it would still be the same.

After hugs, tears, and goodbyes, I began slowly unpacking my bags, putting stuff in my half of the dresser and filling some of the bathroom up with my stuff. I might have gauze on my wrists, but I still cared a bit about my looks. I sighed and slid my jacket off, hanging it on the back of a desk chair. There were two desks, one on each side of the room and had a chair to go with it. I put my clothes in the small pop-up hamper I brought and threw my duffel bags in the corner. I would get everything else later. But for now, as I watched the sun set and the sky darken, I just wanted to go to sleep.

I slid between the cool covers of my new bed and pressed my head to the cool pillow. All the heavy stress of the day was hard on me and the bitter loneliness I've been abandoned here with made me feel like I was glued to the floor. I pressed my face to the pillow and sobbed gently, my sobs echoing around the room and lullabying me to sleep.

**XXXXXTHE NEXT DAYXXXXXX**

After a night of unrestful sleep and a horrible wake up alarm, I forced myself into the shower and when I stepped out, I felt better. I only had an hour to get ready and get to breakfast. I hurried and slid my clothes on, not caring I was a kind of wet still, and hurried to get my hair done. I hurried and blew dry it. Once dry I straightened it and put some gel in it. I made sure it looked good before I reached up to fix a strand of hair, scratching my wrists on the way. I hissed in pain and stared at my wrists, glaring. I left the bathroom and grabbed my jacket off the chair, knocking something out of it. I looked at the floor and raised an eyebrow, before bending down and picking up the small picture. I sniffed when I saw a picture of my parents. My mom must have slipped it inside my hoodie. I quickly wiped my eyes and tucked the picture safely into my pocket.

Breakfast went by fast, mainly because I wasn't very hungry. I took a glance around at the other students who were here, because there weren't that many. I saw a few groups and then some couples, but there were many loners. I saw one, a blonde, sitting alone. Like me, she had gauze around her wrists, but she didn't try and cover it up. I felt bad for her, watching people walk past her and stare at her wrists. I sighed and stood, wanting to leave that sad scene as the poor blonde began crying. He listened to her sobs and quickly jogged out.

He was heading back upstairs to his dorm when he heard someone calling after him. He turned to see the receptionist running after him. Her heels clicked on the ground as she caught up with him.

"James, I have your schedule, your classes start next week. " she pressed a piece of paper into his hands. He sighed and nodded.

"thanks."

"wait! That's not all!"

He exhaled and turned back around. The receptionist was smilng at him.

"yes?"

" wanted me to inform you, that you have a few new people coming later, either today or tomorrow . You'll be having some company soon." She smiled. But James said nothing, nodding and walking past her, trying to get away. He didn't want to see anybody right now.

**Carlos POV**

I watched as my dad carried my suitcase into the dorm, opening the door and sighing. I hugged my giant stuffed dog closer and glanced around in the hall. I started sweating and I whimpered. I didn't want anybody…sneaking up on me. My dad sighed and glanced back at me.

"come on, Carlitos. Let's see your room."

I slid past him slowly and looked at my room, smiling a little at the nice room. I saw it had a window seat, the large windows covered in white see-through curtains that fluttered gently form the open windows. I smiled a bit wider and turned back around, only to stop smiling when I saw someone's clothes and personal items on the bed next to mine. I began whimpering, pushing my face into the giant dog I have. My dad glanced at the bed and looked back up at me.

"it's okay Carlos. I'm pretty sure your roommate will be nice and very kind to you."

I smiled at my dad and walked over to me, hugging me close. He stroked my hair and smiled as he kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Carlos. I hope you do well here. Ill try and call you every weekend." He kissed my head and smiled, but then pulled me into a hug, smiling as he pulled away. But soon enough we were close, hugging tight, tears running down our cheeks silently. I didn't want to be here, but I had to. It was my only choice of getting…better. My dad sniffed and when he pulled back he gently fingered my locket.

"your mom would be crying her eyes out, right now, if she were here." We smiled gently and sighed, thinking about my momma. I missed her so much. My dad tousled my hair and sighed.

"ill call you every weekend, okay?"" I nodded and my dad kissed my forehead again.

"I-i-I gotta go. I love you." My dad exited, wiping his eyes as he did. I knew this was hard for my dad to do. But I had to. I sniffed and hugged my giant stuffed dog closer, it being the only thing that could comfort me lately. I set it down on my bed and opened my suitcase. After putting my clothes in my half of the dresser and setting up some of my personal items on my nightstand and hanging my calendar up, I sat down on my bed and sighed. I was tired from my long drive out here and I settled on my bed with my dog and helmet strapped to my head. I closed my eyes gently and began to doze off, but the door opened and someone walked in. I tensed and whimpered, but slowly opened up one of my eyes.

A hazel-eyed, copper-color haired boy stood by the door. He stared at me for a moment, and I stared back. I could feel an awkward, intense moment happening. Oddly enough, it didn't make my skin crawl. It felt okay. He blinked and walked past my bed, over to his stuff. He picked everything up, cleaning the bed real quick and making it, before flopping down on it. He glanced over at me.

"so I guess you're my new roommate."

I nodded slowly but then I pressed my face into my dog. I sniffed and looked at him again. He outstretched a hand and smiled a bit.

"I'm James."

I hesitated, but then slowly reached my hand out and slid it in his. His skin was soft but as we slid our hands together, I felt a tiny spark. Like a zap. I could see James stare at his hand but he seemed to shrug it off. We shook hands finally, not seeming to want to let go. But I glanced down and my eyes bugged at the thick bloody gauze wrapped around his wrists. My jaw dropped and James followed my stare. He quickly yanked his hand away and leaned back against his pillow, crossing his arms and glaring at the wall in front of us. Out of the corner of his mouth, he grunted.

"what's your name?"

I leaned close a little and smiled a bit.

_Carlos, my name is Carlos, James._

But it wouldn't leave my mouth. I couldn't. Not after so long. James frowned and turned to look at me.

"I said what's your name?"

_Carlos._

"dude, hello? What are you retarded?"

_No. no James. I'm just mute._

My lip trembled and I turned away, holding my puppy to my body and I sniffed. I sniffed harder and I let a tear fall out of my eye.

"shit, kid I'm sorry. i…I didn't mean it like that. I'm just kinda pissed today." He whispered. I nodded and sighed as I sat up. I glanced around the room and my eyes landed on a poster James had hung up earlier that I hadn't seen. I pointed at the poster.

_Who are they?_

James followed my eyes and looked at my poster.

"oh that's my favorite band, Hollywood Undead."(1) he smiled and looked at me.

"their, um, their pretty good. They speak their mind and shit and don't care what people say."

_Sounds like a good band. Maybe ill listen to them one day.(2)_

James gave me a small smile and sat up on his bed, sitting on the side to face me.

"cute, um, calendar." He pointed at my puppy calendar and I smiled. I nodded and gently slid my hand over the cute puppy jumping in the picture.

"is that a locket?"

I looked back at James and then at my neck. He saw! I gently rubbed it and blushed, turning away. James edged closer, and I could see him tense. But he stopped and backed up a little. I thought it was better if he just sat away though, because him edging closer to me just made me feel uncomfortable. I could feel my teacher's voice coming back and I started shaking. I started shaking my head, gripping it and covering my ears. I whimpered and dropped my puppy in the process of clearing my head.

_GO AWAY! GO AWAY! NO!_

"hey. Hey!" I quickly opened my eyes and saw James next to me, gripping my shoulders. He was shaking to and we quickly moved away from each other. I whimpered and curled up on my bed.

"you okay?" he whispered.

_Almost, but im better than I was a moment ago._ I nodded and went to grab my puppy when I realized he was gone. I started whimpering and glanced around, trying to find my puppy, when he appeared next to me, in James's arms. I quickly grabbed him and settled back against my bed. I whimpered and hugged my dog. James smiled and sighed a little.

"well…it's late…w-we should get some sleep." I nodded and sighed a little as I grabbed my pajamas and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door and turned the fan on; I couldn't stand when peoplecould hear or see me changing. And really I didn't trust this guy. Not yet. After changing I slipped from the bathroom, where the room was already dark. James was rolled on his side away from me, sleeping. I could hear him snoring softly. I crept over to my bed, glancing at James. I stopped and cocked my head to the side and grinned. His hair looked like a puppies did after being washed!

I giggled a little at the thought of touching it and seeing how soft it really was before I slid myself into bed. I hugged my puppy dog towards me and sighed as I let my eyes slip close.

**Well there it is. Logan's and Kendall's POV up next. I hope you guy liked this so far.**

**Just so you guys are understanding, all the guys are having problems and that's another reason their forced to go to this school, not just because they were raped.**

**And (1) my actual favorite band is Hollywood Undead**

**And (2) Carlos is mute, so those words are what he's saying in his mind.**

**Thanks REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**

**hey guys so here is the next chapter to my story hope ya like it!**

**Logan's POV**

I glanced up at the school and sighed. I pressed a hand to my stomach and felt the shirt sag and press against my ribs. I pressed harder, until I knew it might bruise. But a hand slid into mine and gently pulled my hand away. I looked over at my mom and sighed. Her worried look told me what she already had to say.

"Logan-"

"I don't care, I don't want to be here. Why can't we just go back home?" I looked at my mom and she frowned.

"sweetheart, look you understand we're only doing this for your own good, right?" I scoffed and turned away from her. I heard her sigh, and I sighed in return. I felt horrible and turned back around. I gently hugged my mom, and felt her arms wrap around my thin body. She sniffed and backed up a step to run a hand down my arm.

"I hate that I can wrap my arms around you twice." She whispered. I glanced at myself and turned away, blushing as I tightened my jacket around me. My dad came up to us with my suitcase and duffel bag. He set them beside me and wrapped an arm around me. He squeezed my thin shoulder and sighed, gazing up at the school.

"well…here we go."

I wiped my wet eyes and stared at my dorm. My parents had cried with me and finally had to force themselves to leave. I stood alone in the dorm, staring at the place. It seemed two people were already living here, the bed sides and dresser taken up on one side. I walk over to the empty side and began putting my clothes in my half of the dresser, setting up things beside my bed and ended with rolling my favorite throw blanket from home over my comforter. I sighed and sat down on my bed, turning my phone on to check my messages. None. I sighed and started playing with apps on my phone, when I heard the door open slowly. It creaked and made my hair stand on edge. I didn't hear footsteps so I didn't move.

"hey."

I screamed and jumped, turning around to see the person who spoke. In front of me was two guys, a short Latino who was wearing a hockey helmet, and a tall copper haired guy, who I noticed was extremely built.

_Yeah, he must get asked out a lot. Do you see how beautiful he is? You could never compete._

I blinked and forced a smile.

"hey, I-im Logan." I stretched my hand out and James met mine.

We shook hands, but I whimpered a little when James squeezed my bony hand a little too hard. He quickly let my hand go. His smile faltered a little, and I was afraid he thought I was a wimp, but he smiled brightly.

"hi, I'm James."

I nodded at him and turned to the Latino, waiting for him to speak. But James noticed when I began to frown a little and he jumped in to save the Latino, who was looking frightened.

"h-his name is Carlos. He doesn't speak."

"oh." I looked at him sympathetically and sighed.

"so is the school any good?"

James shrugged.

"we've only been here a day."

"oh." I said again. I sighed and sat down on my bed and watched as the two did the same, flopping down on their beds. It was silent for a moment, but then James's phone rang and the song that spilled out made me smile and sing.

**I'm gonna drink this whiskey with patron **

**I want a girl on my lap and a yaeger bomb**

**Im coming in hot ya heard me **

**And im gonna make it rain on the girl who serves me**

**Im drinking a fifth of vodka till its gone and I cant be wrong**

**Im coming in hot ya heard **

**And we gonna take shots like ya heard me**

I heard James laugh from across the room.

"you like Hollywood undead?"

I turned and smiled at him.

"yea their a good band." James motioned for me to come over and I did, standing slowly and walking over to him. For some reason, I didn't get rhe feeling of cold, harshness, that feeling of him being untrustworthy. It felt comforting. I smiled at James as I slowly sat beside him, and when I looked up, his eyes were twinkling. I smiled wider and glanced at Carlos. He was holding a huge stuffed puppy (how had I not noticed that?) and he was frowning at me. When he saw James smile wider, he glared gently at me. I inhaled and turned back to james, but suddenly I was gently pushed out of the way and Carlos sat between me and him, holding his puppy close. He smiled at James and I watched as James gave him a comforting smile.

When he turned back to me, he gave me a blank look. But I could see he was jealous, like a green monster was walking around in his wide eyes. He gave me a look that clearly stated,_back off I was here first._

I smiled and gave him a look,_don't worry you can have him._

Carlos gave me a smile and settled back with James on his bed. james didn't notice any of this happen as he typed in something on his phone.

**Release im outta control im outta body**

**Release im outta control whos here to party**

**Release im outta control im outta body **

**Release im outta control im outta wait a minute (ohh)**

I giggled at the song and nodded.

"yeah I know that one. Release, by Timbaland."

James smiled and began singing the song. My jaw dropped as he did. He was amazing!

"wow you're really good."

He shrugged and smiled.

"you're not so bad yourself." I blushed and looked down at my arms, when my stomach grumbled. In hunger. I sighed and turned away, blushing as I asked.

"where's the cafeteria? And what time is lunch?"

I turned back and watched as James checked his watch. He frowned and twisted the little knob on the side, matching it up with his phone.

"right about now. You wanna go?" I sighed at the thought of eating, and nodded. Carlos smiled and followed us as we stood. I slipped my jacket on and watched as James pulled his further down. I frowned and glanced down, to see a bit of white gauze on his wrists. My eyes widened and James tugged his jacket further down. Carlos trailed after us, sticking close to James. I could see he was uncomfortable with everything, but he seemed to look up to James. I was glad he was at least happy. Most mute kids aren't.

We got to lunch and stood in the line. Before long we were sitting by ourselves at a lunch table, picking at our food. I glanced up to see Carlos happily eating, still silent as ever, but James's eyes were locked somewhere behind me. They were cloudy and sad. I slowly turned and spotted a girl with blonde locks sitting by herself. She was pretty, with the nice body most people wanted-not to thin and not to fat, with that small belly roll that looked adorable. Her hair hung around her, and her eyes were wide and sparkly blue. She was pretty and I wouldn't be surprised what guy would be lucky to have her. But then my gaze lowered a little and my eyes popped as I saw the thick gauze wrapping her arms, looking like she took a butcher knife to her arms.

Which is what she probably did. She sniffed and stared at everyone. A few people were snickering at her and I couldn't help but wince as she began to silently cry. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I was being turned slowly. James stared at me sadly.

"don't watch; its to sad." He whispered. I winced again and sighed.

"why cant we help her?"

"ive tried." James whispered. He shook his head. Carlos looked at him sadly and nodded. James chuckled and swiped a finger over his mouth to remove some mashed potatoes, making Carlos blush. I looked down at my food, which was half-eaten. I was already full. Better now or never. I stood and nodded at them.

"-i-im kinda tired. Im heading back to the room for a bit." They nodded at me and James grinned slowly.

"oh,okay. Get some rest okay?"

I nodded and was about to dump my food away when I saw the girl again. She didn't have food. I sighed and walked over to her, setting my tray down in front of her gently. She frowned at me, scooted her chair back and stood.

"I do not accept pity from people." She said to me, in a slightly thick accent I couldn't recognize. I watched as she rubbed her eyes and walked away briskly. I sighed and left, hiding my darkened cheeks. I only wished to help, not pity. I slid into the nearest bathroom, locked myself in the stall and slid down next to the toilet. I shut my eyes and started to think about everything that had happened to me today. Tears littered my cheeks soon enough and I leaned over, sticking my fingers down my throat. I felt the bile rushing up and I vomited into the toilet. I quickly flushed and did it again. When I felt empty, I stood, feeling slightly dizzy.

Standing back, I lifted my shirt and saw how thin I was getting in the shiny, reflecting door. My ribs poked out and I dropped my shirt. I wiped my face and remembered when my parents found out I was anorexic. My mom had cried and all my dad could do was create a sad expression, his dark brown eyes looking cloudy as he forced himself not to cry. I lifted my shirt once more and a tear fell from my eye.

_Your hideous. Ugly. No one will ever love you. Who would love a freak like you?_

I bit my lip as the voice echoed in my head and I forced myself to not cry.

_Look at James. Beautiful, built, hes everything you aren't._

I pressed my hands to the side of my head and squeezed.

"shut up…p..please…" I whispered. The voice stopped eventually and I sighed. I sniffed and flushed the toilet once more before exiting the stall, stopping when I came face to face with a cetain, sad, misty-eyed Latino.

**Carlos POV**

I never imagined Logan to do such a thing. I hoped my act earlier wasn't the cause. I felt jealous when I saw how close James and Logan were getting, so fast. I couldn't stand it. I stood and forced myself to be mean. I hated being mean. But James makes my heart surge for an odd reason. I wanted to keep it that way. I knew eventually he would feel the same feelings for someone else, but for now I just wanted to think of us together.

I stared at Logan and watched his head droop. I reached a hand out slowly and placed it on his shoulder, rubbing it slowly.

_Its okay, logan. Youre not the only one with problems to deal with._

Logan lifted his head and smiled at me gently.

"thanks Carlos."

He ruffled my hair and backed away slowly.

"well, come on, lets not keep James waiting." He forced a smile and left the bathroom. I stood there for a moment, before turning and looking in the mirror. I just hope James doesn't keep me waiting either.

I slowly turned and left the bathroom.

**Kendalls POV**

I sniffed and threw my bag at the wall, not caring what was in the bag. I sat down on the bed and wiped my tears away angrily.

Why? He had to force me away from my mom and sister, the two people I loved desperately. He told me to never come back. I sobbed into my hands and continued to kick at stuff, kicking my bed and scooting it a bit I walked over to the wall and ounched as hard as I could, watching a hole suddenly appear. I sighed and looked at my bloody knuckles, before sitting back down.

"_only a year. I made your dad promise. Then you can come home."_

I sobbed harder. I wouldn't see anyone for a year. I was stuck here. My mom had sobbed and cried harder than I've ever seen and so do my little sister.

"_i won't be home at your dad's when you come back. It's no longer my home."_

"_where will you guys be?"_

"_grandmas. Or another home. I don't know yet."_

"_where will I go when I come back?" I questioned with tears. My mom hugged me and kissed my forehead._

"_home. Home, honey."_

I understood instantly when my mom said that. I used to say "home is where the family is." So I completely got it when she said it. I loved my mom and sister so much that I died when i was told I had to come here. I sighed and glanced around the room. I would have to pick it up before my roommates get back. The door opened slowly and footsteps followed.

Speak of the devil. I shut my eyes as the people walked in and I heard them gasp gently. I opened my eyes to see three kids, all completely different, standing in front of me. One had copper haired and hazel eyes, he was very built underneath his clothes and had tan skin, which I noticed was pale around his chocolately eyes that looked sad and confused at the same time. I finally looked at the last person and my heart fluttered dangerously.

With soft looking, brown hair is a spiky faux style, pale skin, and deep brown eyes,I felt my heart surge, practically pounding in my chest. It made me feel like a cartoon character from an old tv show. The tall, copper haired boy glanced at me, then at the wall, frowning.

"you…realize we have to cover that, right?"

I slowly nodded my head and turned away, feeling my chest quiver in fright. Would they rat me out on my first day? But then I felt a soft hand on mine and I winced in pain. I turned and found the small brunette kneeling next to me, holding my injured hand and inspecting it slowly. I could practically feel how thin he was from his fingers and I shivered a little. I watched him, my eyes never leaving the back of his head. I could see he felt me staring and he shivered before standing slowly, his legs shaking.

"your hands not broken, but it'll need to be bandaged and iced." He whispered. I nodded and smiled before standing and and ruffling his hair, sliding my fingers through it. I could feel how soft it was and I smiled to myself, but he stepped back a bit and stared at the ground.

Shit! What possessed me to do that? I didn't know, but I need to control myself. He stuck his hand out.

"i-im Logan."

I slowly took his hand and shook it, shivering again at how thin his fingers were. I could see, despite his baggy clothing, how thin he was under his clothes and it frightened me. What happened to him,that made him lead to being as thin as a string? I hoped…it wasn't as bad as…mine. I took a step back and sighed, rubbing the back of my head. I glanced at the other two and blushed.

"I'im Kendall. Who are you?"

The copper haired boy gestured to himself.

"I'm james," then he gestured to the Latino," and this is Carlos."

"hey Carlos." I smiled, but he whimpered and leaned over to scoop up a giant stuffed puppy. Woah, what the fu- A GIANT STUFFED PUPPY? Wow, some kids…I felt sorry for him and stepped towards him to show I was being kind, but he squealed and jumped behind James. I took a step back as James frowned at me.

"s-sorry I didn't know-"

"he doesn't talk. And he's gonna do that a lot so get used to it." He grunted at me, before putting a hand on Carlos's shoulders and leading him to the bed, where he made him sit. Carlos whimpered and stared at us from behind his stuffed puppy's head. I gave him a small smile and a wave, but he just stared. I sighed and turned back to Logan, who sighed and looked around the room, anywhere but as us.

"this is our new home now, huh?"

I nodded.

"yep." I glanced around like he did and sighed. I could feel clouds practically surround me. I felt heavy and depressed and all I wanted to do was lay down. But James's whispered,"shit." And glanced at the clock.

"damn, its almost 5:30."

"So?" I scoffed. He frowned deeply at me.

" we have inspections every night at five, which means we have to cover up your little "incident" before they come." He took off his jacket and started to roll up his sleeves, but then stopped and let them down. He walked over and shoved the bed I kicked out of the way, before grabbing the dresser me and Logan shared and started dragging it towards the hole. He grunted as he did and sweated as he did, before he glared over at us.

"well get your asses over here and help!" he grunted. I quickly ran over and began pushing the big dresser, Logan following suit and helping us. We were able to set it up over the hole and fix the nighstands and beds up to, to look normal, and just in time. The door opened and we all flopped down on the two beds as a black woman walked in.

"hi,"she smiled."im . just here to inspect." She sighed and took a clipboard and pen and walked around the room, opening drawers and the mini fridge. She checked everywhere, even between our bags and clothes. When she finished, it was late and she stood and left, giving us a quick "goodnight" on her way out. I sighed and everyone stood, stretching and groaning from sitting down for a while.

James and Logan both grabbed pajamas, Carlos slowly following suit. James was the first one in the bathroom, and when he came out, he quickly pulled a sweatshirt on. Logan did the same and Carlos walked out holding his stuffed puppy to his chest. I realized I didn't unpack and I sighed as I leaned down to grab my clothes. I started to put them on out there, but Carlos squealed and curled up on to his bed, and Logan turned away and shook slowly. James frowned at me again and I sighed and walked to the bathroom to change.

When I came back out, everyone was in bed and the lights were off. I slowly made my way to my bed, stubbing my toe on something of Logans. I climbed in bed and turned my bedside lamp on, reaching down into my bag to pull out a hockey book. I read a few pages when I heard James grunt from across the room.

"turn the damn light off."

I sighed sadly and shut the book, turning my lamp off and laying down. I already hated it here.

**XXXXXXXX3 hours laterXXXXXXX**

I awoke to a soft sniffling noise, only to sit up and sicover the noise was coming from Logan. I slowly stood and sat next to his bed. I pressed my head back against the bed and nudged his arm, staring at the wall ahead of me in the darkness. He tensed and stopped.

"K-kendall?"

"yea?"

"go back to bed, please."

I sat there for a second and didn't move.

"whats wrong?" I whispered.

"I hate it here." Logan whispered back. I turned around slowly and stared at him in the dark. He stared back.

"you have pretty eyes." He whispered.

"so do you." I watched him look away in embarrassment. He gently shook his head.

"I'm hideous."

"why would you say such a horrible thing about yourself?"

He looked at me with teary eyes.

"because its true." I shook my head at him.

"one day the fog will fade and you'll see it , Logan."

He sniffed and stared at me.

"I wanna go home." He began softly crying, and I sat down on his bed. I lifted him into my arms and held him, feeling him tense. He shook harder and tried moving away but I hugged him and rubbed his back.

"its okay. I want to go home to." I winced when I discovered he was bony under his clothes. But I didn't stop and continued rubbing his back until his sobs subsided. He laid his head back down and sighed.

"thank you, kendall…its been a while since anyone was nice to me."

I stood and slipped back into my own bed.

"you're welcome." I then shushed him.

"go to sleep." I saw him nod and waited until his eyes slipped shut before I laid myself back down and tried to sleep. But the thought alone of cheering up Logan was enough to keep me awake and thinking about it. I hated that he called himself hideous. He was NOT. He was beautiful and I wish he saw what I saw. I rolled over and pressed my face to the cool pillow, sighing as my own tears dripped out onto the pillow. When they finally stopped, my body relaxed and the dark night consumed me within its sleepy grasp.

**Well…there it is . hope you liked it. More coming up soon!**

**Review please! Im trying to hit 30 reviews by the next chapter! And heres a fine deal for ya; if you make me reach more than 150 reviews by chapter ten I will personally write any one-shots (of the BTR boys and ONLY of the BTR boys being together!) or short stories (2-4 chapters) that you guys PM me! IT'S A PROMISE! **

**If you guys give me more reviews (200+ )I will start DRAWING pictures for DEVIANTART (which I will send the link for my page once I post some drawings) that you guys PM me. I will make them with anything you want, even if they have nudity and stuff.**

**I keep promises. Now….TO THE REVIEW BUTTON!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**

**Hey guys sorry this hasn't been updated as fast ive been trying to come up with ideas for it. Its getting a bit hard. Oh well hope ya like this chapter **

**James POV**

The next day we got up and got dressed, each of us taking turns in the bathroom. We were all quiet, though, and it was really awkward.

I tried to think of something to say but nothing came to mind. I was slipping my shoes on when a little tan face popped up in front of me, a freaky buttoned-eyed dog coming with. I wasn't expecting Carlos and his puppy to pop up in front of me and I jumped back.

"Seriously, Carlos? You scared me half to death!" I cried out at him. He stepped back and whimpered, pulling his puppy close as he lowered his face and sniffed. I felt my heart drop a little and I glanced over at Kendall and Logan. Logan was sitting on his bed with a book in his lap, eyes wide as he stared at me and Carlos. I understood what he was thinking. I never yelled at Carlos. _Ever._

I could feel Kendall staring at me too, and I finally couldn't take it, as a sweat bead rolled down my forehead. I jumped up and walked to Carlos, watching him bury his face in his puppy and sniff, tears rolling down his cheeks. I hesistated, but slowly hugged him. He whimpered at first, but then allowed me into his bubble as I wrapped my arms around him. He sniffed and we squished the puppy between us.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell Carlos."

He whimpered and I sighed. I gently let him go, backing away for a moment, before putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. He gazed up at me with those wide chocolate eyes and I left out a small exhale. I never really noticed how deep into his eyes were, how much I could see. I realized when I looked into his eyes, I could see how much love was filled in his eyes. But what chilled me was the look of hurt, the deep remembrance of something hurtful, something painful hidden.

"Guys." I glanced over to see Kendall and Logan standing by the door, a bit uncomfortable as they watched us.

"let's go." Logan said quietly. I nodded, but with one last look at the room, I grabbed the picture of my parents and shoved it in my pocket as we left. I've carried it with me since the day we got here. I liked the fact I had something of them close to me.

As we left the dorm, my thoughts wandered to the small Latino in front of me. I could see him hugging himself, whimpering a little. I hated the fact he couldn't speak, because I could tell his voice was strong and beautiful, and I'm sure he had many things to say. My mind wandered a little back to what just happened, and I remembered the horrible pain I saw in his eyes. What had happened? What was he hiding?

Every cell in my body begged myself to find out.

**Carlos's POV**

When James looked at me in that way, I didn't know what to think. I felt a little tickle telling me to stare back into his hazel eyes, but then we were interrupted. When James hugged me, it felt…right. Like,I belonged there. On our way downstairs, I clumped next to him, hoping he'd understand. I could see his lips twitching at the corners and I smiled to myself when I realized he was preventing himself from smiling.

We were now in the lobby, standing in a line where we were supposed to get our school books and schedules, when my legs began to quiver. Would I be in a class by myself? I don't think I could sit in a room filled with strangers. Which was one reason I had to be homeschooled, I was messed up and the fact that people I didn't know surrounded me scared me to death. The line got smaller and suddenly, four heavy books and a slim book were piled into my arms. A small sheet of paper was taped to the top one and I tried reading it when I stumbled backwards and nearly fell from the heavy weight.

I was caught and pushed back up, my head whipping back to see James's holding me. I smiled.

_Thank you._

"you alright?" he gave a small frown but I shrugged.

_I wouldn't have been if you hadn't caught me._

James's eyes flicked between mine, and then he coughed and then stepped up to grab his books. I watched Kendall and Logan do the same, and then we all trudged back upstairs with the heavy books. I was sweating hard from the strenuous work of carrying these books upstairs, but once we sat down in the room, I felt better.

I don't know why we ended up sitting on the floor, but we did. We sat in a small circle as we all read our schedules and signed our names in the books, stating they belonged to us and we had to take care of them. I had science, math, English, and history, and when I glanced around, everyone had the same books as mine. the slim one I got was a music book, which I smiled at when I realized my dad must have signed me up for the music class.

"Music?"

I looked up to see Logan and Kendall both holding the same books as me. Kendall looked at me and chuckled.

"I guess we all have music class."

"hopefully, together." Logan said quietly. I smiled and then looked at James, but he wasn't looking at his books. He was laying on the ground, eyes shut and an i-Pod in. I smiled a bit and reached over to slide his books around, trying to see if he was in the music class too. But I must've disturbed him because he reached out quickly, his eyes snapping open as he grabbed my wrist. Everyone froze and stared at the cold, hazel- eyed boy. i could fee his thick hands gripping my wrist as he stared at the ceiling.

_Ow! Please! Let me go!_

I whimpered and Kendall frowned.

"James? James!"

James blinked and sat up, his i-pod falling out of his ears as he looked at me.

"Let go of Carlos." Kendall growled gently.

He looked down to see his hand on my wrist and then he immediately let go. I whimpered and rubbed my wrist when he did, but really it wasn't too bad. James sighed and sat up, putting his hands on his legs and putting his hands against his face in frustration as he groaned. His sleeves pulled down a little, and my eyes caught a glimpse of the stark white gauze around his wrist once more. I realized it was new and I took a closer look to see underneath the first layer, a second layer of gauze was splotched and dark. I swallowed hard when James noticed where I was looking and then pulled up his sleeves.

**KENDALLS POV**

I didn't want to go to school here. I only knew 3 people so far and even then I still barely knew them. I didn't want any new friend's, I already had some back home. But I had to put up with it, I guess.

I sighed and put my books back down, taking a quick glance at Logan again, before I picked up my schedule once more. I quickly read past it.

**1****st****- Science**

**2****nd****-History**

**3****rd****- Math**

**4****th****- English**

**5****th**** – music class**

**6****th****- therapy and talk class**

I froze at that. Therapy? Talk class? What the hell! I stood quickly and tossed the schedule down.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed, my hands gripping into fists. Carlos was giving me a wide-eyed look of fear, James had a frown on his face. Logan was picking up my paper, glancing at my schedule and then shrugging.

"What? I have talk class, too. Same period, while at it." I shook my head and grabbed the paper, crumpling it in madness as I tossed it down.

"no fucking way! I don't need some shit ass therapy class!" I growled. Logan sighed and went back to the medical book which he'd been reading. I looked at Carlos and watched him snuggled into his stuffed puppy as my cold look went to him. I looked at James, who just sneered at me a little and then went back to his I-Pod.

"Chill, dude. We all have it." He growled. I sneered back at the cold copper-haired boy before sliding to the ground once more. I sighed and picked up my stuff, pushing it behind me to retrieve my hockey book. I glanced at Logan and saw his eyes trained on the book he was reading, which made me curious as to what was so interesting in a medical book. My curiousity drove me to lean over and peer into his book.

I spotted the headline _Mental Disorders, Anorexia, Bulimia, and changes to the victim_ before Logan noticed and slammed his book shut. He stood quickly and dropped the book on his bed.

"I'm gonna take a walk." He whispered, standing and hurrying to the door. Once the door shut, I glanced back at the other shocked two. James glared at me and pointed at the door.

"fix this."

I shrugged. I didn't do anything.

"NOW." James growled. I sighed and stood, hurrying out the door after Logan. It was a little late by now, so the sky was dark outside as I followed Logan's trail. I turned a corner and froze, my heart wrenching itself from my chest when I saw Logan doubled over, standing above a bush. His fingers were down his throat and he was puking. I stumbled back, making his head turn a bit towards me, but by the time he did actually look up it was too late. I was already slamming the door shut to the building, chest heaving from pain as I finally understood the poor brunette's problem, and I instantly regretted thinking bad of him.

Logan was anorexic.

**Logans POV**

I didn't really care who saw me doing the horrible deed, except for the fact this one person was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. Kendall saw the horrible thing I do to myself. And then he ran. Tears welled up in my eyes and ran down my face. Would kendall still accept me? No, probably not.

_He's disgusted by you._

_Oh god, shut up!_ I grabbed the sides of my head as I bawled. That voice, that voice that terrorized me day and night since I was twelve, rang through my throbbing head. I tried to ignore it, but _his_ voice still came back.

_He's so beautiful… did you ever think you had a chance?_

I sobbed gently as I began slowly walking back, the cool night air whipping across my face. I wiped my mouth and sniffed, lowering my head when I got closer to the dorm building.

_You're a freak. Look at you…FAT. FAT and UGLY. No one would _ever _like you. _

_Please. Please stop…_

_Look at you, you're pathetic. He's beautiful compared to you. Fat and ugly. Nothing but fat and ugly. There's nothing even slightly cute about you._

I stopped and sobbed deeper into my hands, warm tears flooding through my fingers.

"you did this to me." I whispered.

_You did this to yourself._

**XXXXXXXXX**

I walked inside and found Kendall waiting for me on the stairs. I sighed and started walking up them, trying to ignore him, but it was hard. Especially when he grabbed my hand. The small tingles that flew through my hand made me shiver.

"Logan, wait."

"look, I know you saw. I d-don't care."

_Lies._

"but i…but I do, Logan." Kendall whispered, and when I looked back he was standing there, staring at te ground. His arms were crossed and he was nibbling on his bottom lip. I was a bit shocked at first, but then I sighed.

"T-thank you."

"you shouldn't do that to yourself you know."

_Fat. Ugly. Hideous._

"I need too."

"why? No one should ever do that, Logan."

I quickly turned to look at him with new tears dribbling down my face.

"stop saying things to make me feel better! I know I'm fat! I know I'm hideous! Leave me alone!" but as I turned to leave, I was spun back around and pulled into a deep hug. I shivered and tried pulling away, except Kendall's body heat…was warm and his skin was soft…I sat there for a moment, before slowly wrapping my arms around Kendall and sniffing.

"You're not hideous or fat, Logan."

"Then what am i?" I whispered. I slowly buried my face into Kendall's shoulder, before gently pulling away. I began walking back upstairs when the blonde behind me whispered. I froze for a second, but kept walking. When I got to the second floor, I paused and sniffed. Kendall was going to be the death of me one day. I replayed what he said over and over again in my head, before leaning against the wall and slowly smiling.

"Beautiful."

**WAS IT OKAY? IT WAS HARD! Okay next time they might get into some drama, maybe a bully or two! And school starts UGH!**

**Till next time.**

**F.A.Q**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

**Heres the next chapter. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS BY….READING!**

**KENDALLS POV**

I screwed it up. I fucked it all up. I shouldn't have said anything to Logan. He wouldn't even look at me now, especially without a dark blush forming on his cheeks. Did I embarrass him? I certainly hope I didn't scare him.

The rest of that night, I would sneak glances at the gorgeous brunette out of the corner of my eyes. For Logan to be anorexic, or bulimic it seems, doesn't seem possible. He seemed too intelligent to fall down low enough to do that. I finally succumbed and turned my head to gaze at him. I cocked my head gently and sighed quietly, loving how the lamp light cast a small glow on Logan's face, making his chocolately eyes shimmer a hazel-honey color. I watched as he blushed deeply and stood, digging in our dresser to grab his pajamas. He took one glance at me and darted into our bathroom.

He went to sleep immediately, rolling away from me. I felt my lip tremble at the rejection, before I sighed and completed his actions, crawling into bed. I switched the light off without hesitation and rolled over, pressing my face into the pillow without another word.

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

The next day was a bit less awkward. We all got up, got showered and dressed, and realized we had an hour before school started. We decided to grab some breakfast.

We walked into the lunch room, and when we did I glanced at Logan. His eyes went down and he picked up a small fruit cup before grabbing a water bottle and leaving quickly, head lowered. I gave a small sigh of sadness and grabbed a breakfast burrito. I zipped through the line quickly, then waited a moment for Carlos and James. Carlos clung to James like a fly does on honey and James didn't seem to mind. I gave a small smile when Carlos couldn't reach a carton of milk inside this really big cooler, and James swooped in for him. I watched Carlos blush a deep red when James handed him the milk, then he wrapped his arms around James's waist.

I smiled and left the scene, wondering if they could ever be together.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

When Logan left the bathroom after lunch, I winced. I knew what he did in there, and I hate it. I heard the noises and watched as he wiped his mouth. He then itched his thin side, lifting his shirt up a bit to show off the pale skin there, his hip bone looking ready to rip through the skin.

I wanted to glide my hands over that pale skin, kiss and nip at that hip bone. I wanted to hug him tight, kiss him sweetly and make him get rid of this phase. But that would never happen. I knew Logan wasn't into me like that, and I knew he could never be.

I watched him glance at me and blush deeply, his whole face turning red as he saw me staring at him. He sighed and bent down to pick up his books, putting them in his messenger bag before slipping it on his shoulder. He glanced at me before looking down at his feet.

"u-um class starts soon."

I nodded. We had first and third period together, along with music and therapy class. Four classes out of six. I was pretty happy. I slipped on my own backpack and opened the door for Logan, who stepped through quickly. I turned and glanced at James and Carlos.

"you guys heading to class?"

"we'll be there soon." James answered. Carlos smiled and gently waved at me as I shut the door. Logan and I continued walking, walking down the stairs quickly, trying to hurry and get to class. There was small crowds to walk through, a few glancing at us. I had to remember that this school wasn't just for rape victims, but also for kids who were bipolar or who had psychological problems. I saw a few kids who seemed thin, like Logan, but they seemed proud about it. The girls looked like brooms. Then the boys, some looked mean. Those must have been the bipolar kids. Some girls also looked giant and mean. More bipolar kids.

I saw a few with scars galore, on wrists and arms, and on faces. Abused, maybe? I didn't know. I glanced at Logan and saw him shiver when a rather large kid bumped into him. I winced when he rubbed his thin shoulder, his gorgeous brown eyes filling with painful tears. I let out a small gasp when I saw him begin to wobble and I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, gently holding him and dragging him down the hall. I leaned him against the wall and waited, watching him steadily breath. He glanced at me, blushing crimson.

"t-thank you." I nodded as he stood and blushed again.

"W-we should probably head to class." I nodded again, because really I couldn't stop staring at the small brunette. I desperately wanted to kiss him. But I couldn't. we strode into class and sat down on the stools, putting our books on the table. A blonde woman stood in front of the room, her back to us as the bell rang. She quickly wrote something on the board and smiled as she turned around.

"hello, class, my name is . Welcome to biology. Now, let's begin."

I watched Logan's eyes widen with excitement and I chuckled.

**LOGANS POV**

I couldn't stop blushing every time he looked at me. He was so nice, and beautiful.

_You're nothing to him._

I swallowed hard and looked down at my notes I had already taken. I really liked Kendall. Really, _really _liked him. It scared me. Ever since...well, that night id barely felt emotions towards people besides my parents. But Kendall made my heart flutter oddly in my chest, and I felt odd when Kendall held me gently. I wanted Kendall to hold me, hug me….kiss me with his soft pink lips. I whimpered a little and sighed once more as the bell rang. I glanced at Kendall as we were leaving.

I bit my bottom lip and whimpered as I glanced down the hallway. I looked at Kendall and I felt like crying.

"w-well see you after t-the next period." Kendall nodded and I saw his face go down a little. I had an urge to hug him but, I didn't know if he would accept it.

"well…bye." I gave a gentle wave and watched Kendall give a sad look. I turned around and felt my lip tremble as I walked into the next room. English. I was okay at English. But I stepped into the class and I felt myself shrink into myself. A few kids on the other side of the room stared at me, a few glaring gently. A large kid stepped up to me and my eyes widened as I looked for the teacher.

This kid….his hair….he looked like Mackenzie. I felt myself begin to cry and the large kid smirked as he shoved me.

"fag." He hissed. I sniffed and darted past him to my seat, sliding in as the bell rang and the teacher walked into class, smiling at all of us. I whimpered and laid my head down in defeat. My thoughts wandered around and finally ended up on Kendall. His soft blonde locks, the way his skin felt when he grabbed me, his gorgeous emerald eyes. I loved his eyes especially. How they could…show so much emotion and at the same time, nothing at all. They were the most beautiful thing about him. I sighed and lifted myself from the seat as the bell rang.

_Ugh another period._

But the I popped up when I realized next period was with Kendall. History. Oh I loved history. I hurried down through the halls as fast as I could, stopping when I saw Kendall. He was walking towards the class, nose buried in his hockey book.

_How cute…_I gazed at him for a moment before I realized how girly I looked. I stood up straight and blushed, before glancing around. I smoothed my spiky hair back and cleared my throat before I hurried to the door. Kendall looked up as I did, and snapped his book shut, when he saw me. I smiled at him as he clamped a tender hand on my shoulder.

"hey, hows your day going so far?"

_Wonderful…now you're here._

"g-good." I blushed deeply. Kendall noticed and chuckled at my reaction, making me blush hard enough to hurt my face. Kendall busted out laughing, tears running out of his eyes at my reaction, making me frown at him.

"h-haha you're cute, Logan."

_Cute? Awww…_

_I doubt it, you would break a mirror._

I frowned deeper as the voice in my head sprang up, and I shook it away gently.

_No…he thinks im beautiful. Nothing else matters._

I smiled as I took my seat next to Kendall.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Lunch. I stared at all the food and felt my stomach burn with the underlying hunger pains I ignored everyday. I wouldn't touch it, because knew I was fat, I knew I was ugly, and someone like me didn't deserve to eat.

"get something."

I jumped and glanced to see Kendall peering over my shoulder.

"please, Logan." I could see the desperate look in his eyes and I felt horrible. He knew. Of course he knew. And he wanted me…me of all people…to eat.

"i-I can't Kendall."

"please." He whispered. I felt my heart flutter a little and I slowly reached for the smallest slice of pizza I could find. I turned to Kendall with a small smile and watched him give me one back. We sat down at the table with James and Carlos, watching them eat slowly. James smiled and talked to Carlos, watching him nod and listen intently to James. I chuckled when I felt a small nudge come to my side. I glanced at Kendall and he nodded at my pizza.

"kendall…" I whined. He shook his head and lifted the pizza.

"please. Eat."

I gave him a whimper but he wouldn't crack. He kept pressing the pizza towards me and I finally ended up snatching it from him, watching him chuckle a bit.

"bastard…"

I looked down at the pizza. Gooey, cheesy, greasy, the nauseating smell coming from it made me wanna vomit any stomach acid in my stomach. I began gagging as I picked the greasy bread. I put it to my lips and I began gagging harder and then I bit into it. I chewed the greasy disgusting cheese and bread, pushing it down my throat. The grease slid over my fingertips and I gagged from the nasty feeling of it.

I gagged and watched Kendall's face turn sad, creases going over his face in disappointment. I gagged again as I swallowed the rest of the pizza, then I gently smiled at him.

"d-done." I said weakly. Kendall smiled and I smiled back. But then my stomach rumbled gently, signaling a horrible stomach ache happening. I groaned as the pizza sat in my stomach. I whimpered and hugged my stomach gently. I tensed, though, when Kendall's hand slid to my back and began rubbing gently.

"you okay?" he whispered. I hurriedly nodded and he took his hand off my back. I felt a little better that he wasn't touching me, but I still wanted to hurl. The nasty food sat there like a lump. I started to stand up, but was pulled back to sit down by Kendall. I looked at him and could see what he was thinking.

"Kendall-"

"no, Logan. Please." I could see his eyes turn steely and I couldn't stand it. I hated that I was disappointing him. I slowly sat back and sighed, running a hand over my stomach. It had a small bulge in it and I wanted to throw up even more. I felt gross.

_Look at you. Eating greasy food._

"shut up." I hissed. I could see everyone at the table turn to slowly look at me and I shut my eyes gently.

_Fat, ugly, only a face a mother could love. But youre not even that are you?_

"shut up!" I gripped the side of my head and I began crying as the voice wrapped around my head and everyone stared at me. I couldn't take it. I stood and ran, despite Kendall yelling after me. I headed for the first place I could find; the bathroom.

**Kendalls pov**

I watched Logan leave with sad eyes. I wanted him to stop, I really did. But he couldn't get it through his head could he? I sighed and looked back at Carlos and James. James frowned at me and Carlos just leaned away from me gently.

"you idiot…what did you do?" James sneered at me. I growled back at him.

"I didn't do shit. He ran off because he had a freak attack."

"Fix it."

"what am I supposed to do?" james sneered at me and didn't say anything else. I growled at him and finally turned away, staring down at my pizza slice. It was untouched. I sighed and picked it up, standing to go throw it away. I looked at James, who was still frowning.

"im heading to class." I turned and went to go throw the pizza away when I stopped. The girl I had seed with the gauze all over her arms sat by herself once more. No food. Her platinum blonde hair hung around her face like a veil, in shiny wispy strings. She still was pretty despite how sad she looked. I didn't find her attractive, just pretty. She wasn't thin, but she had a small roll on her belly that added to her prettiness. I looked down at the empty space in front of her and then at my pizza. I sighed and walked over, approaching her slowly.

I sat the pizza across form her and then I sat across from her myself. She gave a small glare to the pizza and then at me.

"you looked hungry. I didn't want it, you can have it."

"I don't want your pity." She whispered. A Spanish accent? She didn't look like she came from spain or anything…

"I'm not pitying you." I said back, a bit coldly. She looked up at me and I sighed.

"look im just trying to help."

"I don't want help." She whispered again. I could feel my anger rising and why wouldn't she just take the fucking pizza?

"fine! I was just trying to help, but apparently you're too much of a bitch to understand that." I pushed my chair away from the table and stood, turning to leave. I could hear her sniffing behind me and I realized I probably just made her cry. I turned and saw what I thought was true. She had fat tears rolling down her face, but it was kind of ironic, because she also was eating the pizza. Tenderly. She sniffed and continued eating it, finishing it and throwing the trash down, laying her head down to sob. I felt horrible, but I had other things to do.

**XXXXXXXXX**

I couldn't find Logan anywhere and I didn't seem him until my last class. He wasn't in any other classes that day besides this one and I worried. I hope he was okay. When I came to the talk and therapy class I halted outside the door. Did I want to go in? no. why should strangers and random kids get to know me, for what reason? There was no helping me. My dad raped me and nearly beat me to death. Simple as that.

I sighed and stepped into the class, glancing over to see Logan sitting in a chair. He sat still, head hung over gently. He looked embarrassed to be here. I understood the feeling. I sighed and walked over to sit beside him. He glanced at me and then hung his head again. I settled back into the plush chair they had and sighed again.

"im not gonna say anything. How bout you?"

Logan nodded and I took that in a good way. I turned to the door as it opened and James and Carlos walked in. James could see us and he gave a small smile of gratitude, before letting it go and sitting down. A few more kids filled the room and then the…teacher, I guess, walked in. she gave everyone a big smile before sitting down.

"welcome, everyone. I don't know anything about you, and you don't know anything about me. " she glanced around before continuing.

"well that will change by the end of this year. I hope to know at least most of you and I hope you all will know me by then, too. My name is , or you can call me Natalie, or my nickname is Thirteen, as you can call me. I want to become your friend, not just someone to talk to." She glanced at a few kids before continuing.

"it might take some of you time to come around, others longer, others will just get it over with. I don't care how long it takes, or if not at all, I just want you all to understand im here for you." I saw a few kids roll their eyes and so did she. She cleared her throat before once again continuing.

" and for some of you, no." she leaned forward, her brunette hair falling from behind her ear, a few wisps escaping her thick bun.

"what im saying isn't, excuse me, _bullshit_ as you would say. Im being genuine and clear. And if you don't care enough, go ahead, leave. Im here to help, not to have my time wasted." We watched as a few kids leave, but a few just snickered and stayed in their seats. She gave them a cold, steely look before her eyes flicked to us and went warm and comforting.

"okay, so lets get started."

She pulled out a clipboard and flicked through it.

"kendall…knight?"

I nodded and she gave me a nod in return.

"if theres anything you want to share, please, we're open. No criticism and we don't judge here." I glanced around the room. My eyes looked at the kids, two boys who were holding back smirks, and I shook my head. She gave me a simple nod.

"if you feel like sharing anything at all, not the reason you're here, you can, at any time." She looked down at her list and then back at Logan.

"Logan Mitchell?"

Logan looked up and bit his slowly sat up and glanced around, his cheeks going pink. He opened his mouth and shut it, then opened it again. He looked at me, before sighing.

"i-I wanna be a doctor." He whispered. smiled at doctor as she crossed her legs. I noticed she wore skinny jeans with black heels and a white button up blouse.

"that's good, Logan and that's something im interested in. I used to be a nurse if you believe it. But being a doctor is a great goal and im glad." She gave him a warm smile and continued down the list.

"James Diamond?" james looked up from his ipod.

"I'd rather not." He said coldly. Ms. Hadley nodded again.

"I understand a few of you have walls, but im just trying to help you guys break them down, just enough to allow someone over." James nodded and sunk into his chair, before gently shrugging.

"I like…puppies." He glanced at Carlos and watched the latino blush darkly. Carlos giggled a bit when james smiled at him until-

"fags."

James eyes grew big and angry and he stood up so fats, his chair was knocked over.

"who said that?" james growled. His fists tightened as he glared at the kids around the room. I didn't even know where it came from. I sunk into my chair a little, especially whe the teacher stood, putting a comforting hand on James's shoulder. He tensed and shrugged her off, but she stood there still.

"james, please sit."

James heaved a big exhale and then sat down roughly. The teacher gave him a grim look and then crossed her arms and glared at the kids she obviously knew had said it. I sunk deeper into my chair and just hoped a fight didn't break out. I glanced at Logan to see him in the same position. We both looked at the teacher as she hissed at the kids. Another stood and finally left after she sat down.

"cut the bullshit or get out." She growled at everyone, before looking back down at her clipboard.

"carlos Garcia?"

I watched Carlos give her a small wave and she smiled and waved back at the small latino.

"anything you wanna share?"

Carlos gave her a small look,before James jumped in.

"he uh doesn't talk."

The teacher made an "oh" sound and nodded. She smiled at Carlos though.

" that's perfectly fine. You can maybe bring a marker and small dryboard next time." She wrote something down and continued around the room. A few kids told her they were juts her for bipolar, anger problems, anorexia, and other things. I didn't care, just sinking into my seat and picking at my nails, but I don't know what caused me to perk up when another name was called.

"Hanna Botticelli?"

I looked up to see a platinum blonde with gauze around her arms look up at the teacher. Her name was Hanna? She nodded at the teacher and the teacher gave her a small smile, trying to focus on her face other than the ripped skin of her arms.

"Botticelli…isn't that an artist?"

"yes, yes it is."Hanna said quietly. That Spanish accent kept bugging me.

"ah, Spanish accent. You have a Spaniard decent?"

Hanna nodded again and the teacher giggled.

"no offend but you don't look like the nationality."

"yes im not a full blood but my _madre_ is. My father, though, had some and was born with blonde hair. I inherited it."

"anything you'd like to share then?"

I leaned forward gently when Hanna hesitated, then she started.

"I want to be a one to get it through…so I will."

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and staring at the ground. She gripped her hands together and shut her eyes.

"This is year I am 17…two years ago I was 15…"

" no shit." A kid cackled. Ms. Hadley glared.

"hush, Jett."

She turned back to Hanna.

"contninue." Hanna nodded before starting agagin.

"my…boyfriend was my first lover, to be exact, in anything. Even my first…boyfriend. He was beautiful, with the warmest hazel eyes on earth. He said he didn't care about anyone else but me, and he said he would never hurt me." She gave a shakey exhale.

"obviously he lies."

The room was silent.

"we…we went to a party. I didn't understand at first, then when I discovered my boyfriend, he was intoxicated." She began whimpering and rubbed her forearms.

"he dragged me upstairs and raped me. I felt myself was to blame, I didn't blame the alcohol…I was young and naïve. I couldn't understand everything at once. Then the time came when I was supposed to have my blood come. It didn't. I threw up and my belly became firm. A trip to the doctor had my father outraged and me devatstaed with a baby growing inside of me."

The whole room seemed a bit shocked now. Hanna rubbed her hands together and continued.

"I told him, the _padre_ of my _hijo_. He didn't want the baby." By now, fat tears rolled down her face and she scratched at her gauze. I glanced at Logan and saw his eyes were deep and sad. James and Carlos…also crying.

"he threw me down the stairs and when I awoke in the hospital, the baby was gone." By now she was sobbing. The teacher was dabbing at her eyes, but tears leaked off her face.

"I-I slit my arms almost to the elbow…i-I couldn't t-take the pain…" then Hanna stood, without another word, and ran from the class. Everyone was shocked…including me. My own eyes were wet with tears as the teacher stood.

"c-class dismissed."

**XXXXXXX**

On our way out, we were all wiping our eyes, except for the few hideous kids who couldn't feel emotions. I saw Logan sobbing hard and I walked next to him. I rubbed his shoulder.

"i-its okay..she'll get help." Logan shook his head.

"i-its not that i-its-" he broke down sobbing again and tucked his head into my arm. I couldn't restrain from hugging him gently, holding him just close enough to comfort him. I watched as he lifted his head, and my heart bleated in my chest to kiss him. I leaned forward slowly and was about to-

"hey fags!" we turned to see a few kids from the class smirk and walk up to us. What were their names? Oh, yeah. Jett and Dak. The big one behind them….ozzy, I think. Jett grinned darkly, before he pushed Logan.

"awww crying? How sad."

"Shut up, it was sad." I growled at him. Jett sneered and shoved Logan away, making him tumble back into Ozzy and Dak, who began shoving him back and forth like a ball.

"listen here, Blondie. I don't want any of your bullshit, so you better listen to me, got it? What goes here, goes." I sneered at him and shoved him aside.

"whatever, your living in a fantasy world of your own, Jett." I turned to look at Dak and Ozzy.

"let him go."

"who says we have to?" Dak grinned. I could see the fear in Logan's eyes as I growled at them.

"_me. Now let. Him. Go."_ Dak shivered before shoving Logan back.

"fine, have your precious boyfriend!" Logan tumbled into my arms. I hoisted him to his feet and hugged the sobbing boy close as they walked away.

"their jerks, Logan, forget them." He nodded, but continued sobbing. I gently checked his arms, making sure they didn't bruise the thin boy, before I held him close again and hurried us off to our room.

**XXXXXXXX**

Back at the room, James and Carlos weren't there. I figured they were in the lounge they had for the teenagers, and I hurriedly changed my clothes, pulling off my shirt and switching to a new one. I turned around to look at Logan, who sat on his bed, still clothed. His jaw dropped when he saw my naked chest. I blushed and was about to tug my shirt on when he stopped me.

"y-you…your chest…what did you do?" he whispered. I looked away as Logan slowly stood and walked to me. I wasn't embarrassed, I wasn't ashamed. I didn't give a shit…until now. Logan ran his hand over the deep scarred word FAG in my chest. He gasped when he felt the small bumps of it and his tears filled his eyes.

"its nothing, Logan." I whispered and pulled my shirt on. Logan nodded and turned away, but I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed him and held him close, listening to him gasp.

"Kendall, I-"

"just…just stop crying okay? I don't care what people say. Ill show anyone the real me and I don't give a shit about what they think…and neither should you." I looked at Logan to see his eyes filled with tears again.

"d-don't make this about me!" he cried, but I hugged him again.

"its about both of us, okay?"

"but, Kendall-"

" ill deal with whatever you've been through, ill go through it with you, just please…let me be there." I whispered. Logan gave in and wrapped his arms around me. He sobbed into my shoulder. I whimpered and tugged him closer.

"i…I want you…to be there…" he whispered. I pulled away from him gently.

"logan…" I breathed, but Logan whimpered and looked at the ground. I lifted his head and pressed our foreheads together.

"why cant you see what I see?" I whispered. Logan let his tears leaked gently.

"because what you see is fake."

"youre beautiful, Logan."

He sobbed.

"im not! Stop saying that!" he tried pulling away and I pulled him back by his thin arms.

"logan!"

"no! im not! Stop lieing!"

I grabbed him and looked at him in his eyes. We looked at each other seriously.

**LOGANS POV**

He wouldn't stop. Why couldn't he see I was in pain? why couldn't he see how _ugly_ I was? How _fat _I was? I kept trying to pull away when he finally yanked me close and we looked at each other seriously. Kendall leaned forward and our lips smashed together.

It was wonderful. His soft pink lips against mine…the way his hands traveled up my thin sides..

_You're ruining it. He'll never like you._

The voice irritated me, and I stopped. Began flinching and pulling away agan. I grabbed my head and began sobbing as I fell to my bed. I began shaking as Mackenzie's voice rattled through my head.

"Logan! Logan!"

It stopped and I looked up at Kendall, who stood over me with a concerned look. I gave a fake chuckle before going serious.

"t-too fast, Kendall." He nodded and sat beside me. He hugged me close and I sighed into his shoulder.

"Kendall?"

"yea, Logan?"

"thank you." I said quietly. He pulled away to look at me deeply, before linking our hands together.

"Logan. I want you to understand this." I nodded as he leaned close and caressed my cheek.

"we haven't know each very long, and you know that. But what I feel for you feels…real. I want you to know I'll be there for you no matter what, through everything there is ,Logan because…because I might love you, Logan." I gazed into those beautiful green eyes that shimmered with happiness and my heart fluttered. I realized I could get through this, I could get better.

"I think…I think I love you too, Kendall."

**Omg this story is getting harder to write! And yes now you found out the couples!**

**Ehhh sorry if the kogan wasn't accurately planned, but it'll go slower and what about JARLOS! Maybe a bit of it in the next chapter! Since Carlos is a bit worse then the rest of them I will be taking the JARLOS couple slower then KOGAN!**

**Thank you for reading my update! I apologize for taking so long!**

**Till next time, with love**

**F.A.Q **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**HI EVERYONE **

**I'm back! well im so sorry I havent focused on this story! I have just completed my other story, and now i will focus on this one. **

**well, its a tad bit hard, but plz PM me ideas for it, I could use some :) thanks so much for your patience! **

**Love, FAQ.**

**Logan's POV**

Four weeks. Four weeks I've been here, and it didn't seem as bad as it had the first one had.

Kendall was always by my side, waiting for me after class if we didn't have the same class, or sitting beside me constantly. We talked, and it seemed as if we couldn't get enough of it. I learned a lot about him in the small amount of time we knew each other.

He played guitar, left-handed, he sang, he wrote songs, he loved hockey, and his favorite color was dark green. I learned he had ayounger sister named Katie, and his blonde hair was natural. I loved natural blonde hair. Kendall loved gummy worms, especially sour ones. I ended up going to the vending machine in the teenager's lounge everyday and buying him gummy worms, until he told me it was okay, and that he'd buy them himself.

Every time I talked to him, I kept falling for him even deeper. I loved him, even if it was a little early to say it, but I truly did.

But that horrible...that horrible nervousness would settle back in me after a while. I could barely touch him, let alone even give him simple eye contact. It was nerve-wracking and I felt horrible because Kendall sometimes would reach for my hand, and I would pull away. I wish I could let him hold hands with me, hug me, and kiss me again, but I couldn't. My stomach would always curdle and burn, though. The feeling of people touching me made me itchy and I felt dirty, I didn't want anyone touching me, touching my flithy skin. Especially Kendall.

But then again, my mind wandered back to Kendall. I leaned on my elbow, drifting away from the class, the teacher's voice growing faint as I buried myself deep into my thoughts.

**FAG.** Who would be so cruel as to carve something into a beautiful body like Kendall's? I wonder what he had gone through to get that. Along with all his other scars...

I want to be a doctor. Basically everyone here knows that. And I've studied enough to see his scars were made by glass, and knife cuts. They were ridged, and looked too deep for a simple cut. I hoped he didn't do them himself. I couldn't imagine him hurting himself. I blinked rapidly to stop my tears from falling. Just the _image_ of him doing that hurt.

_RIINNNNGGGG!_

I blinked and looked around. The bell rang. I smiled stupidly to myself, not knowing how time slipped away from me. I stood and scooped up all my things, smiling to myself as I started towards the door. i walked out and my eyes instantly searched for the mop of blonde hair i was dying to see. My heart sunk a little when I realized he wasn't there waiting for me. I sniffed and started walking down the hall, hanging my head.

Kendall was never late. Why wasn't he here? I continued walking, droning out the people around me, walking away from the teachers. I continued walking, taking my time to get to lunch. When I looked up, the hallway was...empty, almost. That was odd. There were usually kids lounging around in the hallways, or even some kids hiding from their teachers and classes.

But, no. The hallway was empty. I suddenly had the feeling of someone watching me, and i felt the hair on the back of my neck prickle. I turned around slowly and gasped.

The kid who had tormented me the first day of class was sitting against the wall, staring at me with hungry eyes, a scowl on his face. What was his name? Wasn't it Darwin or something?

I didn't have time to think as the tall male came towards me, grabbing my arms in his grubby thick fingers and shoving me against the wall, that hungry look still in his eyes. I started struggling, trying to pull away, but it didn't work. I whimpered when he leaned in close, hsi smelly breath drifting into my nose and making me gag.

"Your kinda cute, ya know."

I whimpered and he let go of one of my hands, only to hold me against the wall with one hand, before he gripped the front of my shirt and yanked it out towards him. I gasped as the material stretched, pressing into the back of my skin. I watched as the fabric ripped halfway down, showing off my boney chest and stomach. I cried out and tried running away again.

Instead I was slapped, and I fell down. I felt his hands run over my legs and up my back, near my bottom. I began crying, my tears sliding off my face. Where the hell were all the teachers? Oh, right. Lunch.

I was alone. I covered my head as I felt the large male stand over me, pressing my face to the floor to hide my tears, but I gasped and looked up when I heard footsteps come barreling down the hallway and something heavy slammed into a wall. Kendall stood, with his fist raised, a hand to the kid's neck, a deathly look in his eye.

"Don't you ever touch him again, do you understand? He's MINE, no one else can have him!" Kendall screamed in such a deathly tone, the larger kid shivered. Kendall threw a punch to his face and the kid ran off, holding a bloody nose. Kendall turned to me and I whimpered, watching his black eyes go back to their normal green. He bent down next to me and sighed,holding out a hand to lift me up.

I stared at his hand for a moment, beofre I slid my hand into his grasp.

**KENDALLS POV**

Logan was a nervous wreck.

The moment he stood up, he let go off me and started backing away a little. I wanted to mentally slap myself. I probably scared the shit out of him just by saying what i said.

I glared down at his ripped t-shirt and i growled a litte, feeling my anger rise again. Logan whimpered when I slid my hands over his thin chest, then I pulled at the rip.

"Im going to kill him..." i whispered.

"D-Do you mean it?"

I looked up at Logan's little voice and I could see how wide his big, brown eyes were. My theart thumper hard in my chest and I took a step back, giving him some comfort, before I slipped my jacket off and threw it over him. He looked shocked, but then, after hesitating, slipped his thin arms nto the sleeves. The jacket sagged on him and he sighed, zipping it up and hanigng his head as we slowly walked towards the cafeteria.

We were both silent, until I heard Logan's sniffles. I turned and saw tears falling off his nose and hitting the ground. My heart thumped hard and i reached towards Logan's hand, but he moved a bit away from me. I frowned and felt my own heart crack.

"Y-You weren't t-there.."

"Logan...I-I'm so sorry...I didn't realize-I-I was late and I didn't-" I stopped myself and buried my face in my hands. I felt horrible. It was all my fault Logan was almost beat up, or even molested. I stopped and looked at Logan, who had stopped and was standing still, too. Then he broke down sobbing.

I went to hug him, but he moved away form me again. It hurt, and I understood he was going through things, but it still hurt that he was rejecting me trying to help him. instead, I stood there and waited, until he stopped crying. He wiped his eyes on my sleeves and I gave him a small smile. He sniffed.

"It wasn't your fault. It was mine, I was stupid enough not to wait for you."

I couldn't bear it. I threw my arms around that small boy and hugged him tightly, letting him bury his nose into my chest.

"It wasn't your fault, either, Logan. Look, it was somethign we both didn't know would happen, but for now I'm taking the blame, because I'm going to keep you safe." I whispered. I could feel Logan shivering, so I gently pulled away. Logan stared at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and I choked. I slid my fingers up under Logan's chin and lifted his head until his gaze met mine.

"Logan?"

"Kendall? Did you mean it?"

"mean...what?" I was confused. Logan's eyes filled again and one tear dribbled down his cheek. I quickly wiped it away and he sniffed.

"D-do you want m-me to be y-yours?" He stuttered, before hiccuping and letting out small sobs. I carressed his face with my thumb, watching him go a bit pale at the contact.

"Yes." Then I looped my arm around his shoulder and drug him to lunch.

**XXXXXXXXX**

I watched Logan as he grimaced at his filled lunch tray. I had put a big salad on it, a chicken sandwich, two large cookies and a bottle of Hawaiin Punch. He groaned as we walked through the lunch room.

"Do...do I really have to eat this?" he whined as we sat down, joining James and Carlos. James was decked out in black, and had his hoodie yanked up over his head. He was eating a chicken sandwich like crazy, and obviously he was hungry. I looked at Carlos, who was dressed in a grey v-neck sweater and some skinny jeans, and he was already finished with his lunch. I chuckled when I saw James finish his chicken sandwich and then start on his cookies, including the extra one he had. I watched Carlos stare at him and then James looked up at us, then he saw me chuckling before he turned and saw Carlos's wide dark eyes.

James smiled and gave Carlos his extra cookie. I chuckled and admired the relationship they had. I hope they are friends for a long time.

But then I glanced over at Logan tosee him still frowning and picking at the food on his tray. He hadn't even taken a bite. I sighed and pushed the tray towards him. He recoiled into my jacket.

"N-No I'm not hungry." He said quietly. I lifted a forkful of salad and shoved it towards him. He scooted back again and I continued trying to give it to him, but he woulnd't eat it. It got to the point, where I shoved towards him again and he fell out of his chair. He looked at me with wide eyes, before looking away. I sighed and knelt beside him, looking back to see the glare coming from James.

"Look, Logan, I only wanna help you." Logan shook his head.

"I don't need your help." He whispered. Okay, that hurt. I stuck out my hand to help him up, except this time, he didn;t take it. Instead, he stood and ran from the cafeteria. I set the food down and went to run after him, but a hand grabbed mine and yanked me back. I turned to glare at James, who towered over me a bit. He looked frightening, so I couldn't help myself as I shrunk away.

"Leave him alone, obviously he doesn't wanna talk to anybody." James let go of me and turned to sit back down.

"B-But I can't!"

"Yes, you can, you're not his mother."

"But he's-"

"Doing what he wants to do. Leave it alone." He growled at me. I glared down at him, feeling my body start to shake in anger.

"But he's freaking starving himself!"

I watched James's head turn to me a bit. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Like I said, his life." James mumbled. Carlos stared at us with a wide-eyed look. I knew saying these things to them would hurt Logan and them, but he seriously needed help. He wasn't eating and he was bone-thin...and now he wasn't trusting me. It hurt that he declined my help, but I was still going to force it on him. I wasn't going to give up.

Not until he was healthy again.

I sighed and looked down at his tray, which was still filled with food. I picked it up, not knowing what to do with it. I was about to thrrow it away, when a small voice from behind me stopped my feet.

"IS he going to eat that?" That accent. That silky voice. I turned and gave a small gasp at the girl behind me. Hanna. Had she seen everything? The sad look dotting her face told me yes. I sighed and hung my head, before shoving the tray towards her.

"Just...take it..." I continued to stare at the floor as the tray was taken from my hands. I didn't know what to do, my mind was in shambles, not just for Logan, but for myself, too. I felt a few chilly fingers press underneath my chin and lift my head a bit, the fingers going upwards to move the bangs outta my eyes.

"Come. Sit." Her latin accent made me shiver and I moved towards the seat next to her, before I glanced around and saw I had ended up almost leaving the cafeteria, unconsciously. Crazy.

"SO.." i coughed and looked around, before looking down at Hanna, watching her eat the chicken sandwich, ketchup dotting her pale pink lips. I chuckled, and her big blue eyes flicked towards me.

"What do you laugh at?" she frowned and I shook my hands defensively.

"You had ketchup all over your mouth."

She didn't laugh, but her lips turned a bit upwards at the corners, but just a little. She set the sandwich down and started munching on the salad. I didn't know what to say. I ended up pressing my hands together and sighing, hanging my head again. But that bandaged arm lifted my head again and brushed my bangs away.

"You really feel something for him?" I nodded and she gave me a smile, making my head swim a little...it was like some light radiated off of her. The smile that she gave me made me feel warm inside.

"Well, your giant friend back there was wrong." She motioned towards James with a thumb.

"how?" i mumbled, staring at my fingers.

"Your friend needs help, badly, I can see how...thin he is. But that's not the only problem." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I shrugged.

"I don't know. He never tells me anything." She looked at me with wide eyes, before sighing and rubbing her arms. I looked at the thick bandages and sighed.

"why...why did you tell everybody that? Aren't they...aren;t they going to make fun of you now?" She stared at the cookies on her tray, before picking them up. I noticed one was a chocolate chip one, and the other barely had any chips in it. She held each in one of her hands.

"Well...After I said that...I felt better about myself,like an enormous weight had been taken off my shoulders." She lifted the cookie with a bunch of chips in it.

"And then again, I am going to be bullied, but it wasn't as stressful because now everyone knows what happened, and even though i will still be teased, I feel better and not that many people will say anything. Do you understand?"

I blinked.

"I...ya lost me." She giggled and I watched her raise the cookies. She looked at the one with tons of chips.

"Would I rather have so much weight sitting on my shoulders?," She raised the one with a bit of chips in it and looked at it.

"Or simply deal with a few teases, but think nothing of them?"

She handed me the cookie with tons of chips in it and I bit into it. It was too sweet and I couldn't swallow it. I grabbed the bottle of water sitting on the tray and waterfalled it into my mouth.

"With something like that...You would just keep pushing it down, inside yourself...until it's the only thing that makes up you." I swallowed the chunks of the cookie and sighed, finally understanding it. I looked down at the rest of my cookie and sighed, breaking it up and handing a piece to her.

"Your suggesting I tell everybody...what my problem is, why I'm here, before my problem-"

"Devours you." she whispered. I watched her nod and I sighed.

"So...you want me to convince Logan to tell me." She shook her head and slid her fingers over my closed fist.

"I want you to convince yourself, all of them, to get it out. You will feel..." she thought about it for a moment.

"Calm? Fresh?" i started throwing out words and she shook her head.

"Awake."

"Awake?" she nodded and I raised an eyebrow.

"You feel like you've just woken up from a bad dream, like your mind is new." she gently squeezed my hand and I sighed.

"I guess so." I smiled at her, before feeling a pair of eyes on me. I flicked my head towards the cafeteria door and saw Logan standing there. He must've come back. I watched his beautiful brown eyes tear up when he saw me and Hanna, and he left again.

My heart cracked.

**XXXXXXX**

Logan wouldn't talk to me after that. It's been two days, and I'm dying on the inside to talk to him. James obviously doesn't want me near him, because I've been sitting with Hanna now. She's much more bubbly than she was when we first met, and she looks much healthier.

Turns out she's been here for nearly a year. I guess she never had an inspiration to tell her secret until now. She's been doing better in school now, surprisingly. She had horrible grades before, but she showed me her grades now and I was amazed. She is truly a good person, but I'm still not used to her creepy accent.

At the moment we were sitting in my dorm.

"You should talk to him." She said. I sighed and picked up my pillow and plopped it on my face. She was sitting in the desk chair Logan and I shared, twirling around slowly. I sighed and rolled onto my side to look at her, watching her silky long hair swish around as she twirled. I reached out and grabbed a strand as she twirled, letting it slip through my fingers.

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

"He does, he's just...scared."

"You hesitated."

"What?" she gave me a weird look.

"You hesitated before completeing that sentence, so your wrong." she shook her head and laughed.

"Just because I don't complete a question on time does not mean i'm completely wrong."

I sighed again and pressed the pillow to my face, pressing it hard. Hanna pulled the pillow off and placed it on her lap. She brushed my bangs back with her thin fingers.

"You are a good person Kendall. Don't think anything other."

"But Logan-"

"Needs you." She smiled and the room seemed to light up, even though it was raining outside. I nodded and rolled to my back, twiddling my thumbs.

"sooo..."

"So, what, Kendall?" She giggled.

"W...what's with the accent?" She laughed at me and twirled.

"My _madre_ is a full-blood Spainard, and my father had only twenty-five percent of spanish blood. He had blonde hair, which explains my own. My parents moved to Spain, hene the accent, but I moved back to USA when my father got a job promotion over here."

"oh." SHe giggled again at my comment.

At that moment, the door opeed and James and Carlos came in. James crossed his arms and glared at Hanna, before he looked at me.

"I'm guessing Logan isn't here." He growled a little. My voice was stuck in my throat.

"H-He's not with you?"

Carlos shook his head and curled up with his puppy.

"Obviously he's not here, because obviously you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend than the guy you admitted you liked." He huffed. I sat up and frowned at him, but Hanna reacted first.

"I am not his girlfriend! He belongs to Logan, not I!" she was angry and I felt bad. James was such an asshole. I frowned at him, he glared back.

"Therapy class is starting. We should get going."

**XXXXXXXXX**

Logan was in the class when Hanna and I walked in. He turned away when he saw Hanna and I walk in. I felt my heart thump hard and I saw Hanna nod me towards him. I scurried over and sat beside him, watching him shake nervously, apparently he didn't want me being near him.

i suddenly noticed Logan still wore my jacket. I smiled a little, and opened my mouth to say something.

"Logan-"

The door slammed shut as Mrs. Natalie walked in, and I sighed. I rubbed my knees and waited, listening to the little speech she usually gave us at the beginning of class.

"Good evening, everyone. I see we're all doing well this evening. I hope we all had a good day, and I hope tonight we have good attitudes. Remember, I'm your friend, and I'm here for you. Here we won't judge you in anyway."

She looked about the room, as she usually did, and went back to her clipboard. She usually sat there and did something on her clipboard, waiting until someone spoke up. Except this time she jotted something down for a moment and then looked back up. I could see she wasn't too happy with some of the kids. She wanted nothing to do but help us and everyone snickered and judge. I sighed and looked around, before I looked back at Hanna. I thought about what she had said earlier and I understood it completely now.

She wanted me to feel like the horrible weight had been taken off my shoulders. And she was curious. I sighed and raised my hand, making the teacher look up in surprise. She nodded at me.

"Please go on..."

"Kendall."

"Please go on, Kendall. Remember, we don't judge here."

I sighed and tried staring at the floor, not wanting to see everyone staring at me, giving me looks. I looked up, though, and looked from James, to Carlos, Hanna, and then my eyes landed on Logan. I stared at him, watching his cheeks go red, and he sunk into my jacket.

"W-well..." i licked my lips. Why was my throat so dry? It was nothing...was it?

"I-It started-" I couldn't do this. My throta was so dry, my hands felt clammy. I rubbed my hands along the legs of my jeans and sighed, looking back at Logan, keeping my eyes trained on him. I felt...I felt strength. I could do this, I could.

"It started a few weeks...after..." I won't be judged...I won't be judged here...",after I told my family I was homosexual."

My stomach churned.

"M-My dad...turned out to be a homophobic. He..." I looked back at Logan, concentrating on his beautiful brown eyes that grew bigger with every word.

"He had homophobic friends and t-they sometimes got drunk and..." I continued looking at Logan.

"They would beat me, so horribly. Left bruises, all the time. One night my mom had to work the late shift at work and..." My stomahc groaned and I winced. I concentrated on nothing but those soft, chocolately eyes.

"They decided to...rape the gay out of me. Beat it out of me, hurt me. It didn't work, and my dad tried to kill me. He cut me up with a knife, threw me down stairs, and then tossed me out of a window. I fainted from blood loss, and a cracked skull. i had glass in so many places. My dad..." I shook my head.

"He got away with it. My mom just said it was a break in, and he got away with it." my voice began shaking.

"I hate him. He was the one who started it, he was the one who raped me," my voice cracked and angry tears filled my eyes,"He was the one who encouraged them to throw me out of a window, to cut me with a knife."

I stared hard at a stain on the floor, not being able to meet anyone's eyes now.

"I-I'm not allowed to come home, not for a year. He won't let my mom contact me, my sister can't call me, I'm not allowed to go home and see my dog." I let my tears drip and I felt a hand on my back, rubbing. I looked up, expecting Hanna, but it was...Logan. He was crying, his brown eyes wide and filled with blue tears. I looked around the room, seeing so many different expressions; disgust, sadness, and just blank looks. I looked down, not being able to look up.

The teacher was stunned. I knew she'd gone through kids with rapes, and bipolar kids, but maybe...maybe this wasn't old for her. i mean, a guy getting raped by his homophobic dad doesn't sound, well, kind of normal.

"W-We're done for the day-" Mrs. Natalie started to stand up, but suddenly, and so quickly, Logan stood up, My jacket slipping down hsi shoulders, hiding his hands, and his tears leaked down his face.

"No! wait!" Everyone looked at him, including me, surprised. Logan sniffed and he turned to Mrs. Natalie.

"P-Please let m-me talk." She sat there with an open mouth, before nodding blankly and sititng back down slowly. Logan sighed and sat back down, yanking my jacket back up around his shoulders.

"I-I'm just going to get it out." This time, Logan wouldn't keep his eyes off of me. He gave a sigh, and I could see he was going to have a harder time getting it out.

"My parents, hired a baby sitter one night, when I was twelve..." He stopped and looked at me.

"I thought he was okay, and kind of cool. We watched a scary movie, and some Tv, and...I fell asleep." he swallowed hard, and stared at the floor, before flicking his eyes towards me.

"He carried me upstairs, and he put me in bed. I woke up...because he was...touching me."

I clenched my hands into fists and felt my heart thump as Logan began crying. He rubbed his eyes, looking like a little child. I wanted to do nothing but pull him into a hug.

"He t-touched me, h-he-it hapened so f-fast! It hurt so bad! he r-raped me...And then he left me there...he left me there, bleeding, and hurting horribly. My parents found me when they got home, and...The man who hurt me...never was seen, again." He began sobbing, but he quickly bottled it up. I watched him wipe his eyes on the sleeves of my jacket, and he continued whimpering. I looked at the teacher and could see she was heartbroken.

"Class is over, Kendall, Logan, stay after, please."

**XXXXXX**

Logan and I stayed after, staring at each other every now and then. Finally, Logan turned to me.

"W-Was your father the one,,,who wrote that _awful_ word on your chest?"

I looked at him in surprise and nodded. He wiped his eyes on my jacket sleeve again, before grimacing and sliding his arms out of it.

"No. Keep it...it's getting to smallfor me anyway." Logan nodded and pulled it back on. We were quiet again, waiting for the teacher to come back. It was very awkward, and I couldn't resist.

"Logan, i'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that!" Logan shook his head and took one of my hands in his.

"No...You were only trying to help. I was stupid to not have taken it."

I gave him a grim smile and rubbed his hand with my other.

"Logan-"

"I know you'll try to help me, Kendall. but theres no hope for me. I've been like this for a long time, and I doubt I be able to get out of this." He shook his head and I sighed, bringing a hand up to caress his cheek.

"I'll try to help you, but you have to at least try."

Logan nodded.

"I will." he said hoarsely. I leaned forward a little and wiped hsi cheeks, wanting to kiss him, but I didn't know if he'd allow me. I watch his tears fall and I stared into his deep eyes.

"just kiss me already, I know you want to." he whispered. I leaned forward and pressed our lips together, his soft lips against mine. We parted for air, and I pressed our foreheads together.

"Logan, I want you to know, I will never hurt you. I will never touch you where you don't want me too. I won't ever do anything that you don't want me too. As long as you just...just try to help me get you through this. I want you to be healthy, I want you to be safe."

Logan nodded and we both sat there, holding each other, crying gently.

"I-I l-lo-"

"You don't have to say it Logan." he nodded and I pulled him close.

"Kendall?"

"Yes, Logan?"

"T-thank you...for being there."

**Logan's POV**

We ended up getting our class changed, to a better handling therapy class. Hanna was also coming with, I learned later on.

We returned to the dorm, showered, and got in bed. I was tired, my head pounded from crying, and I fell asleep instantly. But around midnight, I woke up to discover someone sniffling. I rolled over and found Kendall laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, tears falling down his cheeks.

I stood quietly, and made my way to his bed. I stood there for a moment, not knwoing what to do. Yes, I felt better around Kendall now that he knew, but I was still scared. I knew I would probably never get over it, but I knew I had to at least try, for Kendall.

I sat down beside him and and caressed his cheek, as he had done for me. He jumped in surprise and looked at me, quickly rubbing away his tears.

"Logan? What are you doing up?" he whispered.

"It's okay...to cry about it sometimes, Kendall. But..." i turned away for a moment.

"It's better to have someone there to cry with." I whispered. He nodded, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me down. I whimpered as we lay together on the bed, but I tried to push any thoughts away, and I focused on Kendall.

"Logan, hold me...Please?"

I pressed his head to my chest as he sobbed silently.

"Why do you hide it? Why don't you get help?" he stopped, his body stopped shaking and he looked at me.

"I need to be tough. I need people to know I'm strong, for them. I want to help people to have a better life than I do. I want...I want to be their for you, Logan. I want you to know I can be there, I can be a shoulder you can cry on." I ran my shaking fingers through his hair and he sniffed.

"I can be there for you, too, Kendall. You don't have to act strong for me, because I know your strong, naturally. Your a better person than you think." I whispered. My beautiful blonde sniffed and smiled at me, before I shushed him and lulled him to sleep.

"Logan?" he whispered.

"Yes? What is it, Kendall?"

"Your better than you think, too."

I smiled and kissed his blonde head. I knew he was trying his best to help me, but I already knew i was beyond help. But...I felt the love and support he was giving me. He was a wonderful person, and I, think, I might love him.

And I think he loved me back.

_Lies._

I whimpered, and lulled myself to sleep with my own hidden tears.

**ehhh...not so sure. This story is a bit harder than i think it is.**

**well comments? **

**remember, ideas could be useful! pm me plz!**

**thanks.**

**FAQ**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/NSorry it's been a while since I last updated but I got my laptop taken away (WHICH MEANS NO SPELL CHECK UNDERSTAND?) and I got my iPod stolen last weekend at the YMCA then my second iPod stolen straight out of my backpack not even twenty-four hours fuckers. I swear the world hates me or something, because since Monday all I've wanted to do was kick someones ass. But just clearing it up why I haven't updated AND WHY THERE WILL BE ERRORS. GOT IT? Good. Now read my update I typed it just for y'all **

**James's****POV**

The more I think about it, the more it hurts me to admit it.I think I love Carlos. Everything about him made my stomach flutter and bubble, made me light-headed, and made me want to grab him and press his soft pink lips to mine.

But, he doesn't like me like that. He's not gay, he's not a fag like I am.

I sigh and turn my iPod up louder, listening as the song "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead screams through my ears. The lyrics don't seem to match the background music, which was happy sounding when the lyrics were really talking about suicide. But its how i feel right now; messed up, not right. I listen intently, reaching down unconsciously to scratch at my wrists.

I want to take the damn gauze off, but I can't. My wrists would flow open, me tearing the stitches out, and I would probably end up dead, or back in the hospital. Or in an mental asylum.I sigh and switch off my music, placing my iPod on my nightstand next to me.

I groan when I see it's only 5 in the morning. I can't sleep, and no matter how hard I try to block out those images, they won't go away. Ever since Kendall and Logan spilled their dark secrets, mine has been coming around. The nightmares wracked through my head, made me twist in my sheets, and I wake up with a scratchy throat, and a pounding head.

I think about the painkillers I have in my nightstand for my headaches and I sniff as I reach for them, hoping maybe swallowing a handful would be easier than ripping out my stitches. I stop when I see the photo of my mom and was a professional picture. We all had gotten some done.

Everybody got a picture with just themselves, a picture with the entire family or one other person. My parents were smiling, so happy in the picture, but that was when I was twelve. Back when things weren't as hard.I was eighteen now. The stress and torment had started after those pictures were taken.

When people started making fun of me, bullying me, making my life nothing but grief and hell.I reach farther for the pills, but the small whimper that makes me jump a little in the dead silence stops me.

I look up and see Carlos, twisting and turning a bit in his bed, before he stops and clings his puppy to his chest. I smile a little and obsess over how someone can be so cute. It didn't seem possible, but here he was. The cutest, most innocent thing I've ever what was I to him? I was kind of an ass.

I sigh and shut my nightstand, laying back down in bed, throwing my cool sheets over my legs. I was an ass, but that's the way I've been for a long time. The bullying got under my skin, to the point where there were bruises.

I was sick and tired of it. So, my attitude changed a bit around puberty. My parents said I was innocent, that it was hormones, but really it was jus myself. I once hit a kid with a school text book hard enough to give him a massive nosebleed that made the paramedics come. I shoved kids into lockers, beat people up, used my large frame and huge muscles to make people cower when I stood over them, ready to pound them into next was basically natural to me.

I glance over at Carlos, to see his caramely skin an odd pale color, sweat dribbling all over his head. Was he sick? I saw him shake a littlle and I reached over slowly, pressing my hand to his forehead. He was a tad bit warm, but not feverish. I thanked whoever was watching over him that he wasn't sick, because I don't think I can skip class all day to take care of him, and then I would feel guilty.

I watched him more intently, though, making sure he didn't get sick. I would check his forehead every now and then, but he stayed the same. The sun started rising, the sky turning a light blue as it always does before the sun peeks over the horizon.

I sighed and looked around the room, noticing how the blue light gave the room a depressing aura.I stood, wrapping a blanket around myself, and I sat on the window seat.

I looked outside, watching the trees sway gently, and the night animals going home. I wondered if this place was actually going to help me or day went by the same as it did for the past two months I've been here. Bell rings, attendance, notes, a worksheet and then the teacher walks around with smiles and asked every kid if they need help.I hated it. I hated how nothing exciting happened, nothing new popped up.

I groaned and curled my fingers around the cheap plastic of my mechanical pencil, before hurrying and finishing the easy ass worksheet. When I turned it in, I looked at the clock and groaned again, realizing I had twenty minutes of class left until lunch.

My morning classes were horrible, I enjoyed music class the best out of all, though. Even if the teacher, or Gustavo as we called him, was a loud fat ass who wrote pretty damn good songs and screamed a lot. But he was okay sometimes.

I sat down at my desk and waited, pulling my black hoodie up over my head. I was tired, and it showed. I had to ask Hanna for makeup, claiming I had acne coming when really I just wanted to cover up the bags under my eyes.

I gently slipped off into a doze, but nothing happened during the twenty minutes I was out, thank god. I woke up when the bell ring and made my way to lunch. Travleing down the silent hallway, I noticed a few kids hanging by the had their backs to me, but as I walked past them, they turned and grabbed the back of my shirt, yanking the hood of it off my head and dragging me back.

I growled when they spun me around and held one arm behind my back.

"aw going to see your boyfriend, ya little fag?" he hissed in my ear, making the other people behind him laugh.

I rolled my eyes. Though, his voice was deep and sexy sounding, he was obviously not clever. And his grip on my arm was just pathetic.I grabbed his arm holding me, and flipped us around. He twirled, then ended up with my arm around his neck. I pressed my two fingers into his neck, pressing at the certain spots I knew would _WHUMP_!

I watched as he fell, passed out from me pressing on his spine. I wasn't surprised at myself, though, I'd done this so many times I've lost count. I give a glance at the other kids.I turned on my heel, bent down and shoved the unconscious kid against the wall so no one will step on him, laying him still, before I stood and left.

I'm an ass, but I'm not completely. The lunch room smelled awful, like dirty mops and good pizza(1) combined. Unfortunately, the smell warded away my appetite and I stared at the dessert on my plate. Cake, cheap ass cake that fell apart and the icing was hardening on the top and creamy under it. I shoved it away and groaned, stuffing my head into my hands.

I wasn't hungry, just tired. I still couldn't sleep very well. I was seriously considering going to the office for sleeping pills. But no. People would think I'm more messed up than I already am.I feel a tap on my arm and I turn to see Carlos, his goddamn brown eyes wide open and staring into mine. I lose myself in his eyes for a moment, before I snap outta it and see he's pointing at my cake , does the kid love sweets. I give him cookies and sweets all the time, but he goes and runs for an hour in the workout room. Which explains why he's so damn fit. I use to go sit in there and excersise with him, but I could see he was a bit shy running and excersing in front of others, so I stopped.

I shove my cake towards him, before handing him my little tray of pineapple pieces, too. He also loves fruit. I watch him eat happily, smiling silently as he digs in. I drop my smile, though, when I glance at Kendall. He's smiling at me.

"what?" he shrugs at me and looks away, turning to watch as Hanna walks over and sits across from me.

"Hello,James. Did the makeup work for your skin?"her accent makes my skin crawl a little. It's sort of creepy. I guess it's just because her voice is high and fragile sounding, like a little girls voice, only with a Latin accent. It doesn't suit I guess it's not her , then again, when is anything our faults?

I sigh and look at the clock, wondering if time is even moving.

**Carlos's POV**

Music class is not my favorite class. The teacher yells _so_ much. It hurts my ears and he gets on to me a lot, claiming I'm "destructive" because i knocked over a set of music holders the line of students on the back of the stands. And a thing of chairs. And I once broke his stapler because I couldn't get it to , maybe I am a little messed up, but it's hard for me to pay attention.

Because I stand next to the most gorgeous, and beautiful singer in the , James.I knew he was checking on me this morning, feeling my forehead and muttering to himself that he hoped I wasn't sick. I got a little skin-crawly feeling when he touched me, but I stayed still, making sure my eyes were closed.

I wasn't sick this morning, I was having a nightmare. That hideous man that had defiled me years ago was creeping up on me once more. He wracked my brain, filled it with hideous images.

Even now, at this age, I still barely understood what he did to I possibly never wanted too.I sat down in my chair, listening to the teacher as he yelled. I shook for a moment, watching yell at a poor kid.

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY HARDER NEXT TIME?" he yelled,making the poor kid temble.

I watched as he walked back to his seat and then I turned back to the teacher as he stood.

"Get on the stands!" he cried.

Everyone was terrified of the teacher by now, so everyone stood and hurried to the stands. I scooted in close next to James, smiling as he comforted me a bit under the teachers glare. Gustavo Rocque was a heavyweight man, who seemed to enjoy wearing tinted sunglasses inside, gold chains, and fancy brand name clothes.

He eyed me under the sunglasses he wore and I shivered.

"gonna sing today, dog?"I sat there and shook my head, responsing to his question.

He growled and shook his head a bit, writing down my daily participation grade on his clipboard. Nearly three months I've been here, it was the beginning of October, and I was probably already failing this class. He rolled his eyes and continued on to the next person. I sniffed, feeling my eyes fill up, because I knew the teacher probably hated me.I felt a warm arm around my shoulder and I turned to see James wrap his arm around me and smile.

"hey don't worry, carlitos. He's just an ass because his emotions are out of whack."I smiled and looked down the stands to see Kendall and Logan nodding in agreement.

"I bet you sing awesome anyway, Carlos." Kendall smiled and I felt my cheeks heat up.

I lowered my head in embarrassment, but I looked up again when I felt James tug me a bit closer. The warmth from his body made me feel a little the teacher startled me.

"PRETTY BOY STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND CONCENTRATE!" His yell startled me, making me stumble backwards, flying into several people and knocking them down.

We all fell off the stand and I cried out as I landed on a few people, hitting my elbow hard and having another person land on me. I tried shoving the guy off of me, but people were squirming around and attempting to stand, crawling over me. Everyone glared at me and I watched one blonde headed kid sneer.

"nice going you spick." my stomach churned and I looked up at James, who was looking down at everyone, searching for me under all the bodies. How could someone like him be with someone like me?He probably thinks I'm useless.I cried out as grabbed the front of my shirt, dragging me out from under everyone else and setting me down hard on the stand.

"your so dumb! That's the THIRD TIME THIS WEEK!" I flinched at his words and began crying as he continued to yell, his chubby face turning red as he yelled. I looked up through my blurry tears at him and I felt like sobbing all over suddenly my hand was grabbed and I was yanked to my feet. I looked up at James as he embraced me gently, glaring at Gustavo .

"pretty boy I don't care what-"

"No, you should! Carlos has never done anything wrong, and for a matter of fact, he doesn't even _speak_. You can't yell at someone like him and not expect them to get scared."

I looked up at James, feeling my cheeks fill with heat as he defends me a bit. Gustavo looks at him, glaring a bit as James holds my arm, gently leading me to the door. I glance back and see Kendall and Logan staring at us, Kendall smiling a bit, Logan looking confused. out in the hallway, James hugged me close, rubbing my upper back gently.

"if you wanna cry, you can."I bury my head in his shoulder and I sob silently, shaking a bit. I feel James whisper a few comforting words into my hair, which he also rubbed. I loved the way his hands felt, they were rough and calming for some reason. But I felt those horrible gauze bandages rub against my shoulder blades and I whimpered.

"do you want me to go get your puppy and I'll meet you in the rec room?"I nod against his shoulder, sniffing and burying my head in his shoulder and sighing into his warmth.

I didn't want him to leave, but he patted my head and let go gently, turning to walk to our room."I'll be right back." he smiles. I smile back, but when he's gone I feel my stomach twist. There's only a few places I've been by myself, and the rec room wasn't really one of them.

But, I shook the jello feeling out of my legs and I started walking slowly towards the rec my way, outside of the buildings, I started to let my mind wander a bit. Why was James so protective of me?

It itches at my mind, distracting me. he was...breathtaking. I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of him. His hazel eyes seemed to go on forever, his muscles made me feel inferior. I was so shy when he used to come with me to the workout room, because I always wandered if he thought I was weak, and scrawny. I felt like I was.

I sniffed and opened the door to the rec room, coughing as soon as I stepped in. Smoke clung to the air, and several teenagers were lounging around the room, sucking deep on cigarettes. I coughed and started wheezing gently, because I've never been around people who lungs felt like bursting and my eyes watered gently. I turned away, tryin to leave, but someone blocked my way.

I looked up to see the same guy who had attacked Kendall and Logan, what is his name? _Jett. _I whimpered as he smiled evilly and pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and blew it in my face. I coughed and waved the smoke away, only to continue coughing.

"Ya know...your friends are kind of asses." he blew more smoke."but your kind of cute."

I shut my eyes. No.. I tried to back away, but when I tried turning away Jett grabbed me and tried dragging me towards the couch. I watched the other teens in the room laugh and grin evilly as Jett tried groping me. I gasped and tried to squirm away, only to be yanked close by Jett. _No! Please,don't!_

I shut my eyes and the flashback starts. My teacher...He grabs me...I feel the pain from my helmet smashing against my head as I hit the desk vibrate though my head... My legs go weak and I fall down, feeling everything swirl around me. The laughs from everyone revolve around me-The voice that screams, breaks through my cloudy mind. I feel Jett pick me up again and I open my eyes to see a hazy tan figure in front of us. I feel like vomiting.

"I swear to god, Jett, unless you get your hands off him, I will beat your ass so hard, you'll be pissing out of the same hole you shit in."I blink a few times and James comes into view. He's glaring hard at Jett, his golden hazel eyes dark with anger, gripping my puppy in one hand, his other hand curled into a fist. Jett growls, eyeing James's large muscles, before his grip on me loosens, and he drops my arm completely.

"your lucky I'm high as fuck right now, Diamond." Jett grope before turning and looking at the rest of the kids, which I notice is consisted of two boys, Dak and Ozzy, and then a thin scrawny girl I don't recognize.

They all look like shit, because obviously they've been smoking more than cigarettes. They all solemnly leave, growling at us, but a stink eye from James caused them to show their true colors and flee. Once they were gone, James handed me my puppy and went immediatley to the windows. He threw them open, and turned on the ceiling fans.

"You really don't need to be breathing that, Carlos." he shook his head."those stupid fuckers, smoking shit, not caring about other peoples precious lungs."

I nodded in agreement, even if he didn't see it, but it was nice enough to know he was thinking about me. I sat down on the couch and shook gently, trying to rid the feeling of Jett's fingers on my skin.I pulled my big, soft puppy to my chest and sniffed.

"Carlos? You okay?"

I looked up at James and when I saw the worried expression on his face, I broke down again. I listened as James ran over and hugged me, running his fingers through my hair."those stupid fuckers will pay, Carlos. I'll make sure of that." I heard him growl. I sobbed silently into his chest, squishing my puppy into my side as I did.

He hugged me again, and I wanted to crawl into his lap and let him hold James would probably hate me when he discovers I'm filthy. I sob harder and James tries calming me down. It takes a few minutes, but when I'm done, I look up at James. He smiles and brushes his fingers over my cheek, making me shiver. I wish I could kiss him.

But I'm terrified of another flashback, or possibly of rejection? I don't smiles and looks at me, leaning in gently. I see him purse his lips a bit and my heart thumps wildly, thinking he might kiss me. But, something makes me jump back, and I see James's face turn down. (Italic) NO! I didn't mean that! I feel horrible, I feel like I lead him on. But I...can't. He'll hate me forever. He will.

I start crying, and I stand quickly, turning and grabbing my puppy as I leave the rec room. It's raining outside, not hard, but hard enough for puddles. I walk slowly back to the dorms, crying silently. My mind feels...messed with. I can't decide if I want James for myself, or if I want him, this beautiful teen Greek god like boy, to go with someone I know he will be better with.I sniff and hold my puppy close, hanging my head as my mind goes hazy again.

Everything hurts lately, and all feel like doing lately is sleeping. Everything always feels hazy, like I'm in a dream.I run into something, and when I look up, it feels like I'm in a nightmare.

**James's POV**

When Carlos walked out, I felt badly hurt. I wish he hadn't walked out, I wish he would just listen to me. I love him, everything about him, and I wanted him to know that.

I probably just fucked that up. I needed him to know my real feelings, that it wasn't just some stupid reaction. I stand, hurrying after him, even walking in the ! I shouldn't have let him walk in the rain! He'll get sick!

I run through the thickening rain, but stop when I hear a scream. My eyes widened and I ran, hurrying faster as I round the corner of the building, and I stop and clench my fists hard, hurting my wrists as I see Jett, Ozzy and Dak, pushing Carlos around, gripping his arms, and groping him.

Jett leans close into his ear and from where I'm standing, I hear what he says."aw, pretty boy, we're gonna fuck you up." he chuckles and slurs.

I watch Carlos's eyes go wide. Why him? He was so innocent. Everyone here seemed to hate him, and that wasn't fair.I raced forward, throwing them off of Carlos, sneering. My blood pumped and I screamed as I dragged Jett down, punching him in the mouth. I continue to punch him, hard, over and over again. Im splattered with his blood by the time I'm done, and I throw him away, watching the two other retards pick him up and hurry off.

"YOU FUCK WITH ME AGAIN AND ILL KILL YOU GOT IT?" I screamed after them, before turning back to see Carlos sitting on the ground, in a puddle, his hands balled up in fists, rubbing against his face as he cries and sobs, his puppy forgotten in the puddle next to him. He looks so much like an innocent child, I run forward and grab him, lifting him off the ground and scooping up his puppy.

"god, Carlos you're gonna get sick!" I threw my jacket over him and sighed, letting the small boy cling to me and whimper, crying softly as I hurry him back to our dorm is empty when we get in, so it's okay for now. I tuck a few dry clothes into Carlos's arms and make him go wash in a warm bath, I can't let him get sick.

I look at his puppy, which is now soiled and wet. I growl, knowing how much he loved this puppy, and stupid fuckers had to mess it up. Why can't he get a break? Why doesn't anyone see that these kids here aren't even _trying_ to heal. They want to hurt others and I can't stand that.

I sigh and take the puppy to a laundry room, throwing it in the washer and dryer. It takes a little while, but when it comes out, it's clean and warm again, with only a few almost unnoticeable speckles of brown on it. When I return back to the dorm, Carlos is sitting on his bed, wrapped up in matching top and bottom pajamas that are dark blue and large on looks up at me as I walk in. I notice his lip was trembling but he gives me a small smile as I hand him his puppy. He hugs it close and sniffs.

I sit beside him and sigh, running my fingers through my wet hair."I'm so sorry. If I hadn't suggested going out there, we wouldn't have had that situation."

Carlos nods gently. I can't take it. I grab his hand and kiss it, finding a small bruise there. He whimpers as I slide closer."Carlos, please...just hear me out. I..."The words were lost in my throat."I think...I..Carlos I-aw fuck it-" I dive forward, sliding my hand back to Carlos's shoulder, so he can't pull away as I kiss him.

He whimpers into the kiss, and I pull away gently.

"I'm so sorry, I had to. I...the feelings I have for you, t-their unexplainable, Carlos. And look, I know you're hurt, I know you're...messed up, but I am too! I want to help you, I want you to know I'm here for you. I-I'm not asking much, just let me be there, let me cure you." I lean forward and whisper the last few words against his cheek.

Carlos shivers a little, but when I look at him, he's sniffing, rubbing his eyes, and then he grabs my hand, sliding the sleeve down and kissing my bandages. He rubs my wrist against his cheek and whimpers.

"I-is that a yes?"He nods and I bring him close, glad that I finally had this amazing moment with him, but still mad that the events leading up to it were horrible. I know I won't let that keep me back, I'll get my revenge on those for now, I want to let Carlos know how much I care about him.

**(The next morning...)**

I groan as my head pounds, my nose stuffed. I cough and turn to glare at Kendall and Logan."maybe you shouldn't have ran in the rain." Kendall laughs and I roll my eyes, letting out a choked laugh."imma get you knight,so you better watch it."Kendall and Logan laughed as they left, but Logan turned to Carlos and smiled.

"take care of him." I look at Carlos and smile, knowing I'm going to be with all day.

I don't care that I'm sick, it was worth it. Carlos smiled a big as he grabbed his puppy and climbed into bed with me. I pulled him close, kissing him on his forehead as I let my eyes gently slip I swear to god, my heart thumped, and right as I slipped away into sleep,I heard

"James..."

**Okay wow that was long, very dramatic and angsty. But I haven't typed in so long. Well hope ya liked it! Now just click the review button...ya know...the one below?...yep...lolUm okay bye!-FAQ**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**  
><strong>Hi guys!<strong>  
><strong>Okay so I see all of you really enjoyed the last chapter! I am glad you did because here's the next one :)<strong>

**Carlos POV**

My throat burned.

I spoke. Barely, but yes I spoke. It was quiet, barely audible, even to myself. I didn't think when I slowly opened my mouth, my tongue moving gently against my teeth. My tongue moved by itself, whispering his name. I barely heard it. I bet a dog wouldn't have even heard it.

I was amazed and while James slumbered that day, I had sat forward during the day, letting tears fall from my eyes. I wanted to heal, I wanted to forget my past, but the only person who could help me was also damaged.

His wrists proved that fact.

I lay in bed now, staring up at the ceiling. It was a week later James was back to health. I sighed and looked at my clock. Only six am. I was glad it was the weekend.

I stood, shivering as the cold floor seeped into my toes. My long matching pajama bottoms covered my toes, making me look shorter than I was. I grabbed my puppy and slowly dwaddled over to James's bed. I stood there, shaking, whimpering. I didn't know what to do. I nibbled on my fingernails before I reached one hand forward and stroked James's face.

I let my fingers trail down to his sleeve. I pulled it up, and trace my fingers over his gauze. I realize I startled him, because he sits up immediatley, grabbing his wrist. I whimper, because I can I see his eyes are glassy and I realize he's stuck in his dream. He blinks a few times and then looks at me.

"Carlos? What are you doing up so early?"

I shake a little and scoot closer. He suddenly understands and throws the covers back, letting me climb in next to him. I smile, and tuck myself and my puppy between us. He chuckles, and wraps his strong arms around me.

"did you have a bad dream?"

I shake my head.

"just can't sleep?"

I nod and he caresses my cheek. I lean into the warm touch, giving a small sigh. James smiles and pulls me close. I hold his wrist in my hand and he watches as I rub the gauze covering his wrist.

"Carlos-

I press my cheek to his and he sighs.

"so you want breakfast?"

XXXXXXXX

After a nice bowl of fruit for breakfast, James and I are sitting in the dorm. Kendall and Logan are off somewhere, but at the moment I don't care, I get time with James. I smile as he sings to me, whispering softly. We're laying on the same bed, him sitting up with his legs crossed. I'm laying down, my head in his lap. He's trailing his fingers through my hair as he sings. He sings Walking on Air, by Kerli, which is usually for a girls high voice but James's beautiful voice blends beautifully with the lyrcis.

"Feel it and breathe it, believe it

And you'll be walking on air

Go try, go fly so high

And you'll be walking on air

You feel this, unless you kill this

Go on and you're forgiven

I knew that, I could feel that

I feel like I am walking on air"

I smile and James sighs.

"Carlos?"

I nod at him, but his face stays hard and blank.

"I-I heard you, Carlos."

My heart thumps in my chest and James caresses my cheek. I start crying, because I know what he's going to ask. My tears leak down my cheek, and he brushes them away. He gently kisses my cheek and holds a hand in his big one.

"please, one word. It's all you have to try and say. One word."

I shake my head and James pulls me close. I began crying harder. What if I didn't? What would James do? Would he leave me alone? Not alone! I can't be alone, not again! I shudder at the thought of not having someone there to help me again...

He presses our cheeks together and I sob a little harder.

"please let me hear your beauiful voice, Carlos."

I shake my head and I curl into him. I can't, I just can't. I can hear him sigh and I realize his disappointment. I just...I just can't.

XXXXXXXXXXX

_His hand circles around my mouth and I scream. The scream doesn't get far, though, because I can't breathe. His hand is covering my mouth and my nose and I sob hard. I shake as I slide up and down on the hard desk. The pain keeps shooting up and down my spine. I can't speak, I can't get the words out. His hand is covering my mouth, and nothing can get out._  
><em>I scream as I feel the horrible warmth seep deep inside of me-<em>

I scream and sit up, my entire throat burns as a fierce sounding screech erupts from my mouth. I'm scratching at my face, trying to get rid of the hand that's forcing off my air, pressing my words back. The hands grab at mine, and I'm being shaken.

I stop and blink, the haziness disappearing from my eyes and my roommates come into view. James is holding my face, Kendall and Logan gripping my hands. I immediately begin sobbing and James yanks me forward.

He peppers my forehead with kisses and push Logan and Kendall away a bit. He hugs me close, yanking me up and out of my bed. My matching pajama pants cover my feet as James holds me bridal style and rocks me back and forth. I sob into his long sleeve tee and he cradles my head.

"Dude, is he okay?"

"shh!" James shushes him angrily. He rocks us back and forth and kisses my head. I shake and James holds me closer.

"it's okay-it's just a bad dream-no one is going to hurt you." James mutters. I whimper and then James kisses my forehead.

"I'm here, I promise, no one will hurt you." my heart thumps and I press my head to his shoulder, letting my eyes slip close as he rocks me. I slumber against his shoulder gently.

It isn't until I wake up later, that I realize James has sat in the same spot for almost five hours, holding me so I can sleep peacefully. James sighs and holds me close. I whimper and he shushes me.  
>"I'll always be here for you, Carlos."<p>

XXXXXXXXX

The next day starts out horrible. I watch as the rain splatters hard against the window and I draw the thin, lacey curtains back. The clouds are dark and thunder and lightning crackles against the sky. I tug my puppy against me as James plops next to me, making me jump.

"you scared?" he chuckles. My cheeks fill with heat and I shake my head quickly. James smirks and looks out the window, pressing our shoulders together.

He pushes me playfully and I smile.

"looks pretty bad outside."

I nod in agreement and he smiles.

"how 'bout I run down to the cafeteria and grab us some hot cocoa?"

I clap my hands gently and James chuckles. He stands and slips on his shoes.

"I'll be back."  
>He leaves the room and I turn back to the window. A few minutes pass and I wait patiently for James to return. He hasn't come back. I'm a little scared. Suddenly, a large crack runs through the sky, the light flickers and goes out. The wind is rattling and it is pitch dark. I grip my puppy harder and whimper.<p>

I'm here,alone.

The lightning strikes and I scream, leaping off the window seat. I run for the door, because all I can think is,"Where is James?"  
>I run down the hall, stopping after a few steps and gripping my puppy. I walk slowly along, passing no one. It's pitch dark and suddenly I bump into someone. I go to scream and someone grips my shoulder.<p>

"Carlos? It's me!"

"it's Kendall, Carlos!"

But I push them away. Their good friends but I'm scared.

"Carlos? Where's James?" I can't see them, but I try and push them away.

"Carlos! We're trying to help!" but I grab my puppy and run. I race down the steps, knowing the path towards the cafeteria by now. I run fast, stopping when the lights flicker back on and I'm in a hallway with lockers. The lights flicker on and off, but stay on. I cry when I begin walking. I'm so scared and all I can imagine is someone jumping out from behind doors.

I hear a sound behind me and the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I don't have time to react as large hands grip my sides and lift me up. I let out a choked gasp as my sides are squeezed hard and I glance back to see Ozzy. He's grinning, his pudgy fingers gripping my sides. Jett walks up from behind them and smiles as he traces my face.

"your really cute." he sneers.

"it's disgusing." he grabs my puppy and stretches it. I let out a cry as I watch the stitches around my puppies neck stretch and then snap. Cotton explodes and the head is disconnected. He drops it to the ground and I stare at it in defeat. Tears run down my face and dribble to the ground. No one is going to be walking around in a storm like this.

I'm alone.

I feel my sides being squeezed hard again, and I squeak.

"he sounds so cute when he squeaks." ozzy chuckles. I whimper and kick my legs. He squeezes ALOT harder than before and I cry out as he slams me against the lockers. Jett puts a hand over my mouth and glares at Ozzy.

"dude do you want lover boy to attract that long haired bastard?"

"uhh no?"

Jett roll his eyes.

"whatever you dumbass. Just hold him still."

"I'm pretty sure you're the dumbass here." we all turn to the direction of James's voice, but we don't have time for snide comments, because James throws our hot chocolate. It explodes all over us, drenching Ozzy and Jett in searing hot liquid. Ozzy drops me and runs. Jett falls down and rubs at his eyes.

"OW FUCK! you asshole!" Jett screams.

I sit still on the ground, not caring my bum hurts.I watch as James immeidately jumps on him. I'm shocked. My heart feels like it stops as James attacks.

He throws punches fast and hard, his eyes narrowed in anger. Blood flies from Jetts nose and mouth and he screams loud. James doesn't stop, though. He picks Jett up and throws him against the lockers. Jett sags a little, but James holds him up. He punches him a few more times and I watched as Jett spits blood, two small white teeth clattering to the floor in a sticky red mess.

Jett looks ready to faint, but James won't let him. He holds him up and presses them eye to eye.

"didn't I already warn you?"

"mmf-"

"DIDNT I ALREADY WARN YOU?" James screams so loud, I shake. Jett looks at him with wide eyes.

"yeshh,yesh wu dif." Jett mumbles through a mouth of blood. James is standing so still, his frame tense, and then he drops the sagging boy. Jett crawls away. James watches him all the way to the staircase. I sniff and watch James drop to the floor, pulling me close.

"he just can't get it can he?" he whispers.

I sob into his shoulders, but stop when James gasps. I look up as he picks up the pieces of my puppy. I sob hard when I see the mangled toy. It's ruined. James growls low in his throat, scooping up anything he can find that belongs to my puppy. I turn away and curl up. I can't look at my destroyed property.

Something catches my eye and I pick it up, brushing the cold liquid off of it. I frown when I see the photograph.  
>James's hand comes around and plucks the photo from me.<p>

"damn it.." he grumbles. I suddenly take in the three people in the photo, the young boy. My throat burns as I hold my tears back and I crawl through the liquid to hold James. He tenses and turns to me.

"Carlos?" I trail a finger down his cheek and press our cheeks together. He sighs and holds me close. I can feel my throat burning and a small tingle forces my mouth open.

"j-James..." it's low. Barely there. But his name is pressed out of my body and James's eyes bulge a little. His face breaks out in a huge smile.

"Carlos! You-"

We both stop when we hear the clacking of heels. I feel my heart pound as James and I turn towards the clacking sound. I come face to face with black seven inch heels, pantyhose covered legs that lead up to a black pencil skirt and then a white button up tucked into the skirt professionally. My eyes meet the grey eyed blonde therapy teacher.

I swallow hard as she crooks a thin finger at us and motions for us to follow.

"my office. Now."

**James POV**

Ten minutes later, we're sitting in our therapy teachers office. I hold a soggy, ripped toy in my hand, and I'm covered in Jett's blood. Carlos sits next to me, shaking in fear. I can already tell we're probably in big trouble.

Ms. Natalie sighs and presses her fingers together, before she looks at us from across the desktop.

"Be glad I was in the office at the time I saw the security footage, and the principal wasn't there." she says sternly. I see Carlos shake harder and I go as far as to reach over and hold his hand in front of the teacher. Carlos stops shaking a bit.

I give the teacher a small glare, daring her to say something. She just simply smiles and clasps her hands together.

"you guys seem...good, together." her face hardens a bit as she turns to me.

"but James, your temper is out of control." she motions towards my blood covered clothes. I feel my cheeks heat up in anger and I stand up, waving around the mangled toy around.

"BUT YOU SAW THEM! YOU SAW WHAT THEY DID TO CARLOS-"

"James! Calm down!"

I growl, but I stay standing.

"they attacked Carlos first! I watched them! And this wasn't the first fucking time!" her face is a little in shock, but she slowly stands and walks around the desk. She sits on the end of the desk and sighs.

"look, James, I will report them to the principal, but first you need to control your anger."

"DONT TELL ME I NEED TO CONTROL MY ANGER!" I stomp my feet.

"LOOK-LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO HIS PUPPY!" I wave around the mangled toy and I heard Carlos whimper. She casts him a look and sighs.

"I think your problem is worse than just these bullies."

I roll my eyes and sit down, staring at the ripped toy.

"James you need to confront your problem, you need to talk about it."

"what if I don't care? Huh? What if nothing helps?"

"James-"

"no!"

I sit there and huff quietly. I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine. Besides, I'm pretty sure I've been down this road before. I feel a small weight on my hand and I look to see Carlos placing his hand on mine.

Something down this road was new. Carlos was here.

And I had a reason.

I look at the teacher and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. I groan and look at her.

"fine! But only for Carlos." a small smile dots his face and I grip his hand. I'm...not ready for this. I feel my stomach churn and suddenly my throat is dry. I grip

Carlos's hand harder.

"it's okay, everyone...it's hard for them to let it out. But trust me, you'll feel better."

I nod and feel a prickle of sweat drip down my skull. I can do this...hopefully. I throw my head back against the chair and sigh.

"umm..." I close my eyes. Get it over with.

"well..." I huff.

"I was raped when I was eight,okay? I had a teenager friend who spent the night at my house and raped me. He was crazy and-and stupid! And I was an idiotic little kid, alright?" tears pepper my eyes and I quickly scrub them away.

I notice...how light I feel suddenly. But I feel sick, like I'm about to throw up. I cross my arms, still holding onto Carlos's hand, though. I glare at the floor.

"are you happy? You know what I am. I'm disgusting." I whisper harshly.

I feel my hand being squeezed and I look like Carlos. His lip is trembling, and I grab him and hold him close.

"it's okay, you don't have to cry for me, Carlos." he shakes his head against my shoulder and I sigh. The teacher squeezes my shoulder.

"James, you'll be moved into the same class as Kendall and Logan. Carlos, you'll start having private sessions with me-" Carlos squeals and buries his face in my shoulder. I turn to Mrs. Natalie and I sigh, running my fingers through Carlos's hair.

"can I come with him instead?"

She nods and I sigh.

"please, please deal with those guys. I can't stand the idea of Carlos being hurt again. It's-it's just way out of hand and-and I don't think I can take it if he gets hurt again." she nods and I stand.

"I'll call the principal, so both of you guys expect to be called up for questioning, okay?"

We both nod, and me gripping Carlos close to my chest, we leave and return to our dorm.

When we returned, Kendall and Logan hurled questions at us. I didn't say anything, I just washed Carlos's puppy and stitched it up, replacing some cotton with a shredded up sock.

I attached the head, asking Logan for anything. He gave me a sewing kit with a worried look, but I didn't care. I took white thread and stitched up the head as best as I could.

I made Carlos take a shower, and when he got out and got dressed, I made him stay in the bathroom.

"raise your arms."

He shook visibly as he did and I raised his t-shirt a bit. I inspected his sides. My temper soared when I saw the bruises shaped in fingers. I ran my fingers over them and looked up to meet Carlos's scared look. I let go of his pajama top and pulled him close, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. I pecked his lips and then his cheeks, hugging him close.

"we'll be okay? Alright?" I looked at him and watched his face pale. His mouth moved. My heart soared as he tried, over and over again, licking his lips, moving his jaw. He smacked his lips gently and I grabbed him, lifting him up. He wrapped his legs around my waist, after hesitating, but I pulled him close.

"I-I-d-" he was trying so hard!

"yes? Yes? Come on Carlos!" I whispered. He pressed his lips to my ear, and wrapped his arms around my neck. I stood there, waiting, my heart thumping hard. The blood was rushing in my body as I listened intently to Carlos.

"you can do it!"

"I-I...I..love...you.." barely there, his voice scratchy and barely audible from lack of speak of the years. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I kissed Carlos, making him whimper. I pressed our foreheads together and we cried at the same time.

"you did it, you did it..." I whispered. He nods and I hugged him tighter.

"you can get through this, Carlos. You can do it. I know you can." he nodded and I kissed him again.

Maybe, in some form, he was just like me. Broken, but healing.

**Okay ending sucked a bit but hey! Carlos spoke!**  
><strong>Now just press the review button...ya know...the one below? <strong>

**Love, FAQ **


	12. Chapter 12

A/N  
>Sorry trying to update quick as can be but it's hard! And I'm so sorry I apologize for the confusion earlieri was having troubles trying to post but here ya go!<br>Also I do not own the song written in this FanFic...

Kendall's POV

MY eyes snapped open as my bed dipped a little and then rose. The floor creaked and the warmth beside me was gone. I instantly sit up and stand, grabbing Logan as he tries to sneak to the bathroom. He squeaks and turns around in the semi-dark room.  
>"K-Kendall? What-what are you doing up at-" he stops and looks at the clock-" four in the morning!" he whisper-yells. Logan's eyes flick around and I cross my arms.<br>"I would ask the same for you." he lowers his head and trudges back to bed. I sigh and I shoot him a disappointing look.  
>"I can't believe you would try and do that behind my back." I whisper. Logan pulls his knees up to his chest and sniffs.<br>"I know."  
>I shake my head, again.<br>"Why would you want to do that anyway? Why would you want to starve yourself to oblivion, till your nothing but bones?"  
>"I-I-"he stutters quietly, but I interrupt, cutting in.<br>"You know what? Let's just go back to bed. Today's Sunday, so let's make the most of it and get ready for school tomorrow." I watch Logan whimper and curl up on his bed. I bite my lip, I feel guilty. I pick up Logan's comforter and drop it over him, watching him shake under the thin sheets. I feel my heart wrench a little and I have the urge to curl up and mold myself into his backside.  
>But I don't. I lean over and stroke his head before I lie back down in bed. I let out a single breath and shut my eyes, falling asleep soundly, but lightly. All night long I kept an ear open for the sound of footsteps, or squeaks from the bed next to me.<br>I heard nothing during the night.

XXXXXXXXXXX

I sighed and trudged into my second-to-last music class. I sat down and took out my guitar, setting my notes down in front of me. was forcing me to learn a new song that we all were going to play for some sort of school celebration. I sighed and strummed a few notes on my guitar, not caring who heard since not even the teacher was in here.  
>The song just slips into my mind and my fingers grip my guitar pick gently as I start strumming quickly, the lyrics spilling from my mouth. I sing quietly.<p>

"Change my attempt good intentions

Crouched over  
>You were not there<br>Living in fear  
>But signs were not really that scarce<br>Obvious tears  
>But I will not<br>Hide you through this  
>I want you to help them, please see<br>The bleeding heart perched on my shirt

Die, withdraw  
>Hide in cold sweat<br>Quivering lips  
>Ignore remorse<br>Naming a kid, living wasteland  
>This time you've tried<br>All that you can turning you red

Change my attempt good intentions  
>Should I, could I<br>Here we are with your obsession  
>Should I, could I<p>

Crowned hopeless  
>The article read living wasteland<br>This time you've tried  
>All that you can turning you red<br>but I will not  
>Hide you through this<br>I want you to help

Change my attempt good intentions  
>Should I, could I<p>

Here we are with your obsession  
>Should I, could I<p>

Heave the silver hollow sliver  
>Piercing through another victim<br>Turn and tremble be judgmental  
>Ignorant to all the symbols<br>Blind the face with beauty paste  
>Eventually you'll one day know<p>

Change my attempt good intentions  
>Limbs tied, skin tight<br>Self-inflicted his perdition

Should I, could I  
>Change my attempt good intentions<br>Should I, could I..."

I hear a small gasp and I turn to see Logan standing behind me. His pink lips are parted gently and he gives me a small smile, then blushes.  
>"y-you sing wonderfully." he sits next to me quietly and nibbles on his fingers.<br>"I bet you sing great, too."  
>"No, really, I-" I lean forward to hear him as people start streaming in, yelling and screaming at each other. Logan shuts his mouth and I sigh sadly, turning my face down. It always feels like people ruin my time with Logan. I turn and put my guitar back in as James struts in. He turns a few heads, I notice. He wears a thin, black, long-sleeved cotton tee that stretches across his chest, showing off his muscles.<br>A few people groan when they notice his hand is attached to Carlos's, but I see this and smile. I hadn't seen them all day, and what happened last weekend still made me question what had happened between them.  
>But that was for another time.<br>James sat on the other side of me, smiling as Carlos sat next to him.  
>"Hey James. Hey Carlos."<br>"Hey, nice singing we heard you all the way down the hall." Carlos smiled at me before leaning towards James. I felt my cheeks heat up.  
>"T-thanks."<br>"ya know," James started,"you should do something with that amazing voice of yours." I gave him a frown.  
>"what do you mean?"<br>"well, some people can get money by singing songs and playing guitars." James flashes a 1000-watt smile at me, but I shake my head politely.  
>"I'd rather actually work to get money." James shrugs.<br>"suit yourself."  
>I turn back to Logan to say something but as soon as I do, the door slams open and stomps in. I sigh as he screechs at us and I don't get to say anything to Logan after that point.<p>

XXXXXXXXXX

I'm not ready for Therapy. I haven't been back in since I spilled my horrible secret, and I got moved to a different class. I stand outside the door, holding a slip of paper. I groan and turn, bumping into Logan. I smile down into that head of brunette hair and his chocolate eyes smile back up at me. He sucks in a big breath, his cheeks puffing out. I giggle and tap them, watching him puff out.  
>"I don't think I can do this." he whimpers. I frown and slip my hand into his.<br>"I can't either, but let's try together, okay?" he smiles and nods. We both turn towards the door and step in. I take in the class filled with bone-skinny girls, the guys with slit wrists, a few kids wrapped in black hoodies huddled by themselves. Three kids have wide eyes, a little bloodshot left in them. Their nails are long and yellow, and the kids are pale. I realize these kids are new, I haven't seen them before here.  
>And their drug addicts.<br>I see Hanna sitting on one side of the room, two seats open beside her. She waves at us and I slowly guide Logan over to her. We sit beside her and she smiles.  
>"Hola, Kendall. Hello, Logan. How are you?"<br>"Good, nervous, though." I watch Logan nod in agreement, and I lean towards Hanna.  
>"why exactly did we get put in this class?"<br>"esta clase es para las personas avanzadas de mi amigo." she whispers. I give her a weird look and she gives me a grim smile.  
>"this class is for advanced people, my friend." I take another look at the people in the room and I realize she was right. I watch as walks in and sighs, glancing about the room.<br>"hello, kids. We have two more people here today,Kendall and Logan, and I hope you guys treat them nice."  
>She sits down and crosses her legs, giving a glance about the room.<br>"Okay, let's get started. Julie," she nods at a bone-skinny girl with frizzy red hair," how have you improved this week? And tell me what your goals of this week are?"  
>The gril crosses her arms and scowls a little, but looks away.<br>"I-I've gained seven pounds." she seems disgusted by her self and scowls at the ground. smiles and writes something on her clipboard.  
>"thank you Julie, good work. Keep it up!" Julie rolls her eyes and I realize she's going to expect everyone to talk. She turns to a druggie next to Hanna and tries to edge something of the kid who's shaking from withdrawl. He says nothing and let's his bangs hang in front of his eyes. sighs and turns to Hanna, smiling. I can see she might have a chance here.<br>"Hello, Hanna."  
>"Good evening."<br>"how are you?" smiles and Hanna smiles back, earning a few scowls from a few people in the room.  
>"good, I am very good. My arms are healing up more and I am getting back on track with school."<br>"good, very good! I see your improving a lot! I'm glad." they smile at each other.  
>"Tell me, Hanna, when can you take your bandages off?"<br>"Next week." she smiles. flashes a smile and laughs.  
>"that's wonderful! I bet you'll be glad to get rid of those itchy bandages." Hanna nods and looks at me, flashing me a bright smile. I smile back softly but my stomach churns as turns to me.<br>"Hi, Kendall. I know your new to this class, so go ahead and take it slow. Tell us all a few things about yourself, why your here, and how you think you can improve. Remember we don't judge here and we'll welcome you with open arms." she smiles and I slouch a little as the kids around me scowl or just plain stare me down. I look around, before my gaze lands on Logan.  
>I have to get better. I have to get through this.<br>For Logan.  
>I sit up and crack my knuckles.<br>"Um, well...I was raped and um, beaten by my homophobic father and his friends." I clear my throat. It's so dry.  
>"he sent me here, saying I had to leave for at least a hear saying that maybe this place would "cure me." I admit I do need help, because I've been tough with people, I can't trust people as much. I lost my friends and most of my family members won't speak to me. I don't care, though. That's their problem."<br>My whole face hurts. My stomach churns. The room is dead silent as I cough and continue.  
>"um to get to know me i guess...well, I'm natural blonde, I love hockey, aaannnddd I love playing the guitar and singing." I turn to see and Hanna beaming. Hanna gives me a silent clap and marks something down on her clipboard.<br>"Thank you for sharing, Kendall. I can see since your last class, you've really opened up. That means your starting to trust a little more, which is good. It means your improving." she nods and I look at Logan. I frown when I see he's sweating hard, his hands are shaking. He swallows hard and his Adam's apple bobs in his throat.  
>"Logan? Are you okay?" Hanna whispers. gives a worrying look at him.<br>"Logan, it's okay if you are scared, but you need to open up a little. Just relax, we don't judge here." Logan continues to shake and tries another approach.  
>"Logan, why don't you tell us ways you could get better." Logan aims a frown at the ground and suddenly he grips his hair and groans loudly.<br>"Logan?" I look at him and he shoots me a glance before he looks at the teacher and slouches in his chair.  
>"I-Idon't want to get better." my jaw drops and I see a few bone-skinney kids clap at him. I shoot them glares and put a hand on Logan's shoulder. He turns away and I squeeze a little harder.<br>"Logan you need to-"  
>"No! You don't get it! Im fine the way I am!" he pushes me away and stands up. He slams the door on his way out and then I'm just stuck there, dumbfounded. Then I'm up, running after him. I race down the hallway as I see a door close, leading outside.<br>I fling that door open, stopping when I discover Logan, at least twenty feet away. His fingers are down his throat as he leans over and vomits.  
>"LOGAN! STOP!" he coughs and glares at me before turning and sprinting. I stand there, shocked at what I just witnessed, and then i run after Logan's form, which is disappearing in the setting sun, making the world around me turn dark. I growl and run harder, groaning as I feel rain start to pour.<br>"Logan!" I scream.  
>"Leave me alone!" I hear him respond. I head towards his voice, realizing I can hear him panting as we run over flower bushes, kicking the petals aside, rounding buildings and passing windows. The rain pours harder and the grass becomes slippery.<br>"Logan! Come back!" I can just barely see him in front of me.  
>"No!"<br>"Logan!"  
>"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" I see him as he steps under a lamp, and I grab him, tackling him and bringing him to the ground. We fight, rolling around, shoving each other. He punches me in the jaw and I grab him by his hair. We stand, still gripping each other, and then he shoves me away. He starts walking away and I growl. I take a step after him and skid little on the grass.<br>"Why can't you just stop being a fucking COWARD, and actually get it through your thick skull, that we're all just trying to help you!"  
>"because I don't need help!" he turns and screams at me. I sneer at him.<br>"Oh yeah? I don't think what I just saw thirty seconds ago helps that fact!"  
>"IM FINE!" he screams.<br>"THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?"  
>"I DONT KNOW!" he screams, and a sob escapes his mouth. I take a step towards him.<br>"Why can't you just shut the hell up and eat something instead putting your parents, your family, to shame and gain some weight!"  
>"Because then I'll be fat! And everybody will hate me!"<br>"Logan, your ribs are showing! That's not right! Look if you get some help, we can fix this!"  
>"there's nothing to fix!" he keeps his stance, even though I can see he's breaking. His knees wobble, he blinks his tears away. The rain falls down hard on us and I take another step closer. Right now, we're about ten feet apart.<br>"Logan-"  
>"No! I won't do it!"<br>"Logan! Please let's go back in-"  
>"NO!" I watch as he rips off his shirt, and throws it down.<br>"LOOK AT ME! look at me!" he sobs. I do take a look, though. He's so pale he's almost translucent, his ribs are showing with out him sucking in or anything. His nipples stand out and his belly button looks like you could touch his organs through it. His stomach curves in under his ribs. I gasp and Logan sobs harder, his sobs and cries making him sound like a child.  
>"J-just look at me! I'm beautiful! I'M BEAUTIFUL!"<br>he screams, and then he drops to his knees, falls to the side and curls up in the wet grass. I listen to him sob, his whimpers hurting me. I walk forward slowly, brushing my bangs away from my eyes as I kneel beside him and do the same. He shuts his eyes and turns away, but I grab him. I scoop him up in my arms and hold him close, grabbing his abandoned, and now wet, shirt off the ground and wrapping it around him.  
>He buries his head into my shirt and we sit there. We just sit there, hum sobbing into my shirt, the rain pouring on us. Finally, once he quiets down, I help him to his feet and I pull him close.<br>"Logan you ARE beautiful...but...your unhealthy. Your gonna die from this Logan." he whimpers and tries to look away but I grab his chin and turn his head towards me. He looks into my eyes and I sigh.  
>"I can help you Logan. I already told you this. I can help you! You can trust me."<br>"But-"  
>"No buts, Logan. You think your some, I don't know, broken item someone abandoned and left to dust. But no, Logan. Your better. So much better. Your smart, I know that I seen your grades and interests. Your beautiful, clearly that's not a lie. And your the most amazing person I've ever seen." I lean forward to kiss him, but he leans away.<br>"b-b-but James is s-so gorgeous...I-I can't compare to him. And Carlos is cute a-and even a few girls like you! I've never seen anybody look at me like they look at you guys." he sniffs and I yank him close. I press our bodies together, our hips fitting together like a puzzle piece that belongs.  
>He let's out a choked gasp, and I lean forward quickly and press my lips to his.<br>It's amazing. His lips are soft and pink, and I feel like someone shot off fireworks. Logan is shocked for a moment, then he moves his lips against mine. The need for air becomes too great after a few minutes and we pull apart. I press my forehead to his and he blushes as I entwine our fingers.  
>"look, I'm not drooling over James, and I'm not giddy over Carlos. Besides they belong together and I don't see them trailing after anyone else. I don't care what people think of me and neither should you, Logan. I only see you. I only see you,Logan."<br>Logan let's out a choked sob and I hug him. I wrap my arms around him as I lift him up. I look up into the rain as I begin carrying us back to our dorm.

XXXXXXXXXX

A warm shower and a heated rag on the knot where Logan hit me did us some good, then I crawled into bed. Logan lay still in his, facing the ceiling with his arms by his sides. I waited until the shores from James and Carlos could be heard before I jumped up and hopped into bed with Logan.  
>I wrapped him in my arms and kissed him, peppering his face with well-deserved love. He smiled softly and we entwined our fingers again. I stared deep into his eyes and sighed.<br>"please, promise. Promise me you'll at least try." i whispered to him. Logan blinked and looked away.  
>"I just can't, Kendall." he whispered back.<br>"ugh why not!" I whispered-yelled at him. He shuts his eyes before looking at me.  
>"Kendall, I was raped when I was twelve. Ten months later, I became bulimic, and anorexic. This year I turn seventeen, which means I'll have been like that for five years. And during the teenage years is when your supposed to "find" yourself." he shrugs and blushes.<br>"it's all I really know." he whispers into my shoulder. I hold him close and rub his back, raising his face to press our lips together. It's beautiful, me and him. Our lips and bodies fit together like two lost puzzle pieces. When we pull away, I look into his deep brown eyes that resemble doe-eyes and I sigh.  
>"I can change you, Logan. I can make you better."<br>"and you will." he blinks and smiles, rubbing at the knot on my cheek where he hit me.  
>"and I will. That's a promise."<p>

A/N  
>Okay little bit thrown together But don't worry more drama heading your way in the next chapter!<p>

Love,FAQ


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**  
><strong>Sorry this story hasn't been updated lately. Been trying hard to update.<strong>

**Logans POV**

I stared at Kendall while he slept. He looked like an angel. I felt my heart throb a little as the fan swirled above us, gently lifting Kendall's soft hair. I longed to thread my fingers through his hair.

I slowly sat up, so the bed wouldn't squeak and make Kendall think I was trying to do something. He always slept light now, listening just in case I tried to keep up my purging addiction. It really stressed him out, but no matter how much I lied and said I wouldn't, he continued. He could see through me. I hated that he tried. I hated it because now that I'd started eating again, I'd gained all the weight I'd lost.

My belly would be a small round bump after meals and I hated the feeling of being full. I felt so awkward, walking through the halls. I tried to hide how much I ate, complaining I couldn't do it, that I was fat.  
>Kendall always tried to reassure me, but I always turned him away. I liked to focus more on my homework and schoolwork, but my thoughts nagged at me.<p>

How many times had Kendall slipped his hand into mine and I pulled away? How many times has he gone to kiss me and I rejected him? I felt bad he was forcing himself to be with me when he could be with someone better.

But then I always had to remember what he said to me, not even a week ago. He told me I was beauiful, smart, amazing. I let a small tear fall and land on the bed spread as my heart beat rapidly in my chest. I began softly crying. No one had ever been this good towards me, and yet I rejected him.

I threw the covers off and padded over to Kendalls side, gently moving his books and clothes out of my way as I climbed next to him without hesitating. I wonder how many times I lay awake at night, crying and thinking such bad thoughts about myself, when I could have simply done this.

I watched as Kendall awoke, eyes opening quickly, the sight of my wide, tear filled eyes startling him. I curled around him and sobbed gently, leaning in closer as his arms snaked around me.

"Logan? Logan, Logan? Shhh, it's okay, shh, tell me, what's wrong?" he whispered. I shook gently.

"I-Im so-sorry! Y-you're just being s-so nice and all I-I've done I-is be such a burden towards you!" i whispered. I felt him rub the back of my head and sigh.

"Oh, Logan. How long have you felt like this? You're not a burden, trust me. We're all at this school for a reason and we just gotta learn to get past those problems and focus on other things. You've got bad problems, I understand how hard it is to trust people. But you are NOT a burden on me." he kissed the top of my head and I looked at him, sniffing a bit as my tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I-but I always reject you! You're always trying and all I do is shove you away!"

"but see, you came to ME this time! That's improvement! It means you're starting to open more!" he kissed the top of my head again and I shivered.

"but-"I started.

"No buts Logan. What I said last week is still the truth. And I'm never leaving your side." he hugged me as I let out the remainder of my tears.

"Oh and Logan?"

"Y-yes?"

"If you are ever having these horrible thoughts, don't hesistate to come to me okay?" I nodded against his chest as he yanked the covers over us.

"okay. Thank you Kendall."

"Youre welcome."

I curled into his warmth and sighed.

******BTR******BTR******

I slipped Kendalls jacket on over my clothes, the jacket hanging on my shoulders. I smiled at Carlos as I brushed my teeth, him brushing his hair beside me.

"Ready for school?" he nods and smiles at me. I can see how happy he seeks lately and it makes me happy too. I brush my teeth and leave the bathroom, spotting Kendall yanking on a black beanie. I blush when he looks at me and he laughs. He comes to my side and hugs me.

"Let's go, okay?" I nod and reach over to pick up my books from the desk, nodding at Kendall as we leave. I wave bye to James and Carlos as we head to the cafeteria, grabbing some breakfast. Kendall gives me a stern look when I don't get anything. I sigh and grab two pieces of toast.

Kendall doesn't seem satisfied, so I sigh sadly and grab a small tray of fruit that had a few pieces in it. Kendall seemed happy when I bit into the toast, and I felt my guilt diminish a bit. The buttery toast did taste good, though. I chewed it slowly as I continued with walking to my first class with Kendall.

"Im glad you're eating again." he smiled and linked our hands once I finished the fruit and toast. I blushed when he gently pulled me close, and I curled info him as I saw the disgusted looks people shot at us. A few people passed us, slamming into my shoulder and a few hissing at me.

"Fags!"

"Freaks!"

"You deseve to die in Hell." someone whispered.

Tears pricked my eyes and I felt Kendall tug me to the side of the hallway. I glanced around at any teachers in the hallways, and to them nothing looked wrong. All these kids could hide the insults aimed towards us, and nothing seemed wrong. We were all here because we were messed up; crying wasn't a new thing.

Kendall pushed me against the sides of some lockers, where no one would really notice us. I buried my head into his shoulder and my body wracked gently with sobs. He hugged me closer.

"Do NOT listen to them. Don't! Their just jealous." he whispered.

"Why would they be j-jealous?" I sniffed.

He pulled me back gently and gave me a small glare.

"Logan, why wouldn't someone be jealous?" he gently cupped my face.

"Youre so beautiful and smart." I rubbed my watery eyes.

"B-but w-what about s-someone l-like Ha-Hanna?" he gently planted a kiss on my lips and brushed away my tears.

"She's gorgeous," I felt my heart lower," but nothing compared to you. You're so beautiful. You make my heart race." he took my hand and placed it over his heart. I felt his heart race a little and he leaned a bit more over me.

I cowered a little as he planted his lips against mine and I whimpered. I slowly started to kiss him back, but I wasn't fast enough. Kendall was tapped on the shoulder and he stopped and turned to see an African American teacher standing behind him. I knew her as the algebra teacher.

"! How are you?" he smiled at the teacher, gently pushing behind his back. I cowered gently, hiding. The teacher raised an eyebrow at us and gently stood on her toes.

"What is going on here?" I saw her look at me suspiciously and Kendall coughed.

"Just showing my boyfriend how much I love him." her eyes, and mine, went wide and he gave her a look that said," you got a problem?" she backed off gently. Kendall grabbed my hand as he lead me to my class, holding me under his arm.

He pushed past all the students in the hallway and led me into the classroom. He knocked aside a few plastic pumpkins, a decoration for the Halloween party happening on Friday.

Kendall helped me into a seat and I curled into him.

"Youre okay. You're fine." he whispered. He rubbed my back and I smiled up at him.

"boyfriend?" I whispered. He shrugged.

"Wanna be?"

"I thought I already was?"

"Well, I hope you like it because that's what you are now." he kissed me and I smiled, feeling my heart lift. I didn't feel sad around Kendall. I didn't feel upset or ugly. I didn't even mind eating that much. I pulled my knees up and hugged them gently as Kendall cupped my jaw and continued kissing me deeply.

"Ahem."

We both stopped and turned, not focusing on the other students in the room, but the teacher. I felt my heart drop and shivers went through me. My heart was suddenly surrounded by fear, fear I had not felt for nearly four or five years.

The man that stood in front of me, brown hair in the front and a bit if blonde just barely visible in the back, grey eyes that pierced right through me. He was built, tall, and made me feel like I was ant. Fear squeezed my heart and I felt sick to my stomach as my jaw dropped. 

"M-Mackenzie?"

**A/N**

**Damn me and my cliffhangers ) have fun with that. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N  
>Hey guys sorry I didn't get a chance to update I WAS going too...but I had to give the iPod I was using back and the *ahem* "Friend" that was using it obviously DID NOT email the documents back to me like I asked...<strong>

**And ive not been able to work, as I've had ALOT of dental problems this past week (Feels like ten appointments?) so I hope you guys cans forgive me**

**Not to mention I've been in the car, traveling back and forth between states.**

**So I typed this on my new IPhone, so I apologize for grammar problems.**

**And sorry if you guys thought this chapter was gonna be about the last one. But I needed a little bit of Jarlos action going on ;)**

**Anyways I hope you like this.**

**Carlos POV  
><strong>  
>The school...seems to be better. I see it through different eyes now, ever since that fight that James saved me from.<p>

I've been going to the therapist a bit more and finally one day I broke down and stuttered out everything. James carried me to the gardens where we could be alone and he held me as I wept. It felt good to come out.

But what felt even better was the kisses James gave me.

He's wonderful.

Beautiful.

He's changed my life.

I blink and am ruptured from my thoughts as the bell rings,signaling the end of the period. I stand slowly, shuffling to gather my things as people push past me. I close my binder and push the papers I have inside of it. I turn around and I'm almost out the door when I'm called back. 

"Carlos?"

I turn around and see my Algebra teacher, (1). He seems nerdy, but he's actually very smart and funny.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? You seemed a little out of it today."

"I-Im...f-fine."

I still took a little bit of time to speak, but it was worth it.

"That's good, but try not to some out in class, okay?" he smiled and I nodded before turning and leaving for my next class. 

************BTR**********

It didn't look to bad outside today, so I tossed James a note in third period and waited for his smile to show me he agreed.

I opened the door and stepped outside, walking along the small white cement path that had between all the houses and buildings.

The sun was shining on the sort of dreary day, but t was better than nothing. We've had rain and frost for a week now since winters heading our way, but it was fairly warm today. Besides, the flowers would die soon.

I hated having lunch inside, or in the cafeteria to be more specific. It's crowded, noisy, and smells like old pizza and bad mop water(1) so James and I have been eating elsewhere.

I walked through the small gardens they had for us, smiling and giving a small wave to some kids playing basketball and tennis. The school has some good kids, the people who really want to get better and forget their past situations. But there's the few who don't give a crap, now its them I don't like.

I haven't seen Jett, Ozzy, or Dak since that day they attacked me and James beat them up...again. Every bad kid claims James started it all, but he was just...being my hero. I heard the three kids that hurt me were now in some sort of mental institution where their being forced to get better.

I sit down at a picnic table and I stroke the wing of a butterfly on the rose bush next to me.

It flutters away and I smile, watching it flutter and jump from plant to plant. It may be the last butterfly I see, because instantly a small wind goes over my arms and causes me to yank my jacket closer. Winter will soon be upon us.

"Chilly, isn't it?" I turn and see James standing a few feet away, holding a few ziplock bags with sandwiches. He smiles and comes to sit beside me slowly, making sure I don't tense up like I usually do. It's been a little awkward since the day I told of my rape.

I nod and he sets a sandwich in my lap, before opening up a small book.

"So," he takes a bite of his sandwich before continuing,"you wanna practice?" I nod a little and take the book from him.

"T-the...c-children...hea-heard..." I glanced at James and he nodded.

"Doing good." I nodded and continued.

"They...heard...the j-joy-f-full...s-s-sounds...o-of...the...car-ne-Val,carnival..." James is finished with his sandwich and smiling at me. I suddenly noticed that he is now holding my hand, stroking the top with his thumb. I feel my cheeks heat up and I turn back to my book.

"B-but...if they only...knew what w-was I-in...store for...t-them!" I smile at myself as I finish that chapter and flip to the next one. I open my mouth to continue practicing talking, when I'm pulled forward gently and my head is turned to the side. My lips are met with James's soft ones.

I moan softly as James shuts my book and gently squeezes my sides, rubbing them softly. When he pulls away, I'm aching a little for more. He presses our foreheads together and runs a hand through my hair.

"You have such a beautiful voice. Talk again." I shake my head gently.

"N-no." 

"Carlos..."

"James-" I whisper as he slides his hands up and down my sides. He stops and suddenly frowns, looking up behind me. I turn and spot what he's staring at. He suddenly up and running, me behind him, connected by our intertwined hands.

"Logan? Logan!" we stop in front of the shorter brunette. I hide behind his large frame and peek out. I frown a little when I see that the shorter boy is pale, and he looks like hes been weeping. Im not sure, but he also seems tense.

"Logan? Are you okay?" James reaches towards him and Logan backs away.

"N-No...I-I mean yes! I'm-I'm fine!" he runs off and James frowns. I tug on his hand and he glances down at me.

"You okay?"

I shake my head back and forth quickly and frown at him. He chuckles and cups my cheek.

"Jealous?"

I nod. He presses a kiss to my nose and I try to ignore the small spark between him and I.

"Don't be. I love you, not him. You know that."

I smile slowly and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Love...you,too." he smiles and hoists me up, holding me by the thighs as he carts us both back to the dorm.

**James POV  
><strong>  
>I don't know how it happened, but next thing I knew, Carlos and I were in the dorm, alone, skipping class. I knew they'd be looking for us, but right now I didn't care. I had Carlos pressed against the wall, our lips attached. He stood still, so tense and scared I was almost convinced to stop.<p>

Almost.

Instead, I kept kissing him and finally I lifted him up and carried him into the room completely.

"Don't be scared." I whispered against his lips.

"I-I not..." he hiccuped and I rubbed his cheeks.

"I don't want to hurt you." he shakes his head.

"Y-youre not."

I set us down on the bed and he shakes a little. I hold him close and kiss his forehead.

"I remember mine, too. It hurt, bad. I wish I could just forget it." I whisper to him. I watch him shake and suddenly he's sobbing. I hold him and rock him gently back and forth.

"He...he was so nice! A-a-and then-and then he h-hurt me!" I kiss him and rub my hand over the small scar on his forehead, just barely visible unless you looked close. He told me where the scar came from, I knew how he got it. It was a horrible memento to have. I kiss it again and hug him.

"My parents were shocked, too. I was scared, I had no clue what was going on I was so young. I sometimes regret everything I've ever done. But...if I hadn't had that night happen, I never would've met you, Carlos."

Carlos whimpers again and picks up my wrists. He tugs at the bandages and I yank my hands away.

"James-"

"No, Carlos. No. I'm..." I look down at the thick, horrible gauze on my arms. I hate it. But at the same time I can't get rid of it. I watch as Carlos's hands glide gently over my wrists and then he kisses them.

"I help you, you help me." he whispers.

I wish I could give in. I wish I could. I love him so much it hurts. I wish I could let him in just as he let me, but I can't. The stitches on my wrists persuade me to rip them open.

I turn away as Carlos begins to take the bandages off. It hurts me worse than anyone else.

I love him so much more than I think if I'm letting him do this.

No, I'm obsessed.

The bandages fall the floor.

**A/N**

**Okay yeah this sucked. Sorry. Kogan up next.**

**Review thanks!**

**And (1) My lunch room really does smell like this *GROSS***


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

**Okay, so I'm sure this is the hapter everyone is eager to read, so enjoy!**

**Logan's POV**

"Mackenzie?"

The teacher above me gave me an odd look and smiled.

"I'm sorry?"

"I know you..." I whispered. I suddenly felt trapped, stuck. I felt everything hurling down at me and I looked down at my hands as I started to shake uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, but I've never seen you in my life." He turns to Kendall and smiles, but Kendall is looking at me.

"You okay? Logan?"

_No, no, no...this can't be!_ I shriek inside my own mind.

"I'm f-fine." _It can't be __**him.**__ It just can't be!_

"Well, like I was saying, I'm your substitute,Mr. Hampton."

I frowned and looked at Kendall, who had an even deeper frown on.

"Where's Mr. Cramb?"

"He had to leave...unexpectedly. Family problems." His gaze averts back to me and I feel small, lost. He holds his hand out and shakes mine, lifting it and shaking it, slowly. I shiver at his touch. He stops shaking and continues to hold my hand. When I finally realize that he's been holding my hand and not shaking it, I snatch it back.

I don't know if Kendall noticed it, but I noticed the small eye twtch that went over _"Mr Hampton's" _face. This is bullshit. This man isn't a teacher, he's a-

"Logan?" Kendall places his hand on my shoulder and shakes me gently, bringing me back to reality. I turn and look at him, watching as his eyes go wide and he slides his hand further up my shoulder, caressing my neck gently.

"Oh my god, Logan? Are you okay? You...you look like you've seen a ghost." His brows furrow together and I realize I'm shaking as I slowly turn in my seat, still shaking as begins the history lesson, where we last ended it.

"Now as you turn to page 236 in your history book, where we continue your guys's last topic..." He tuned out as we started into the lesson, but I couldn't pay attention. All I could see were those cold gray eyes above me, over and over again, his fingers drifting across my skin, hurting-

"Mr. Mitchell ? Are you with us?" I blink, finally coming out of my nightmare. I check the clock and I notice that I've been out of it for almost the whole class period. smiles at me, those grey eyes boring holes into my skull. I sit up straight, tensing, goosebumps going over my body.

"Y-yes, I'm here."

"You've been out for a little while,Mr. Mitchell . Please try and pay attention." A small smirk.

Or was it just me?

Is this man TRULY the one who hurt me so terribly?

I turn and try to focus on the lesosn once more, only to be drawn back in by those grey eyes that keep flickering towards me. Before I know it, the bell is ringing and everyone is packing up, but still, I'm still dazed. I feel woozy- didn't I eat today?

"Logan? Are you okay?" Kendall is staring at me, those strong green eyes bringing me back to reality as I stand, still a little dizzy. I wobble and he catches me, holding me up by his strong arms.

"You okay? You hungry at all? You seem a little woozy." He wraps an arm around me, and I tuck my head into his shoulder.

"Y-yeah...I'm sort of hungry." _Lies._ But he; seems happy to hear that.

"Well, it's depository(1) schedule today, so we get thirty minutes until our next class. Let's go get something to eat, okay?"

_As long as we get as far away from here as possible right now._

Kendall loops an arm around me and starts for the door. But,_he_ stops us.

"Mr. Mitchell ? May I speak to you for a moment?"

I watch a horrible frown grace Kendalls features, his eyes go cold. We turn around and " " is standing behind us, a smile and warm eyes that scream **fake.** Kendall swallows hard and turns us both towards the door, leaning close as he whispers in my ear.

"I don't know about you...But, I don't trust him. He...just makes me feel uncomfortable."

_You wouldn't believe how I feel._

His features go warm again.

"Meet me in the cafetria, okay?" I nod quickly and he pecks me on the lips before leaving. I give a shuddery breath and turn to face my own grim reaper.

_Those eyes...I feel like they can see right through me, into my soul._

He gives me a smirk and gestures for me to sit down, before he closes the door and suddenly, I feel like I'm in danger. He sits down at 's desk and smiles at me.

"So,Mr. Mitchell , you seemed pretty out of it today. I won't tolerate laziness in my class."

"_ Mr. Cramb's class."_ I hiss at him. He just continues smiling, pressing his fingers together in a death grip.

"So, uh..what was your first name again?"

I explode. I erupt. All the anger, madness, insanity, and hurtful words going through my head for years are enough to fuel me.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT IT IS! YOU SICK, DISGUSTING, MOTHERF-"

He slaps me, standing so quick, I don't get time to react until I'm falling back into the desk. He stands above me, a sneer plastered to his face.

"I'd prefer if you wouldn't use such profanity, _Logan._" I swallow hard as he rolls my name off his tongue, like some sort of sugary treat. He bends down in front of me, slamming his hands down on the desk. I shake and squeeze my eyes shut.

"No...I don't listen to you, _Mackenzie_." I spat his name with venom. He groans and I watch with a sick feeling in my stomach as he caresses his thigh, near his groin.

"_Say it again."_

"No! You sick- I should report you!" Both of our eyes go wide, and suddenly we're both running towards the door, Mackenzie behind me. I'm about to reach the door when he shoves me into it, causing me to slam headfirst into it. I slide gently to the ground, but then I'm picked up, turned around, and slammed against the door. I groan, filled with pain, as he grips me, pulls me close.

He bites down on my skin, right under my jaw. I gasp in pain.

"No! Wait-"

"_Perfect...My perfect little boy..."_ He hisses in my ear. I feel his hand on my leg and I begin sobbing. Suddenly, a crude idea is in my head, but it could work. I use all my stregnth, which isn't much, and shove him away to rip open my shirt, exposing my sick, scrawny frame.

"_See? See what you've done to me?_" He stares at me for a moemnt before attacking me, letting his hands go everywhere. I gasp and begin crying. But, no one can hear me, the walls are too thick, so classes can't hear the other classes and get interrupted.

"_SO beautiful..._"

I begin crying harder, wondering if Kendall was looking for me. I look up and begin crying when I see on the clock it's only been five minutes.

"Please! Please, wait!" i try and push him off of me, but he clings to my body like a leech.

"_I've been waiting so long for you, my precious. My beautiful Logan." _He whispers. I shiver and try and pull myself through it.

"W-wait, are you sure? Right here? In a classroom?" He looks at me with a frown. I swallow and continue.

"I-I mean...It's not romantic, at all!" I squeal when I'm shoved back against the door again and he attacks my body again, letting his _filthy _hands roam all over my body.

"I don't care about being romantic, damn it, Logan all I want is _you_." i shake and shiver as he leans forward and gently kisses my lips, holding my wrists against the door. I don't bother with struggling as tears run down my face. I'm filthy...disgusting...he touched me...

_Kendall will never want you now..._

I hold back my sobs when I come to realization of that.

I'm going to be alone forever, my only love won't want me because I'm _filthy._

But...I need to at leats save myself from this horrendous nightmare I've tried to avoide for years, once more. I shove him off of me and he glares.

Then, I pull my puppy dog eyes.

He stops and runs a hand down my face.

"P-please? We can make it romantic, with candles a-and anything else you want to use!" He smirks and leans forward to nibble on my ear.

"Duct tape."

"S-sounds fun."

"Rope."

"E-even better!" I gasp as he basically chews on my neck. Finally, he oulls off, and I know i'm going to have a huge hickey.

"Fine. Tonight-"

"No!" _Damn it!_

I watch his eyes grow black with anger, already consumed by lust.

"No?"

"I-I-" I spot a poster promoting the halloween costume dance.

"L-let's do it on halloween?" He looks at me with a suspicious look in his eyes and then slams his hands against the door, on either side of me. I squeak and glance at the clock.

_It's only been fifteen minutes?_

"Why? Why in a week?"

"Just...to have everything prepared." i say with a seductive tone, or as best as I can. I half-lid my eyes and it seems to do it. He leans close, hands still pressed on either side of me.

"Hmm..."

"I-i'll wear that french maid outift I know you've dreamt of me in."

He takes my bottom lip in his mouth and tugs it. He lets it bounce back before pressing his body to mine, squishing me between him and the door as he starts thrusting his hips, letting me feel the bulge beneath his pants.

"_Finally, I've found you, my beautiful little Logan." _He squeezes my ass for emphasis and I squeak.

"_I wonder what's changed? Did you get __**bigger**__, Logan? Has your skin gotten softer? Are you still tight as anything, like you were so long ago? I bet you are, just for me. Beautiful, gorgeous, preicous little doll." _he thrusts with every word in that last sentence.

"_You'll find out this weekend."_

I feel sick to my stomach, I do. I feel like vomiting, throwing up, draining my body until there's nothing left. I don't want to be here right now. I wish I was big, tall, like James.

But, no. I'm Logan, small, pathetic Logan.

Mackenzie kisses me and then lets me go, taking a step back. He bites his lip and looks at the clock, before grabbing me and shoving me to my knees. I shiver and shake as he grips my hair.

"_We have time._"

**XXXXXXXXBTRXXXXXXXX**

My throat is raw and burns as Mackenzie shoves me out of the classroom. I stand there, dazed in the hallway, wondering what just happened. mackenzie smiles at me, before yankning me close again. His dark grey eyes are like hurricanes, so menacing, terrifying.

"And if that cute little blonde boyfriend of yours finds out, Logan...Well, I'm sure you can already tell what I mean."

Then he slams the door in my face.

I start walking in that daze, my eyes hazy, my throat burning, the nasty reminscent of what just happened covering my face. I fall to the floor, wanting to rip my tongue out, my teeth need to be brushed.

I wish I wore hoodies.

I let my tears dribble off my face, letting out a few sobs as let my tears fall down.

_And I still have ten minutes until class starts._

**XXXXXXXBTRXXXXXX**

By the time I find Kendall, my tears are gone and we're heading to our next class. he frowns and drapes his arm over me.

"Hey, Logan you o-" I toss his arm off of me and continue walking, leaving him stunned for a moment, then he runs and catches up with me.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know. Look, did you talk with that teacher?"

I nod and continue walking.

"Logan? what happened? Where were you?"

I continued walking, my steps becoming heavy. My tears are behind my eyes, not ready to tell him just yet. I can't let him know, ever. It...It would break his heart.

"Logan? Logan! Damn it, look at me!" he grabs my face and turns me towards him, stopping us. He looks at me seriously and traces my face, making me cringe. He notices and his face is converted to nothing but hatred.

"Who was it?"

"What?"

He holds me close and lets out a small growl.

"_Who was it, Logan?"_

"no one, I-I'm fine!"

"logan!"

"I-I didn't see their faces! I'm sorry!" I let a few tears fall and then Kendall hugs me.

"I'm so sorry. I should have been there, like I promised."

"It's fine."

"no, it's not." I look up into his beautiful eyes and let more tears fall when I realize all I'm going to do is just hurt him even more. He leans close, and I know what's going to happen. I shove him away and run, letting my tears fall.

"Logan!'

_I'm so sorry, Kendall._

**A/n**

**there ya go...damn that was long, and my neck hurts. **

**So, next chapter in Kendall's POV, okay? Alright, G'night!**

**And (1) I forget what it's called, but we have it in my school , i think it's called the Depository schedule, and what we do is after 2nd period we get thirty minutes for clubs on Wednesday's so I decided to use it here. **

**Yeah so thanks!**

**Review!**


	16. Chapter 16

A/N

Oh wow...this is awkward. I'm so sorry I abandoned this story for a while, but I was finishing up other ones! You see, my laptop is...completely broken, and Ive been having trouble with school in the past, and now. Inspiration has also been a bit hard for me as of late, and I'm sorry.

Ill finish up my Kogan sequel, if you haven't read it go check it out, and then I'll finish this one, okay? Thanks for being patient!

Kendalls POV

I watched Logan run away with confusion spinning in my head.

What did I do? I mean, after he left that teachers classroom, he looked worse than he did earlier. He started crying and that made my heart wrench in guilt. Did I hurt him again?

I suddenly dropped my books and ran after him, mentally smacking myself for not chasing after him the second he left. I pushed open the doors quickly and ran outside, shivering in the chilly afternoon air as I ran past the basketball and tennis courts, searching them quickly for Logan. When I found no sign of him, I continued running.

I pushed past the flowers in the garden, wondering if he might be here. I know he loves flowers.

And I was right, because I watched him disappear around some bushes and I ran after him only to discover he was long gone. I huffed and stopped to catch my breath, leaning over to grip my knees. I sniffled and felt my nose drip in the cold weather, but then I realized a moment later I was crying. I sniffled again and rubbed my face with the back of my hand, giving out a small sob.

"God, Logan why?! WHY DO YOU DO THIS?!" I screamed, feeling my heart beat quicken in anger as I screeched. I sat down and put my head in my hands and I sobbed gently. I wish I could say I hated Logan, for what he does. He hides so much from me and will barely open up. I've done so much for him!

Who opened up for him first? ME!

Who was there for him?! ME!

Who helped him with his anorexia, and bulimia? ME!

God, I'm so tired of this. I want to stop, but I have to keep pushing myself for Logan. I came to this place originally for myself, but all I did was help Logan. I rarely helped myself anymore. I mean, I had to force Logan out of bed somedays, and I sometimes threatened him just to make him get a shower. Not bad threats, but just humiliating enough to get him to move his skinny ass.

I mean, sometimes I wouldn't get a shower myself. He wasted his time in the shower, doing who knows what, and then he would take forever just to get dressed and get out. Carlos and James usually woke up earlier to get downstairs and eat breakfast, the only clue of where they had gone was from syrup, bits of egg, and sometimes powdered sugar on their chins or the shirts. Logan and I usually stayed and slept in a bit later.

It didn't help that I had to watch Logan at night and during classes to make sure he wouldn't binge again. I also have to force him to at least stomach some things. The thought of me waking up to find him starved to death scared me everyday, and I tried my best to prevent this nightmare from happening.

I still there for a little while longer, clearing my mind and letting myself vent before I stood and left. I decided to leave Logan alone and let him deal with whatever it was by himself this time, because I'm sort of done with him today.

I march back to find my books, giving an exasperated sigh when I see someone kick them around. I groan as I lean down to scoop them up, and when I straighten back up, I jump back in surprise when I see the substitute Mr Hampton was standing pretty damn close. I dropped my books the moment I jumped back and I stared at him emotionless for a moment. Everything about this man reeked of something bad and dark.

His aura seemed to revolve around something bad, something that was on the tip of my tongue, but I went against it. Ive been a little stereotypical lately, and who's to say I was judging this man wrong? He could actually be really nice. He also could've been trying to help Logan, and ran away. He tends to do that. He has this problem with coming out.

"Mr Knight." he smiles, but I frown when I can see totally past it. It's a fake goddamn smile.

"Mr Hampton." I mumble as I squat to pick up my books again. I tense when Mr Hampton squats next to me and starts picking up my books also. Our hands brush as I hurriedly reach for my literature book, and I jump back from the chilly skin against mine. I stand quickly and he follows me, like a snake on its prey. My stomach curdles as I back into the wall behind me.

"Here ya go." he puts my book on top of my binder and I watch with building suspicion as his hand pauses in mid-air, then drifts up and pats my head. Then suddenly, his fingers are running through my hair, and gently tugging at my hair.

"Such beautiful golden locks." he whispers. My eyes widen and I jump back, once again, feeling disgust and bile bubble in my throat.

"You-you-"

"Have you seen Mr Mitchell? He seemed a bit...odd after he left our little conversation." he puts on a look of fake concern and I sneer at him.

"F-fuckin' sicko!" I hiss. I watch and feel fear tingle up my spine as his eyes go dark.

"I suggest you watch your language, Mr Knight." he hisses. I struggle to put all my weight into one arm and point at him with my other without dropping my things again.

"Stay away from Logan." I hiss menacingly. The larger male loomed over me, and in the second time of my life, I felt the uttermost fear of my body take over my entire being. This man was terrifying and compared to him, I felt small.

"I can't stay away from something I've already taken. I suggest you watch your back, and get to really know who you become friends with, Mr Knight." he gave me an odd smile.

"Have a good day."

And with that, he left.

I was paralyzed with fear for who knows how long, standing there as groups of students passed me and snickered. And then when I felt like I could breath again, I bolted to the bathroom and fell facedown into the toilet, vomiting anything I had in there. My stomach ached in pain, since I had just threw up the only contents that I had swallowed in the past two days.

I sat there, huddled on the floor of the stall for a moment before I stood shakily, wondering how Logan could force himself to do this all the time.

I decided to skip class the rest of the day and take the day off. I...i really needed to think things over...and help my cluttered mind.

XXXXXXXXXX

I dragged my shaking body back to the dorm, feeling my insides turn cold.

What did he mean by that? Get to know who I was friends with?

What was going on between him and Logan?

I paused in the middle of the hallway, feeling my heart race and the feeling of sadness weigh me down as I came up with the worst possible case scenario in my mind. Were...were they romantically involved?

No, no they couldn't be! That teachers only been here a day!

But the thought...that Logan might be with this man kept floating into my mind. I felt sick once again at the thought of Logan and that...terrifying man kissing, or touching. But what, what if they were?! Did that meant all my kisses, hugs, and talks meant nothing?

I mean, yeah to anyone else they might've looked small, but to me they meant a lot. I haven't shown affection to anyone this way in so long. And it hurt that Logan would just take them for granted.

I felt my heart clench and I sniffled. I couldn't go through heartbreak again, not like last time. When my last, and first, boyfriend had found out what my dad did to me, he dumped me. Only because he thought I was now used up, dirty, and he didn't want to date a freak like me.

Add that on with the rape and beating, I already felt worthless.

I wiped my eyes, trying to stay positive, but I just couldn't get these negative thoughts out of my mind as I opened the door to my dorm and walked in. I looked up in surprise to find James and Carlos, lounging on the same bed...so close to...each other.

And what startled me were the thick bandages lying on the floor. I looked close to see Carlos was holding James's pale, damaged wrists in his hands as James rested his cheek on the side of Carlos's head as they laid, chest to back. I smiled a little and felt my chest rip open. Why couldn't Logan and I be like that?

Carlos looked up and slowly gave me a warm smile.

"H-hi." he whispered. I smiled but sat down on the end of my bed and sniffled. Carlos sat up and gave a small gasp.

"Y-you...been...crying?" he asked, slowly. I nodded and James followed suit, sitting up next to Carlos. He frowned and hugged Carlos by putting his arms around him.

"What happened, Kendall?"

"I don't know!" I broke down and began crying.

"It...it...Logan...he-" I continued crying and couldn't get the words out. I heard James stand and a moment later he sat next to me, awkwardly putting an arm around me. James and I haven't been the best of buds, but still, we were mutual friends.

"What happened? Where is Logan?"

"I don't know. He came out of the classroom and...I don't know when I tried asking him what happened, he wouldn't answer. Then I kind of got real serious and he started crying and ran away. I swear I was just trying to help!"

"He wouldn't say anything?" James frowned and I looked between Carlos and James as they shared a weird look.

"No! And then this creepy ass teacher told me I had pretty hair and he got really angry a-and said I should really get to k-know who I'm friends with!"

"What...did...h-he mean?" Carlos said, and I shrugged.

"I don't know. B-but what if Logan is...involved with him?! Oh, god, he must hate me now!" I began sobbing harder and James shook me gently and turned me to look at him as he gripped my shoulders.

"Look at me and listen, Logan wouldn't do that. I mean,think about it, it's LOGAN. He wouldn't do that! And that teacher...that teacher doesn't sound very safe, Kendall. I don't like the sound of any of this." James muttered. I wiped my eyes and looked at him.

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like the teacher either...when I'm around him...I feel small and feeble." I mumbled, curling into a ball as the dorms door was opened quickly. I watched Hanna as she walked in quickly, her blonde hair swishing around her. I haven't seen her in a couple of days, so for her to just suddenly appear confused me.

"Guys, I just saw Logan crying and running at the same time. What is going on?" she said quickly in her Spanish dialect.

"I-I don't know! He just started running!"

"And have you seen that man walking around the grounds? I have not seen him before." she came over and sat beside Carlos, across from us. I frowned.

"Man?"

"Yes, a man that left Mr Crambs room." my entire body froze.

"Thats Mr Hampton." I whispered. Hanna gave me an odd look.

"He is very scary looking. Why is he here?"

"Substitute for Mr Cramb while he's away." her frown increased.

"He did not tell anyone he was leaving. He would've told the class about a week earlier. Or even a day. He wouldn't just suddenly up and leave." my heart thundered in my chest.

"Something about this smells fishy." James mumbled. We all sat there for a few moments, trying to figure whatever this was out. I looked at James for any ideas and he shrugged, then I turned to Carlos to find him playing with Hannas soft hair. He was twirling it and making a small braid, then he saw me staring at him and he blushed, dropping the small half finished braid.

"You said you already tried talking to Logan, right? Well what if we talked to him instead?" Hanna suggested. I sighed.

"Sure, you could try...if you find him." Hanna nodded and stood, but then she stopped and took a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"By the way, are you guys going to the Halloween costume dance? We could all go together once this is finished." James looked at Carlos and instantly took his hand.

"Be my date?" Carlos blushed and looked away, nodding and giving James the oh-my-god-most-fucking-adorable face ever. I tightened my fists, wondering why Logan couldnt be here with me, letting me get down on one knee as if I was fucking proposing and take him as my date to this awesome dance. I smiled at James and Carlos, trying to feel happy for them, but my heart just wasn't up to it.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Logan didn't come back for dinner that night, or the next night. He didn't even come back to the dorm, well, not while we were there. But he had come back and grab a few things.

Where was he now? I was terrified. I couldn't grab him after any of my classes, because he would sit as close to the doors as possible and rush out when the class ended. I would lose him in the hallway before I could even get a word out to him.

The first night without him was unbearable and I sobbed what felt like all night long. Carlos and James had to get up in the middle of the night, breaking protocol of the school, and Carlos held me. I tucked my head into his chest and cried while James patted my back.

The next night, I didn't sleep a wink. I stayed up and stared at Logans bed all night long.

Where was he? What was he doing? Was he okay?

Logans POV

After running away from Kendall, and then I ran away from Carlos and James also, I hurried up to the dorm room and grabbed as many clothes and personal items I needed before leaving.

I sobbed for as long as I could think of before I passed out, in the teen lounge they had for us. No one really comes in here, because no one exactly cares for the lousy old video games,pinball,and foosball tables they had set up in here. I pulled one of the couches into the corner and shut the blinds so no one would see me sitting in here, or sleeping.

I couldn't tell Kendall. I couldn't. It would...

What would it do to him? He could get angry or upset. Maybe worse. But the one thing I knew that would happen would be that Kendall would be hurt.

He would hate me most definitely. For hiding this from him, for being disgusting and used up, and for basically cheating on him. Kendall must think I don't trust him. I didn't want to admit it, but I don't exactly want to let him in completely. Some things are better left as ghosts of my memories.

During school, I tried my hardest to ignore Kendall. I wish he knew how much it hurts me to stay away. How much it hurts to lie.

I hate lying. I hate ignoring him. I hate this so much.

But I can't give Kendall what he wants.

The truth.

XXXXXXXXX

I push through the hall as fast as I can, letting my lean and slim body help me move in between people. I know Kendall is somewhere behind me, but I move away. If I have to look into those gorgeous green eyes, I might break down and tell him everything. I can't do that without getting him in danger.

Mackenzie follows me sometimes. It scares the living hell out of me when I wake up in that cold lounge, curling in on myself so I wouldn't freeze, to find him lying beside me, or standing over me.

For all I know, he doesn't leave the school grounds at all.

I slip out a pair of doors and miss the blonde just in time, avoiding even looking at him as I zip my jacket up. I shiver inside of it, wondering why I was so cold in this huge jacket. I was tiny and slim, returning back to my skeleton figure.

I glanced around as I darted across the darkening grounds, making sure not to run into anybody as I quietly slipped into the lounge and relaxed a little, pulling my hood off my head as I sigh.

"Logan." I jumped and feel my bottom lip tremble as I slowly turn to see Mackenzie lying on the couch I had pushed into the corner.

"M-ma-" I mumbled, feeling my insides turn to ice as I began whimpering. Tears gathered up behind my eyes.

"Get over here. Now." I lift my heavy feet and walk over to Mackenize, where he grabs me roughly and pulls me down onto the couch. I cry out but he puts a hand over my face.

"Mmm, Logan." he whispers as he grabs the zipper of my jacket in his mouth and pulls it down. Once its low enough, he attacks my neck and nibbles, bites, sucks, and basically eats my neck.

"o-Ow! OW!" I cry as he takes a huge bite out of my neck.

"Have you been talking to Blondie?" he hisses. I tense up and he grabs me roughly again.

"Tell me!"

"No! I haven't said a word!" Mackenzie gives a small sigh and I watch his face turn into a sickly sweet smile that makes my stomach curdle.

"Good. Sorry I had to be mean, baby." he leans close and presses his lips to mine, in a rough disgusting and sloppy kiss before he hurries and leaves, disappearing into the cold night.

I curl into a ball and sob. Kendalls kisses were always soft, sweet, and never longer than I wanted them to be. They were very different compared to Mackenzies.

I don't know what I'm going to do about this. It's...its just hard. My first thought was to run away. But where would I go? I couldn't go home. I couldn't just venture off on my own. I'd starve or freeze to death before I'd get anywhere. Besides I was to wimpy and cowardly to win in any fight.

I sit up and wipe my face as my dead brain begins something it hasn't done in years; I'm brainstorming!

I gasp and grab my notebook, flipping to a blank page as I begin writing things down, and sketching. This is risky but it's all I can do. I have to get rid of my nightmare once and for all.

Looks like I might need to find a costume for the dance after all.

Kendalls POV

It's Saturday, Halloween here in Minnesota.

Every inch of my chest hurts physically. Heart break, it's the only thing I can use to describe it. I haven't seen Logan all week, and even though James, Carlos, and even Hanna tried pitching in to help me talk to him, but he ignores them,too.

I laid on my bed and buried my head into my pillows. I couldn't get out of bed all day. I hurt so much, it got to the point where I've missed the last two days of school. I couldn't leave the dorm, because I knew Logan doesn't trust me anymore. He doesn't want to talk at all, and I know things between him and I are probably ruined. Ive tried so hard, but he hasn't helped me at all.

James opens the bathroom door and jumps out, laughing as he spins arounds. He's dressed as a demon, wearing red clothes, with a pair of horns on is head, holding a tiny plastic scythe and his pants have a small demon tail on them. He laughs and walks back into the bathroom to pull Carlos out behind him. Carlos blushed and looked down as he stepped out.

He was dressed in white clothes, and had small wings attached to his back, and he had a small halo attached to his hair with Bobby pins.

"You guys look great." I said quietly. James beamed and wrapped his arms around the shorter Latino.

"Thanks! Carlos sort of suggested it." James blushed, too, and I smiled a little wider.

"What time does the dance start?"

"Around five, and then it ends sometime around midnight. Theres going to be candy, cake, punch-"

"James." I said quietly, but he kept going.

"-A dj, ooh there's a costume contest, and -"

"James." I said again.

"-Oh and I think their taking pictures tonight!"

"James!" james and Carlos flinched and looked at me. I sighed and sat up slowly.

"Look, I'm not going, okay?" I turn away and stare outside, watching the afternoon clouds and sun cast shadows on the ground.

"But why?" I cross my arms and turn to James. I raise an eyebrow and he sighs.

"Just because you're not going with Logan doesn't mean you don't have to go."

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"I'm fine. Look, I just don't want to go, okay? Have fun."

I hear James sigh again.

"Okay, well, Carlos and I are going to walk around. Some teachers are giving out candy, so I'm taking Carlos out...trick or treating, of we can even call it that."

But I ignore him and the door shuts behind them. I lie back down and curl on my side, letting out little sobs. Ive been waiting to be left alone all day just to let them out. My cold tears slide off my face and I rub them away, standing and hurrying from the room. I need to get out and go somewhere. Anywhere.

I walk away from the dorms and enter the educational building, stopping to have some pats on my back as some teachers try and ask me what's wrong, but I ignore them and take the candy their handing me quietly, walking away in silence.

I sit down in a corner and silently munch the candy, not caring what kind it is.

"Kendall? Kendall? What are you doing over here, sitting in this corner?" I sniff and wipe my wet eyes as I look up at Hanna. I'm shocked for a moment and then I remember it's actually Halloween. She's dressed in a thigh length green dress, and her hair is in a bun. Shed holding a small sparkly wand and has small wings on her back, and green ballet shoes on.

"W-what are you supposed to be?" I sniff and take Hannas hand, pulling myself as I stand up.

"I am Tinkerbell!" she giggles and turns in a circle. I give a small smile, but she sees right past it.

"Kendall, I promise things will get better. Logan is being very dumb. Maybe you will have a chance to talk at the dance, no? And speaking of the dance, where is your costume?"

I shrug and turn away, stuffing the candy and my hands into my pocket.

"Didnt wanna go." I mumble. Hanna tsks at me and grabs my chin, making me look at her.

"Come now! Why not? Why miss out on all the excitement?"

"Because-"

"Logan will be there, too! He went and picked out his costume earlier! I saw!" I sigh, and lay my head on her shoulder.

"Please, just let me go back to my room."

"No! You are going to talk to Logan and go to this dance!" she starts pushing me toward the office, where they were actually handing out costumes for just tonight.

"All students who want to go to the dance tonight, and still don't have a costume, still have time to come down to the office and choose one!" the woman said, too enthusiastic about costumes apparently, before she turned to us and smiled.

"Hi! Are you here to get a costume?" I turned and looked at Hanna, watching her scowl and nod at me. I sighed and nodded as the woman motioned with a finger for us to follow her. I sighed and Hanna put her hands on my back, gently pushing me as we followed the woman.

In the back room, there were literally piles of costumes, hanging or folded up everywhere. O shuffled through them slowly, finding an excuse for every single one.

Zombie, football player, vampire, Frankenstein, and a million more it felt like. Until Hanna stopped me, yanked out one from behind her back and beamed. I looked at the costume and realized she wasn't going to give up, because the costume seemed perfect.

"Fine." I groaned and snatched the costume out of her hands.

XXXXXXXXX

I suddenly really regret leaving my dorm earlier. I felt my cheeks heat up as I was yanked down the halls by Hanna as she dragged me to the sort of large indoor gym they had, where they were hosting the dance.

Hanna stopped and turned around to inspect my costume before we walked in.

"You look perfect!" I groaned and looked down at my Mad Hatter costume.

"I feel stupid. We don't even look like a couple or anything. We're just wearing random stuff."

Hanna smiled, but stayed silent as we walked inside. It was still pretty early, so not a whole lot of people were here yet. Everyone was probably still getting ready, and I knew this place might be filled later.

I looked around, inspecting the gym. It had black and orange streamers everywhere, tons of lit orange pumpkins, black candles, a huge table filled to the brim with bowls of candy and even a large pumpkin cake. Two large fruit punch bowls sat in the middle of the table. I saw they had decorated the table,too, placing spiders, cobwebs, and black cats all over it. The gym floor held tons of balloons, along with confetti, and more spiders and cobwebs. People could get their pictures taken in a corner, the background being a creepy graveyard.

I glanced around, feeling my heart sink when I realized Logan wasn't here. I guess he's either not coming or still getting ready.

"Lets dance for a bit." I said to Hanna, smiling a little and taking her hand. Might as well have fun while I'm here, eh?

XXXXXXXXXXXX

About an hour later, everyone was filing in, costumes ready and ready for the costume contest. The gym started to get louder, and the DJ finally turned his music up extremely loud. Everyone was dancing and jumping around, being crazed by sugary sweets. I grabbed some candy and stuffed it into my pockets for later, then I took a slice of cake and a glass of punch. I walked over to Hanna, who was waving her wand around and dancing slowly with herself.

I smiled when I saw how pretty she looked. Then she stopped and walked over to me.

"Have you tried the cake yet?" I shook my head.

"Darn, I would've liked if someone tried it before me so I know if it's any good." she giggled and I smiled, handing her the punch. She took a sip before shaking her head, I watched a few strands of hair fall out of her thick bun and I set my cake down for a moment, turning he r around to fix it and tuck her soft hair back into place.

Then, after I was done I decided to sit down for a moment and finish my cake. I turned towards the chairs and stopped, feeling my heart begin to ache when I saw my beautiful, chocolate eyed boy, standing by himself.

My eyes widened as I slowly started walking closer and I realized what he was wearing, that made me suddenly want to kick Hanna.

He had on black slacks, a red coat and a green vest with a white shirt, along with a pocket watch, small spectacles and rabbit ears.

He was the little Rabbit, McTwisp, from Alice in Wonderland. I stuttered for a moment, seeing we were sort of matching in a way, when I felt hands on my shoulders. I tensed and turned to sees Hanna smirking.

"Go talk to him." she whispered. I gave a heavy exhale and started towards him, feeling my legs shake. He turned and the second he saw me, he turned to leave. I darted after him and grabbed his wrist.

"Wait, Logan. Please, I've been trying all week, let's talk. Please?" I said in a small voice. Logan started shaking visibly and I tugged gently on his wrist as I slowly guided him to an emote hallway. It was dimly lit, but we stood there and I kept his wrist in my hand.

"Logan...Please, talk to me. Help me figure everything out."

"Theres nothing to figure out, Kendall." he said quietly. I felt my heart break and he wouldn't look at me.

"Then just tell me. Is it me?" his eyes flashed towards me with a sad look in them.

"No! It's...it's difficult." I could feel my anger start to bubble.

"Logan, just tell me."

"No, your not involved in this." I furrowed my eyebrows and groaned.

"Logan-"

"Just don't Kendall." I threw his wrist down and let my anger out.

"WHY?! WHY WONT YOU JUST TELL ME?!" Logan looked at me in fear and started backing away slowly.

"Kendall-"

"No! I'm sick of creeping around you when all im trying to do is help you! All I want to do is help you get better, and open up! I want you in my life, Logan, and all you're doing is pushing me further and further away!"

"I told you this doesn't involve you!" he yelled. I took a step back, not knowing where his own anger came from, but then I regained my senses and stepped closer.

"Fine, then you know what? I'm done. If you don't want me in your life, then tell me now. If you dint, then it's all over between us, Logan, because I can't take this anymore. All I'm doing is breaking my heart over and over again."

Logan bit his bottom lip and lowered his head, letting small tears dribble off his nose and onto the floor. He stayed quiet, so I took that as an indication that he didn't want to be with me anymore.

I turned and left, hurrying away. I walked into an empty bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it before I slid to the ground and bawled. I sobbed and hung my head.

I couldn't do this, this pain was to much. I sat there for a few minutes before I decided what I needed to do. I just needed to leave.

I stood and left, wiping my tears.

Logans POV

After Kendall left me, I broke down and left, walking away.

I rubbed my tears away and cleared my mind, knowing what I had to do right now. I had to push everything away and deal with my plan. If I didn't, I would never get past this, and I could never have Kendall.

I had stood there in the gym, watching Mackenzie as he supervised, his gleaming, evil eyes glancing over every other male. I knew it wouldn't be long until he started on me. I felt my stomach clench and unclenching in worry, then I saw Kendall. I followed him, but it ended up badly. The tears built up behind my eyes and I couldn't take it, I let them fall. I felt horrible.

When Kendall told me how he felt, it made my heart ache even worse. But, I just couldn't go back to him until I saved myself and put my mind at ease.

As I walked further into the dark hallways, the goosebumps rising on my skin, the slight distinctive sound of quiet footsteps behind me started becoming more noticeable. I sighed and stopped, turning around to come face to face with Mackenzie. He stroked my cheek and leaned down, his hot breath ghosting over my lips.

"Mmm, you look adorable in that outfit..." I resisted the urge to vomit as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I thanked god it was dark, so he couldn't see my look of disgust.

"Why don't we...go back to my dorm?" I said, repressing the urge to sob and bawl like a small child. Mackenzie grabbed my hand and started dragging me as fast as he could, his pace so swift I almost tripped a few times. When we reached my dorm, I felt everything start to slow down. Here was my chance.

I pushed open the door and guided Mackenzie into the dim room. He went to turn up the lights, but I grabbed his hand.

"No, I like it dark. It reminds me of our f-first time." I watched him smirk as he stepped in front of me, like I hoped. He smiled wider as I took off my coat and then the vest and watch. I started to unbutton the shirt as I began backing him up towards the wall.

"So, bed, chair,wall,shower? Where at baby doll?" I smiled and then shoved him hard. Instead of flying backwards, though, his foot snagged onto the small trap I had set up.

I decided I could tie him up and call the police. I had fastened a rope so his feet would get caught, the trap would spring and he would fly up into the air, about five feet off the ground with no way down.

I smiled, but then my smile quickly faded as I watched one foot become snagged and he yanked at the ground, growling and grunting. He looked up at me with such cold, burning eyes, I felt my heart stop.

"You little bitch!" he screamed as he jerked and ripped his foot out of the trap.

I screamed in surprise as the dorm walls broke from where the rope had been secretly connected and the drywall busted. The fan that had been holding the rope up onto the high ceiling broke and started pummeling tower the earth as Mackenzie dove for my body, crashing me into the bed at the same time the fan hit the floor. I screamed and flailed, not understanding how my plan didn't work.

"Ya know, I WAS gonna go easy on you, but now I don't think I should show any mercy at all, you little slut." he hissed. I couldn't fight him as he tore my pants off, ripping my shirt open. My rabbit ears landed somewhere on the ground and Mackenzie used my shirt sleeves to tie my thin wrists together. Then, naked as the day I was born, he began beating me. I screamed and cried, feeling his thick knuckles digging into my ribs. I felt like they were glass and he was smashing them as he continued hitting me, busting my face with his fists. He slapped me a few times, hard, and then sent punch after punch into my face. I screamed in pain when blood busted from my nose and ran down my face, same for my lip as he split it.

I sobbed and cried and flailed, trying to do everything in my power to stop him.

Then came the flashbacks.

_"S-stop please!" Logan cried when he felt hands on his jeans._

_"No."_

_"w-why are you-"_

_"You're so perfect, Logan." He purred. Logan shivered and tried moving away but instead he was flipped over, his hands held behind his back. He cried out as his clothes were yanked off, his jeans pulled down his legs harshly, followed soon by his briefs. He cried out when he felt his hands tied with something soft. His torso was lifted and his shirt was pulled up, Mackenzie's cold hands trailing up and down his body, trailing around to land between his cheeks. He cried out when he felt Mackenzie push his two fingers in, rubbing…inside of him! Logan began shrieking loud, and kicking his legs. He wouldn't let him touch him!_

_Logan screamed. Oh the pain!_

"NO! NO! PLEASE NO! DON'T!" I cried but then the pain exploded through me and he hurt me so bad. Why? Why me?

What did I do wrong?

I screamed, turning my blurry eyes and pounding head towards the door, hoping my parents would come through and save me, finding me in my own blood and sweat.

"I tried, I tried, im so sorry." I whispered as Mackenzie splayed his own body above mine and thumped his hips in and out, hard and fast, making me let out a scream or whimper every time. I screamed as I felt the jabs to my prostate, burning and searing pain that made my gland swell and burn, being tortured continuously. I kept my head turned towards the door, wishing my parents would come in and save me.

I was dazed, and confused and I knew it, but my mind couldn't seem to comprehend anything as Mackenzie stilled for a moment and then lifted my legs high into the air, continuing to pound inside of me.

"Oh, god, Logan, so damn beautiful." he hissed. I squirmed and shook hard as Mackenzie whispered to me every time he thrusted his hips.

"Fuck, sometimes I wish you were a girl...",he panted in between his thrusts as his sweat dripped off his body and onto me,"So we could have had a beautiful baby." I sobbed harder.

"W-why did y-you-H-how did you even f-find me h-here?" I sobbed, gripping onto the bed sheets above my head. I couldn't take this pain, my tears falling off my cheeks. Mackenzie would stall and I knew he was trying to lengthen this. How did my plan fail?!

"I was just...looking...for some other little boys I knew...and I stumbled upon you...never thought I'd get lucky enough to see...you...again...my beautiful Logan...no one can...amount to how you...make me feel..." he panted, thrusting hard and I realized a moment later he was going to stall again, because his climax was rising. He stopped and dropped my legs, flipping me onto my stomach, my hands still tied above my head.

I buried my face into my bed, realizing a moment later that this was actually Carlos's bed, and screamed as loud as possible. This position hurt even worse. Crackles of pain zapped up my spine and I could feel him ripping and tearing me open. I could feel the blood, and realized a moment later the squishing sound Mackenzie was making every time he pounded, was my blood he was using as a lubricant.

I knew he wasn't going to stop, and I started panicking, feeling my body freeze and I tensed, screaming and panting, not being able to breathe. I felt lightheaded as I started hyperventilating.

Black circles appeared around my eyes and I realized I was going to faint. Then, Mackenzie wrapped his fingers around my neck and I felt him begin to crush my windpipe. I coughed and gagged, feeling the need to scratch at his hands as I felt al the wind leave my body.

Then the door opened and Mackenzie pulled off, turning to look at the person in surprise. It took me a moment to look at the person who had just walked in.

"K-Kendall? Kendall!" I coughed loudly. Then Mackenzie hit me and I blacked out.

A/N ummmm hope it was long enough!


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N **

**Ugh so long since my last update! I'm sorry! I've had some problems. I'm trying to raise my grades a bit more at school, and also I'm having some internet problems but hopefully they get fixed. Also, I just got my new laptop back! YAY!**

**Okay, so here I go. Hope you like!**

**Kendall's POV**

When Logan ran away, I felt my heart disintegrate. I sniffled and then felt something wet on my cheek, reaching up, I realized I was crying.

I cried harder and headed immediately for the nearest exit, bursting through the door. I walked away quickly, walking through the wet grass. I felt my slacks become wet and I shivered under the thick, scratchy costume jacket. I rubbed my arms as it started to get colder, and the lights started dimming as I walked away from the school.

I rubbed my arms harder as I begin to cry, tears falling off my face as I walk into the cold night. I need to get away, just run away from here. I don't care anymore about getting healthy or home. My dad hates me, and my mom is probably too scared to accept me back into the house again because of him.

I don't understand what happened this past week with Logan. He's just pulled away from me and buried himself into this corner, this dark well, something deeper than he had trapped himself in before. Logan has withdrawn from me, after everything I've tried to help him with, and I don't know what else to do about it anymore. He doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't want my help. He doesn't want anything.

It makes me so sad, and the pain is more evident than ever. I can feel my chest actually bursting in pain, and I clench it gently, bringing a sleeve up to my eyes as I begin to sob again. I'm cold, tired, and when I turn around, I'm so far away from the school, and the lights are tiny little dots like lightning bugs. I sniffle, feeling my nose begin to drip gently, and I let out a shaky exhale that turns into fog.

I see a few trees up ahead and I start walking towards them, but I'm suddenly startled as a high voice cries out to me from behind.

"Kendall! Kendall! Where are you going?" I turn as Hanna runs up to me, and I'm shocked when I see she doesn't have a jacket on. Her teeth are chattering and her lips are starting to turn blue.

"Hanna! Good God, what are you doing? You'll freeze to death!" I rip off my jacket and swing it around her shoulders. She takes it and snuggles into it, before turning those large blue eyes on me.

"What are you doing, Kendall? You'll freeze to death, too!" I sigh and rub and my arms.

"I just…decided to walk… and keep walking until I got somewhere." I said quietly. Hanna let out a puff of air and we start walking, her smooth, thin pale legs brushing against the grass and causing goose bumps to rise. We reach a dirt area, and I feel the ground become softer as we step into mud.

I'm a little shocked when I see a small creek and bridge. It looks old, but its hidden well, which means nobody probably ever comes out here. I sigh and take Hanna's small hand in mine and she hugs me close.

"I'm so sorry about, Logan, Kendall. I know how much someone like that means to another." She whispered. I hugged her close as we stepped onto the bridge. It creaked and I whimpered, looking at her.

"This could break under us." I whispered. Tears dribble off both of our cheeks, her for her past, and me for my present. She hangs her head and curls into the jacket.

"I know." I sigh and lean onto the shoulder, sobbing harder.

"I hate it." She wraps her arm around me and we cry softly together.

"Hate what specifically?"

"Life." I whispered. She nods against my shoulder, but then the bridge creaks louder.

"Kendall…" She whispers, but I turn away and hold myself in comfort. Hanna sighs and then leans over the creaky bridge.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered. I started to make my way to the other side of the bridge, hoping it will break before I get to the other side. But I get to the other side and I stop and sigh, turning back around to cross the bridge again, when I slip in the mud and tumble down. I gasp and then turn as I hit into something soft and mushy, and hard at the same time, which is **definitely **_**not**_ mud.

I gasp once the water clears and I see it's…a body.

I shriek and tumble back as I take in the face that's pale and wet and completely **dead. **As much as I can tell, it's been here a few days and from the dark cuts and bruises, the body was strangled and beaten to death.

Hanna slides down next to me in the mud and she shrieks, her loud high pitched voice breaking the silence.

"_Mr. Cramb_?" she whispers. I gasp and look at her.

"Is it…is it really him?" She nods and I watch tears fly down her face.

"Wait…if he's dead…Oh, God, LOGAN!" I screamed as I grabbed Hanna and bolted. We darted across the bridge, which creaked and threatened us with noise as we ran. We darted through the grass, the wet dew almost causing both of us to slip as ran, panting. I had to get to Logan, NOW.

"Kendall! Do you think he's going to hurt Logan?!" Hanna screamed. I glanced at her.

"Yes! I think we need to stop him, before he might even _kill_ him!" I yelled as we slammed into the door. I let go of Hanna as I pounded, yanked, and pulled on the door. I screamed and hit the door with my fists.

"We need to find another door, this one is locked!" Hanna darted around the building.

"Kendall, this door is open!" She cried. I darted around and wrenched open the door, tugging her inside and running up the stairs. I regret doing that, though, because the dew and mud on the bottom of my shoes make it slippery. I tripped and fell, hitting my chin. I fell, bumping the stairs and smacking my head against the ground. Hanna shrieked and shoved me off of her, as I tumbled down on top of the poor girl.

I blanked for a moment, feeling my mind go numb but then I slowly stood and rubbed my head.

"I have to…get Logan…" I whispered. Hanna let out a sob and grabbed me, hoisting me up.

"Come on, Kendall, we must get to Logan!" I shook my blurry head, feeling my heart thump horribly in fear. I darted up the stairs slowly, feeling everything pounding and hurting, physically and emotionally. I'm begging, hoping Logan is up here, and is safe, and **not** doing what I dreaded.

I feel as if time slows the closer Hanna and I run to the door, but as soon as I grasp the door knob, time fastens and I shove open the door, feeling my whole heart stop and rip open.

Logan looks at me, his red rimmed eyes wide. He's bleeding from the nose and lip, and his arms are tied above his head. He's naked, except for the ripped shirt that's open, giving me a full view of his naked chest and skeleton-like rib cage. His lips are turning blue and I realize why…

Mr. Hampton is buried inside of Logan's bloody opening, his hands wrapped around Logan's neck as Logan lets out a gasp of air and his eyes close slowly. I realize that this man is strangling Logan, and the shock wears off as my anger rises, my temper explodes in a hot fury.

YOU-YOU- YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH! I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU!" I scream as I dive for him. Mr. Hampton jumps away and grabs my arms as I bring them up to hit him. We struggle, walking around in the room, before we throw each other away. I hit the bed frame and groan, standing up quickly as this filthy _pervert_ tucks himself back into his pants. He sneers at me.

"_Did you ever think he would love you_?" The man sneers. I pull my fists up and sneer back.

"_I don't know, let's find out."_ I dive for him again, and I swing my fist as I do, colliding with his face. But then he punches me back and I cry out as the pain explodes in my jaw. I cry out and grab my jaw as he pounces on top of me.

"Logan! Kendall!" I watch Mr. Hampton glare up at Hanna. His disgusting, wandering eyes travel down her legs and he punches me again, making me scream as my nose cracks and blood floods out. Then he stands and before Hanna has a chance to run, he throws her into the wall, making her cry out and slide down the wall, leaving a small trail of blood from where he cracked her skull. He grabs a picture frame off the wall and smashes it against her head, making her scream more and she grips her head.

I watch her lean over and vomit from the pain and she whimpers as she looks at me, a blurry look in her one eye. Mr. Hampton grabs her face and chuckles.

"Don't worry; I'll deal with you later." He hisses, as he then he takes a piece of the picture frame glass and I scream as he slits it across her face.

I see more blood, and I gag.

I fly up, evident of the pain in my body as I attack him, Hanna crawling past me towards the bed Logan is on as I scramble and claw at his back. He throws himself down and lands on top of me, making me scream as he cracks _something._ I kick at him, but he's too strong for me as he holds me down, and begins to twist his hands to snap my bones in my body.

**James's POV**

I chuckled at the small Latino as he ran past me, swinging the small little orange bucket he took from the dance and filled with candy. He's munching on a caramel apple and beaming.

"W-we should w-watch…some scary movies…tonight…" He beams at me and I smile, lifting up the tiny trophy Carlos and I won for the costume contest.

"Sure! But, I'm making sure you brush your teeth before bed tonight. You've had **a lot** of candy." Carlos blushes and quietly munches on his apple, hanging his head as his inner shyness sets in. I lift his head, making a move as if I'm going to kiss him, but instead I take a huge bite out of his apple. Carlos pouts.

"Hey! My apple!" I chuckle and peck his cheek as he blushes again and then we begin our descent up the stairs to our dorm.

"What movies do you want to watch tonight? I don't want to watch anything **too** scary. And besides, we also have to make sure Kendall isn't sleeping…" I stop when I see our dorm room is open, and I can see a small trail of blood on the wall behind it, and fighting figures.

"Oh no…" I run towards the room at high speed, Carlos abandoning his candy as he follows me. The sight that greets us in a terrible one as I kick the door opens.

Logan is lying on the bed, nothing but a ripped shirt and a miss-colored jacket lying across his privates. Hanna is shrieking and whimpering as she cradles her bloody head in one hand, and tries to perform CPR with the other on Logan. Dark bruises dot his body and I watch him choke and gently sit up, falling back down into her lap as he struggles to breathe.

Kendall is fighting with a large man, and I watch as the older brunette twists Kendall's arm behind his back.

"AGH! FUCK!"

"SHUT UP! YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING YOU FREAK!" the male screams. I gasp and sit there, too shocked to understand what is going on.

"LOGAN WAS FINALLY MINE! MINE, DON'T YOU SEE?! AND **YOU** RUINED IT!" he screams louder as Kendall's bone snaps. He screams and I do the first thing that comes to mind.

I threw the tiny, heavy metal trophy and lob it at his head.

It strikes the side of his head and he stumbles back, gasping in pain. I run and body ram him, making him slam into the wall as I begin to pummel his body over and over with my fists. I'm stronger than I look, and my height also gives me an advantage, but he strikes back after a minute or two and he begins to pound me in return. I cry out in pain as his fist collides with the side of my head and I stumble back.

He begins counterattacking and hitting me instead, then he grabs my wrist and twists it. I scream as pain explodes through my wrist and then his nails scratch at the deep stitches that have begun to heal. He tosses me and I fall, but I begin to kick at him as the heat grows warmer and my wrist begins to bleed, soaking through the costume. This man stands over me and I watch as he's about to hit me, when Kendall flies across the room, broken arm swinging by his side as he rams into the man.

They stand up and are fist fighting when I stand to help. They edge more and more towards the window balcony seats, slamming into each other, hitting each other. Their lips are busted and eyes are swollen and Kendall is only hitting with one fist. I gasp when I feel more pain and I look down at my wrist, letting out tears when I see…so much blood…Everything spins…

_*flashback*_

"_Hey Fag!"_

"_We saw you heading home with that little faggy boyfriend home."_

"_Did you beg on your knees like a little bitch?"_

"_No one loves you, ya little faggot slut." _

"_You deserve to rot in Hell!"_

"_I wonder if they have lube down there for when the Devil shoves his pitchfork up your-"I end the call as laughter explodes in the background. I feel tears slide down my face, over and over again, they won't stop. I sob gently, and the next thing I knew, I was in the bathroom, the razor blade held in my hand. I stared at it for a moment, before I dragged it deeply across my wrists._

_I became dizzy and light as the blood trickled in heavy streams down my arms. I become light headed as my father pounded on the door._

"_James? James, are you okay? Does your stomach hurt?" I stared into the mirror as everything started to become blurry. _

_Fag…disgusting…defiled…used…whore…slut…Hideous…_

_No one will love me…_

_I fall backwards and hit the floor with a huge thump as my father jiggles the door handle and it opens._

"_OH MY GOD! BROOKE, CALL 911!" My dad screams as it goes dark._

_*Flashback*_

I scream and clutch my hair, ripping at my hair as the memories faded and I returned to reality. I watch Carlos as he held Hanna; they were both shrieking and sobbing in fear, Hanna in pain. Kendall was being strangled gently by the male, and as I rushed forward to help him, a tiny, pale figure rammed himself into the two, and they broke through the window.

I screamed as I watched Kendall fall, and Logan cried. Hanna screamed and so did Carlos as we all watched our friend fall.

"**NO! KENDALL!"** Logan shrieked. He leapt towards the window as Kendall's blonde hair disappeared. Tears ran down my face as we heard a bone-snapping crunch and a **THUD!** As they hit the ground. I sobbed and ran towards the window as Logan curled up and sobbed into his arms. I leaned over the side, feeling my heart thump in anger, fear, and sadness as I searched for my friend.

"Oh, God, this is my fault…all my fault…"Logan sobbed into his arms, I watched him begin to hyperventilate and I gasped when I saw the bruises around his throat. No wonder he couldn't breathe! He choked and coughed as he fainted.

There, on the ground, lay the man we had been fighting. His body was twisted wrong, and I could see blood drenching the grass as people crowded around. Girls began screaming as they discovered the body, and I could hear people beginning to crowd outside in the dorms and halls.

I gasped and leaned over further, spotting something that amazed me to no end. Logan heard my gasp and followed my gaze as we all leaned out the window, and Logan began to laugh and cry in relief.

There, hanging only about six feet under us from a flag pole swung Kendall as he held on with a thick grip from his only strong arm.

He smiled sheepishly at us and then looked down as his long legs swung forty or some feet up, before he glanced up.

"Help?" He whispered.

**Kendall's POV**

I watched all our parents yell at the officials of the school as we stood in the middle of emergency room. I had gotten my broken bone in my arm set and now I had a thick cast set on my arm. I swung my legs angrily as I rocked back and forth on the emergency bed.

I stared in pure hot, murderous anger as they wheeled Mr. Hampton in, and I was satisfied when I saw he had on at least two pairs of handcuffs. I quickly stood, gagging as I felt sick from the medicine they gave me, but I rushed over to the police officer who was escorting the nurse in. I stopped them and glared down at Mr. Hampton in his wheelchair.

"What is going to happen to him?" I hissed. Mr. Hampton sneered at me and pointed threateningly.

"I'll get you, Blondie. I will." The nurse wheeled him away as I turned to the officer. I leaned close, looking at his name tag. It read **Garcia.** I sighed.

"What will happen to that man?" The officer took off his helmet, wait, helmet?

"Even if the family doesn't press charges, he'll be sent to jail for the murder of your teacher, Mr. Cramb."

"Good." I hissed. I watched the officer pat my good shoulder and he turned and walked away. I watched as he walked to Carlos, who sat next to James. They hugged and I realized the officer was Carlos's dad. James and Carlos hugged and then James shook hands with Carlos's dad.

James had to have one of his wrists re-stitched because Mr. Hampton, or if that was even his real name, had ripped the last ones open again. James rubbed his wrist and smiled, before he hugged Carlos close again and planted a big kiss on his cheek. I smiled and turned to see my mom fighting with the other moms and dads. Katie darted over to me and I smiled at her, before we pulled each other into a big hug.

"How are you, Katie-bug?" I whispered. She smiled at me.

"I'm better. We found a new house to move into." She whispered. I ran my fingers through her hair and smiled.

"That's good."

We were silent for a few more minutes, before I patted Katie on the head and we walked over to my mom.

"This is **unacceptable!**" One of the moms screamed. She had coppery hair, same as the man who stood next to her. He had hazel eyes, so I put it together as them being James's parents. Officer Garcia stood beside them.

"You let a man, a pervert of all, into **your** school, and I have six cases of molestation from several boys in his class, not to mention a case of sexual abuse and rape, _**and**_ a murder!" Officer Garcia screamed.

The head of the school, a woman named Kelly, sat there and I watched her mouth open and shut, before she turned to the vice head. It was Mr. Rocque, the music teacher, was the vice head, but he was quiet for the first time I've ever seen. His face was getting redder with anger, though.

"Look, we don't understand how this happened. He had a complete background check, and everything seemed perfect!"

Officer Garcia pulled out a folded up picture from inside his pocket, and unfolded it. It looked exactly like Mr. Hampton, except for his eyes and the cheekbones were a bit higher, and the jaw was a bit thicker. They weren't big differences, unless you looked closely.

"THIS is the real Charles Hampton. He was found yesterday, dead and tied up in his car. So, now that's two cases of murder on this man."

"Logan once called him Mackenzie…Can that help in any way?" Officer Garcia looked at me.

"Maybe, thank you Kendall." He said before turning back to the head of the school.

"My child was nearly killed in this situation! How can you be calm?!" My mom screamed at Mr. Rocque. He opened his mouth to yell, but Kelly held up a hand. She glared at him before sighing and turning back to the parents.

"Like, I said, we didn't know! His background check was perfect a-and they looked exactly alike!" I watched another woman, with darker brunette hair and chocolate eyes step forward, her eyes dark and serious as her husbands were also. I watched her lip tremble, but she held her strong demeanor.

"You don't realize how bad my son suffered after he was…assaulted the first time. How do you think he'll be the second time around? AND not to mention he was nearly strangled to death?" She said in a soft, angry voice. Ms. Kelly opened her mouth to say something, but Mrs. Mitchell continued and cut her off.

"He could barely speak to me when I saw him. His throat was swollen beyond belief, and the only thing I could hear was, 'mommy help me.' I have never felt so helpless and heartbroken in my entire life, knowing I placed my child's safety, into your hands, when they should've been kept in mine."

I watched her hold her tears back, and I was amazed by Logan's mom's strong posture. She was strong and beautiful, and I could see where Logan got it from. Her husband stepped forward, wrapping an arm around his shorter wife. She was just a bit shorter than I was.

Mr. Mitchell pointed an angry finger at Ms. Kelly and I watched his cold glare zero in on her.

"We WILL be suing."

"ALL of us." Mrs. Diamond sneered.

"My brother deserved better!" Katie cried, but I pressed my good hand over her mouth.

"Shh…Just leave this to them." I whispered. Katie hung her head, but I ruffled her hair as I saw a certain blonde be escorted to lie down on a bed. I left Katie for a moment to run over to Hanna. She didn't have any good clothes, so they had given her scrubs to wear as she lay down. Her head was cracked along the side, and her eyelid, along with her cornea are cut. She has thick gauze around her head and a thick pad of it on her eye. The cut stretched from two inches above her eye, touching her eyebrow and then the last I saw it ended three inches under her eye.

"Hey, how are you?" I whispered.

"I tried to fight, but I couldn't Kendall. " She gently sobbed. I ran a hand through her hair and shushed her.

"It wasn't your fault at all. How is your eye?"

She sighed gently.

"I'm not blind…but my eye is damaged. We won't know how bad until I can take the gauze off. I sighed and kissed her forehead gently.

"I'm sorry."

"It was not your fault. It was my own, I suppose, but look, do not worry about me, and take care of Logan." I sighed and nodded, turning to watch as Logan is then wheeled down a hallway and back into the emergency room, dressed in scrubs. He looks worn and tired, and he looked dead. I felt sobs coming up my throat but then I stood and ran towards him, stopping a few feet away.

"Logan?" I whispered, not wanting to get to close just in case.

He looked up at me and I felt sadness wash over me as he leans back to say something to the nurse. Then I watch, in amazement, as she helps him struggle to stand. Once he's on his feet, he begins to shakily walk towards me. A step away, his knees collapse and I grab him, preventing him from fall. He sobs into my arms and I shush him, holding him close as I gently rock us.

"I-I'm so-so s-s-s-"His hoarse, swollen thick voice begins to sob and crack, but I hold him closer.

"Its fine, its fine. It's not your fault."

"Y-yes i-it was…I-I could've t-t-told-"

"You were scared, you were being abused. It's not your fault, I promise. I'm sorry for giving up on you, and not being there, Logan. This is my fault, too."

"I-I-I didn't m-m-mean to p-push y-you…" I chuckled and snuggled into his shoulder.

"It's okay…at least I didn't end up as bad as he did…"

"W-what h-happened?" He whispered. I smiled at him and ran a hand through his hair.

"He's paralyzed from the waist down…and he's being charged so he's definitely going to jail, and I doubt their nice to pedophiles there."

"I'm charging him, too…Th-they made me g-get a r-r-rape…test…" He curls into himself and I hold him closer as I press a kiss to his temple. He whimpers and I hug him closer. We look at each other, into our eyes, and I press a sweet kiss to his lips, letting our lips linger on each other for a few moments.

"Kendall..." he whispers once I pull away. I trace his face and peck his lips again.

"Can you trust me now? Can you trust me when I say I'll do my hardest to keep you safe, if you just let me try?" I whispered back. Logan began crying, balling my shirt into his hand.

"I can…I can trust you, Kendall. I-I love you." He whispers. I smiled and held him close.

"I love you, too. I do. I really do. I want you to know I have never felt like this with anybody else. You are the first, and the last." I whispered. He began crying harder.

"I will NEVER hurt you." I let a few tears fall off my face and Logan shakily brushed them away.

"Can you get better with me? For me? Will you try?" Logan nods and I kiss his lips again as my mom, Katie and Logan's parents come forward. Logan's Dad crosses his arms as he looks between Logan and me.

"Son, do you promise to take care of him? He's been through so much, and I won't let you near him if you're ever going to hurt him." He said sternly. I nodded.

"I promise to take care of him. I love him with all my heart." Mr. Mitchell smiles and pulls Logan and I into a hug, before pulling away and clapping me on my good shoulder.

"Logan, this one is a keeper." Logan laughs and rubs at his tears before his parents hug him close. His mom begins to cry.

"I wish I never had sent you to that school." She whispers. But then she looks at me and smiles.

"But…I don't regret you meeting Kendall. I love you, Logan, and I can see how much you care about him." She turns to me with an arm wrapped around her son.

"Thank you, Kendall. Thank you for help saving him, not just from that man, but also himself." She said quietly.

"You are part of our family now, Kendall. Please help take care of Logan." Logan's mom kissed me on the head, and then kissed Logan.

I smiled and looked at my mom, before pulling her into a hug, letting my cast rest against her lower back. My mom begins to sob and then she pulls back and swallows hard as she takes in my beaten, swollen face.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for putting you in there, Kendall." She sobs. I rub her back and hug her tightly.

"It's okay, mom, really. Without that school, I never would've met Logan." I smiled. My mom hiccupped and wiped away her tears.

"You guys are getting out of that place as soon as possible." Mrs. Mitchell says. I look at her, before my eyes move around her and I look at Carlos, James, and Hanna.

"What about them?" I whispered. The Mitchells and my mom turn and look at the three as the Diamonds and Officer Garcia come over to us,

"They'll leave, too. But, don't you worry, we're not going to separate all of you." Mrs. Diamond smiles at me. Mr. Diamond looks back at his son.

"I've never seen him this happy. Never. You guys did that for him. Thank you, so much."

"My hijo is talking again. I haven't heard his beautiful voice since he was ten. I love him so much, and to hear him talk, to communicate with me again…" Officer Garcia presses a hand over his chest and beams as James and Carlos make their way over to us," Bless him, bless you. Thank you so much."

James holds Carlos close and presses a kiss to his head as Carlos holds James's torn wrist close and kisses it, making me smile at them.

"Bless all of you boys." Mrs. Mitchell says.

_Bless you, Logan, bless your beautiful heart._

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

***THE NEXT DAY***

I helped Logan as we both sat there and folded our clothes, placing them in our suitcases as Carlos and James did the same across the room, being slower than us because they kept stopping to tickle and then share kisses.

Well, I guess I can't say anything because Logan and I can't stop doing that, too. Every time we get close enough, I pull him close to kiss him. I can't stop it; he's so beautiful and sweet. My heart thumps so hard for him.

I look at Logan as he keeps his head down, though, and I reach over to squeeze his shoulder gently.

"Faster we pack, faster we get out of here, okay?" He nods and swallows hard.

"It's okay, we're almost done. I know how it feels, it's scary here. I promise, you'll be safe as long as I'm here." He smiled and we curled into each other shoulders. I kissed his neck gently, making him shiver. I'm still aware, though, making sure to pay attention of any triggers he might have. So far, nothing has happened, but I do know he's holding himself back, trying to keep himself strong for me. He ate as much as he could at the hospital yesterday, and I almost cried in happiness when I saw he had cleared his plate.

We hold hands as we stand once more and then we began filling some boxes with the other things we had brought or got here. When we were done, I marked the boxes with a marker and we set them on the grounds next to our suitcases and duffel bags. I held Logan close as Carlos and James finally finished and set their things on the ground. I smiled as we picked up our things, James holding one of my boxes because of my broken arm.

We left our room and we all stood there as Hanna smiled at us. She was also leaving the school with us, and staying with my family for a while until she can get back on her own feet. I'm happy she's moving away from this and coping.

We got downstairs where our parents were waiting. I smiled at my mom and sister, as well as the other parents. We all started making our ways out the door, where we placed all off the suitcases and boxes into one of the cars all of our parents had rented. They had rented two large SUVs, and so we didn't have to be away from each other, we all got to ride in the back of the second SUV. They had folded the chairs down and piled the back with blankets and pillows, letting us lie down and relax on our way out of here.

We climbed in, Logan helping me in the back because climbing in with my awkward cast.

We all relaxed against the pillows our parents had out back there, Carlos and James across from Logan and I. Hanna curled up into a corner, sighing and sleeping on the good side of her head, making sure not to hurt herself as she cradles her head and smiles. Carlos leans over, pulling the stuffed puppy I haven't seen him adorning lately, and tucked it under her arm. She smiled and curled it close, letting Carlos drop a blanket on her.

I pulled out my i-Pod and pressed a headphone into Logan's ear as I switched it to a good song.

_We watch the season pull up its own stakes_

_And catch the last weekend of the last week_

_Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,_

_Another sun soaked season fades away_

_You have stolen my heart_

_You have stolen my heart_

_Invitation only, grand farewells_

_Crash the best one, of the best ones_

_Clear liquor and cloudy-eyed, too early to say goodnight..._

_You have stolen my heart_

_You have stolen my heart_

_And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration_

_One good stretch before our hibernation_

_Our dreams assured and we all will sleep well_

_Sleep well_

_Sleep well…_

My eyes became sleepy and I drifted off, waking up for a second as Logan leaned close, lifting my arm and wrapping it around him as he kissed my cheek and settled against me.

"I love you." He whispered. I ran my fingers through his hair before relaxing and letting myself drift off as well left the school behind us. We were finally gone from that horror of our lives, and it's behind us now.

We can get better, I know we can.

We will, together.

_You have stolen my heart_

_You have stolen my heart…. (1)_

**A/N**

**How was that? I tried. So where are the boys going? Find out next update!**

**And (1) Is Stolen by the Dashboard Confessional. It's a beautiful song, it's going to be my wedding song so I suggest looking it up. (SADLY THE TRUTH IS, SHE'LL BE FOREVER ALONE…T_T)**

**Review!**

**FAQ**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**

**Sorry about not updating this in such a long time, I've been really busy and stuff. Well, toss me an idea, review for me and I'll try and update a little faster now.**

**Logan's POV**

It's been nearly a month after the huge school problem. The school was shut down because the police did an investigation on the school. The therapy school was proclaimed, "NOT a safe place for children to be" and all the kids were sent to better therapy schools.

Except us.

Carlos, James, Kendall and I had left that school and all of our parents had decided to think about what to do. But, in the meantime, we were all going home.

What surprised all of us was when we came home; to discover we all lived in the same town, more or so less around each other. We all lived spread out, different schools and neighborhoods. It's why we never had met, but our parents were shocked, and then quickly came to the realization that they each had heard about one another at some point in their lives.

I sighed and shifted a bit in my sleep. Kendall's mother had volunteered to let all of us sleep at her new house, which was a big, old, Victorian styled house in one of the old parts of the city. It was nice, with a large lawn and tree out front, and adequate spaces for rooms, along with a renovated kitchen that looked brand new.

Kendall seemed a bit surprised at the new house, but I was confused. Hadn't he already been here? His room was set up entirely, bed and all.

I shifted a bit more and huffed. I liked the comfort of knowing Kendall was just down the hall, but I missed the safety feeling of having my parents under the same roof. I shivered and turned on my side, feeling a cold chill run down my back.

"_Bitch."_

I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut, tossing around, before snapping my eyes open and checking the clock. It was seriously only one in the morning?

"_Slut."_

I pressed my hands over my ears and began crying. I wasn't a slut. I wasn't.

"_Hideous. Ugly."_

_No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not…don't listen, don't listen…_

"_Rot in hell."_

More tears ran down my cheeks and I curled up tighter.

"_The devils pitchfork is the punishment-"_

"No…no…" I moaned quietly.

"_-and his spit is the lube, cunt."_

I began screaming and jerking in my sleep, crying harder.

I felt arms surround me and I screamed as I tried to pull away. I needed to get away.

**Hanna's POV**

I sighed as I finished my business in the bathroom and flushed, before I stood and cast a glance at myself in the mirror. I looked pale, more frail than usual. My arms no longer bore the thick gauze I needed, but instead the deep scars I wasn't proud of. I looked into the mirror as my blonde hair fluttered messily down and covered my ripped eye.

The incident with Logan's rapist had caused me to be half-blind temporarily, until the doctor told me otherwise. But I doubted that I would have my eyesight full again.

I moved my hair and looked at the white patch on my eye, where more gauze was taped to my eyelid for protection so the wound doesn't get infected.

I let out a pitiful sigh and shut the lights out, leaving the restroom and creeping through the old house Kendall and his family had allowed me to stay in. I shivered as my bare feet padded along the floor, but then stopped. I heard a moan. Another one.

A scream.

I turned towards the room I heard it come from and ran in quietly. Logan and Carlos had been sharing this room, while James and I had been sharing another room.

(Reasons, just reasons, are what Mrs. Knight said when we were told where to sleep, and I noticed she had been looking at James and Carlos with a small smile the entire time.)

I flipped on the light, making Carlos groan and pull the covers over his head, but I didn't pay attention as I hurried to Logan's side. He was sweating and tossing in his sleep, before he started screaming. He sat up in his sleep, his eyes flew open and he screamed loud, his voice still a bit hoarse from the bruises around his throat.

I tossed myself towards him, wrapping him in my arms as he flailed. I looked over at Carlos, who was wide awake and sitting up by now, looking at me with wide scared eyes.

"Get Kendall, go! Go!" I cried as I wrestled with Logan. I hope Kendall can help him feel better.

**Kendall's POV**

I was lying in my bed, dozing when Carlos and James barged in, both looking sleepy and bed rumpled as they ran to wake me up. I groaned as they shook me.

"Kendall!" Carlos cried, but left everything else for James to say.

"What, what is _so_ important at one am?" I hissed.

"It's Logan, Kendall!" James cried. I was out of bed, tossing the covers back as I left my new room, my bare feet slapping against the floor as I ran into the guest room down the hall and saw Hanna holding a screaming, fighting Logan. He was crying, large streams of tears running down his face, along with a bit of snot, and his eyes were glazed over as he fought and struggled in Hanna's hold.

"Kendall! I can't calm him down, help me!" she cried. I darted over and wrapped my broken arm around him, pulling him close. I rocked him back and forth gently, saying nothing as I kept a firm grip on him. He was struggling, but his breathing started to slow down and he started calming down. He gently shut his eyes, but relaxed and buried his face into my pajama shirt, where he bawled gently, wiping a mess on my shirt. I didn't care, I just wanted him to cry out and calm down.

"Shh, you're okay. You're okay…" I cooed to him as he sobbed. I stroked his hair with my bad arm and then he looked up at me, sniffling.

"Heyy…" I said quietly. His brown eyes were wide in fear and confusement. They darted around, as if checking for anything dangerous.

"You're okay, you're safe, I promise." He blinked, still puzzled.

"I-I'm not a slut-I'm not!" I was confused, but traced his face as I pulled him into my lap and rocked him gently, looking up at my friends. James, Carlos and Hanna were sitting across from me on Carlos's bed, watching and making sure Logan was okay. My mom and Katie were standing in the doorway, listening and watching. Katie whimpered and tugged on my mom's bathrobe.

"_He's okay, he's fine. Go get him a glass of water or something."_ I whispered to my mom. She nodded and gently pushed Katie away, not wanting her to see Logan in this bad situation.

I cuddled him closer and rubbed our cheeks together, ignoring the dull pain coming from my broken nose. It stopped hurting about two weeks ago, but the doctor said it would take another month to heal completely. My arm would take another two weeks to heal and take out of its cast and into a thinner cast and sling.

"You are NOT a slut, Logan. Don't listen to those voices, don't. They lie, Logan, they lie." I put my head on top of his and sighed. Logan had recovered somewhat, but about a week ago, he started hearing voices talking to him, calling him bad names, making him have nightmares, and cry.

His parents started taking him to a therapist, who had an idea that he was beginning to suffer from PTSD.

I sighed and buried my nose into his hair, letting out a couple of tears. My beautiful Logan, my poor beautiful Logan.

He sniffled and seemed to come out of his haze a few minutes later. He looked up at me and blinked, tracing over my broken nose gently, feeling the black eye I got from the fight. He shivered from it and quickly looked away. I felt my heart drop a little, because this was just another symptom of PTSD, form what I looked up.

My broken bones were a trigger for poor Logan.

"You alright?" I whispered as my mom and Katie reappeared, holding a small plate of sandwich's and glasses of water. I took a glass of water and let Logan sip from it, helping his dry throat. He nodded and cuddled into my chest as my mom and Katie sat down on each side of him and I. We all silently ate our late night snack and watched Logan, making sure he was okay and not going into another nightmare.

"Do you want me to call your parents?" My mom asked Logan quietly. He shook his head slowly, biting into the thin sandwich.

"No, I don't want to bother them now that I'm okay. He said quietly. I kissed the top of his head, watching him blush and look up at me.

"Are you going to be okay?" he nodded, but I wasn't convinced.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he hesitated before he looked at me and nodded.

"I heard…those voices again." He whispered. I stilled the rocking and looked at him seriously. I grabbed his chin softly and lifted his face, tracing my thumb over his bottom lip.

"What did they say?" I said quietly. Logan looked around at everyone, looking from each silence face to the next, knowing we wouldn't judge him. My mom started rubbing his back as he let out a shaky exhale and began crying, hot tears running down his face in a heartbreaking way.

"They-they called me a-a bitch and an s-s-slut and said I would rot in H-Hell." I watched my little sister stand up and hug Logan, then Hanna, Carlos, James and my mom copied her, dashing over to Logan and yanking him in a big group hug.

"Logan, don't ever think about yourself like that!" James cried. Carlos nodded in agreement.

"I may not know you very well, but I' smart enough to know you're an extraordinary young man." My mom smiled at Logan. Logan gave a small smile and wiped his face, then looked at me and blushed at the mess he made on my shirt.

"O-oh, I'm so sorry, Kendall." I chuckled and stroked his hair, nuzzling his nose with mine, making him blush darker and give a small shy smile.

"Don't worry about it. I think it's time we all head back to bed, what do you say?" I looked around and everyone nodded in agreement. James stood and Carlos went to crawl back in bed when Logan grabbed my hand. I turned to see his eyes wide and a bit scared.

"Will…will you at least stay in the same room as me, for tonight?" I looked at everyone else, my mom and Katie already say goodnight and left. I turned to Hanna and smiled.

"You want to stay in my bed tonight, while James and Carlos share a room?" She smiled at me and nodded, before padding out of the room quietly. James tugged on Carlos's hand gently and they left the room. Carlos cast a smile at me over his shoulder before he shut the door and let us be.

I hugged Logan as I stood and turned off the light, and then crawled into Carlos's bed. I squirmed for a few minutes before I laid still and got comfortable. I started to doze, my body suddenly feeling heavy.

A warm feeling woke me up and I looked down to see Logan curled around me, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his cute little nose scrunched up, and his head on my chest. I squeezed his shoulder gently.

"I love you, Logan." I whispered, thinking he was asleep.

"I love you, too." His response came back a few moments later.

**Logan's POV**

I stared out the window at the falling snow as everyone was cleaning up from breakfast, and decided I could finish the book I was reading.

I hadn't even read two sentences when Kendall plopped beside me, stuffing his body in between mine and the tight space in the lounge chair I was in.

"Oof! Kendall!" He wrapped his arms around me and then put his head on my shoulder. I sighed in defeat and tried to ignore him and finish my book.

"Whatcha reading?" He pestered me. I rolled my eyes.

"A book about Stephen Hawking, shoo." I waved my hand dramatically, but in reality I liked the way he clung to me, hugged me and squeezed my now healthy body in his arms. He pressed his nose into my neck and inhaled, making me shiver.

"Is it any good?"

"Obviously." I answered with a huff.

"You want to do something fun?"

"I am doing something fun."

"Not reading, Logie-Bear, let's do something better than that!" He chuckled. I looked at him slowly, gave him a small smile…

And then pushed him out of my chair.

He fell to the ground, his legs still on the couch, so I leaned over the side and laughed at him.

"How's the weather down there?" I laughed. He looked at me with a straight face.

"It is twelve degrees Celsius with a slight chance of rain and another slight chance of me chasing you."

I laughed and then stopped, taking a moment to realize what he said before I bolted off the couch and ran, darting past Mama Knight where she sat watching TV, knocking over Carlos's, James's, and Katie's board game of Clue, darted past Hanna as she swerved out of my way with a huge basket of laundry, bolted upstairs and shut the door, then looked around for a place to hide as Kendall came charging up the stairs. I tossed myself into the closet at the last moment, shutting the door as Kendall tossed open the door.

"HA! Logan?" I covered my mouth so he wouldn't hear me laugh.

"Huh…Thought you might be in here…" the door shut and I slowly opened the closet, only to let out a shriek as Kendall tackled me and yanked me out. He started tickling me and I shrieked, trying to push him away but then he lifted my shirt up and pressed his lips to my belly and blew raspberry's, making me scream.

The door opened and Mama Knight glanced in at us, quirking an eyebrow.

"You need help?"

I try to tell her yes, but I couldn't stop laughing as Kendall tickled me and blew raspberries on my bare stomach.

"H-help me! Please!" I laughed. Kendall sat up and laughed at me before he stood and helped me to my feet, where I stood shakily. I glared at him for a moment before I laughed and wiped my sweaty head with the back of my hand.

"You alright?" He laughed at me. I chuckled.

"I'm sweaty from that tickle mess that you just inflicted on me." He had a smirk on his face.

"It's not my fault you're so ~adorable~." He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled me almost violently, lurching me sideways in his arms. I laughed at him when he let me go and dragged me to the closet, pulling out snow boots and jackets. He threw one at me and I looked at him in confusement.

"We're going to go play in the snow! To cool you off!" he laughed. I shook my head at him.

"You make no sense, Kendall." I shook my head as I yanked on the thick clothes he was tossing at me.

"Yeeaahhh, but you still love me. Right?" he looked at me with a dramatic sad look. I faked a look.

"Maybe." He laughed at me as he yanked on some gloves and then pulled me out the room and downstairs.

"We're going outside to play in the snow!" he announced to the whole house. I shook my head again and flipped my hood on as I followed Kendall out into the spacious yard. We walked for a few minutes before Kendall linked our hands and I smiled, turning to him and grabbing his other hand and swinging him around. Kendall laughed and stopped us for a moment, before he pulled out his new iPhone and turned it on, playing, "Can't get enough" by J-Cole.

_She said "I heard you got a main chick  
>A mistress and some hoes<br>You be up to no good  
>And everybody knows<br>My home girls tried to warn me  
>They tried to let me know<br>But what you got, I need a lot  
>So I can't let you go"<em>

_[J. Cole:]__  
>She said<br>"I, can't get enough, can't get enough"  
>(I need that)<br>"I, can't get enough, can't get enough"  
>(I need that)<br>"I can't get enough of what you got  
>Good god, you hit the spot<br>Tried to let go but I just could not  
>So don't you stop, I need that<em>

I laughed at Kendall as we swung around in circles in the yard, before Kendall grabbed me and pulled me close. We danced together slowly as the song ended and Kendall winked at me, pressing our foreheads together.

"I can't get enough of you."

"You're so corny." I snorted. Kendall pressed our noses together and I winced when he grimaced a little when we pressed on his broken nose.

"Awww… "He stuck out his bottom lip in a tiny pout and I chuckled, pulling his face closer to kiss his lips gently.

"You're such a dork." He chuckled.

"Aw, but dorks fall for other dorks." Kendall shook his head.

"Nerd."

"Weirdo."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." I laughed as Kendall yanked us down to the ground and made a snow angel. I laughed and fanned my arms up and down in the snow, heaving after a moment of pushing the heavy snow back and forth quickly.

"Kendall?" I said quietly after a moment's hesitation. He raised his head to look at me.

"Yes, my love?" I smiled and looked at him seriously.

"Will you stay with me forever?" He bit his bottom lip and crawled over to me, lying down on top of me in the snow.

"Only if you want me, too."

"Good…because I want you, too." Kendall looked at me and smiled, but then I pouted at him.

"What is it, baby?"

"You ruined my snow angel."

Kendall busted out in laughter, but before anything happened, James, Carlos, Hanna and Katie ran out the back door, scooping up snow and making attacking noises and screams.

"Attack, comrades!" James cried as he began pelting me with snow balls. Kendall and I screamed and stood quickly, molding our own snowballs and throwing them as we ran away to build a fort and defend each other, as Hanna darted to our side to equal the groups as we started our snowball fight.

**A/N**

**I'll try to update faster next time, please review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Christmas shopping part 1 of 2.**

**Kendall's POV**

It's almost two weeks until Christmas is here.

And I still haven't bought Logan anything as a present. I huff to myself as I curl up in a chair by the window and look out into the yard. It's filled with new, thick snow, which means my mom might need me to plow the driveway and sidewalk, _again._ I groan to myself, and loll my head to the side, watching Logan and my little sister play a board game.

I smile at Logan, traveling my eyes up and down his body. He's thicker, in a healthy way, lean and muscly. He's been eating more, thank goodness, and every day he's happier to eat more. He inhaled his mashed potatoes last night and all I could think about doing was crying happiness. His ribs were no longer visible, his arms were thicker, he looked so much healthier and it just brought a smile to my face.

And did I mention how _adorable_ he looks?!

I mean, seriously! His clothes fit for once, and he just looks so cute in his snug sweaters, his button-up shirts and sweater vests. He started gelling his hair, making it stick up in a sort of faux style that made want to pounce him and cuddle him to death.

Logan stopped having nightmares and hearing voices a few days after his last episode. He still mumbled and whimpered in his sleep, I knew that might never stop, but he didn't wake up screaming anymore.

But he did keep asking me to sleep with him, which I happily obliged too.

I lean back into the couch and smile, watching my boyfriend as he lied on his stomach, feet in the air, kicking frantically when Katie was outsmarting him in the game. He pouted and looked at me, adorable puppy dog eyes that I couldn't resist.

"Keendallll! Katie is cheating!" Katie laughed and I stood, walking over to sit beside him and watch them play.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Logan's present. He needs a present. I huffed and went through everything I knew he would like, but nothing came to mind that didn't seem stupid or kiddish.

I still hadn't come up with a good idea by the time my mom and Hanna had called us all to dinner. James and Carlos darted past me and Logan into the kitchen, James stumbling over Katie's and Logan's board game.

"AH! Seriously?! James, I was just about to win!" Katie cried. Logan chuckled and looked at me.

Damn it, that sweater on him was _so_ cute.

"Hey, you alright?" I nodded and turned to him with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine, let's go eat dinner." I stood and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet and hauling him to the dinner table.

The next day I was out shoveling the snow in the front yard, James helping me when an idea came to mind and I turned to James as he picked up a huge thing of snow and accidentally lobbed it at my face.

"GAHH!" I screamed as I was flung backwards from the impact. I flopped into a huge pile and groaned as I reached up to feel my nose. James was standing over me, looking like he was forcing himself not to laugh.

"You okay?" he chuckled. I narrowed my eyes at him and then scooped up a huge piece of snow in one hand as I slowly stood.

"Not the face, Kendall, not the face-"he chuckled, backing away as I slowly advanced towards him with the snow in my hand. I tackled him, holding my cast in the air as we fell and I smothered it all in James's hair. He shrieked and pushed me away, using one of the windows as a mirror.

"OH MY GOD MY HAIR!" he screamed, and then turned towards me with a dreadful look plastered to his face and snow dribbled off his scalp.

"You're dead meat." I ran over, laughing to myself as I had gotten the last laugh in this round. I stopped a few moments later, feeling a small gush and looked down to see droplets of scarlet dripping out of my broken nose.

_Damn, it must've been from when James hit me._

I turned towards James as he barreled past me, missing me by an inch and going face first into the snow.

"You did that on purpose!" he screamed as he stood, laughing a bit and then looked at me.

"Oh, crap. Sorry, Kendall." He wrapped an arm around me and started leading me back to my house as more hot blood ran down my chin. We stomped our feet on the porch and left our boots outside as we walked in, making sure to not trail a lot of snow into the mudroom.

"Mama Knight?! Kendall has a nosebleed!" James cried as he made me sit down and pressed a towel to my face. I groaned at the dull pain and looked up at James.

"Hey, James can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure, what is it buddy?" He asked while pinching my nose a little, tilting my head back.

"Well its-" Logan came around the corner along with my mom, holding a damp, warm towel as he rushed to me and pressed it to my face instead of the dirty, dry towel James used momentarily.

"Oh, my gosh, Kendall are you okay? Did James hit you or something?" he eyed James warily, who held his hands up in surrender.

"Nah, he didn't it was an accident. I'm fine." I smiled at how protective Logan was of me. I looked at my mom and she was gently twisting a bandage back and forth between her fingertips, looking worried.

"Are you sure? Do you feel light-headed?" Logan asked as he tilted my head to examine my nose. I laughed at him and pecked his nose, making him back away and blush.

"You sure you don't need me to call the doctor?" I looked at my mom and smiled, before I nodded as a response.

"I've already broken my nose once, remember mom?" My mom laughed suddenly and put her hand to her forehead.

"How could I forget? You got slammed into the board by another player and then you kept telling your hockey coach you were fine and wanted to keep playing while blood was running down your face. I forced you to go to the ER that day." My mom laughed. James laughed and looked at me.

"You played hockey?" I looked at Logan, who smiled and adjusted my nose gently.

"Yep. Had to quit when…" I turned away at the thought. I had to quit after my dad and his friends raped me. I was in the hospital with multiple injuries, including a three week bed rest for the brutal beating and then I had to stay a month on crutches for a swollen ankle and stitches…elsewhere.

I watched my mom nibble her thumbnail and look at me in worry, her large green eyes reflecting different emotions and thoughts. I gave her a small smile and waved my hand gently, showing her I was fine.

"I'm okay, don't worry, mom. " I turned to James.

"You play hockey?" he nodded with a sad smile.

"I got kicked off the team because the players found out I was gay and went against me." He said quietly. Logan gasped and quickly hugged the Copper-haired boy in comfort.

Since when is Logan so touchy-feely with James?

I felt a bit of jealousy rise in my chest, but I was forced to push it away. Logan is _just_ friends with James. _Just_ friends. Nothing else. He wouldn't leave me for James and James wouldn't leave Carlos. I gave Logan a grim smile as he sat by me and hugged me, feeling the envious feeling fade away. I curled my arms around Logan and smiled, kissing his forehead.

"You know, there's an ice rink downtown, maybe we could go sometime and play a bit?" I suggested to James. He smiled.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"What about you, Logie-bear?" I tickled him and made him laugh. He looked at me and shrugged.

"I played a few years and quit. I wasn't strong enough to be slammed into repeatedly. The coach kicked me off the team because I wasn't gaining muscle and eventually I broke a rib." I rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and smiled.

"Good, we have three players!" James smiled.

"You know, Carlos once said he played a bit. Maybe he'll be up for it, too! And Hanna can be our referee!" James turned to leave, but then stopped and looked at me.

"Oh, Kendall, what were you gonna ask me?" I felt my face heat up as Logan looked at me curiously. I shook my head quickly.

"Nothing."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm going to go wash my hair, thanks to YOU, Knight," James pointed dramatically at me," and ask Carlos about playing some hockey." He turned the corner and left, leaving us all chuckling.

"Is he always so dramatic?" My mom looked at me. Logan nodded against my chest.

"Total drama queen."

"Totally."

"I guess I know what I'm buying that kid for Christmas." Another chorus of laughter erupted from us.

I was lying in bed about an hour later, nursing an ice pack against my nose, which started throbbing and giving off dull pain, when the door opened and James plopped down beside me. He smiled at me, and I nodded at him.

"Sooo, whatcha doing, Kenny?" I looked at him with my, "are-you-freaking-serious?" look and he laughed.

"Sorry, I'm just kind of bored. Logan, Katie, Hanna and Carlos went down the street to get some ice cream and toppings for tonight's desert. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better. My nose has almost stopped hurting finally. "

"Good, good." It was quiet for a moment.

"Do you like your new home?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, it's nice. It's quiet. I mean, it's a little cold, but it's better than our last house." I whispered the end quietly. James looked at me with sad eyes.

"Kendall, is it okay if I ask you what happened?" I sighed and immediately understood what he was referring too.

"As long as you tell me yours, too. AND you go first." I looked at him as he sighed, swinging his legs on the end of my bed for a moment, before he turned and looked at me. His bottom lip was trembling, but he held his tears back. I sat up quickly and wrapped an arm around him and squeezed.

"It's okay, James, it's going to be okay." I rubbed his shoulder as he inhaled deeply.

"I had this teenager friend when I was little, because I didn't have a lot of friends out where I lived. He was sick and weird and gross, and I let that freak of nature spend the damn night for some reason when I was 8, a-and t-that night he to-told me we were going to do b-big boy things, took my clothes off and f-f-forced himself on m-m-m" he stopped and turned away, sobbing gently. I wrapped my broken arm around him and rocked him gently as he sobbed.

"I f-felt so dirty afterwards, I felt like nothing else mattered, like nothing else in the world would be the same. I felt like I couldn't get his touch off me, like I needed to burn my damn skin to get rid of it." He whispered, wiping his face. He sniffled and looked at me.

"Your turn." He simply said. I sighed and dropped my arms, hanging my head. I watched condensation from the ice pack trickle off my nose, before I looked James in the eye and said quietly,

"James, my dad was an abusive drunk who hated gays. When he found out I had a boyfriend, he kicked my ass on day to day basis, but I told my mom that I'd rather take it than her and Katie. She told me she could do something about it, that she was terrible mother, but I told her not to worry."

"But, Kendall, if he was hurting you, or your mom, or, damn it, Katie, you guys should have said something!" James cried. I shook my head.

"He once slapped Katie and left a bruise on her cheek. When the Children's Protective Services came by, he told my mom if she said anything he'd kidnap us and take us away from her and she would never see us again. And trust me, he could do that." James's eyes went wide.

"K-Kendall-"

"One night, mom had to work so she left Katie and me alone. I told Katie to pack a little backpack and head to the neighbor's house. She'd had an abusive husband before and understood what we were going through. Once Katie left, my dad and his friends came upstairs, where I was packing. They beat me up and-"I felt my throat clog up at the next part and I stopped and turned away. James squeezed my shoulder gingerly.

"You don't have to keep going, Kendall-"

"He raped me." I whispered. James shut his mouth, then leaned over and swallowed me in a big hug as I cried a little.

"He r-raped me and beat me up, threw me down the stairs and then into the kitchen, where he cut me with a knife, then got his friends to toss me through a window." I whispered. I hated crying in front of people. I was always the strong one. I was. I felt myself crumble gently into my friend's arms. He rubbed my shoulders gingerly and then helped me sit up. He gave me a small smile, looking exhausted suddenly as he wiped away some tears.

"We're all just kind of damaged goods, huh?" I chuckled at him as we hugged again.

"Yeah, I guess we somewhat are. You know, I rarely open up to people like that." James nodded.

"I won't tell a soul, I promise." He smiled and I grinned at him.

"Thanks, James." He nodded and looked at me as he stood.

"Hey, what were you going to ask me earlier?" I ran a hand through my hair.

"I don't know what to get Logan for Christmas. Any suggestions?" he shrugged after a moment of thinking.

"Just let it be from the heart I guess. Don't worry, you'll find something." He smiled and then turned to leave my room. I smiled after him and then looked at my floor, chuckling a little.

The door opened downstairs and Katie called out that they had gotten the ice cream. I smiled and stood, running downstairs to join my friends.

**Logan's POV**

I was lying on my stomach watching TV, with Kendall's feet on my butt (I don't know why), Katie lying next to him on the couch with her head in his lap, James and Carlos were sharing the huge recliner with a blanket draped over them, Hanna was already asleep upstairs, and we were watching A Christmas Story. We had just gotten to the part where Alfie and his little brother Randy and their friends were being chased by the bully with the coonskin cap.

"_Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense!"_ the narrator cried. I laughed and, I don't know what possessed me to turn my head and look under the Christmas tree.

We had set up the tree two days ago, decorated it and everything and everyone immediately shoved their presents under there. All of our families were coming over Christmas Eve and Christmas to celebrate, so they brought their gifts and stacked them under the tree also. I had already bought some stuff for everybody (a teddy bear for Carlos, a book on hair styling with a free set of hair trimming utensils included for James,for Katie I bought her a set of binoculars, as for Hanna I bought her a decorative eye patch that she could wear so she could laugh at herself when she wore it, and for my mom I bought a new set of earrings and my dad I got a new watch)

I had ordered it all online and wrapped it all up as soon as it got here.

But, I couldn't find anything for Kendall. I didn't want to just give Kendall some schmucky present; I wanted him to remember it for a long time. It's hard, though, because I'm sure everyone is going to give him awesome presents. I groan a little to myself as I turn back to the movie, feeling horrific with myself. I'm a terrible gift giver.

Kendall's feet moved on my butt and I groaned a little, blushing when I realized what I did. I heard Kendall chuckle.

"You alright down there, Logan?" I quickly nodded and tried to focus on the movie, but it was hard when Kendall started teasing me a little. He started moving his feet up and down, rubbing my back and my butt. I groaned and then bit one of my knuckles to keep myself quiet. Damn it, Kendall.

I started shaking and before I knew it, and could control it, I was shivering violently. Kendall was down on the ground, holding me gently and rocking me, whispering to me moments later.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, shh…shh…You're okay…you're okay…" he whispered with a trembling voice. I tugged on Kendall's shirt sleeve, whimpering and then letting out shaky exhales.

"I'm fine…I'm f-fine, Kendall, really." Kendall eyed me and then shook his head slowly.

"Logan you were crying for five minutes and then you sort of screamed at me." He whispered. I blinked and looked at the time. It was thirty minutes later.

How had the time gone by so fast like that? I looked at Kendall and whimpered.

"I'm so sorry, Logan! I didn't mean to!" Kendall looked like he was about to cry, but I hugged him instead.

"Hey, don't cry. It wasn't your fault, I just need to know how to take things better, I mean you are my boyfriend after all." I looked around, going from Katie's shocked face to seeing Carlos and James's worried faces. I'm just glad we hadn't woken Kendall's mom up, she might've called my parents if she knew I had black out for almost a good ten minutes.

I wiped Kendall's tears away and then hugged him and kissed his nose, making him blush and hold me closer.

"L-let's go finish the movie, okay?" I nodded as Kendall scooted back against the couch and then used the remote to switch the movie back on. Everyone settled back down a few minutes later, and before I knew it, it was over and everyone was trekking off to bed. Kendall carried me upstairs, bridal style, leaving me looking over his shoulder to watch the falling snow as he made the trek upstairs.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

I sneak into Kendall's bed at night.

It's not really a secret, everyone knows I do it. But I like to think to myself that it's Kendall's and I's little secret. I do it when no one is awake, but his mom or Katie or someone else come in every morning and see us.

I glance around the dimly lit room, listening to Carlos's soft breathing. James was snoring loudly next door, and once in a while you would hear Hanna get up and move around in the room and then settle back down, because it turns out she's a sleepwalker.

I stood slowly, letting my socked feet touch the floor and I stood, listening to the old floorboards beneath me creak as I slowly left the room, creeping out of my room and slipping down the hall. I noticed Kendall had left the door opened, so I slipped in real quick and then hesitated as I stood by his bed, debating with myself whether I should get in or not when Kendall stirred and looked at me.

I really wish I moved, because the moonlight was shining directly on me as Kendall looked up at me.

"Logan?" I stiffened.

"Yes."

"You alright?" I nodded quickly and Kendall smiled, lifting his comforter and motioning for me to get in with him. I smiled and quickly climbed din, snuggling under his arms as he held me close. His fingers drifted through my hair every now and then and he smiled against my forehead.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?" I squirmed a little under his grasp.

"What do you want for Christmas?" I giggled and pressed my face into his chest.

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, Kendall." I answered sarcastically, making Kendall knock my legs around, softly, though. I giggled and looked at him.

"Now, seriously, what do you want?" Kendall asked, snuggling down into his bed. I pressed my face into the crook of his neck and smiled.

"I don't care; anything from you is one of the bets gifts." Kendall's arms snaked around my waist.

"So, if I buy you a stick of deodorant, you'll still be happy? "He said with a chuckle in his voice. I slapped his shoulder playfully and yawned.

"You know I'm just kidding, Logie." I shivered a little as his warm breath drifted across my ear. Then suddenly he rolled a bit more and I was buried under him. He leered a little over me and smiled a bit, his blonde bangs hanging down in my face. My heart beat quickened and I tried steadying my breathing. Kendall's face creased into a worried frown.

"Logan, are you okay? Oh, it's me, oh God I'm so sorry-"but I grabbed him before he could move, and brought his hand to my cheek shakily.

"It's not your fault…I just need to get used to being touched…by you…"I whispered, caressing his fingertips before I kissed his hand gently. Kendall gave me a sad look, a clear look of puzzlement in his eyes.

"Logan, why? You don't need to rush yourself with all of this-"but I silenced him with a kiss and grinned at him.

"I'm not _rushing_ Kendall…I'm recovering." I whispered. Kendall smiled a little, but I could still see flecks of worry in his eyes, and his fingers trembled a little. I grabbed his hand again and held it close.

"If you don't want to, that is, then-"Kendall leaned on top of me, and buried his nose in my neck, kissing me gently and making me shiver.

"No, I'm fine." He whispered, then I shivered again as I felt his chilly hand creep up my shirt. It was a bit of heated pleasure as he stroked my skin and made me moan gently, before we were kissing tenderly, Kendall pulling our bodies closer and I smiled, kissing him over and over again….and again…

And…

And before I knew it, I was blinking and sitting up slowly, yawning when I realized it was morning, and Kendall was slumped next to- okay not really _next_ to me, but more like _on top_ of me. I giggled and gently pushed him off, making him groan in his sleep. I chuckled and then shivered when I realized Kendall still had a hand up my shirt, stroking my skin softly in his sleep.

I pushed him away slowly, already missing his warmth as I stood to go use the restroom in the wakening house.

I looked at myself in the mirror and was shocked to find a few love marks on my neck. I rubbed them gently and blinked. Good God, how did I fall asleep not remembering _these_?!

I chuckled to myself before I turned to the toilet and did my business, flushing the toilet, washing my hands really quickly and opening the door, brushing past Kendall as he walked in. But he squeezed my hips, kissed me and rubbed our cheeks together before I could move past.

"Good morning, love." He said happily, then left me to travel downstairs and joined everyone at the table for breakfast.

"Hey Logan." Carlos said quietly. I perked up and looked at the Latino who was soft spoken and no longer stuttered. He pointed to his neck and motioned with his finger in a circular way, giggling as he nudged James.

"Nice art work."

"Did you and Kendall have fun last night?" James chided in quietly, not letting Mama K or Katie take notice.

"Shut uppp…" I groaned, covering my head with my hands.

**A/N**

**That's the first part of one chapter. The second will be posted soon. Hope you like this one.**

**Please review, and toss me some Christmas ideas for the Kogan and Jarlos couple to give each other. Thank you.**

**FAQ**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**

**Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to update this just yet. Been pretty busy, with helping my parents plan out a new store/school/etc.**

**Please review.**

**Christmas shopping part 2 of 2**

**James's POV**

After a good breakfast, a nice shower, (and might I add, tons of taunts and jokes and punchies from Kendall and Logan) Mama K piled us all into her car and drove us to the mall.

"Today is the last day I'm taking you all shopping for Christmas…the rest you guys can do online at home. The mall is hectic, irritating mess this time of year." She grumbled. I chuckled and it earned me an elbow nudging from Kendall. I stifled my laughter as his mom quickly pulled into a parking space and we all climbed out quickly, wanting to get in and get out soon.

I looked over as Kendall took Logan's hand and they began swinging their entwined hands, making Logan blush as they showed off their coupling. I turned to Carlos and smiled, reaching for his hand when I got a better idea.

"Hey, Carlos, want a piggy back ride?" he looked at me, eyes filled with happiness.

"Would I!" he said after a moment and then hopped on my back. I staggered for a moment but then got a good hold on his legs and began carrying him across the parking lot. He held open the door, giving me time to slide us in behind Katie and Mama K.

"James! I want a piggy back ride!" the eleven year old cried. I laughed as she pouted and Carlos stuck his tongue out at her in a playful way, but I felt the grip Carlos had around my neck increase.

"Later, okay, Katie-bug?" she beamed and nodded before disappearing in a crowd. I arched an eyebrow and turned towards Mama K, Carlos's legs swinging to hit my sides.

"Mama K, Katie-"

"Is in the arcade, I know." She interrupted. Kendall patted my shoulder and laughed.

"Since Katie was five, every time we come to the mall, she disappears and we always find her in the arcade. Every two weeks, the owner adds a new game, new prize, or even goes there to get a high score on all arcade games."

"She has to go defend her arcade name!" Carlos beamed, and then stopped.

"Wait! What's her nickname on there?!" he cried. Kendall, Logan and Mama K all arched an eyebrow at him, watching the Latino panic.

"Umm…The Kit-Kat bug, I think…" Kendall said quietly. I was launched backwards a little as Carlos leaped off my back and hugged me, before running away.

"Carlos! Where are you going!?" I laughed at him.

"TO DEFEND MY ARCADE HIGH SCORE! I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHO WAS ALWAYS BEATING ME!" he cried as he disappeared in a crowd. I pinched the bridge of my nose and laughed as I turned back towards the rest of our group.

"Well, I'm sort of glad, he's gone. I have to go buy Christmas presents. Don't catch up; I'll meet up with you guys later!" I called as I jogged away, squeezing my way through crowds. I searched for the store I was looking for and then headed in, smiling as I made my way to the cashier up front. I smiled at the man working there, watching my contagious smile spread on to his face. I leaned on the counter a little and looked at his name tag, which read Aaron.

"Hello…Aaron. I need some help Christmas shopping, could you possibly steer me in the right direction?"

"Yeah, uh, sure. What do you have in mind?" he grinned as he left the counter and started leading me towards the back of the store.

"Just some ideas. I haven't really bought some of my friends of family gifts yet." I replied as I eyed a lot of the things I was passing. Aaron was pointing out things, and I noted every one of them when I stopped and saw something that came to my mind as the best gift for my little Carlitos.

A helmet! Of course, why didn't I think of it before?

Carlos is always running around, accidentally slamming into things. He slammed into a door this morning (I don't understand _how_ he did though. I mean, it's a door! But I love him all the same.) His dad told us he was extremely hyper, naturally of course, so sometimes he can't control it.

Good thing he told us _before_ he broke three plates and a bowl and somehow bent some of her spoons. I walked briskly over and grabbed it, looking at it. It was a hockey helmet, like the one that Carlos used to have before it disappeared at that school (stolen, of course. Poor Carlos, I felt so bad.) This one was sleek black, brand new, no dents or scratches and I knew he would just love it!

"A hockey helmet? Are you sure?" I completely forgot about the employee. I turned and looked at him.

"Yeah, he would love it!" Aaron smiled at me.

"Good! I hope your brother likes it, too. He play hockey?" My brother? I guess that's who he thought I was shopping for. Well, he doesn't need to know who it's for anyway, so I kept my mouth shut.

"He used to. We were going to start playing with our friends again, but he grew out of all his equipment." I lied. I turned away quickly.

"Can I please pay for this now?"

"Yeah, sure!" Aaron raced back to the counter and rung up the helmet, wrapping it for me and putting it in a bag. He handed it to me as my receipt printed, but he took it and jotted something on it before sliding it to me.

"Merry Christmas." He winked at me and I looked down at the receipt to see he had written a phone number on it alongside a smiley face and his first name. I grinned before saying thank you and leaving quickly.

_Was I being flirtatious at all?_

I hope I didn't accidentally lead him on. I would feel terrible if he got his hopes up and then realized I wasn't into him. I considered turning around and saying something, but I knew by then it would be awkward. And I had to finish all my shopping! I decided to just stuff the receipt in the bag and hurry to my next store.

I didn't think anything of the clerk after that.

_***an hour and a half later***_

It feels like forever but I finally finished shopping for everyone. I bought my mom some diamond earrings and my dad a new ship in a bottle set. He always loved them and collecting them was his hobby, so I knew I just had to buy it for him. I bought Katie a new DS game and Mama Knight got a new coffee mug, since most of her dishes were old, mismatched and cracked. Her favorite mug had black paint dribbled all on the side as if someone had dropped it in a puddle of it and never washed it off.

I bought Kendall a necklace with a guitar pick on it and then Logan got a set of slippers- he always walked around in socks because he didn't have anything to cover his dainty feet from the cold floors.

I piled all the gifts into two bags and wrapped the rest of the bags around them so no one could peek inside and see what I bought for them. I walked past one last store and peeked in it, smirking as I did. It was a girl's store, but then suddenly I stopped. I had an idea, but the thought of going into the store was embarrassing. I let out a huff and walked in quickly, grabbing what I needed off the shelf and paying for it.

I smiled at the girl working, pleading mentally that she would hurry up when she leaned over and smiled.

"Well, hello."

_Not another desperate clerk._

"Hi. Can you please ring me up?" I tried not to stare at her cleavage, but seriously…is the line supposed to go so far up?! Boobs scare me sometimes.

"Only if you tell me your name." She smiled and laughed, really high-pitched and fake. I almost vomited then and there.

"James. Now, please can you-"

"I'm Stephanie. See?" she pointed at her name tag. I huffed and was tempted to roll my eyes.

"Yes, I can see that, I'm not blind, look please ring me up." She giggled again. Ugh, I tasted bile that time.

"Soooo, Like I know it's the holidays and everything," she asked as she twirled her hair, which I noticed with a cringe, was obviously dyed blonde," but you free anytime?"

I still stared at her hair. It was _atrocious_! Her red roots were coming in the blonde and her ends were frayed and split in a few places, yet she tried too hard to keep it nice, I could tell. She leaned over again and smiled. Ugh, gag show.

"No, I'm not." She frowned but then it came back and she giggled.

"Okay, maybe sometime _after_ the holidays? I know this great shop where they make gelato and the ice cream taste _exactly _like the flavors!"

Is this girl a bimbo or what?! I flicked my eyes between hers and the item I was trying to buy. She didn't get the hint.

"I mean, my favorite is banana." She smiled. Bitch, I don't care what your favorite flavor is!

"Okay that's great but-"

"You know, I'm having a party on New Year's you should come!" she smiled and I _did_ roll my eyes this time.

"I'm spending New Years with the family." She leaned forward and –yuck, more cleavage! - put her hand on my chest in an attempt to lure me.

"I bet I could make my party so much more fun than hanging out with family…if you get what I'm saying." She winked and I recoiled as she rung me up and handed me my stuff. I reached to grab it from her, but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward, planting a kiss on my cheek. My stomach gave a low groan. Dear God, I'm gonna seriously hurl.

She pulled away a second later as something crashed into the stand behind me and then slammed into the counter, ripping me away from her.

"**Bitch, he is mine!**" I looked down to see none other than my furious Latino, wrapping his arms tightly around me and glaring at her. I quickly hugged him and watched her look at me confusingly.

"Wait, are you guys gay?" Carlos rolled his eyes and grabbed my face, thrusting his lips on mine, making me squeak and almost drop my bags.

_Since when is __**Carlos**__ so dominant?!_

He pulled away and smirked as the clerk looked horrified.

"EW!" she cried, hurrying away to clean her lips or something. Carlos yanked me out of the store, and we didn't stop until we got to an empty bathroom, where Carlos hugged me and burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry I acted like that, Jamie! I-I just saw her and you a-and I thought- I couldn't- I just reacted and didn't think!" he sobbed. I smiled and hugged him, kissing his forehead. I brushed away a few tears and smiled at him.

"No, thank you for acting that way. I was about to hit that bitch myself. I can't believe she had the nerve to put her ugly ass lips on my face!" Carlos smiled and drew a little circle on my chest with his finger.

"Good…because I was thinking about slapping her…but you stopped those thoughts." Damn those gorgeous puppy eyes. I swooped down and planted a firm kiss on his lips, pulling him closer by the waist, before I pulled away and kissed up his jawline, making my way to his ear.

"_By the way, that kiss you gave me was __**hot.**_" Carlos blushed a dark red that would make tomato envious and then giggled. Oh, his giggles were adorable. He slipped my hand in mine and snuggled against my arm as we left the bathroom. We passed the same store, where the clerk glared at us. I nudged Carlos and he flipped her off as we continued on our way to meet up with Mama K and everyone else.

**Logan's POV**

Kendall left soon after I did, and once he did I rushed through the mall quickly. Ideas, ideas, I needed ideas! I passed a few stores that I walked in and searched, but everything I found didn't seem right.

I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets and sighed, hanging my head. I'm a terrible gift giver. I usually never get people anything they want, or need, or will use in the future. I am pushed around easily by the crowd, making me stumble a couple of times. I started walking faster once the crowds thinned a little, but a bunch of assholes ran past me and shoved me down, making me land hard on my butt.

I groaned in pain as I stood, rubbing my rear end, and turning to glare at the guys, but they disappeared by that time. I sighed again, feeling miserable and down on myself at that moment.

_Am I invisible?_

_Like glass, sweetie, like glass._

My stomach curdled as my eyes flew open. Nope, no, can't be happening, God, not again. I begin to do the breathing exercises my therapist was teaching me, breathing in slowly, out slowly, clearing my mind.

No bad thoughts, no bad thoughts, need to find a present. Present for Kendall, I gotta get it!

I started walking again when I heard someone strumming a guitar, singing softly. I listened carefully and followed by ear, slipping through the crowds, and as I got closer, my heart started racing. I knew who voice it was is!

I pushed my way into the music store, where I beamed brightly when I saw Kendall sitting on a stool, tons of people (mainly girls surrounding him) he was strumming a guitar, smiling as he did. I felt my heart ache a little. Kendall's guitar was broken during…the fight at the school.

I shivered at the thought and pushed it all away, and listened to Kendall strumming. I could see he was hiding a bit of a sad expression behind his eyes, because his dad had given him that guitar, and taught him that music was a beautiful thing.

Then, I was appalled when Kendall told me this, he left music behind and became an abusive drunk. My heart ached more when I remembered that Kendall still had the fragments of the guitar at home. He couldn't bear to part with it. I walked closer, making sure to hide behind the small crowd as he played. He stopped for a moment as a girl touched his arm. I felt jealousy bubble within me, but I shook my head, scolding myself, and pushed it away.

Kendall loves _me._ Not her. He couldn't love her…she was fake and-and…

I swallowed thickly. She was pretty.

I mean, I could understand if he chose someone like her over me in the future. I wouldn't have chosen me either.

Kendall gave her a tiny smile and fiddled with the acoustic guitar, tuning it before he began singing again. His voice was so angelic, and even though I've heard it tons of times, always asking him to sing for me, I felt happy tears well up, and my throat became a little clogged.

_I'm waking up to ash and dust  
>I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust<br>I'm breathing in the chemicals_

I chuckled as he paused and took a long stuttering breath as if he was breathing in poisonous gases.

_I'm breaking in, shaping up, checking out on the prison bus  
>this is it, the apocalypse<br>Whoa_

Shivers ran down my spines. Such a beautiful voice.__

_I'm waking up; I feel it in my bones  
>enough to make my system blow<em>

_Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
>Welcome to the new age, to the new age<br>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive<em>

He continued strumming and I blushed as his eyes went through several girls, and one moved over a little, and his eyes met mine.__

_I raise my flags, don my clothes  
>It's a revolution, I suppose<br>We'll paint it red to fit right in  
>Whoa<br>I'm breaking in, shaping up, checking out on the prison bus  
>This is it, the apocalypse<br>Whoa_

More shivers. A dark blush appeared on my face, I could feel the heat as he stared at me with a tender look in his eyes.__

_I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
>Enough to make my system blow<br>Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
>Welcome to the new age, to the new age<br>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive<em>

_All systems go, sun hasn't died  
>Deep in my bones, straight from inside<em>

_I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
>Enough to make my system blow<br>Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
>Welcome to the new age, to the new age<br>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
>Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive(!)<em>

Once Kendall finished, the girls burst into a fit of claps and small squeals.

"Amazing!" One called. Kendall nodded and motioned for me to come closer. I blushed as I gently pushed through the girls and walked over to stand in front of him.

Then, without a warning, he grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. I gasped, but he planted a huge kiss on my lips, and cradled my face in his hands as he slowly set the guitar on the ground. I heard a small stunned silence from the crowd, but then several girls burst into small fan-girlish screams and I looked over as one ran away, her poor nose bleeding.

The others, including the one who had touched Kendall's arm earlier, sneered in disgust and left quickly, but I rolled my eyes as I dove back in and pulled Kendall close by the back of his neck. He smiled into the kiss, and then grabbed my bottom lip between his teeth and pulled gently. I held back a school-girlish giggle as he stood, holding me, then set me down gently. He hung the guitar back up on its stand and then grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the store, much to the disappointment of the fan girls.

I chuckled and swung our linked hands as we moved people out of our way.

"What was that all about, Kendall?" He looked at me and smirked, then yanked me close by the hip, pressing his hip into my side so our hip bones bumped against each other every time we moved. He had an arm wrapped around my neck as he leaned close to breath gently in my ear, sending shivers down my body.

_Only he can make me feel like this…_

"I saw that look you get whenever someone flirts with me…" He whispered as he kissed my neck gently, leaving tender kisses so I wouldn't begin to panic from his touches,"And had to show her I was taken, sweetie."

I felt more tears well up and I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his torso. He rubbed my back gently and laid his head on my shoulder, chuckling a little.

"You're alright, baby, you're alright." He cooed. I leaned back and he swiped his thumb across my face to wipe away a falling tear. I smiled as he mushed my cheeks together. I laughed as he messed with my face and then pulled me close to kiss me slowly, before he hugged me and started leading me away again.

_**Christmas Eve**_

**Kendall's POV**

I watched Logan shuffle back and forth in the living room, wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a huge button up shirt that hung out underneath his cute sweater that was a light blue color, and slipped off his thin shoulder a little, along with the shirt, exposing creamy skin.

I licked my lips a little and examined more of Logan's skin, chuckling when I spotted the foundation he had rubbed on all over his love marks and bites. I left an indention in his collar bone, but he covered it with his shirt, which put me in a pouty mood.

I watched him flop next to me as everyone scurried around the kitchen and he fidgeted.

"What if they got stuck, Kendall?" He looked at me and I chuckled, bopping his head gently.

"Baby, your parents will be here soon, I promise. Don't worry they'll have fun, we'll eat and watch some Christmas movies and tomorrow, we get to open our presents!" Logan's face dropped even more.

"What if they don't like my presents?!" He was such a worrywart sometimes! I tickled him and made him squeal, before I quickly wrapped him in my arms, pulled the blanket on us and flopped to the floor, rolling around until we were pressed together in a blanket cocoon.

"Stop worrying, Logie-bear, you'll be fine." I rubbed our noses together as he blushed dark red, then giggled and wrapped his arms around me. We rolled around until I felt a foot be placed on my back and push me sharply, so I rolled out of the blanket cocoon. Logan and I turned to look up at Hanna. She giggled at us and then leaned down to poke me in the chest.

"You two need to come help set the table. Come along."

"We aren't kids, Hanna." She froze and turned to look at me with one menacing blue eye. I stood quickly and Logan followed as we hurried past her into the kitchen.

I walked in to see James helping take out a small chicken from the oven, and my mom was at the sink, peeling vegetables and dropping them in a Pot crock, where a roast was brewing.

Katie and Carlos were, of course, decorating cookies menacingly. Katie took a swipe through one and put the icing on Carlos's nose, which then involved a small icing fight, and had James screaming about icing in his hair, only to be silenced by Carlos's puppy dog eyes. He stalked out to clean his hair quickly, before his parents came.

"Okay, stop you two! We need some left for Santa!" My mom called as she turned to see what the commotion was, but secretly, I knew she was just letting them have some Pre-Christmas fun.

"Good idea, come, Katie, lets decorate a few for Santa!" Carlos smiled and handed Hanna the icing, before hopping off his stool and heading in the same direction as James to wash his face.

"Kendall, please stir the vegetables on the stove, and Logan, could you please butter the rolls and put them in the oven for me?" I nodded and headed to stir the bubbling pots of veggies and Logan attacked the rolls, practically slathering them in butter before pushing the pan in the oven. I heard him stumble a little, but didn't think anything of it.

"Ow!" he cried and jumped back a moment later, shutting the oven angrily, and holding one hand. I placed the vegetables off the stove top so they wouldn't bubble over and ran over, taking his hand gingerly. It was swollen red and angry, two red lines running down his palm.

"Oh, Logan, what happened?!" I cried as I thrust his hand under cold water, making him grimace. My mom looked over and gasped.

"Kendall, get some ice." She grabbed his hand and looked at the blistered skin.

"I slipped and hit the oven rack…" Logan said quietly. I watched him hang his head a little and I kissed his temple as I placed a bag of ice on it.

"The oven is nearly four-hundred degrees, oh sweetie." My mom cooed as he winced. She adjusted the ice and looked at me.

"Okay, that's fine for now. The pot roast will be ready in about thirty minutes, so there's nothing else to do but wait. Go bandage his hand." I smiled and slowly lead Logan to the downstairs bathroom, pulling out a first-aid kit from under the sink. I made him sit on the toilet in the small, half bathroom and I took his hand slowly and put some cream on it, before wrapping it. Logan stifled a wince and then chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I asked him as I wound the bandage around the angry red lines that taunted me. I hated when Logan got hurt, even if it was just an accident.

"I'm the one that usually puts on the bandage." He said quietly. I looked into his chocolaty brown eyes and kissed him gently, then brought his hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to the bandage.

"Feel better now?" Logan smiled a little as he swung his feet back and forth a little.

"Yeah." He said quietly. I chuckled as we stood, and then the doorbell rang. Logan's face blanched for a moment, but I patted his cheek gently and made him snap back. He looked at me with a bit of worry in his eyes, but I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards the door, pushing him to open it. He looked at me for a moment before slowly opening it, smiling as his parents stood there, snowy shoes and red cheeks.

"Mom! Dad!" Logan cried as his face lit up. His parents stomped their feet and walked in quickly, relishing in the warm living room.

"Logie!" his mom cried as they hugged. I pouted for a moment- that was _my_ nickname for him…

"Hi, Dad." Logan smiled as he hugged his dad, who set down a bad he was holding. I leaned close to see what was in it, but he stepped back and covered it when he spotted me.

"Don't want to ruin the Christmas surprise. How are you doing, Kendall?" he chuckled as he held out his hand for me to shake. I smiled warmly as Logan and his mom traveled into the kitchen. I shook Logan's dad's hand.

"Good, good. Has Logan been getting improvements from his therapist?" Logan didn't tell me what his therapist said that often, nor did he like mentioning it. I never asked, but Logan's mind is fragile, he needs the help. He missed two appointment dates already, though. One was from being sick, the other was because his therapist left town for the holidays.

"He's doing fine, thank you for asking. I'm glad to see you two getting along so well." James and Carlos came into the living room at the time, holding hands and laughing gently, their voices bubbly and cheeks red.

"Ah! Carlos and James how are you two?" he smiled, noticing their entwined hands. James looked at me, clearly forgetting who the man was for a moment before he realized and smiled.

"We're good, Mr. Mitchell. Sorry for not getting to know you a bit better when we first met." James smiled, but Carlos blushed shyly and hid behind James's shoulder. Mr. Mitchell smiled and chuckled at Carlos, before sticking his hand out.

"Hello, Carlos." Carlos creeped forward and shook his hand before disappearing behind James's broad shoulder.

"Hey, Dad, why do you go say hello to Mama Knight?" Logan smiled as he walked back in.

"Oh, good idea! Thanks, Loges." He ruffled his son's hair as he walked past, into the kitchen. I looked at James and Carlos before smiling, and then I chuckled to myself as I spotted the tiny bite mark on Carlos's neck.

"Hey, Carlos, was there like a vampire attacking you or something?" I chuckled. Logan started laughing as he noticed it, too. Carlos put his hand on his neck in anger.

"Shut up!" He hissed. James crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"You guys are so mature." He mumbled. I imitated him, crossing my arms and looking tough.

"Just giving you the same treatment you gave me poor Logie." James scoffed, then dropped the attitude and laughed, pulling Carlos under his arm and giving him a noogie as the doorbell rang again. I leaned over to open it and beamed as Officer Garcia walked in.

"Hi, Mr. Garcia!"

"Papi!" Carlos cried as he pushed James away, making him release the noogie he was giving him and bounded towards his dad, tossing himself. Mr. Garcia groaned at the bit of weight and then chuckled as he held his son off the ground, then set him down gently.

"Whew, Carlos, mijo, remember, you're not five anymore and your papi's back isn't as good as I like to think." He laughed. Carlos laughed with him as my mother came out of the kitchen, Hanna trailing behind her. She beamed as she handed Mr. Garcia a cookie and my mom hugged him.

"Hi, dear! How are you?" my mom smiled. Mr. Garcia smiled back.

"Ah, doing fine. Working and such, but hey its life." He bit into the cookie Hanna gave him and his face made us all laugh.

"This is fantastico! What an amazing cook!" He said towards Hanna, who blushed, hanging her head a little, her blond bangs coming down to cover her forehead. She adjusted the white patch she wore and smiled.

"Nah, wait till you taste her cooking." She chuckled as she nudged my mom playfully. Katie ran in the room and grabbed a cookie off the plate Hanna was holding before disappearing into the kitchen, to entertain the guests obviously.

"Now, how are you, sweetheart? Healing up alright?" he asked, gesturing to Hanna and I. I looked at her as she rubbed the side of her head, where her stitches had dissolved. I looked at the cast my doctor made me wear, since my arm was almost healed, along with my nose. I still had a black eye, but I was okay.

"I am fine, doing better. Thank you, though." Hanna said quietly, before leaving to the kitchen in a swish of blond hair.

"Healing and getting better. I'm just grateful it's not worse." I chuckled a little. Mr. Garcia smiled, but only a little as he hugged his son protectively. He turned to James.

"And you are you taking care of my son?" James beamed proudly.

"Absolutely! I'm glad to have him in my life." He smiled and blushed as he nuzzled his nose into Carlo's cheek. Mr. Garcia smiled at the two, and I followed suit, the happiness of everything feeling contagious. The doorbell rang once more and we all watched James become excited. He bounded over as Carlos and his dad sat down on the couch. I sat down in the recliner and pulled Logan onto my lap.

James pulled open the door and beamed as his mom rushed in and hugged him, before stepping back and pushing his hair out his eyes.

"Jamie!"

"Mom, Dad! I missed you guys!" He cried as his parents made a group hug. I could see his parents had a bag of gifts also, but I knew better than to think only about the gifts. I smiled as they hugged, and I wrapped my arms around Logan's waist, resting his head on my chest as we watched the adults say their hellos and shove their gifts under the tree.

They all crowded in the living room for the time being, waiting for dinner to be ready. It felt merry, and with snow falling outside, for once I felt like this was a true Christmas.

"I hope none of you mind, but I figured I might bring this as a gift." Mr. Diamond laughed as he pulled out two bottles of wine. My mom took them and laughed, as Hanna reappeared and turned on the radio to some Christmas music, and then turned the lights on, on the tree.

"Now _this_ feels like a Christmas party!" James laughed as "Jingle Bell Rock" began to play.

_***several hours, one dinner, a few cups of wine, and three Christmas movies later.***_

Logan and I were snuggled in bed, Carlos and James lying beside us on the floor, using extra blankets and pillows to keep warm as they also snuggled. My mom told us we weren't allowed to sleep together like this, but hell, she already knew we would do this.

I buried my cold nose into Logan's warm neck and heard him giggle. We kicked our legs a little as we laughed and tickled each other gently, Carlos and James whispering on the floor. Our parents let us try some wine, and we ended up drinking a bit more than we had agreed on, so we were all filled with spirits.

All of the adults decided to take my mom's advice and stay for the night, not wanting everyone driving home so late, non-sober and in this weather. And besides, she also mentioned to them tomorrow was Christmas, and family needed to be together.

So all of the guys were piled in my room. Mr. Garcia called the couch, my mom gave up Logan's' and Carlos's room to the Diamonds, and the Mitchell's got Hanna's and James's rooms. Hanna was sleeping with Katie for the night, not really minding at all. She was glad to see everyone so happy.

The dinner my mom and Hanna had fixed was incredibly yummy. We all laughed and joked and sang our way through dinner, then my mom helped all of us settle down and get quiet as she put Katie, Hanna following, exhausted (poor thing) and then came back downstairs. We all adorned pajamas, the Diamonds being stylish in their flannel Pj's, Mr. Garcia in his sweats and Logan's parents (he defined his parents as "dorks") in their matching footie PJ's that were Christmas styled.

We all wrapped up in comforters and passed around cookies, popcorn and hot chocolate. (Don't worry, Hanna and Katie didn't miss out- they ate cookies and hot chocolate earlier.)

But, now it was snuggle bed time with Logie. I giggled again and buried my face into his neck, kissing him a few times, tugging at his shirt gently. I pulled it up and began running my fingers over his lean, beautiful body. I heard him gasp a little as I began to rub his skin, massaging it gently. I kissed his chest and lay on top of him.

"I love you, Logie." I whispered, cuddling him. He snuggled into me, wrapping his legs slowly around my waist.

"I love you, too, Kenny." I smiled at the nickname and looked at my clock on my nightstand as James started snoring gently, burying his sleeping face into Carlos's hair as Carlos spooned against him. But passionate spooning, passionate.

When I noticed it was past midnight, I smiled and sat up to kiss my sleepy Logie-bear and hold him close, inhaling his gorgeous scent.

"Merry Christmas, Logan."

**A/N**

**There's your guys' Christmas update. Hope you like it…for now.**

**Next chapter- presents time! Who's excited for Christmas?! Or Hanukah….or any other holiday you're preparing for!? **

**Thank you guys for reviewing and reading!**

**(!) This song that Kendall sang is called "Radioactive" by the Imagine Dragons. This song is sooooo good; I really recommend listening to it! It's my inspirational song. I am listening to it as you read this whole chapter right now! Non-stop!**

**Thanks again!**

**FAQ**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N **

**faster update yayyyy. I tried, anyway. **

**Carlos's POV**

The next morning, when I opened my eyes, I smiled a little and rolled over in the warmth I was lying in.

I snapped my eyes open at two thoughts that made me happy;

It was Christmas.

I was lying in James's arms!

I squealed and James shot up like a rocket, looking around in puzzlement, before he looked at me. I smiled and he chuckled.

"Morning, 'litos." We sat there for a moment, before he had an epiphany and grabbed me, bouncing up and down.

"It's Christmas! It's Christmas!" he let go of me and jumped on the bed to wake Logan and Kendall up, bouncing up and down, shrieking in their faces as they cried and sat up.

"ITS CHRISTMAS!" James cried. He picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, running out of Kendall's bedroom and through the hall, down the stairs and around the rest of the house. He did this twice, waking everyone up before he tossed me into my papi's arms and did the same to his dad. I looked at my Papi and watched him burst into laughter.

"Someone's in the Christmas spirit." He chuckled. I laughed as James smiled and sat with his family.

Kendall, Logan, Katie, and Hanna all tumbled down the stairs after a few minutes, Kendall and Katie plopping themselves down by their mom. Logan sat by Kendall, his parents on the other side of him. I smiled and hugged my dad.

"Merry Christmas, Papi." My dad hugged me back and I heard him sniffle a little, before Mama K clapped her hands together.

"You guys ready to open presents?" Everyone cheered a little and she smiled.

"Hey, Carlos, wanna help me hand out the presents?" I looked at Kendall, who was beaming, offering his hand to me. I took it with a blush and stood, hurrying to help Kendall give everyone their presents in piles in front of them.

"Here, mom, this is for you." He smiled as he passed his mother a present. She smiled and took it, setting it in front of her. I picked up a present to Katie-from me actually- and handed it to her, ruffling her hair.

"Merry Christmas, Katie-bug." She blushed and set it in her ever growing pile, as the stack under the tree became smaller and smaller. I picked up one and handed it to James, and he smiled when he saw it was from me. I blushed as he winked at me, and I turned back to pick up the last few presents. I handed my dad his and then put the last one in front of Logan before sitting down. Hanna sat on a window seat, looking out the window at the snow. I felt bad that she didn't have as many gifts as we did, but she seemed happy as she stared at the snow flurries.

I smiled and stood to walk over to her. She jumped when I tapped her and looked at me.

"Come sit with us." I said quietly. She looked around the living room then at me.

"But, I am not part of their family." She whispered back. I bent over and hugged her.

"You are now." I held her hand and helped her carry her stuff to come sit with Papi and I. She had glistening tears in her eye, but wiped them away and adjusted her patch, making sure it covered the stitches and bandages.

"Okay, since this is our first Christmas together, I think we should let all of the adults open their gifts first!" Kendall announced. My Papi looked at Mama K and smiled.

"Your kid has a point." He chuckled, then picked up his first presents. He began to open it gently, and I felt happy when he opened the present that contained CSI;Miami, seasons one through five.

"Oh, Mijo, thank you!" My papi said as he hugged me. I smiled in his embrace and then handed him his next present, which Hanna actually bought. She told me to tell him it was from me, but I put her name on the tag anyway. He opened it to find a jacket folded up inside. He unfolded it to see it was dark navy blue and read in big yellow letters on the front "COPS" and the back said,

_**What are YOU gonna do when they come for you?**_

My Papi laughed loudly and showed the jacket around as he hugged Hanna close, making her blush and tense up.

"Thank you, mija, you're very sweet." Hanna smiled.

"It was nothing…really." My Papi opened one last present from James, and beamed when he was it was a mug, that read in bold letters,

**Okay, I have my coffee, now where are my donuts?**

He laughed and patted James on the back, making James laugh in return.

We looked over to the Diamonds as it was their turn. James smiled as his mom opened a new briefcase, slick looking and dark red leather. She tossed her arms around her son and smiled, kissing James's cheek.

"Thank you, Jamie!" James blushed and hugged his mom.

"I knew you always wanted a new one…you're old one was falling apart anyway." He chuckled. Mama D smiled and we watched her open another present containing a thick cardigan sweater that I bought her. She stood and came to press a kiss to my forehead.

"Thank you, Carlos! I love the color!" She cried as she immediatley put it on, snuggling in it. I smiled and we watched Papa D open his presents. A new shaving kit from James and I bought him a new memory card for his camera, since he once mentioned he would be needing one, his old one was getting filled to the brim.

"Thank you ,Jamie, Carlos. Merry Christmas!" He beamed and hugged his wife as their marveled at their new gifts. The Mitchells went next- Logan bought his parents some really awesome stuff. Logan bought his mom a new set of earrings and his dad got a watch Logans dad hugged him tight and teased him, making Logan push his dad playfully, who then ruffled his hair. Logan handed his parents two more presents and we all watched Kendall blush.

"Sorry, I didn't really know what to get you." He said quietly.

"Don't worry, it's the thought that counts, Kendall. Thank you. "she beamed as she opened her gift to find a new curling iron.

"Oh, good! Mine broke last week!" She ruffled Kendall's hair then planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Thanks sweetheart!" Kendall watched in anxious wait as Logan's dad opened his gift. It was a thick button up cardigan, a dark marigold color. Kendall's face went red, but the Mitchells laughed a little.

"maybe he's psychic! I've been eyeing this sweater for a while!" Papa M cried. Kendall's face lit up a little.

"Really?" Papa M patted Kendall's shoulder.

"Yes, and I can already prove it to you by telling you, without looking at the tag, that this sweater is from JCPenny." Kendalls face went pink.

"That's so cool!" He cried, then beamed. He turned to his mom and poked her leg.

"Your turn, mother." He said in a teasing manner. I chuckled and scooted closer to James, laying my head on his shoulder as Mama K opened her present from Katie first. It turned out to be a movie, and even though I couldn't see the title, she seemed to be really happy. Kendall's came next, and it was a pair of jeans.

"Good, mine were starting to shrink!" she cried. We all laughed, but Logan was quiet as she started opening his gift. He started fidgeting and I watched Kendall hold his hand to calm his nerves as she opened up the plaid jacket. She smiled and tugged into , leaning down to peck Logan's forehead.

"Thank you honey! It's very warm!" Then James handed her one. She blushed and opened it to find a new coffee mug. She beamed and hugged his neck, since he was sitting by me.

"Thanks, James." She smiled and set it down where it wouldn't get broken.

I beamed and looked at all the adults.

"This means it's finally OUR turns!" I cried in happiness.

**Logan's POV**

We all decided each kid would open one at a time. Carlos immediately ripped open James's present. I watched him begin to cry with joy when it was a helmet, like the one he got stolen at the school. He put it on as fast as possible and ran around for a few minutes, letting us drive our attention to Katie as she opened one of her presents and laughed in happiness at the DS game she got.

James opened one from his parents and hugged his parents when he saw they bought him a new camera.

I was about to open one when everyone heard a crash and turned to see Carlos come wobbling back in slowly. He sat down by James and sighed, curling into him, then tapped his helmet.

"Good thing I had this." Carlos's dad laughed and left.

"I'll see if he broke anything." He chuckled. I smiled and opened my present. Books on Venus from my mom and dad!

"Thanks you guys!" I cried. Kendall went next, opening his present from James.

"Thanks, James. Love the beanie!" he smiled as he held up a striped beanie. James beamed back and then opened Kendalls present.

"Thanks for the clothes, Kendall. And I'm being honest, I needed some new ones anyway." He beamed. Carlos handed me Kendall's present, and I blushed as I opened it. I gasped a little when I took it out. It was a silver bracelet, like the kind you get in jewelry stores, with carved beads that had ** N** on it in yellow letters. Kendall blushed as I turned it around in my hands.

"Do you like it?" he said slowly.

"I love it!" I cried. I slipped it on and scooted myself into Kendalls lap, snuggling against him, before I stood and went and got him his present from its hiding place downstairs in the basement. I ran down the creaky old steps, shoving a shiver away, I grabbed it and ran. I handed the heavy item to him, and he sat down with a small huff.

"Woah…it's big…what is it?"

"Open it." I beamed. Kendall smiled and opened it, eyes widening at the guitar case, and I watched them become misty when he opened it to find a gently used acoustic guitar. He looked at me, eyes filled with wonder as I fiddled with his bracelet.

"Logan-"

"Don't say anything, just enjoy." I said quietly. Kendall closed the case and set it aside gently, before grabbing me and holding me close. He kissed my cheek and I grew hot. I don't really think I wanted to open any more presents after the bracelet, I loved it so much. I didn't think I needed anything else. I did anyway, though. I got a stuffed dog from Carlos, a shirt that read **Im with stupid** on it and Katie gave me some medical books she found in borders one day. I smiled and hugged them all, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

But, I think the best part was when James screamed after he opened my present to him, the hair styling kit. We all laughed at him as he jumped around with it. Carlos's face fell a little, and James opened his gift next, planting a big kiss on his face when he saw the hockey jersey Carlos bought him.

Hanna, I've never seen her so happy. She laughed her butt off at the eyepatch that was shaped like a flower from me, kissed Katie on the forehead for the purse she bought her, and hugged James for the makeup he got her. Kendall bought her a hockey stick, telling her she could learn to play with us one day.

"I'd like that very much." She beamed.

By the end of the day, we were all tired, plum tuckered out and covered in pieces of wrapping paper. Our parents decided dinner could be later than usual and we all needed a nap. I trudged upstairs with my buttload of gifts, and then piled them in the corner of my room I emptied specifically for them, before I headed to Kendalls room and laid down by him, watching him tune his new guitar.

"Do you really like it?" Kendall looked at me, paused, and then leaned close to kiss me. It felt passionate and beautiful as he put the guitar down and pulled me close.

"I love it, Logan." He fiddled with the bracelet and smiled.

"this was the most expensive thing to buy." I beamed and held my wrist close.

"I'll cherish it forever." Kendall smirked and hugged me close before he sat back up and strummed his guitar for a moment.

"Kendall, sing me a song?" he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye.

"Please?"

He smiled and began strumming, thinking of songs before he started in on one.

_Cut the music up, little louder_

_yeah_

_You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart  
>Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out<br>How to love  
>How to love<em>

_You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever  
>Now you're in a corner tryna put it together<br>How to love  
>How to love<em>

_For a second you were here  
>Now you over there<br>It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body  
>Like you never had a love<br>Never had a love_

_When you was just a youngin' your looks were so precious  
>But now your grown up<br>So fly it's like a blessing but you can't have a man look at you for five seconds  
>Without you being insecure<br>You never credit yourself, so when you got older  
>It's seems like you came back ten times over<br>Now you're sitting here in this damn corner  
>Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulders<em>

_See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart  
>Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out<br>How to love  
>How to love(!)<em>

I gently fell asleep into a deep nap as Kendall leaned close, strumming gently, before he kissed me on the cheek and let me sleep.

**James's POV**

I helped Carlos carry our stash we got this year up the stairs and set it carefully in my room somewhere. I saw Hanna on her bed, going through some of the stuff she had gotten. She beamed a little, because she didn't know we all cared so much.

Our parents all chipped in and got her stuff, even if they didnt know her very well. I knew she was very artistic, and I saw Mama K hand her a sketchpad. Hanna smiled and yawned, then laid down and was out in a few minutes as Carlos and I snuck out quietly. We went to his room, which was thankfully empty. We stretched out on his bed and I curled into him.

"Love you, Carlos."

"Love you,too, Jamie." I smiled and trailed my fingers through his hair, then kissed him on the forehead.

"You…You've improved so much…You've gotten so much better…I'm so proud of you, Carlos." I felt him smile and cling tighter to me. I smiled as I reached into my jacket and pulled out the heavy jewerly I bought him. I handed it to him, already wearing mine.

Carlos opened it slowly and gasped a little at the pretty half of a heart that was on the chain. I pulled mine out and grinned.

"I know, it's stupid…but it's all I had enough left over for…I know its not fancy or anything, Carlos but-" he cut me off by kissing me, then pulled back and smiled, love and wonder swirling in his adorable eyes.

"Help me put it on?" he said queitly. I smiled and slipped it around his neck, fastening the clip before I rubbed his arms, running my hands down them and smiling, pulling him towards me as we flopped backwards to nap.

**A/N**

**Oi…this sucked sooo bad…Im sorry I was trying to rush and type this. I havent had time to think up anything and I really want to end my stories I have now and get some new ones done, because the one I have now don't interest me anymore- and I havent got any more inspiration.**

**SO, seriously, readers, help me out. Give me some ideas! It doesn't have to be big, it can be simple, but I need some inspiration. Please review, please toss me an idea, and have good holiday shopping.**

**FAQ**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N**

**Hey everybody! That's right, I'm not dead!**

**Sorry about not updating, but its just been so busy, with Christmas coming and my exams (I probably failed anyway) And then not to mention my internet has been down…ugh.**

**Well, heres to make up for it all. Hope you like it, thanks.**

**Kendall's POV**

I sighed as I peeled back my eyelids and looked down at Logan, who had wrapped his whole body around me and was spooning me gently in his sleep.

Next week is when all schools in the state start back at school after their Christmas break, and all of our parents discussed it and decided we all needed to go back to school. Public school, that is.

And that also means, everyone is going back home with their families, and Logan wont live with me anymore. I let out a shaky exhale and hugged Logan, stirring him from his sleep.

"Kenny?" he said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He yawned and I nuzzled into his arms.

"I don't want you to leave me, Logie-bear." Logan smiled a little as he sat up fully and I put my head in his lap, kissing his thigh gently. He shivered but then ran his fingers through my hair.

"I know, me neither, but Kenny, this is better…I can actually start to feel normal again." He said. I couldn't help myself, but I smiled. As much as I would miss waking up to his beautiful face every day, his statement was true. He wanted to feel happy, and spend time with his family. If that's what made him feel "normal" and happy, then I'm happy,too. I sit up and hug him as he giggled.

"You're normal, Logan…but youre different than anybody else to me." He blushed as I pressed our noses and foreheads together, cupping his cheeks gently. I pecked his lips continually and Logan giggled. I flipped us over so he was on his back and began tickling him rapidly, making him squirm and laugh, his face turning red as I ran my fingers up and down his sides.

"K-Kendall! KENDALL! STOP!" he laughed, he couldn't breathe. I laughed as he pushed me backwards and I flopped to the side, letting him straddle me. He glared at me playfully.

"You're so weird."

"The weirdest, baby." I guffawed into his face, before I rolled us around and darted out my door, beating him to the bathroom.

Logan and I were outside later, playing around before his parents came to pick him up and take him home. I pushed him down in the snow and we made a couple of snow angels.

"We're going to the same school, right?" I stopped waving my arms in the snow and looked at Logan momentarily. He looked worried.

"Yeah, of course."

"I hope we have some of the same classes." He said quietly.

"I'm sure our parents arranged it all." I waved my arms again, going deeper into the snow.

"What if we don't?" He asked quietly. I stopped moving and looked over at him, his dark brown eyes looking into mine.

"Doesn't mean I'll forget about you. I won't ignore you or think any different of you. I love you, Logan, okay?" He nodded and smiled, before he bit his lip.

"Love you, too." I stood carefully, making sure not to mess up my snow angel, before I helped Logan up. We admired our snow angels for a moment, before I bent down and start packing together a huge snowball. I began rolling it on the ground, making it bigger and bigger.

"What are you doing just standing there? Help me!" I laughed at Logan. He finally caught on and began making a ball half as big as mine. It was huge, but we lifted it with shaky legs and arms and put them on top of each other. It was almost as big as me, and then we added the smallest ball.

I stood back and admired our half-finished snow man.

"We may need some stuff for him." Logan said as he rubbed it and smoothed it together so they wouldn't fall off.

"Hey, guys! Logan's mom and dad are here now!" Hanna called out the door, and with a swish of Tinkerbell blonde hair, she disappeared back inside, to make more cookies or something. Hanna was a master at cooking, and everyday she had figured out some new cookie recipe, which we could both smell as it wafted from the door.

I looked at Logan and smiled a little, before we linked hands and trudged slowly back inside, stomping the snow off ourselves before heading inside.

"We can finish the snowman later, okay?" Logan nodded, and it seemed to brighten him up a little. We trudged through the kitchen and went into the living room, where Logans mom and dad, plus his suitcase, were waiting.

"Thank you for all your help, Jen." Mrs. Mitchell said politely.

"it was nothing, he can come over anytime he needs, too, so don't forget that." She said, looking at all of us as she did. Logan hugged my mom, then me, then turned to James and Carlos, who stood up and hugged him.

"I'll see you guys, later?"

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, we can go ice skating and play some hockey maybe tomorrow at the hockey rink!" James exclaimed. Logan smiled and then turned to me.

"Thanks, Kendall." He said, before we hugged again. I held him tightly and put my head on his shoulder as Hanna moved past us to give the Mitchells a bag of cookies.

"I love you, don't forget that." I said quietly.

"I love you, too."

"Don't forget to eat."

"I won't." he whispered.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" I felt him nod against my shoulder, before we gently separated. I cupped his cheeks and looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

"You're important, don't ever forget that." Logan started shaking, but quickly stopped before he rubbed at his eyes and sniffled.

"Thank you." I pecked his lips and gently let go of him, resisting the urge to hold him close and convince them to let him stay here. But I sat there and closed my fists tightly as he left. He glanced back at me as his parents led him out the door.

"I'll call you!"

"I love you!" I cried again before they shut the door gently and I watched them climb into their car and back out slowly, driving away carefully in the snow. I felt like I was going t be sick. My heart was thumping and my throat welled, feeling sticky and clogged. I wanted to cry so bad, but I knew it was stupid, so I held back the tears.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see Hanna standing behind me. I jumped a little when she looked at me with one large cerulean eye, but then she smiled warmly and opened her arms. I dove into them as she stroked my hair.

"It's okay, Kendall, it's okay. He's not leaving forever, okay?" I rubbed my face into her shoulder and shook my head; I needed to calm down. Hanna smiled down at me as I rested my body on her delicate one.

"I know, its stupid to cry over something as dumb as this." I sniffled.

"No its not." James whimpered from his corner on the couch. I turned to see him and Carlos hugging each other tightly, Carlos lying on top of James.

"I don't want to leave Carli! I don't want to!" he cried. Carlos rubbed his knee soothingly.

"It's okay, Jamie, I'll be okay." Carlos said quietly. James hugged him tighter.

"I know you'll be fine-you're strong! It's ME, I'm worried about!" James began crying again and Carlos shushed him and pulled him closer as the next sets of parents rolled into our driveway. Hanna shuffled her way to the door while I clung to her, dragging half of my body with her as she smiled and let the Diamonds and Mr. Garcia in.

"Hey, James." James's dad went and sat down, rubbing his sons back as he cried.

"I don't want to leave Carlos! I don't want to!" he sobbed into Carlos's shoulder. I watched Carlos frown and then it turned into sadness as his emotions welled up and he began sobbing huge tears, which began to run down his face. He sat there, hugging James with one arm, who laid on him at this point, and rubbed his face with his other hand.

I looked at the Diamonds and then Mr. Garcia, and I could practically see the inner turmoil and sadness radiating off of them. This was a heartbreaking scene for them, but they knew it would be better if all of us starting getting used to being by themselves again.

"Oh, James…" Mrs. Diamond sat by her son and pulled him gently away from Carlos, asking permission first, then cradled the large boy in her arms. He gripped her scarf and sobbed.

"I-I- I don't want to t-though!" He cried. His dad held him and rocked him as his mother stroked his silky hair. They both looked at each other and I could see the caring and sad looks they shared.

"We just want what's best for you, baby." She cooed gently. James sniffled and buried his face into his dads shoulder.

I had to stifle a giggle, because, really James was acting like a five year old. I returned to serious a moment later and held onto Hanna.

"But I want Carlos!" he cried. Hi dad shuffled him, moving him so he was more comfortable in his arms.

"I know, but we all need to learn to stand on our own two feet again, okay? We aren't going to let you stop seeing Carlos-"

"Definetly not, baby doll, definetly not." His mom cut in.

"-but you boys need to learn to rely on yourselves again, okay? I promise." James sniffled and nodded as he looked at all of us with blurry hazel eyes. He sniffled again and rubbed his face, before climbing off his dads lap and going to Carlos, who I hadn't noticed stood up and was now hugging his own dad and crying. They hugged and James kissed the top of Carlos's head, making Carlos blush under his tears.

"I love you, Carli."

"I love you, too, Jamie." Carlos whispered back. They pecked each other on the lips and hugged, before pulling apart gently. James's dad picked James up and carried him on his back as his mom grabbed his suitcase. They hugged my mom and smiled.

"thank you so much, Jen. You've done so much for us."

"It's no problem. You're all welcome back anytime you'd like, we're family now." Mrs. Diamonds eyes glazed a little and tears began falling as she hugged my mom.

"No one in years has ever been this nice to us, thank you…thank you so much." My mom looked a little shocked as the taller woman hugged her, but then she hugged her back. She smiled and looked at me over Mrs. Diamond's shoulder. Hanna and I giggled and I motioned for her to rub her back, which she did, making Katie chortle from her seat on the bay window. Mrs. Diamond let go a moment later and wiped her eyes.

"Well, we'll see you soon." She smiled, before lugging James's suitcase out the door, following her husband and still crying son. My mom turned to Carlos and Mr. Garcia.

"Well…um, that was quite a show." She chuckled, before leaning forward to hug Mr. Garcia. He smiled and rubbed her back before letting go, letting my mom hug Carlos.

"If my wife were here, she'd be thanking you from the bottom of her heart, Jen. Thank you for all you've done, it was wonderful." Mr. Garcia said as patted Carlos's back.

"Alright son, let's get going." Carlos's bottom lip trembled and he turned to me and Hanna with big eyes. He dove on top of us, strangling us in a hug.

"Don't forget about me, please?" I patted his head once he let go and brought him close in my own hug.

"Course I won't! We're going to the same school and everything Carlos, and I promise, if anyone asks, you're my best friend. Like, ever, okay?" I ended my last sentence in an overly dramatic girly voice that made Carlos giggle.

"Okay, thanks Kendall. Hanna, thank you, a lot. Especially for the cookies! I hope your eye gets better." He hugged her and then backed away as Hanna touched her medical patch gently.

"Thank you Carlos." He smiled as his father rubbed his back, and then with a quiet squeak of our door, they left. I watched them until their car lights disappeared down the road.

**XXXXX**

I don't remember falling asleep, but I must've gone upstairs sometime and got in bed, because when I woke up it was still dark out. I looked at my clock to see it was sometime around two in the morning. I wonder what woke me up when I heard small crying and sniffles from down the hall.

I stepped out of my bed carefully, letting shivers run up my back form the cold floor, before I left my room slowly. I walked down the dark hall, checking each of the empty guest rooms before I found the source of the noise coming from the bedroom that now temporarily belonged to Hanna.

Hanna's parents kicked her out after she found out she was pregnant, and then after she told the babies dad, he threw her down a staircase and made her miscarry sometime around her third month of pregnancy. Since she was still under the age of eighteen when she sliced open her arms and tried to kill herself, her mom and dad put her in the school just because they didn't want to go to jail for being bad parents when she showed up at the hospital.

We all knew they only came to see her once at the hospital after the Mackenzie incident, but then they left her to us afterwards, since she was finally eighteen. We opened our arms and let her stay here after, because we aren't as heartless as those bastards and wont stand to leave her out in the cold.

I opened the door carefully, seeing Hanna sitting on the bay window, rubbing at her good eye. She was crying, but she held a tissue near her mouth so she wouldn't wake anyone up.

"Hanna, whats wrong?" I whispered as I made my way over to her. She sat there and bawled gently as I pulled her into my arms.

"I-I-I feel l-like n-no one cares ab-about me. I-I'm never g-going to f-find love, o-or have a f-family." She cried gently. I hugged her closer, wrapping my arms around my friend as she cried into my shirt. I stroked her long hair, watching the blonde strands fall from my fingers. I kissed her forehead and raised her chin, looking down at her.

"Now why do you think that?" I whispered. She bit her lip, but didn't respond.

"Because no one ever notices me." She said after a moment. She looked away, but I watched more tears brim behind her pretty eye. I stood up and held out a hand to her. She looked confused, but took my hand and let me lead her downstairs quietly, past the living room and kitchen, into the mud room. I handed her some clothes, and we tugged on boots and socks, jackets and scarves over our pajamas. I opened the door and we made our way outside carefully, trudging through the snow as it fell softly. I held her hand the entire way, making a path up to the forest. She started to tense, but I gripped her hand to let her know not to worry as we walked into a small grove of trees.

"Logan and I found this one night, and I just thought you might like it,too." I smiled at her as I pointed up at the sky. It was filled with stars, shining ones everywhere, like fireflies were dotting the sky. Hanna's eyes went big.

"The sky never looks like this when we go to bed!" She cried. I chuckled as I rubbed my arms out of the feeling of cold.

"Because we got to bed pretty early, Hanna. But you know what's so great about those stars?"

"What?" she said quietly as she turned to me.

"It just takes some time for people to start noticing them, for them to come out. You're young, Hanna, and I promise, soon, it'll be your time to shine!" I cried as I grabbed her arms and began spinning us through the slippery snow. We spun in huge circles, linked by one arm, or two, colliding or away from each other. She laughed and cheered as we held hands and spun.

"You're more beautiful than you think, Hanna, I promise!" She laughed in happiness as her cheeks turned rosy, and I watched her as we spun around more and more, faster and faster, and she grabbed her medical eye patch with one hand and ripped it off, her full face finally exposed after the longest period of time. She opened her damaged eye and smiled at me as we danced in the snow, at such an early time in the morning.

I pulled her close when the sun began to rise, and I hugged my friend to my chest.

"Thank you, Kendall." She blinked at me, letting warm tears fall off her cheeks, running down the long scar that ran from her forehead, over her eyelid and stop at her cheekbone.

**(Let me explain this part of the chapter- this is the POVs of the other boys as they return home. Enjoy.)**

**Logans POV**

The road was pretty bumpy as my parents drove me home.

I was nervous to be honest, because I haven't been home since my mom found me puking in the bathroom. My stomach started to curdle once my parents pulled into the driveway, and I saw my dad reach for the house keys.

Then I broke out in sobs. I began thrashing, wanting to go back to Kendall's house. Hot tears flooded my cheeks in anger; I didn't want to be back here.

"Logan?! Logan!" My mom climbed into the back seat and hugged me close, making me stop thrashing so I wouldn't hit her. My mom pulled me into her chest and I began sobbing, bawling like a younger child. I clutched onto her jacket and sobbed.

"M-Mom, I-I'm sorry-" she stroked my hair as my dad reappeared beside us outside the car. My mom shushed me and rocked me gently back and forth.

"Don't be sorry. If you're not ready, you're not ready to move forward." I sniffled and looked at my mom before I glanced past her at my dad. I slowly shut my eyes, let out a small exhale and looked my mom dead in the eyes.

"I'm okay now…I can do it…just, please…be there with me." I whispered. My dad ruffled my hair and gave me a warm smile.

"Always, sport, always." I nodded and slowly climbed out of the car, my mom following suit, but backing up just in case I needed to bolt back inside the car. I gripped my hands into fists as I slowly began walking towards the house. My dad wrapped an arm around me as my mom shut the door and hurried to open the front door for us. I carefully stepped inside, taking a deep breath and lifting my other foot to take a step inside. My dad slowly shut the door, eyeing me the entire time to make sure I could get outside in case I panicked.

My heart thumped in my chest as I stood in the middle of the living room. My mom ran through the house turning on all the lights before stopping and watching me.

"I made some homemade cookies….I know you like them." I nodded and slowly walked to the kitchen, where my mom followed. She gave me a couple of cookies and then set a glass of milk in front of me.

"here, sweetie. Just take your time, okay?" I nodded and swallowed the thick doughy lumps of cookie down my throat, washing them back with milk.

My heart was racing by now, and I started to shake. I was safe here, I had to keep telling myself, I was safe here. I watched my mom as she began washing dishes, and my dad sat beside me gingerly. He rubbed my back, but let go after I tensed. He took a deep breath and hugged me carefully.

"You're doing great, Logan." He smiled warmly at me. I smiled back after I finished one cookie, but then I reached forward and took another cookie off the tray.

"thanks." I mumbled. My mom turned and smiled at me as she continued to wash the dishes.

"hey, Logan, do you want me to make your favorite food for dinner tomorrow?" My mom smiled warmly. I felt my tension release a little bit and I smiled back.

**XXXXX**

By the end of the night, I was laughing and smiling like old times with my family. It felt good to feel safe and happy once more in my own house, surrounded by my family.

It's been so long since I last smiled around them as much as I do now. I feel safe knowing their watching out for me and making me feel safe. My parents let me stay up longer before they deemed it bedtime for me. I wish I could scoff and tell them I was old enough NOT to have a bedtime, but I was basically passing out on the countertops. My dad had to shake me awake a few times before I finally sat up.

"I would carry you, son, but I think you're to heavy for my back."

_Heavy? I'm heavy?_

I looked down at my body and gave a small whimper. Out of the corner of my eye, my dad tensed and my mom hesitated before picking up a new dish and glaring at my dad. HE leaned down by me and looked me in the eye.

"I didn't mean it like that, Logan." He said quietly. He rubbed my shoulder, but I tensed.

_You're important, don't ever forget that._

Kendall's voice sounded through my thoughts and I gave a little happy sigh before turning to my dad and smiling, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I know. It's okay, dad, I can walk by myself anyway." I smiled before I stood, wobbling a little. My dad caught my arm and held me up, but I steadied myself and waved him off.

"I'll be fine."

"Are you light-headed?" my mom asked me as I started to head upstairs. I turned and smiled at her, a genuine smile, though.

"Nope, just sleepy, Mom."

**Xxxxxx**

I pulled on a pair of pajamas that I had lying around my room, because I was to sleepy to unpack. I noticed they were actually pretty tight, and then when I took a better look, I realized something. The night my parents found me forcing myself to vomit, bone-skinny, and in dire need of help, _these _were the clothes I was wearing.

And from what I can remember, these were huge on me. Now, I'm about to rip out of them. I sighed and tossed them in the corner before changing into a bigger set of pajamas and crawling between my bed covers. I rested under the cool sheets for a moment before my eyelids started to flutter close. I woke up when a vibrating noise woke me up, and I turned to see my phone illuminating up the room.

I stood and grabbed it before hopping back under the covers. I opened it to see it was a picture of Kendall and I, playing out in the snow, with our half-finished snowman a little bit behind us. He was kissing my temple and staring at the camera, while I was looking away and laughing. I laughed as I scrolled down to the caption he texted me under it.

**Took this when u werent looking. Hope u like! 3 I love u.**

I smiled and saved the photo, before saving it as my phone wallpaper. I placed my phone by the wall, so the screen was facing me, with the screen zoomed in on Kendalls face. I chuckled and blushed, than I shook my head at myself. Gosh, I'm such a teenage girl!

I fell asleep like that afterwards, and for once in a long time, I didn't have a nightmare, or a flashback.

All felt right in the world.

**James POV  
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I cried all the way home, I curled up in the corner of the backseat and bawled like a baby, though I just sniffled half the rest of the way home.

"Come on, Jamie, cheer up. You can see Carlos tomorrow!" my mom said, trying to cheer me up, but I didn't listen to her. I just rubbed at my eyes and decided to not look at my parents for the rest of the night. When we pulled into our driveway, though, I froze.

The house loomed over me, it felt like. It had a dark and unwelcome aura that sent shivers down my back. I dug my nails into my thighs as my mom slid into the back of the car to sit next to me. She turned my face to look at hers.

"James, if you don't want to go in, you don't have too, okay? We're moving out next week into a new house, anyway, so, if you need to-" but I shook my head and pressed my nose into my mom's shoulder.

"I need Carlos." I cried softly. She rubbed my back and sighed.

"I know, baby, I know. But, you need to learn to support yourself, and so does Carlos, so you both can be strong for the other one, okay?" I sniffled and sat up to look at my mom. She wiped my cheeks and smiled, before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

She climbed out slowly, and my dad bent next to the car. I held out my arms and he picked me up gently, cradling me like a child.

"Sorry, Dad." I whispered. He moved me gently but then rested me comfortably.

"About what, Jamie?"

"About acting like a brat." I mumbled as he carried me up the walk. I felt the shivers run up and down my back.

"Ah, don't worry, James. I would've acted the same way if someone said they were going to take your mom away from me." He winked down at me and I chuckled. I tensed up, though, when I heard my mom open the door, the key clinking in the lock.

I took a deep breath. I can do this.

_I'm strong enough._

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I don't know how long I stood there, but I figured it was only a matter of minutes that felt like hours.

That damn bathroom. That one damn room.

It was practically the only reason I was moving, because of this one damn room, that I myself couldn't step in. I threw up the last time I took even a step in there.

I could still see the stains. Still see the covering the floor. They aren't there, I know there not, I know their just a figment of my mind, but I could _still fucking see them._ I shivered, my knees twitched. I could feel tears brimming behind my eyes, stinging my cheeks as they ran down, because I wouldn't dare close my eyes.

"James?"

Is that my mom?

"James? James are you okay?"

Dad, too. I wish I could look at them, but I can't move. I can't _breath._

"James!" My mom grabs me and spins me around to look at her quickly and I nearly collapse on top of my small mom, but dad steadies me.

"James, are you okay?" my mom whispers as she cups my cheek. I grit my teeth and hold back my tears.

"I-I-the bath-the bathroom-" I hiccup. I begin to sob as my mom pulls me into her shoulder, and my dad rubs my back. The bathroom door shuts and I glance at my dad.

"I-I cant go in there."

"You don't have to, we're not going to force you, ever, okay, Jamie?" my mom whispers. I nod and wipe my face, glancing around the room that's almost packed up. We're moving out of this house and to a new one, just because I cant stand this house anymore. I suddenly feel guilty, but I push that feeling away. My parents already told me not to feel guilty, they needed to move anyway, tired of the scenery. Needed a change, I suppose.

I scurry away from my parents son after that and run into my room. I sit on my bed and immediately scroll through my phone dialing Carlos's number. I need to hear his voice, to be reassured. I rub at my thigh with one hand while holding the phone to my ear with the other. My room is dim, except for the moon illuminating the rest of my room outside.

Carlos finally answers his phone and I let out a sigh of relief.

"_Jamie?"_"

God, he's so quiet I can barely hear him. I smile a little to myself and then relax once his small voice comes through my speaker.

"H-Hey, Carlos."

_I wish he would understand_

"_James, are you okay?"_

"Yeah, I-I'm fine, just…nervous. About you. D-driving in the snow." I strung my words quickly together. I smacked myself in the forehead at how stupid I must've sounded. I heard Carlos giggle softly.

_How much_

"_You're funny, James, but thank you…i-I'm fine. I promise."_

_He makes me smile._

I smiled and closed my eyes, thinking about Carlos, the way his skin feels…how soft his hair is…his smell….

"_James? Are you listening?_"

I snapped out of my trance.

"Ye-yeah! I-I'm here, sorry, Carlos….i just… I got nervous when I came home…and hearing your voice is comforting. I already miss you." I whispered the last part, hoping he wouldn't hear it. But he did, I could hear his little sharp intake of breath and I practically heard his smile.

"You make me feel so much better, Carlos." I whispered. I began nibbling on my thumbnail when I didn't hear Carlos respond back immediately. But I heard him inhale a little more and then say breathlessly.

"_James, I love you,too."_

"Even when I'm crazy and feel like I'm losing my mind?" I asked with a chuckle.

"_Yes. Always."_

"Goodnight, Carlos." I whispered.

"_Goodnight, Jamie. Oh, James?"_

"Yeah, Carli?" he paused for a moment and I felt cold sweat pool under my skin.

"_Sweet dreams."_

He ended the call and I flopped back onto my pillows with a sigh. It was cold and dark, but at least my nerves were settled. The tension wasn't in my muscles anymore. I relaxed into my cold mattress as my dad opened my door and the lights from the house flooded my room. My dad came in and sat beside me slowly, patting my shoulder.

"You really care about him, don't you?" he whispered. I looked at my dad. He's a nice dad, but once in a while he can be an ass, but I think after I tried to kill myself, something in him snapped and he realized his duties as a true dad. I wish it hadn't taken that much for him to realize it though.

"Yes. Yes, I do." I whispered. My dad looked down at me, before hugging me and rubbing my head.

"James, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you sometimes, but I'll try my best now, okay?" I sat up and looked at my dad closely before I hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Dad." I whispered. He rubbed my back.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, James. I love you and so does your mother, and obviously that Carlos kid." He kissed the top of my head before he stood up and went to my door.

"goodnight, James. Oh and James?"

"Yeah, Dad?" I looked at him.

"Keep a hold on this one, he's a keeper." My dad smiled before he shut the door behind him.

"I know, dad, I know." I chuckled before I tossed the covers over myself and drifted to sleep.

**Carlos POV**

After the phone call from James, I hung up and picked up my things from the car. I got out slowly, avoiding any ice on the ground.

"Do you need any help, Carlos?" I turned towards my dad and went to open my mouth, but my gut curled and I shook my head furiously. My dad looked a little downfallen but didn't say anything as he took a hold on my suitcase and lifted it. He's always been stronger than myself.

I shut the car door and followed him up the driveway and sidewalk to the front door. He opened the door and I hesitated before walking inside, immediately flipping some lights on. I still wasn't comfortable with dark places, especially at night.

I still have nightmares that…that he…he would be standing in the corner waiting for me in the dark.

It might be true that I recovered somewhat from my incident six, nearly seven, years ago, but I still had flashbacks and nightmares now and then. But only in difficult situations, not just at random. The triggers I had from when I was younger no longer affected me, but once in a while something would catch up to me.

But, I felt a bit more at ease then I expected, which I thanked James for gratefully.

I already missed him a lot. I flopped down on the couch and smiled up at my dad as he sat beside me, then he pulled me into a huge bear hug.

"Ah, it's been awhile since you've been home. Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"N-no, thank you, P-papi…" I whispered. My dad hugged me and I looked up at him as he ruffled my hair.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?" I nodded and my dad smiled.

"So, tell me about James. I wanna know more about my future son-in-law." I chuckled at my dad before I sat forward and put my knees on my elbows.

"H-He's super smart… he's really nice, too."

"What was his you know reason for being at that school?" my dad said a little quietly. I tapped my fingers together.

"He was raped when he was eight…and he tried to kill himself." I whispered. I looked back at my dad as he sat forward and rubbed my shoulder.

"he really loves you, doesn't he?" I nodded and my dad smiled.

"Good, you boys need to take care of each other. You seem to just…fit together like a puzzle." I looked at my dad and he smiled at me.

"What about those other boys, they nice?" I nodded.

"Kendall and Logan are inseperable after that accident with that man…." I shivered at the thought of him.

"What about before?"

"Logan was….also…r-raped, and he was also anorexic AND bulimic…he was skinnier than a twig…" I whispered. My dad turned away for a moment.

"Are they nice friends?" he asked quietly.

"The best a person could get." I whispered. I cast my dad a small smile before continuing.

"We're actually wanting to go skating tomorrow is that okay?" My dad nodded.

"How about that Kendall fellow? He nice?"

"Yeah…he's really nice, but hes sort of a leader type…likes to shove his own problems away to help others first. It's why he wouldn't give up on Logan, who kept shoving him away in return." My dad nodded and pressed his fingertips together.

"People are like that, because their insecure, their cautious. Think it's a joke and just don't want to get hurt. They don't want it to turn out to be lies in the end." My dad said quietly. I lowered my gaze to my feet.

"I love you, dad."

"I love you, too, Carlos." My dad smiled and I smiled before I yawned.

"well, I'm going to bed, dad."

"Goodnight. Carlos?"

"Yeah?" I turned to look at my dad. His eyes twinkled a little and he smiled a bigger, brighter, and fuller smile.

"It's good to have you back." I smiled and continued my way up the stairs. If anyone heard that, they might've assumed he missed me from being at the school. But I knew his words held a deeper meaning to them.

**A/N**

**So I told myself I was gonna post this Chirstmas eve, then I told myself Chirstmas day, but its 2 am on the 26****th**** so I messed myself up there.**

**Im only going to continue this for a few more chapters before ending it, and expect some time skips after the next chapter. Im tired of this story, and I want to end it soon, and since no one is reviewing/helping me with ideas, Im saying fuck it and ending it. I was actually going to end it here, so to my readers, y'all better be thanking me for this.**

**But to the readers and reviewers, please please please help me if you want me to continue this story. I would really like to see a nice end to this story that I put so much time into.**

**Please review, PM or review me an idea also. Thank you and goodnight.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N**

**Thanks for the reviews, been trying to update faster but I was out of town for a few days with family. Happy Holidays though, hope everyone had a good New Years! **

**Sorry I really did mean to type this but I forgot about it! Here you go!**

**James's POV**

Since I was the oldest out of the four of us, my parents agreed to let me drive Carlos and myself to school, but since Kendall and Logan live too far away from my house and out of the way of school my parents said Kendall and Logan would have to drive themselves.

Now, that we had the driving situation settled though, my parents had to deal with moving houses today. I was packing up the last few boxes of my room when my phone went off, and my dad knocked on my door.

"James, are you almost ready?" He asked me as he slid in to my room. I nodded and answered my phone when I saw it was flashing Carlos's name.

"Hey Carlos!"

"_Hi, Jamie."_ He said quietly.

"Does everyone want to go skating today? Play some hockey?" I smiled, wondering if today could be fun.

"_I am, but I don't know about Logan and Kendall…_" Carlos said quietly.

"Well, I'll text them, later." I eyed my dad and he was standing there quietly, but then he motioned for me to hurry up.

"Hey, I'll call you back as soon as we move all of our boxes to the new house, okay?"

"_alright, sorry."_

"It's not your fault, baby. Bye, love you."

"_Love you, to._" Then the call ended, and I pushed my phone into my pocket to close my boxes and fold them close. I picked some up and walked past my dad, who grabbed the rest and we started down the stairs. I walked into our empty living room and sighed.

"Well…this place looks bigger than I thought it was." In reality, the empty space felt smaller. I felt suffocated in this empty room. I wanted to leave this house behind and never see it again. My dad patted my shoulders.

"Yeah, well, it'll be missed. Come on, your mom is waiting on us."

"Alright, Dad." I followed him out the door, and pushed the last of my things into his car as we climbed in. I didn't look back at the house as we drove away, because I wanted to keep it behind me.

Our new house was a lot further then I must've imagined, because I dozed off and when I opened my eyes, we were just pulling into the small driveway. It was in a neighborhood again, though, but the houses were a bit more spread out, thank goodness. I hate neighborhoods where your houses are so close together you could basically touch each other. I looked at my neighbor's house and scoffed a little, seeing how close it was to us than the one on the other side. It had a large tree in the middle of the houses, the branches stretching from one window on my house to the one on the other house.

I tsked at the closeness and grabbed my boxes.

_This is the reason I liked Kendall's new house so much…it was far away from neighbors and people alike._

I walked into our new house, but stopped on my way in. It was amazed, because it was much larger and more decorated, oriental I could say, than my last house. My last house is a clichéd house you see in neighborhoods, all alike the other houses, but this one was large, two stories I could tell, but it also seemed to have an attic.

It had a wraparound porch, unlike Kendall's large Victorian styled house, and it seemed to resemble more of a house you would vacation at in the woods or something. I smiled, because it had a promising aura to it. I smiled a little as I walked up the porch and followed my dad upstairs, where he opened a door and led me into a new room in the house. It was large, had a small bay window like Kendall's room did, and I saw the tree branches were brushing my window, well just about anyway. I was close enough to jump onto them and climb down if I wanted,too.

I think my parents did that on purpose. I used to run out the door and down the street when I was younger and stressed or scared, or just when I needed to be alone, away from the world.

It was much larger than my last room, and even had its own bathroom. My walls were white and clean.

"You can paint your walls a different color if you want." My dad smiled at me. I smiled and set my boxes down to hug him.

"Eh, whats the point." I laughed.

"I like it white, it's a nice color. Besides, no point in changing everything too much… I will be going to college soon." I said quietly. My dad patted my shoulder and sighed.

"I know, son. But, you know, you could always go to college and stay here if you want." I chuckled at my dad.

"I'll think about it." I said as I started out the door.

"Oh, trust me, you'll want to stay here." He said quietly. I arched an eyebrow as he walked past me and downstairs, where my mom was already unpacking. All of the furniture was here and set up, so we just had to put everything in its place.

"What a great new start to our house!" my mom chirped as she made her way through piles of packaging bubble wrap. I chuckled at my mom and ruffled her hair, making her shriek and do the same to me, then we all started popping the bubble wrap and dancing around on it once my mom turned on some music. It felt great, and my insides were filled with happiness, the type of happiness with my family that I hadn't felt in so long.

My dad had to stop in the middle of our fun as the doorbell rang, and I laughed at him as he fluffed his crazy hair down and straightened himself to open the door, but he smirked at me when he did.

I stopped for a moment when I remembered his words from earlier, and I looked at my mom, who was giggling, as if she had a secret.

"Hey, Jamie, meet our neighbors!" my dad opened the door and my jaw dropped, meeting the chocolately brown eyes that were also shocked.

"Carlos?!"

**Kendall's POV**

I sat by the living room window, tapping my fingers in an irritated manner as I watched every car drive by slowly, but not stopping to pull into our driveway.

"Where is he?" I hissed to myself.

"A watched pot doesn't boil, Kendall." Hanna said quietly as she sat on an armchair and knitted quietly. Katie was seated with her head and back on the floor, legs resting on the armchair as she played her DS. I turned to Hanna and watched her smile a bit, but didn't look up from her knitting. I looked down to see her knitting a large black and white striped sweater.

"I didn't know you could knit." I said quietly. She smiled at me, the scar on her face scrunching up a bit. I shivered a little and turned to look at her fully as she finished the sweater and slipped it on over her own body. It sagged but otherwise looked comfy. She then continued by picking up a new ball of thread and started knitting some socks.

"Not many people do. But, it's a useful skill. It also teaches patience and focus." Hanna looked down at Katie and nudged my sister's foot.

"Katie, do you wanna learn?" Katie paused her game and looked at Hanna.

"No, thanks." She then returned to her game. Hanna shrugged and continued knitting.

"now, back to the quote you said a moment ago, what does that mean?" Hanna chuckled at me.

"It means exactly how it sounds."

"_A watched pot doesn't boil._" I whispered quietly. I bit my lip in thought and then rolled my eyes.

"Now, I get it." Hanna nodded, but kept her eyes trained on her knitting. Knitting, cooking, jesus shes a miracle.

"By being too eager and 'watching' something, it won't come quicker than you want it to." I turned as I heard a car pull up and I turned back to Hanna to see her smiling smugly. I scoffed playfully and nudged her as I stood and opened the door, tackling Logan once I did.

"Kenny!" He cried. I swung him around and he laughed joyfully. But, once I stopped and put him down, he pushed me back inside.

"You don't have any shoes on!" he scolded. I blushed as he wiped the snow off my shoulders.

"Sorry! I was excited to see my precious Logie!" he blushed and looked away, but then I grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks together, pecking them sweetly. He blushed darker as his mom walked in and shut the door behind herself.

"Oh, hi, Kendall!" She smiled and I nodded to her.

"Hi, mrs. Mitchell! Thanks for letting Logan come over!"

"Any time, sweetheart. Is your mom here?"

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen." I replied, turning to help Logan's mom take off her coat. I hung it up and she ruffled my hair.

"thanks, hun." Hanna stood and smiled as Mrs. Mitchell walked over to her.

"Would you happen to still have any of those magnificent cookies you made?" Hanna nodded and followed Mrs. Mitchell into the kitchen, turning to wink her bad eye at me when she disappeared around the corner. I chuckled at her and motioned for Logan to follow me as we snuck past everyone and disappeared into the mudroom. I slipped on my own outwear clothes and opened the door, pushing Logan out. I jumped on his back and he made a big huff as he struggled to hold me up, then he started wobbling along with me on top of him.

"You're…heavy…" he grunted. I chuckled and hopped off, but still held onto him. I picked him up by his stomach and began making our way out to the unfinished snowman before I set him down.

"That was fun!" I laughed, but Logan rubbed his back.

"Yeah, says you." He grimaced but then started laughing as he bent down to scoop away some snow and found a few rocks. He handed me some and we began putting them onto the snowman.

"Should we give him a scarf?" He asked me. I shrugged and scooped up some snow, standing on my tiptoes and I patted it onto his head, where I began forming it to make a hat.

"We really should have thought him over." Logan said as he stuck a stick in his face to make a nose, before adding smaller rocks for eyes and a smile. We stepped back once finished and studied it. I did a serious pose and Logan copied as we looked at it.

"Well done." I said quietly, in a bad british accent.

"Very well done." Logan said, in a worse accent than mine. We looked at each other before bursting out in laughter. I slung my arms around Logan as he began dragging me through the snow, my legs shifting the snow. Logan stared at the ground as he began walking around.

"How was your first night back?" I said quietly. Logan shrugged.

"Quiet…awkward…stressful." He said quietly. I hugged him tighter.

"But you helped." He smiled down at me and I snuggled into his chest a bit more.

"Good, if you ever need me, I'm just a phone call away remember that, okay, I'll always answer you, okay?" He nodded and I stood up fully to kiss him cheek. I felt it become warm under my lips and I chuckled a little before I slumped again and Logan continued dragging me. We paused when the back door opened and Hanna poked her head out. She smiled at us.

"Come on boys! James and Carlos are here, so now we can go play hockey!" she cried. I chuckled at her and stood completely, letting go of Logan. He bounded past me and laughed at me.

"Race ya inside!" He cried. I immediately took off after him and ran, hopping onto my back porch and I went inside. I looked back at our snowman for a moment, and was astonished to see the lines that I had made when Logan was walking us through the snow.

He had made a heart around our snowman.

I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat up, but then I turned and followed Logan out the door, out to the waiting car.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It didn't take us long to get to the ice rink, but we were just glad it was mostly empty, except for a few girls on one end training for ice skating or something. We all sat down and laced our skates on, and James and Carlos took off without hesitation, skating around and getting used to the ice, since we all hadn't been skating in a while. I stood to go get on the ice, making sure Logan had finished lacing his up, but I turned to see Hanna struggling with hers. She sneezed as I came closer and shivered, but otherwise smiled at me.

"It's kind of cold in here." I chuckled.

"Yeah, that's why their supposed to keep it closed during the winter, but they don't because of all the sports and activites in Minnesota that include ice." I kneeled and began lacing up Hanna's skates, then I stood and helped her stand, making sure she wouldn't wobble and fall over.

"here, lets help you onto the ice."I chuckled as I held her hand and helped her onto the ice, making sure she didn't skid as soon as she took a step. I chuckled and she hung on to me as we began skate around, letting her get used to it. I eyed Logan, who was watching us from the other side of the rink with a little pout. I chuckled and made sure Hanna would be okay before letting go. I skated over to Logan and stopped beside him.

"Jealous, maybe?" He stuck his tongue out at me,, but then I grabbed his hand and swung him around, making him twirl a little, before I grabbed a helmet and tossed it to him, Carlos and James were already wearing theirs and holding hockey sticks.

"come on, let's get this game started!" James yelled, but he was smiling playfully. I skated over to him and took a hockey stick from him, chucking.

"How about we switch up for this game?" I smirked at him as he widened his eyes at me.

"Fine, but losing team buys cheeseburgers and milkshakes for the winning team!" He cried, before skating over to Logan. I stood next to Carlos, who looked confused but caught on as Hanna skated over, laughing as she almost fell over. She held a puck in her hands and smiled at us.

"Sorry, I don't know much about hockey, but I'll sort of being the referee!" she cried, before throwing the hockey puck up and skating away. I chuckled and we all watched the puck as it fell, waiting for the first person to move and hit it.

It hit the ground and we burst into action.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

We played a few games, not caring about the rules and such, but just played according to how many points were being scored. Every game ended when one of the teams had a score of five and we would begin a new game. We were trying to just have fun and keep our distance from a lot of other people around us, but I swerved on the uneven ice and that made Carlos swerve also and he accidentally hit the puck too far. It was near Logan, but he couldn't get to it in time as it slid past him quickly.

Hanna jumped out of the way and fell down, hard, smacking the ice with her hip, sliding a little on the ice as the puck continued sliding further, stopping in the path of one of the girls on the other side of the rink, who was obviously in the middle of a routine when she hit the puck with her skate and fell. I stopped and skated over to Logan, patting his shoulder.

"you okay?" He nodded and I skated over to Hanna, Carlos following.

"you alright?" she nodded and Carlos leaned over to help her up. She rubbed her hip for a moment and winced, and Carlos shook a little.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry! I didn't mean-" but Hanna smiled and rubbed his shoulder.

"I'ts okay, it was an accident." I smiled at the two and skated over to the ice skater who fell. She was really, like really, skinny, and had dark skin. She had dark hair tied back into a bun, and she looked angry as she grabbed the hand I offered and stood up, wiping herself off and fluffing her skirt up again.

"You guys messed up my routine!" she said angrily, but got a little quiet towards the end. She studied my face for a moment before crossing her arms.

"Sorry about that, it was an accident, I promise." I said carefully. She looked like one who had a temper.

"Its…fine. She said as she eyed someone over my shoulder. I turned to see a woman on the sidelines, probably her coach, because they didn't look anything alike. I turned to her again and saw her shivering a little.

"You play hockey?" she took a pose and put her hands on her hips.

"Used to. My friends and I are just playing around for now. We might sign up when school starts again."

"What school do you go to?" She pursed her lips. I tried to remember the name but I couldn't.

"I don't know yet." I shrugged. She seemed confused.

"So, hey is that chick over there your girlfriend?" I turned to see her pointing at Hanna, who was learning to skate in a small circle from Logan, but seemed to be struggling.

"Oh, no, course not, shes just a friend, I-" but I was interrupted by James.

"Come on, Kendall! Let's finish one more game and then go eat!" I chuckled and turned back to the girl.

"Well, sorry about making you fall. See you around." I skated away and sated to Hanna. She was still wincing and holding her hip.

"you okay?" She nodded and turned to me.

"What did the girl want?" I shrugged.

"I don't know. We just sort of talked for a moment. But shes super, like superiously, skinny. It's kind of gross, I could see her ribs through her dress," Logan frowned," _NOT THAT I WAS LOOKING_! It was just really noticeable!" I cried. Logan broke out in laughter and snorted a few times, making us all begin to laugh along with him.

"Oh, Kendall, you're hilarious." He patted my shoulder and I punched him playfully. I turned to Hanna.

"Do you want to sit down?" She shook her head, but it seemed like she was in pain.

"Here, let's get going. I think we're done for the way anyway." She looked at me and smiled a little as Logan waved Carlos and James over.

"We're leaving? But I thought we were gonna…" He drifted off when he saw Hanna grimace.

"Oh, are you okay?" she nodded and James wrapped one of her arms around his neck. Carlos followed his example and I took their hockey sticks as we glided off the ice, helping Hanna sit. She yipped in pain when her side touched the metal bleachers, but relaxed after a moment.

"Maybe we need to get her leg looked at." Logan suggested. I pulled him close and gave him a noogie.

"there ya go! That's why youre the smart one!" I said sarcastically. Logan pulled away and ruffled his hair so it didn't look as messy, but smiled otherwise.

"Whatever. So, you and Carlos are buying." He chuckled, turning to look at Carlos as we unlaced our skates. Carlos looked down, and I undertood why as he stared at Hanna.

"Hey, Carlos." He looked at me.

"It was an accident, buddy. It's fine, it happens to everyone." Hanna looked at Carlos and smiled.

"It was no ones fault, really. Its okay, Carlos, youre not to blame." She gave a sigh of relief once her skates were off and James helped slip her shoes on. He helped her stand and she held her leg but otherwise kept a strong face as we started to leave the rink. I turned to see if we left anything and caught something out of the corner of my eye. It was a male, a bit taller than me, around James's height. He had a straight looking nose, and pitch black hair, darker than Carlos's, that hung in strands around his ears. He had on glasses, and from faraway he almost resembled Harry Potter.

I followed his eyesight to see him staring at Hanna, but then he continued on his way, heading for the exit doors on the other side of us.

"Hanna, you have a admirer." I stifled a little laugh as she turned to see the male, catching eye contact with him. He lowered his head, his face a dusty pink color as he left. Hanna watched until the doors closed behind him.

"Hm." Hanna mumbled. I turned to her.

"He _looked_ nice didn't he?" I asked. She blushed.

"A little."

"He was cute." She smacked me playfully, but then smirked and looked past me. I turned to see the ice skater from earlier walk over to me. She looked ridiculous now, surrounded by a huge pink winter coat, but had her dress on still, and it peeked out from under her jacket a bit. She smiled a little as she placed a hand on my shoulder, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched Logan start to fume a little. I didn't want to be rude, though, so I just backed away a little, but not to much to be noticeable.

"So, your name was Kendall, right?" she fluttered her eyelashes at me and I swallowed some bile back.

"Yes, hey look we're sort of-"

"Well, are you busy tonight?" I pushed her away a bit.

"Look, I'm taken, I-" She cut me off, **again.**

"But, wait you said that girl wasn't your girlfriend!" she cried as she pointed a finger at Hanna, who frowned in return.

"shes not, but that doesn't mean I don't have _**someone else.**_" I hissed a little. I could see the rage building up in Logan, and I really didn't want him to tear someone to shreds.

"Well…," Her finger trailed up my chest and I froze, feeling my stomach curdle at this girls touch. I mean, sure she might be pretty…_**TO SOMEONE ELSE THAT WASN'T ME**_," look, I'm sure whatever little girl youre with is nice, but I can be a lot better than that, if you get what I mean-" she was cut off with a shriek as Logan slapped her hand harshly away, and I grabbed him before he dove on top of this chick and killed her.

"_WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TOUCHING __**MY **__BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT?!"_ He hissed, and seethed. I struggled to hold him, but the girl backed away in fright and disgust. Logan calmed down a bit, but then I watched it all build up again as she darted forward and slapped me.

"Yeah, whatever, leading a girl on like that! Fag!" she cried. I looked at Logan and his glare told me enough as I let go, holding my arms up in surrender and he dog piled the bitch to the ground. I took him off of her thirty seconds later when her screams may some people run over. We all left in a hurry, piling into the car James's parents let him borrow to drive us around in.

"Too bad you couldn't kill that bitch." Hanna said. I was a tad shocked to hear her say that. Logan smirked.

"Ah, well, at least we got a souvenir." He held up locks of her hair, and a big indication of the bald spot he made. We all burst into laughter as James drove us away. We stopped at a fast food joint and went in the drive through, me reluctantly handing James some money to buy us all burgers before we headed to the hospital. We brought Hanna in, holding her so she wouldn't have to use her hurt leg. She laid down on one of the beds a nurse instructed us to put her on and waited for a doctor.

"So, you think it might be broken?" She asked as she bit into a burger.

"Maybe. You DID take a hard fall. I heard that smack from when you hit echo around us." James chuckled as he ate some fries. Hanna kicked him playfully with her good leg.

"So, what about that creepy HP look alike? Did anyone else see him?" James and Carlos nodded.

"He was sitting in the back of the bleachers for a while. He was writing something and then he also had a laptop next to him. He was watching the ice skaters, I think."

"You should be an ice skater, Hanna." Hanna stuck her tongue out and made a gagging noise.

"No, thank you!" we all chorused in laughter as a doctor came over and sat beside Hanna on a stool.

"Hi, guys, so," she looked at Hanna's chart," Hanna, you fell and now your hip hurts really bad?" Hanna nodded.

"Yeah, she took a pretty bad fall on the ice." The doctor looked at Logan.

"Ice skating, I'm guessing." Logan nodded.

"She might have fractured something, so we brought her in, just in case." The doctor nodded.

"Alright, well, I'll need to examine that leg, so I need you to take off your pants, but all of you need to leave. Also, what happened to your eye? That scar looks recent." Hanna eyed me and I stood.

"Another accident." I said quickly. The doctor nodded.

"Well, may I examine that, too?" Hanna nodded as the doctor then shooed us all out and closed the curtain around them. I heard some rustling and they exchanged a few words before a nurse was called in. I heard some grunting, but tried to ignore it as I ate my own burger, which was starting to turn soggy. Since it was starting to take longer than we expected, James and Carlos went on a hunt for some vending machines for candy, leaving Logan and myself alone.

I pulled Logan close and held him, kissing his cheek.

"that was brave, and a bit scary, what you did back at the ice rink for me." Logan blushed and tucked his face into my chest.

"Well, I-I was just-" I kissed his lips gently and cuddled him closer as James and Carlos came back, and the doctor pulled the curtain back.

"You're welcome, Kendall." Logan sighed. I hugged him closer and he hugged me back as Hanna came over to us. The nurse had given her some crutches and then held a prescription bottle in her hand.

"All set?" Hanna nodded at us and James walked alongside her, in case she stumbled as we all made our way to the car.

"So, Hanna, can we call you Hopalong now?" Hanna eyed me warily, and I laughed at her as we clambered into the car.

"Is it fractured?" Logan asked as he helped Hanna in and then sat beside her.

"Nope. Just bruised badly. I have to stay off of it for a week and then take some mild pain killers."

"Well, you'll sleep good tonight." I chuckled as well headed home. James pulled up to Logans house first and he climbed out, before turning and sticking his head in the window. I rubbed our cold noses together and chuckled.

"Goodnight, Logie bear." He blushed as I pecked him on the lips.

"Goodnight, Kenny."

"I love you." I whispered as I dove back in for a longer kiss. Logan wrapped his arms around my neck and almost pulled me out of the car window, if it weren't for the seat belt there to save me. I chuckled as we hugged.

"Love you too, Kendall." We waved him off as he headed inside and James pulled out of the driveway. Hanna and I went home next, and I had to help her out carefully.

"Night , Kendall! Goodnight, Hopalong!" James cried, making Hanna turn and stick her tongue out as James pulled away, heading home. I carried Hanna inside, so she wouldn't fall in the snow, and once we were inside, we resumed our earlier positions, her sitting in the armchair as I lit a small fire in the fireplace and pulled the grating around it. Hanna smiled and continued her earlier knitting as I turned to see Katie had fallen asleep on the couch, watching TV.

I shut the TV off and pulled a blanket around Katie, before settling myself on the bay window to watch the snow continue to fall.

"Hey, Kendall?" I turned to see her smile a little.

"Yeah?"

"do you think that guy from earlier will go to our school?" I shrugged and eyed her crutches.

"Well…you never know, Hanna." She smiled and lowered her head to finish her knitting, and I turned to watch the rest of the snow fall as the fire crackled.

**James's POV**

It would take us a bit longer to head to our own homes, so I turned on the radio to make sure Carlos wouldn't fall asleep in the dark car.

I turned to see him eyeing the snow outside. I knew he was always a bit nervous nowadays to be completely alone around me, because some couples, as I shall put it, always were thinking about "doing the nasty" when they were alone. And Carlos was absolutely not ready for that.

Well, neither was I.

I sat him down one day and talked to him about it, but I think he still worried. I reached over and rubbed his shoulder, smiling at him.

"Did you have fun, today?" Carlos nodded, but stayed quiet.

"Are you still blaming yourself for what happened to Hanna?" He turned to me with big eyes.

"It was an accident, I swear!" I stopped at an empty intersection, where a red light stopped me, and I turned to plant a huge kiss on Carlos's lips.

"We're not blaming you, Carlos! I promise!" I ruffled his hair and laughed a bit as he ruffled it back out of its messy state.

"Aww, your so cute." I cooed. Carlos blushed and laid against my shoulder as I pulled into my driveway and parked. I turned the ignition off, but then turned to Carlos and unbuckled our seatbelts. I pulled his face closer to mine, gently, and began kissing him deeply. Carlos froze for a moment, but then melted into the kiss somewhat. I pulled him closer and kissed him deeper, before he pulled away for a moment to breathe. He laid his head on my shoulder and panted for a moment, before he began laughing.

"Your dad is watching." I eyed my dads face behind the curtains in front of my house. I laughed and kissed Carlos once more before I pulled away and climbed out, hurrying to help Carlos out and avoid any awkward talks with my parents.

_**XXXXXXXXX**_

I was lying in bed later, after taking a warm shower and cuddled in bed with warm clothes, but I wasn't the least tired. Carlos and I were texting, which Carlos thought was funny, because his room is the one directly next to ,mine, connected by the tree that's branches reach both of our bedrooms.

_What are you doing? Im bored.-J_

_Texting you, what else would I be doing. :P-C_

I looked around my halfway unpacked room and sighed.

_Carlosssss…..-J_

_Yes, jamieeee?-C_

I laughed at Carlos's smart ass remark.

_Im bored and I need…and a movie and popcorn. Do you have popcorn?-J_

_Maybe, somewhere.-C_

_No I mean right now, in your hands. Are you watching a movie?-J_

_Yeah, trying to keep myself awake so im eating some and watching this old movie on TV, even though our conversation is PRETTY exciting! :P XD-C_

I rolled my eyes at him and replied back.

_I'm bored. I need a cuddle buddy.-J_

_Well, what are you waiting for?-C_

I stood and walked over to my window, watching Carlos as he stood from his bed and opened his window. He sat there and smiled at me as I playfully glared at him, but then I smirked.

_You really expect me to climb over there?-J_

_Yep, you would do that for love, wouldn't you?-C_

_Im not Rapunzels freaking prince.-J_

_That's not romantic at all.-C_

_Youre not the one risking his ass to climb this tree.-J_

I chuckled and slipped some slippers on as Carlos beamed at me. I yanked on a coat and climbed out my window carefully, turning to close it halfway behind me, before I held onto the branches and carefully made my way over. I wobbled a few times and shivered as I made my way around the tree, getting closer to Carlos with every step. I jumped, grateful he had a big window sill, and landed in his bedroom carefully. I shut Carlos's window and hugged him, dragging him back to bed and flopping on it, relishing in his warm and cuddly body.

I pulled him closer and yawned, suddenly feeling tired as we curled up in the bed, watching the movie. I took in Carlos's room for a moment, but then I really wasn't pay attention as I began to doze off.

"Love you, Carlos." I mumbled.

"Love you, too, Jamie." He whispered back to me as he reached over and shut off the lamp.

_**Third person POV**_

James's dad quietly made his way upstairs to check on his son, who had gone off to bed and was now being very quiet, which was a rarity, since James snored in his sleep.

He opened the door, but was shocked to see James wasn't in there, but he also took notice of how cold the room felt. He turned to see the window was halfway opened. He walked over and closed it, before peering through the window, into the other side. It felt a bit pervish at first, but then he saw James was lying with Carlos on the same bed.

They weren't doing anything, thank goodness, but just sleeping. The young Latino reached to turn his lamp off and James and him disappeared. James's dad smiled a little and backed out of the room, closing the door behind him and walking back downstairs. He returned to the movie his wife and he were watching, curling up under the blanket.

"Was he sleeping well?" His wife asked. He chuckled to himself,and just prayed Antonio, Carlos's dad, was smarter than he seemed. He definetly did not want THAT phone call tomorrow morning.

"Oh, hes fine, just fine." He said with a slight chuckle.

**R&R**

**FAQ**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N**

**So glad you guys seemed to like the last chapter, but I apologize for uploading it so late. I'll try to upload more at decent times.**

**Carlos's POV**

_***A week later***_

After the whole ice rink incident, we've all formed closer, our friendships got tighter and James and I became closer. Normally, he kind of relationship would make me feel uncomfortable, but I knew I could trust him in any ways possible.

Especially since he started crawling into my bedroom at night.

I was still shocked his parents had moved in next door to us, unaware to James and I until my dad took me over to say hi.

I yawned as I stretched and sat up, looking over at the annoying alarm clock as it beeped. I smacked it to turn it off and slid out of bed, shivering as goosebumps ran up my body from the cold floor. I yawned again and began to rub my eyes to rid them of any sleep before I started toward my bathroom. I hopped in and washed my hair and body quickly before hopping out. I then began to brush my teeth and dry my hair, slapping on some deodorant before I finally left the humid bathroom and went to my dresser.

I wanted to look nice for my first official day back to a public school, so I yanked on some dark blue skinny jeans and I tossed some converse on to match my simple white tee I was wearing, then I added a black and purple striped hoodie to top it all off.

I grabbed my new backpack that had my new binder and pencils inside before I jumped down the staircase.

"My, someones eager to get a good start on their day." My dad smiled from the kitchen. I nodded and sat down as he set a plate that had some pancakes on it in front of me and ruffled my hair.

"No James this morning?"

"No." I said through a full mouth of syrupy and batter goodness. My dad chuckled as he sat down across from me and began to eat his own breakfast of eggs and bacon. My dad was pretty used to James spending the night and stumbling downstairs with me when we woke up, but James decided to stay at his own house today so he could get ready without having to crawl back through the tree to get home.

"Is James driving you to school?"

"Mmhmm." I said quietly. I looked down into the syrup that was left behind.

"Carlos." My dad said sternly. I looked up and met his worried eyes, the ones that matched mine almost perfectly.

"If anything happens, anything at all, you go to the bathroom or something and call me. Or text me. I will drop whatever I'm doing and come get you, okay?" I nodded and turned my head, hurriedly wiping my face so my dad wouldn't see I was crying a little. I heard a knock on the door and I hopped up, putting my plate in the sink and heading for the door.

"Bye, dad!" I had my hand on the knob and turned it as my dad called me back. I turned and he was holding out my backpack. I blushed as I took it and turned back to James.

"Thanks, Dad."

"No problem, mijo, now have a good day." My dad hugged me before I walked out with James and hopped into his borrowed car.

"Thanks for driving me, Jamie." I blushed at him as I eyed the school bus down the road that was getting smaller as we drove away.

"Well ,it would be pretty lonely if I didn't." he winked at me and I giggled, before I reached over to turn up the radio on our way to school.

I began to get more nervous as we pulled into the parking lot, but I fully broke out into a panic attack when James turned off the ignition. I started to wheeze and I tensed, before I flattened back against my seat and wheezed heavily, feeling a cold sweat drip down my back.

"..s…los…Carlos." I turned to see James squeezing my hand gently and staring at me with worried eyes, then I felt him place his hand on my cheek.

"you okay?" he asked quietly. I eyed all the students walking past our car, eyeing us before they headed inside. I breathed deeply and looked at him.

"Y-yeah…I-I…I'm fine."

"We can always go home and I can bring you to start on a different-" I pushed him away gently and sat up.

"No, I'm fine, James. If I don't get this over with, then it'll just get harder the next time." I let out a heavy exhale and ran my fingers through my hair as I opened the door and stepped out slowly. James hurried from his side and held onto me as we started away from the car, but another car pulled up beside us and the driver honked.

"Hey, dweeb! You took my spot!" I looked at the guy with anger and James rubbed my back to calm me down. I mean, I understand that this was a good parking spot, but the guy didn't have to be so spoiled about it!

"Well, frankly, I don't see your name on it." James said quietly. The guy turned to me and sneered.

"What are you looking at, dweeb?" He hissed. James straightened up and I watched his broad chest heave in anger, but he just held onto me a bit tighter, rubbing my back to keep me and himself calm.

"Don't call him that, you retarded bully!" James hissed. The guy opened his door and stepped out, and I began giggling when he backed up a few inches to discover James was taller than him. Heck his forehead reached James's nose. He turned to me.

"What are you laughing at?!" I froze and James let go of me to grab the guys shoulder harshly, but I was surprised when he kept a cool exterior.

"Back off or you will regret it. We're new here, so try to show some respect, shortie." The guy sneered, but did indeed back off, hopping into his car and pulling in to a different parking spot, a bit away from ours. He stepped back out as James and I continued walking.

"Was it really that hard?" James snickered. The guy rolled his eyes as several girls cooed at him.

"Heyyy, Dak!" One cried. James rolled his eyes, but otherwise smirked as he pulled my hand into his.

"At least we know his name now." James snickered. I kept quiet, wondering about the other people we would meet. I mean, that Dak guy was the first guy we've met today, so what should I be expecting. James opened the door for me and I walked in before him, shaking a little, but I calmed down once he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

The hallways weren't crowded, and I felt myself relax a little as we started through them, trying to find the front office to get our schedules. I noticed a few people eyeing James and I, but I just pulled my jackets hood on over my head and continued walking.

We eventually found the office, but the hallways had started to become more crowded and James saw the panic rising in me, so he hurried us into the dim room, where we almost ran into Kendall, Logan, and Hanna.

"Oh, hey guys!" Logan smiled. I felt relieved to see another familiar face and I immediately smiled and hugged Logan, making him stumble back in surprise, then we fell to the ground when I hopped up and Logan couldn't hold my weight. We all laughed as Logan fumed a little from the fall.

"Ah, Logie don't be such a hot head." Kendall chuckled as he helped the other one stand up. I watched Logan soften a little and then he chuckled as the front desk receptionist returned with a few slips of paper. She was frowning at us and shook her little old head as she handed us the papers.

"Your class schedules…I hope you can manage to find it on your own without any more antics." I smiled brightly at the old woman, but she didn't budge and I carefully backed out as Hanna hobbled out into the hall.

"Oh, thank god we're out of there! She smelled something awful!" Hanna gasped. We all laughed as Hanna limped over to the water fountain and we handed out the schedules. Hanna was off crutches, but still a little sore, so she limped a little when she walked.

"Heres yours Carlos." Kendall handed me the paper that contained my schedule and I read it quickly.

_First period-room 109, Mr. Hoff, Science.  
>Second period-room 107, Mrs. Jackson, English.<br>Third period-room 89, Ms. Kelly, Geometry.  
>Fourth period-room 78, Mr. Richard, US government.<br>Lunch (A- lunch)  
>Fifth period-room 119, Mrs. Last, Spanish.<br>Sixth period-room 45, Mr. Andrews, Art.  
>Seveth period-P.E, gym floor.<em>

"Here, let me see yours, Carlos." Logan took everyones, including Hanna's and inspected them, coming back with a bright smile.

"We all have matching classes, which means we'll never be alone. Carlos, you and James have P.E together, too." I blushed and looked at James as the bell rang and Logan quickly handed back our schedules. I was sad that I didn't know what other classes we had together, but I turned to James as he quickly pecked me on the cheek and we both turned to go find our classes.

"Smile,Carlos!" James reminded me. I smiled a little and put my hand to my cheek as I started down the hall, looking at the room numbers. It took me a few minutes to find it and by then I was a few minutes late. I just hope Mr. Hoff is a kind man. I opened the door and almost everyone turned to eye me curiously as I slipped in, Hanna darting in behind me. She stopped and peered around me as I began sweating nervously. I clenched my fingers when the teacher didn't see me and continued talking, even if the class wasn't paying any attention.

Hanna kicked the door shut and it slammed, quieting the teacher as he turned to give a mean eye at the people who stopped his lecture.

"who would you be?" I opened my mouth but it felt dry as I sat there and tried to speak. I swallowed harshly when I saw the Dak guy from earlier sitting by the window as he began to snicker at me. Hanna glared at him and stepped up next to me, sliding her hand down to grip my wrist in a calming matter.

"We're new, Mr…" she looked at her schedule," Mr. Hoff. I'm Hanna and this is Carlos." She turned to eye several people as they stared at her, and by stare I mean oogle, and then back away when she turned ot face them fully, a large scar on her face and a darkened grey mismatching her cerulean blue one.

Even I was a tad afraid.

"Oh, well find some empty seats, but I'm warning you two, if you sit together I don't want to hear a peep out of you!" Mr. Hoff turned back to the board and Hanna gently pulled me to a pair of empty seats, sitting me by the wall so she sat in the middle. I could see she was really trying to be protective of me since I already panicked a few times today.

I watched her turn to me and smile brightly. I blushed and smiled in return as I then tuned out everyones whispers to listen to the teacher.

_**Kendall's POV**_

I was happy when James and Kendall were in my first period with me, and then Logan had second period with me, along with Hanna. James and Carlos had second period together, then third period was just James and I., so we got paired as science partners. Fourth period was just Hanna and I, too, and finally we all had the same lunch.

I already felt tired as I hurried through my lunch line, Hanna following me as we found an empty table and sat down. James and Carlos sat down a few minutes later and Carlos began devouring his huge plate of food. Hanna sort of picked at hers. Logan sat next to me and eyed Hanna with a worried look.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked softly. She yawned and nodded.

"Just sleepy."

"Well, eat up, you'll feel better afterwards!" Carlos cried as he picked up his pizza slice. Hanna smiled and picked up her pizza slice.

"pizza eating competition?" Carlos's eyes lit up and we all laughed as he began devouring, stuffing his adorable chipmunk cheeks up with the school food. James burst into a chortled laughter and Logan snorted a few times. It ended a moment later when a voice made us jump.

"Can I sit here?" I shivered as the voice was behind me and I turned immediately to see the Harry Potter look alike from the ice rink the other day standing behind me. He wore a lot of dark clothing, and I had to admit, he was pretty attractive.

Not like my Logie, but yeah fairly cute.

"yeah, sure!" James smiled as he wiped Carlos's pizza sauce stained cheek. The HP look alike sat down across from Hanna, who set her food down and tugged her hair in front of her face to hide her scar.

"Haven't I seen you before?" he asked quietly, eyeing Hanna. She blushed a dusty rose pink and turned away, so I jumped in.

"Yeah, you were at the ice rink the other day, we were the ones who attacked that ice skater." I said with a small chuckle. Logan smiled a little, remembering his triumphant ass kicking he gave her.

"Oh, her? That's Amy. She's a well-known stuck up, and a bimbo who doesn't know anything besides skating. I'm glad she finally got some sense beaten into her. Literally!" We all started laughing and Logan got a high five from the new dude.

"So, what's your name?" I questioned. He jumped a little, and I smirked when I noticed Hanna blush darker; he had been staring at her.

"Uh, my names Sebastian, but some of the girls call me Bassy, might I ask, what your name is though?" he said quickly and turned to Hanna. Hanna blushed.

"H-Hanna." Sebastian smiled and took off his glasses. Much cuter without the glasses.

"Oh, that's a beautiful name." He said with a small dreamily sigh, before he turned to look at us. He blushed embarrassingly.

"And you guys?" I smiled.

"I'm Kendall, this is Logan," I hugged Logan to show Sebastian who I was talking about," Carlos, and James." I pointed at the other two. Sebastian smiled.

"You guys seem really close. How long have you known each other?" I looked at James and Carlos before blushing dark also.

"Uh…Six months." I said with a forced chuckle. Sebastian's eyebrows shot up.

"Wow, you must be super close or something. It takes me forever to even trust most people if I have a bad feeling about them, which I guess makes me seem, 'dark and mysterious' as the girls put it." He laughed as he said this and used his fingers to make quote marks. Hanna giggled and then turned away in embarrassment.

"Why do they call you Bassy?" Carlos asked. Sebastian blushed and ruffled his dark hair.

"Uh, a few years ago my dad and I went fishing and I caught this huge Bass. It actually set a record and as far as I know, no ones broken it yet. My mom put the picture up when she first made a facebook and tagged me in it, so since then, people call me Bassy. Except for some girls who don't know about the bass, and they just call me it because they think its cute."

"it kind of is." Hanna said quietly. We watched as Sebastian eyed Hanna for a moment before he stood up and pushed her hair aside. She gasped in shock when her mismatched eyes met his.

"You shouldn't hide, I think you look beautiful even with the scar." He touched it gently and Hanna went dark red.

And then a bit of blood dribbled from her nose. We all laughed as she scrambled for some napkins to hold to her nose as she bled a little.

"Don't get over your head there, Hanna." James busted out laughing. She glared playfully and smiled at Sebastian as he held up some more napkins for her.

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX**_

I was happy to see the end of the day getting closer and we all headed outside in a group. Sebastian was walking with us to our cars.

"So whats up with that guy, Dak? He seems like a complete asshole." I hissed, remembering how Dak had thrown paper wads at James and I in third period.

"Oh, he IS. But all the girls like him because hes a "sex god" and they like the "bad" boys. Its disgusting." Sebastian grimaced. He jolted forward a little as Hanna ran up to us and grabbed his arm, leaning into him. She laughed brightly.

"Sorry, guys! I had to talk with a teacher for a few minutes." Carlos tensed at that, but I sort of ignored it as we stopped next to James's car. Logan and I were parked a bit further back.

"That's fine, well how was today? Good for anyone?"

"Eh, it was alright. Could've been better." James shrugged before he latched his arms around Carlos and hugged him from the side. Sebastian blushed as Hanna held onto his arm a bit tighter.

"Well, good thing we can look forward to tomorrow. If you guys need any help around this school, just come to me. I've been coming here for years." Sebastian smiled. Then he went a little serious and looked at us.

"This might be a little blunt, but im really curious…are you guys gay?" Logan tensed up my hug and James went serious. He stepped in front of Carlos in a protective manner.

"Yeah, you got a problem?" Sebastian smiled and shook his head.

"No, no its fine, really. I was just curious is all. You guys seem really close to the other so I just thought…Well, glad I finally asked it was gonna bug me all night if I didn't!" he laughed. We chuckled along with him, before James yawned.

"Alright, well, Carli and I are heading home. We'll see you guys later." We all rang a chorus of goodbyes as they climbed in James's car and left and we all continued to our cars.

"Well, im parked over on the other side, so I'll have to stop here for now." He turned to Hanna and she let go of his arm reluctantly. Sebastian smiled and pulled a napkin from his pocket. He whirled it around and out of the blue, it became a rose. Hanna looked shocked as he handed it to her and pecked her forehead.

"Till we meet again, dearest." He said in a romantic voice before he waved goodbye and continued on his way to the other side of the parking lot. Hanna blushed dark enough to make a tomato jealous and we climbed in our car and drove off.

"you like him, don't you~" Logan said. Hanna smacked his shoulder playfully and held the rose close.

"He's sweet."

"Mmhmm, and cute." I said jokingly. Hanna scoffed at me and slouched in her seat as I pulled out of the lot and drove us home.

_**James's POV**_

_***A few days later***_

We actually started being to settle into this school. It was nicer than the last one, and the only exception was Dak and a few cronies that followed him around like big hot shots. They weren't really a bother to me, I could usually ignore them, but when they taunted Carlos, well that really set me off.

We all stuck together, Kendall, Logan, Hanna, Carlos and I, oh and that new Sebastian guy, too, so Dak cant really come at us that often. Its actually getting pretty annoying by now.

I sighed and walked into the boys locker room as the last bell rang and gym started. I could see Carlos already in a bathroom stall, undressing and changing into some gym shorts. We both used the stalls instead of dressing in front of the other guys. I did it because, well, I wasn't comfortable around strangers and getting dressed. I could deal with it, but why not just use the bathroom, its easier for me.

Carlos is just plain out shy and scared of the other guys. I know his past and what happened, so I'm not surprised. I just hope he wont be as shy around me in the future, because I think he's absolutely beautiful.

I walked into my own stall and started to change when Carlos opened his stall and left. I expected him to leave the locker room and go wait for me in the gym, but I never heard the door open, just the other guys whispering and talking lowly and the rustling as they changed, and the clanging of lockers.

I stepped out of my stall to find Carlos cornered by some of the guys, Dak in the middle of them. He was pushing Carlos painfully into the wall everytime he moved. Carlos began to whimper and my fury grew as I stalked towards them.

"Ah, gonna cry?" He hissed. I stopped when he mentioned me a second later.

"I bet your fag friend only hangs out with you because he pities you. Or maybe hes cuts himself, like the fag emo losers you too are." Dak hissed as he plucked at the hoodie Carlos held. I raised my fist to hit him, but Carlos stopped whimpering and looked up at Dak with a bold face.

"Hes not a fag, and hes not a loser, like you. Hes strong, brave and hes done things to prove hes better than you'll ever be, ive seen him. And its p-people like you who deserve to be p-pitied. Someone who cant even get a r-real friend or even a nice relationship."I widened my eyes a little in shock from Carlos standing up to this bully.

Dak took a step back and bumped into me, making him turn quickly and look at me. I glared down at him, before I held him close by the front of his shirt balled in my fist.

"You don't know what we've both been through, you don't even know our names. What gives you the right to judge us so badly?" Dak looked stunned for a moment, then he looked down.

"I do know you…" he said quietly. He glared at his friends and they backed off, before leaving completely. I set Dak down carefully and folded my arms across my chest.

"How? I don't know you, neither does Carlos." Dak sighed a little and stared at the ground.

"…You're James Diamond, and I was your next door neighbor when you were…raped." He said quietly. I tensed at that and glared at him.

"I don't remember you!" Dak held up his hands in defeat.

"I was always sick when I was younger, so I had to stay inside all the time. I'm sorry, I didn't remember who you were until yesterday, when I heard your full name. I just thought…If I bulled you guys up a little, no one would bother either of you, and no one would remember who you were. Im sorry." I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Carlos and I are okay, we're fine we can stand on our own two feet. Besides, you actually hurt Carlos." I hugged Carlos and Dak frowned.

"You gay?" I nodded and he shook his head as he backed out of the locker room.

"Whatever man, you guys are a little screwed up. Fine, I'll leave you be, freaks." He said before he left. I rolled my eyes and looked down at Carlos as he smiled a little. I hugged him close and kissed the top of his head.

"I don't need anyone else but you, Carlos." I smiled and he hugged me tight.

As we left the school that day, I smiled and turned to Kendall and Logan. They were smiling and holding hands tightly, sharing a small kiss. Sebastian was on the other side of Carlos and I, cooing and flirting with Hanna, before he pulled her into a big hug and kissed the top of her head, moving her hair back over to show off her mismatched eyes and scarred face. He traced the scar and kissed her cheek, making her blush darkly.

He told her the other day he didn't need to know about the scar, but he said didn't dim her beauty in every way, just made her unique. I hugged Carlos as we all decided to head to Kendall's for cookies and hot chocolate, and from there, we all camped outside on a snow bank on one of the hills to watch the sunset happily.

I know we've all been through a lot, things no one else can imagine and I'm sure we have more tough decisions to make in the future, but if we've all been strong enough to push our demons in the past away, im sure we can deal with the future problems.

But, for now, we can all finally relax and let the loads come off our shoulders and wonder what might come next in our lives.

**A/N**

**That's it for this chapter, and though its not the last chapter it is the final part to this story, the next part will sort of be a epilogue/major time skip on these guys's lives.**

**As soon as its over Im just hoping to be able to start my new fanfictions haha. Thanks for all your reviews and suggestions and please be patient for the last installment of this story, thanks!**

**R&R**

**FAQ**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N**

**Hey guys! Okay, so last chapter for this story and as soon as it's uploaded, I'll get started on my new chapter for a new story.**

**My only thoughts are though is what story I'll be doing because I have a lot in mind. It also sucks because I had all of my ideas in this notes app on my phone, then my mom took my phone, but then I got a new one so I can't get the notes back -_-**

**Whatever, though. I think I got this!**

**Okay, now like I said, this will be a major time skip in my chapters, with a little bit of narrating from the boys about how things are. Well thanks for listening and continue onto the story.**

**Kendall's POV**

The year continued smoothly after that, and James graduated in the spring, along with Hanna and Sebastian. Logan, Carlos and I were all younger than they were, Logan being the youngest and me being the oldest, so I would be graduating next and then Logan and Carlos would follow.

The year went by quicker than we imagined, and soon enough it was ending. Prom followed, and I invited Logan to go, since only juniors and seniors could go, unless you were invited by an upper classmen.

Call it cliché, but we all got matching tuxes for that day, and it was an amazing and beautiful night. We left before they announced prom king and queen, because we really didn't care. We went out to a lake and we stargazed. We didn't do anything else that night, we just stargazed, but it was more romantic since Logan and I were in a separate car than James and Carlos, or Hanna and Sebastian.

Like I said, we didn't "do" anything that night, but it was a passionate make out in the backseat. Logan and I had taken off our shirts, Logan said the car was too "hot" and the radio played slow songs.

Logan and I spent the night at my house, while James and Carlos stayed in one of my guest bedrooms.

I'm sure Hanna and Sebastian went home, too. We didn't hear from those two for a while afterwards, until James was preparing to enter a college. He didn't get in on any scholarships, and the college he was going to was close by, so he stayed with his parents.

Said he was much more comfortable that way. But, Sebastian and Hanna went to college. It was pretty lonely the next year, just Logan, Carlos and I, but we made it through most of the year. It was sometime in February when most of the events started popping up in our life.

***February***

I sighed as I sat down at our usual lunch table and picked at my food. Carlos nor Logan were here just yet, so I was allowed some free time to ponder my thoughts.

Next week was Valentine's day, and I didn't want to get Logan something ordinary, like chocolate or roses. I really wanted to buy him something better than that.

Carlos slid across from me and began stuffing his cheeks when he stopped and noticed me picking at my food.

"Arf blffh rmfhh?" I frowned as his muffled talking, and he swallowed before asking me again.

"Are you okay?" I sighed and set down my spork to look at Carlos. I stifled laughter when I saw he had a pudding mustache. I wiped it off before sitting back down and looking at my hands.

"I don't know what to give Logan for Valentines day." Carlos shrugged.

"roses?"

"I want something more unique than flowers or chocolate." Carlos nibbled his bottom lip in thought.

"OH! I know, why don't you do the same thing Spongebob did for Patrick?!" I chuckled and ruffled his hair.

"I'm not going to blow up a huge chocolate balloon, buddy."

"Phewy." Carlos pouted. I chuckled, but delved more into that thought as Logan came over and sat down beside me. He pecked my cheek and blushed before he turned to his food.

"So, um, Carlos what are you doing next Friday?" I chuckled and returned to eating my food. I know what Logan was up to, he's been trying to get at me this whole week to see if I'll accidentally spill a clue about his Valentine's day present. Logan's so excited nowadays, furthering himself away from that awful negative personality he had. He gets so excited over simple things, even something like homework. It's so dorky.

But also so much more loveable.

The hearts are basically popping from my head as I stare dreamily at Logan. God, I love him so much. I hate the fact this is my last year in high school with him, that I'll be the next one for college while these two have to wait a bit longer.

I study Logan for a moment, tracing his jawbone, his cheekbone, up to the crook of his nose, his dimples, the way his eyes shined. I leaned close and placed a small kiss on his neck, making him shiver and blush dark as he turned to look at me.

"What was that for?" he asked quietly. I shrugged and leaned across his lap.

"I just love you is all." I smiled up at him and he giggled, before he returned to eating his lunch.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

The next period for me would be gym, and I hurried into the locker rooms to change before I was late again. I tried to go into the bathroom, but the door was locked.

I jiggled the door handle, and shook it, but I knew it was no use, I would probably break it before I got close to opening the door. I sighed and walked into the locker room quietly, taking my gym clothes from my bag. I walked to the back and turned away from everyone before I even felt the panic rise in my chest.

The scares covered my entire back from my…so called "incident." I rubbed my chest, remembering the word that idiotic father had carved there out of disgusting hatred and I shivered. I quickly changed into my shorts and I began to slowly peel my shirt off, looking around to make sure no one was watching me. I froze when the gym teacher yelled at the boys to get out of the locker room.

I scrambled for my shirt, but it fell off the bench and landed underneath it, so I quickly scrambled for it, diving under the bench and pressing my chest to the cold floor as I grabbed my shirt.

"You alright there, son?" goosebumps ran up my back and I quickly slipped my shirt on before facing the worried looking gym teacher.

"Fine, just fine." I walked past him quickly and let out a shaky exhale.

_That was a close one there, Knight._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I looked around my homeroom as girls were doodling hearts all over everything. Tomorrow is Valentines day and I was just hoping my idea for Logan would go smoothly. Anything could happen tomorrow night, and the sick feeling in my gut wont go away. I sighed and picked up my binder as the bell rang and I left for my next class.

I stopped at a water fountain and took a sip before I straightened back up and frowned, looking at the poster in front of me. It was a poster advertising for the school. You could buy flowers and send them to people, but you had to go to the front office for it.

I quickly checked my wallet and hurried to the front office; next period was nothing but study hall and the teacher rarely cared if we were even there or not. I walked into the office briskly and went up to the front desk.

"Hello, where can you sign up for the Valentine's roses?" The woman eyed me before handing me a pen and a slip of paper.

"Just fill out everything and give it back to me when you're done." Then she returned to typing up something. I looked down at the paper.

__ (Senders first and last name)_

__ (Recievers first and last name) _

__ (homeroom teacher)_

I quickly filled that part out and looked down at the rose color choices.

_White (love)  
>Red (relationship)<br>Pink (crush)  
>Yellow (friendship)<br>Artificial rainbow color (Random.) _

I chuckled and reached to grab a second paper from the desk as I filled out one for Carlos, buying him some simple yellow roses and then I ordered a huge white bouquet for Logan. I handed the woman my papers, and she attached them, along with my money to it and set it in a pile. I sighed, because I just spent fifty dollars on my best friend and my boyfriend, but I couldn't help but feel giddy the rest of the school day, and the entire night was spent fidgeting about it.

I walked into homeroom the next day, and I eyed the door the entire time, being as silent as possible to Carlos and Logan. Logan frowned and proceeded to poke me with his pencil a few times.

"You okay?" I nodded and smiled when the door opened and several people carrying baskets of roses walked in. Some people only got one rose, but a few got small bouquets. I smiled as Carlos blushed a dark red when he got mine, and I looked around for Logans, but the roses were all gone. I started to panic, where were Logans?! Did they run out of roses?! Did they not get my order?!

I turned to Logan and he was sort of frowning, but he put on a small smile for me.

"Logan, I-" but he punched me playfully, and awkwardly.

"its okay, don't worry about it." But he turned back to the board and was silent.

_Shit._

I pinched the bridge of my nose in anger as the door opened and the people returned.

"Sorry, we forgot one more." They brought a huge decorated white bouquet into the room and set it in front of Logan, who blushed darker than Carlos. A few people in the class snickered, but Logan looked at me, and looked down in shame.

"I-I'm sorry I acted like that." He whispered. I hugged him close, and let go after the teacher coughed at me.

"It's okay, I would've been pissed,too." Logan smiled and buried his noses in the pretty roses as the teacher droned on. The day went by quicker after that, and Logan had bought me some of his own roses instead ordering from the school. He handed them to me when we got to his locker after seventh period, and we walked out hand in hand, holding our flowers as we headed out to our car.

"So, any more surprises I should be ready for tonight?" Logan blushed dark and I smiled.

"Yep. But, I'm not telling." Logan's smiling face curled into a pout as he sunk in his seat. I chuckled and pecked his cheek as I left the school parking lot, drove out of town a bit and Logan eyed the highway as I drove over into the next town. It was dark by the time we got there, and Logan was yawning as I turned on the GPS in my car to navigate my way through town.

"Kendalll….Where are we going?" Logan asked as he slumped over the dashboard. I chuckled at my boyfriend and ruffled his hair in an attempt to wake him up.

"Hey, I said I wasn't telling…"I said as we pulled up in front of a carnival. Logan sat up, all boredom gone as his brown eyes took in the carnival.

"Oh, Kendall, you're so sweet!" he cried as he launched himself on me. I hugged him back and we climbed out before he grabbed my arm and held onto me as we walked into the carnival area. I felt that sick feeling in my stomach again as I rubbed the small box in my pocket. I had been hanging onto it all week, afraid of losing it. I eyed all of the high schoolers that were here, several people I knew as simple friends. Carlos and James gave me a thumbs up from behind one of the booths as Logan was busy being occupied with the rides. I turned to Logan and smiled, before giving him some money.

"Here, wil you go buy some popcorn? I'm sort of hungry." Logan smiled and took the money.

"can I buy some cotton candy,too?!" he asked excitedly. I chuckled and kissed him gently.

"Of course baby doll, now go." He skipped away happily and I motioned to Carlos and James, who pushed all of the high schoolers loitering around. They held up the signs and I smiled. I took so much time to plan this, and I'm just hoping everything goes perfect. I turned as Logan came back. He was holding a small bag of popcorn and had a heart shaped cotton candy on a stick.

"hey, Kendall, look at this candy-…" he stopped and nearly dropped the food as he stared at the sings, reading each one carefully as tears began filling his eyes. I smile sweetly and take the food so he cant drop it as James and Carlos wave and hold their signs up a bit higher.

_**LOGAN, WILL YOU MARRY ME?**_

Logan began sobbing gently and I pulled him into a hug before lowering myself to one knee and presenting the small box that held the ring I spent so much time observing and making sure it was perfect. I held it up and Logan put a hand over his mouth, before nodding quickly.

"Yes! God, yes!" He cried. I slid the ring on his finger and hugged him, letting him grip me and sob happily into my shoulder. I held his face close and kissed him passionately as we twirled around, Logan laughed as I set him down and James came over to hug us.

"Man, you wouldn't believe the trouble he went through for you." James said as he playfully punched Logan. Logan blushed and cried out in surprise as Carlos tackled him in a flying hug that sent both of them to the ground. James laughed and picked Carlos up from the ground, setting him on his two feet before I bent down to help Logan up.

I hugged Logan from behind before I began munching on my popcorn and turned to James and Carlos.

"so, are you guys staying here with us at this carnival?" James rubbed his cold hands together and looked at Carlos, before pulling him close.

"Nah, I've got my own plans, but you two lovebirds have fun." I chuckled at James's words and watched him and Carlos wave goodbye to everyone and climb in their own car and take off, before I turned back to Logan and pressed my nose into the back of his neck and kissed.

"What ride do you want to get on first, my love?"

_**Carlos's POV**_

I was really nervous when James told me he was planning on taking me to his parent's cabin he had out in the woods.

I knew his parents were well off, but seriously, a cabin in the woods? It felt too good to be true. James pulled up to the cabin and smiled at me before he climbed out and grabbed our bags from the back. Now, I know James enough by now to trust him that he doesn't have anything bad planned in mind.

Well, I do.

I want to give myself to James, show him how much I love him. Im not scared anymore.

Okay, lie, I am scared but I've researched it and everything, and embarrassingly enough, I even talked to my dad about it and he sat me down and had a conversation.

Then left and came back after work with some stuff he said I would need. Even more embarrassing. I gave a heavy inhale and let it out shakily before climbing out and shutting the door behind me. I followed James up the pebble driveway and he opened the door for me to see a beautiful furnished living room and a hallway leading off to a bedroom and a bathroom, and another room. On the opposite side of me, was the rest of the living room and a kitchen.

I was amazed, and felt my heartbeat quicken as James slowly shut the door behind me and walked over to turn on the tv and start a fire. He smiled up at me.

"Do you like it?"

I quickly nodded and James beamed.

"My mom and dad honey mooned here, and decided to buy the place. I came out here a few days ago and cleaned it up for us, so hopefully we wont have anything go wrong tonight." He smiled and stood when the fire came to life and he tugged the grating around it so it wouldn't pop and go everywhere, before he walked closer to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I sank into his welcome and warm body I've grown so accustomed to feeling against my own.

My heartbeat picked up and I came close to hyperventilating, but I quickly calmed myself down and hugged James back as he began to kissed my neck gently. I shivered in pleasure as he brought us to the couch and laid me down on it, before he gripped my wrists gently and lifted my shirt up and off my head.

I giggled and then moaned gently as he nipped at my body, coming up to suck my neck and kiss me gently. He let go of my wrists and I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled him close with an intimate kiss, before James pulled away gently and sat us up, yanking a blanket around us both. We cuddled together for a while and watched TV, before James began yawning.

I gave a heavy sigh, because I knew what was coming next, and my stomach was curdling in excitement and fear. I didn't want James to reject me, and at the same time I didn't want him to get scared.

I stood and the blanket slid off of me as I pulled on James's arm gently and started leading him back to the bedroom. James followed me with a sleepy smile on his face as I pushed him gently inside and we crawled onto the bed. I eyed the bag I had set by one of the nightstands before I crawled onto the bed with James. I straddled his waist gently and put my arms beside his head, bending my body over to press our foreheads together. He smiled up at me with half lidded eyes and kissed me sweetly. I tugged on his shirt slowly and he allowed me to take it off, and drop it beside the bed. I ran my hands down his beautiful broad chest, then down to his abs, then I let my fingers tickle lightly over his hip bones, before I reached the hem of his jeans, but he grabbed my hands and looked at me with alert in his eyes.

Damn it.

"Carlos, what are you doing?" he asked me quietly. I felt the fear from earlier take over the excitement and I gently curled away, feeling tears welling up behind my eyes. I started to rub at them gently and sniffling as James stared at me with hard, worried eyes.

"I-I-I wa-wanted t-to s-show you how much I loved you ,James." I stuttered gently, crying as James finally realized where I was going with this and he sat up, crawling close to hug me and lift my wet face. He kissed my wet cheeks before cupping my face and looking me deeply in the eyes.

"Carlos, you don't have to do that if you aren't ready, I mean, I'm probably too scared that I would hurt you anyways. I don't want to hurt or scare you, and I do love you, but I don't want you to rush this." I collapsed into his chest and let out loud sniffles.

"I'm fine though! James-"

"Carlos, please don't argue with me about this, lets just-" But I grabbed his shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes.

"I spent so much time working up the courage to do this for you! I talked to my dad about this! I even researched this! Cant you just be happy I'm trying to show you how much I love you?! I AM ready for this James, okay?! I've never trusted anyone more than I trust you and-and- and my heart will burst out of my chest unless I show you how I feel! I want to express our love and you wont let me!"

I began crying, not because I was sad, no I was frustrated. I was ready for this, I was. We've been dating two years, and James has always been there for me, even when it was already hard to see each other since James was attending college now. He was older I get that, we had our parents make sure everything was okay with the age limits and they even wrote up and signed a note just in case, that James and I were allowed to date.(1)

I let some tears run down my face as James pulled me away gently and looked me in the eyes. He wiped my cheek with his thumb and I put one hand over his.

"Carlos…are you really sure about this?" I nodded gently and he kissed me on the head as he rolled me over. My heartbeat started going faster as James dove down and began kissing me deeply. He pulled away for air a moment later and kissed both my cheeks and continued down to my jaw. He kissed the beauty mark on my chin, making me blush before he began suckling gently at my neck. He bit, not harshly though, and then suckled, and when he pulled away I knew I would have a hickey on the dead center of my Adams apple.

I began to breathe quicker as James started going down, and I moaned when his mouth and tongue found my navel. I arched a little into his touch and he chuckled, then his fingers lightly danced over my jeans button. I inhaled deeply, shut my eyes and then opened them as I let out all my fear and worry in a single breath.

"Go ahead, James." I whispered. He smiled and kissed my forehead as he popped open the button of my jeans and the cool air et my legs as he let them travel down my legs and off my body. I was already beginning to feel hot, and it increased a million times as James rubbed my thighs, and then his fingers went and-

"James!" I moaned as he began fondling me. I looked up at him with hot cheeks and found he was blushing, too.

"Sorry," he mumbled," I don't exactly know…" He trailed off as he stood up and slipped his own jeans off. I smiled as he sat back down and straddled me. I ran my fingers up his sides and kissed him.

"N-no youre doing fine..." I whispered. James nodded and went back down, letting his wet tongue trail over my body. I gasped when his mouth found my center of attention and he began mouthing and suckling at the fabric of my underwear.

"J-Jamie…" I moaned, gripping his hair gently. James sat back up and smiled, before he gently pinched my underwear hem.

"C-can i?" I nodded and blushed, looking away as he slowly yanked them off and dropped them, then leaned back on his haunches to stare at me. I blushed.

"D-don't look at me…" I whispered, beginning to cover myself up. James immediately grabbed my hands and yanked them apart, before his fingers slid up my legs.

"God, Carlos…you're so beautiful…" I watched tears fall from his eyes and I began crying myself as James began peppering me in kisses, then he sat back and smiled gently.

"Do you have any…?" He stopped and bit his lip in embarrassment, I swallowed hard as my cheeks heated up again and I reached down to my bag on the ground and my hand searched inside before I pulled out a small cylinder of lube and a condom packet. James chuckled.

"You really did prepare for this." I nodded and he kissed me again.

"So smart, look at you." I hid my face in embarrassment as he ripped open the condom packet and then realized he needed to take off his own underwear. We both looked at one another in fear and excitement as he stepped back and pulled his boxers off.

My mind was blown at the sight of James, beautiful and proud in front of me. His body was amazing. I yearned to touch him.

He gently slipped the condom on and I felt butterflies in my stomach as he climbed back on the bed, then lifted my hips and put a pillow under them.

"I…I saw this somewhere…its supposed to be more comfortable." I nodded as James put lube in his hand and I swallowed hard as he lathered himself up and then I felt a little pain as he began to prepare me. I squirmed as James knelt down and began rubbing my thighs in an attempt to help me. The pain began to dull to pleasure and soon enough I was moaning, my body was on fire, and I knew I was ready for my love to take my body.

James kissed me and then pulled one of my legs u[ and over his shoulder. I shook a little at the position, but then adjusted my hips on the pillow, took a deep breath and pulled James close.

"Im ready, James…" I whispered. James pushed in and I let out a small whimper of pain and gripped him gently.

"Carlos?! Oh god-" I shut him up with a kiss and then pulled away to look him in the eye.

"I'm fine…I am, really…just let me adjust, okay?" I let out a small exhale as James sat there, both of bodies on fire and our faces dark red. I moved a little and smiled before pressing our foreheads together. I wiggled my hips and let James I was ready.

"Let me show you how much I love you, Carlos."

"_Oh, God-James!" _

_**James's POV**_

Love.

Its all I felt as I watched my lover sleep. He cried for a little afterwards, and I felt guilty, thinking he was upset, but he eventually stopped to small hiccups. He explained those weren't sad tears.

They were filled with joy, because he couldn't have been more happy that we finally became one with our bodies. I smiled as I leaned over and kissed him, running my hand down his beautiful caramel body that I wanted to ravish for days on end in this bed. Carlos mumbled a little in his sleep and I leaned close to kiss him gently and whisper,

"_You're mine, and I wont let anyone else have you, Carlos. You'll always be mine. Always." _

_**Logan's POV**_

Kendall and I just went home after the carnival, and our parents were all at Kendalls went we got there. We showed them the ring that Kendall gave me, and our moms screamed in excitement before my dad hugged Kendall, and then told him that if he hrut me, hed kick Kendalls ass.

It was hilarious to see Kendall step a bit away from his future father-in-law and laugh awkwardly as everyone else was laughing in hysterics.

We fell asleep in the same bed, Kendall wrapped around me and holding me tight, and I fiddled with my ring all night before I turned in Kendalls arms and buried my face in his shoulder and fell asleep. I was excited that Kendall and I had come this far in only two years, and I knew it that was all the time he needed to prove to me that one, I was beautiful, two, he did care about me deeply, and three, that he loved me like no other, then I'm sure I'll be his forever.

I pecked Kendall on the cheek before I let my eyes slip close and I fell asleep.

_***April***_

_**James's POV**_

The days, and should I say nights, went by faster than I imagined and soon enough, I found myself ready to propose to Carlos on his prom that would be coming soon. I was excited and jittery and with a roll of my eyes I relaxed and told myself I wasn't a girl.

Then the jitters came back and I realized this is what Kendall mustve felt like when he was planning to ask Logan to marry him.

I yawned as I sat up, in Carlos's bed of course, and I was about to stumble downstairs when I realized I was naked. I blushed before yanking on some clothes and heading down into the Garcia's living room. I was surprised when I saw my parents sitting with Carlos's dad (Carlos was of course, eating waffles and watching Spongebob in front of the TV like a small child would do) and didn't see me until my mother piped up.

"Good morning, James." I smiled at my mom and bent down to kiss her cheek when Carlos tacked me in a hug. I groaned when we hit the floor and Carlos blushed as he looked at me. I chuckled and then stood, hugging Carlos to my body and giving him a noogie.

"So what are you guys doing over here?" I asked as I sat down on the floor besides Carlos.

"You weren't in your bed, so we were just coming to check if you were here."

"Oh, trust me I knew he was here." Mr. Garcia chuckled. I eyed him for a moment and he winked at me as my mom blushed and my dad coughed in an awkward manner.

"thank you Antonio, for that brief update on what our sons are doing behind locked doors." I turned red and looked at my parents in shock.

"You two knew?!" My mom stood.

"coffee, anyone?" she left the room in a flash and my dad chuckled, before turning to me.

"Yes, James, we knew…for a while now."

"When?! And Carlos, how are you _not_ embarrassed by this?!" I cried. He shrugged.

"I got over that when I discussed it with Papi." I facepalmed and Mr. Garcia laughed.

"It was me who told them James. I know parents like to know what their children are doing. As long as you two are being safe about having sex," I blushed darker," and are being careful with it, I think we're all fine with it. Don't you agree?" James looked at his father who was nodding his head to agree with Carlos's dad, and his mom, who was sipping coffee.

"I still wish you two were a bit older when you did start, but…well, young love. I don't see any problem with it, just please don't be idiotic like the other kids these days." I shook my head at them.

"I wont ever do anything stupid with it. Carlos and I would rather keep our lovemaking in the bedroom, and only to ourselves, thank you very much." I said sort of smugly as I turned and laid down beside Carlos. He smiled at me, syrup clinging to his cheek. I smiled and entwined our fingers, kissing each one of his as his father stood up and stretched.

"Alright, I think I need a cup of coffee myself." I kissed Carlos before standing and following his dad into the kitchen. I peeked my head out to make sure Carlos wasn't paying attention as I turned to his dad and said quietly.

Um, Mr. Garcia?" he smiled at me.

"Yes, James? And please, call me Antonio." I let out a little exhale before giving him a genuine smile.

"Antonio…I have…something very important to ask you." He frowned a little and set his coffee down.

"What is it, James?"

"I want your blessing for me to marry Carlos." His eyes went wide and he immediately pulled me into a hug. This whole family is filled with huggers!

"Of course my boy, of course! Goodness me, thank you for asking me, oh God Im so happy for you. When will you ask him?" I smiled brightly.

"His prom day. I know he is planning to invite me and I have a good idea on what to do." Antonio smiled and hugged me again.

"If you need my help, just ask." I patted his shoulder.

"thank you so much for this, sir." He shook his head.

'Don't thank me, thank yourself. Without you, who knows what might have become of my mijo. Now look at him. He's talking. He's smiling. He's doing work and he's confident. And most of all, he's happy once more, because you made it happen, James, so really, _I_ should be thanking _you._"

_**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx**_

_**Kendall's POV**_

I let out a small sigh as Logan leaned on me.

The school year would be ending soon, and I would have to start attending college, and leave my finacee and my best friend behind to join my second best friend in college.

"Im going to miss you." Logan huffs as I jot notes down quickly. I pull him close and peck his cheek while the teachers back is turned. Logan hugs me and lets out a dramatic sniffle.

"ughhh, I'll be so lonely without you!" Carlos pops up behind Logan and pouts.

"what am I!? Chopped liver?" Logan chuckles and pulls Carlos close in a hug then pushes him back gently as the teacher turns towards the class and eyes all three of us in our work group. I chuckle and we quickly return to doing the project we were paired up to do.

"So, guys, are you going to prom this year?" Carlos smiled.

"Of course! Right, Kenny?" Logan turns to me and I nod and kiss his forehead.

"Do you want to use the suits from last year or get some new ones?" Logan wrinkled his nose in thought and I squeezed his cute dimples, making him stick his tongue out at me.

"we can just new some new colors, we don't have to get completely new suits."

"Well, we had blue last year, what color this year?" Logan tapped his chin.

"Why don't we do yellow?" I chuckled and poked him.

"You really are going for a batman themed thing here aren't you." Lightbulb! I smiled at Logan.

"Hey, lets all be superheroes this year! What do you think, Carlos?" he frowned a little and nibbled on his pencil.

"how would that work?" Logan looked at me for explanation.

"We were the suits, just we put our superheroes logos under the button up shirts and when we're taking pictures we open them like Spiderman and superman and all of them do to show off our logos and then when we're actually at prom, we take off the jackets and ties and unbutton our shirts the rest of the way."

"I like it!" Carlos said excitedly, then blushed when half the class looked at him and the teacher glared. He lowered his voice a bit more.

"I like this idea! Lets do it!" he held up his hand for a high five and I chuckled as Logan and I both high fived him and then we returned to our work.

Carlos followed us home in his car (a present from his dad for his seventeenth birthday) as we rode over to my house, where James was heading. We were going to drop our stuff off, fill our parents in on what we were doing and then think up what else can be added to our prom suits. We all knew James really wasn't supposed to be coming, but we think we can sneak him in for this.

But when I pulled up to my driveway, I was shocked to see an unrecognizable car in the driveway. My thoughts raced faster than my thumping heart. It could be anybody inside, and what I feared most was my dad was here as we walked inside quickly.

My fears disappeared when I saw Hanna and her boyfriend Sebastian sitting and chatting with my mom and James, who had just gotten out of class. Hanna smiled at me and stood to run over and begin hugging us, ending with me.

"Kendall! HI, gosh its been a while!" she cried. She stepped back and looked at us all as we closed the door.

"Wow, Hanna this is a surprise." I said slowly.

We sort of lost contact a few eeks back. We used to skype, then we just texted then summed down to simple emailing afterwards. I felt bad for feeling angry at her, because she had always looked tired and complained work and school were getting a bit harder to balance. But, I'm glad to see shes doing better. She blushed and then looked guilty for a moment.

"Im so sorry I stopped talking. Bassy~ and I just got busy." Sebastian smiled from where he was sitting and I noticed he wasn't wearing glasses anymore.

"I hope youre treating her right." Sebastian chuckled as we walked closer and shook hands than I pulled him in for a quick hug.

"I am, if I wasn't id probably kick my own ass." He chuckled and then leaned close and plucked a penny from my ear. I chuckled, because Sebastian is a bit of a dork with a knack for magic tricks. He flirted with Hanna the first day we knew him by making a rose out of a napkin. He put the penny in my hand and chuckled.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I laughed and stuck it in my pocket.

"So, guys, Hanna has something she wants to tell you." My mom smiled. I eyed Hanna, who blushed and Sebastian hugged her close.

"Hanna and I are having a baby." Logans eyes popped out of his head as he eyed Hannas belly. Carlos squealed like a small chuld and James walked over to clap Sebastian on the back.

"How many times did it take?" he joked. Sebastian chuckled.

"Once."

"Attaboy!" James cried and we all laughed, before Hanna playfully smacked the two. Carlos darted forward to hug Hanna again then stopped and frowned at her belly. Hanna laughed and opened her arms.

"You can still hug me, sweetie, I wont break I promise." Carlos dove in and hugged her tightly, lifting her off the ground.

"So I'm gonna be an uncle?!" he cried in happiness. Hanna laughed and ruffled his hair as he set her back down.

"Yep! All of you!" She smiled and we all hugged before we relaxed and talked for a while. Turns out, shes only a few weeks along, and shes hoping for a girl. Sebastian always wants a girl, but is "willingly to take what they get." We all got a kick out of that, and after a while they left, promising to come back soon. It was dark out by the time we all decided to call it quits for the night, and we left our prom ideas for another day.

I smiled to myself as I laid in my bed that night. I still cant believe this much; Logan and I are getting married, Hanna's pregnant and I'm going to be an uncle, and I know from James already that hes proposing, and then Im about to graduate.

I shut my eyes in bliss and slept peacefully.

_***May***_

_**Carlos's POV**_

I wouldn't stop fidgeting as Kendall continued to try and get me ready for prom, and he kept messing up trying to tie my tie right.

As soon as he did, I burst with joy and ran around for a little while to get rid of some of the energy I had.

"Woah!" Logan cried as I darted past him, feeling my heart trying to keep pace with my speed. I chuckled and hopped around in circles; Gosh. I was so excited!

"Is James almost here?! Im so excited! When does prom start again? I hope we get there in time, I-" Kendall clapped a hand over my mouth and laughed as I started to calm down.

"Hehehe, calm down a bit Carlos, okay? James will be here soon, and he has a surprise waiting for you, so just wait, okay?" My eyes widened and I clapped my hands happily.

"Surprise?! What kind of surprise?!" Kendall chuckled and put a finger to his lips as if he holding in a secret as Logan appeared behind him.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, now would it?" I pouted a little.

"Hey, Carlos, did you remember your Robin shirt under your button up?" Logan asked as he buttoned up his own shirt over his batman logo shirt. Since we both liked batman, we just decided to be batman and robin. But, I let Logan have batman just to be nice. I smiled at him and was about to show off my shirt when a horn honked outside and I darted past everyone, including our family members, and outside. There was a limo waiting outside for us! I squealed at the sight and then watched as some guys hopped out and pulled a huge present out of the limo and set it next to me in the grass.

It was GINORMOUS!

I looked at it curiously, before I started looking for James.

"wheres Jamie?" I called as everyone cae outside. My dad was holding his video camera and everyone had cameras ready as Kendall and Logan joined us. Logan walked and stood on one side of the huge box and then Kendall stood on the other side. They smiled at me as everyone turned their cameras on.

I was really confused by now.

"Guys, wheres James?"

"Don't worry about James for now, okay he'll be here soon. Here this is for you ,Carlos." Logan patted the present and I felt my insides burst.

"For me?!" I ran over and took the bow off before I hesitated. I eyed everyone again, curious, but the shrugged it away and ripped open the box. I shrieked as James popped out and I jumped back a little when confetti followed, along with balloons in his hand, and Logan and Kendall were the ones popping confetti as James kicked open the front of the box, stepped out, kneeled and held open his hand to show me he had a box with a ring set inside of it.

"Marry me?" He smiled.

And then the waterworks came. I began crying as I nodded and James stood to slip the ring on, kiss me and then pull me into his chest as I bawled happily. He chuckled and took out a handkerchief and wiped my face.

"I knew this might happen, so I came prepared." He chuckled and I sniffled as he cleaned my face gently.

"Aw, theres my beautiful shining husband to be." I smiled as he hugged me and I turned to face the cameras everyone was shining on me and show off my beautiful ring. Logan came up along side us with Kendall and we both sat there showing off our engagement rings, before we each gave our fiancée's a kiss. I sniffled and looked at everyone around us before wiping my eyes again.

"best day ever." James laughed and kissed me.

"And the party hasn't even started yet!" he chuckled. I snuggled into his chest and wondered how this night, no, how this _year_ will end for all of us.

_***One year later***_

_**Kendall's POV**_

I was so proud to watch my Logie and Carlos step off that stage on graduation, and I ran over to them, alongside James, as we congratulated them.

I swept Logan off his feet and carried him bridal style, making him laugh at my extreme PDA with our relationship, but he let it slide this time around since it was a special day, well, more like special week.

At the end of the week we all got married in a double wedding, and I don't think I've ever seen our families cry as much as they did that day. The wedding reception was beautiful and I never did get a chance to see the cake that Logan and Carlos had decided on. I was amazed to see two cakes in fact. One was shaped like a guitar, and that was meant for Logan and I. The second one was a simple three-tier vanilla cake, until you took a look at the other side. It was split down the middle, and the other half was decorated chocolate and both had strawberries on the sides.

The wedding topper for Logan and I's cake was two guitar picks with our names on them, mine in white on a black pick, Logans in black on a white pick and they both looked like suits with bows on them.

Carlos and James's wedding topper was adorable, because it was a statue of two people in suits, white and black, and one looked like Carlos hugging a stuffed puppy and James was hugging him from the behind. I wondered for the rest of the evening how much it cost to manufacture and make it specifically to their liking, but James said not to worry about it.

We all decided to honeymoon at same resort, not to far away from our town. It was up in the mountains, in a cabin resort.

The moment we walked in it was amazing, and I knew the one thing I wanted to do tonight, that was also on Logans mind, but neither of us mentioned it.

Not until we got into our resort that night. Logan was lying in the bed, and though we've seen each other nearly nude-not completely but nearly- we were both blushing dark red.

"You sure baby? We can wait." I whispered in the dimly lit room. It was illuminated with candles and we had a small bowl of chocolate covered strawberries on the nightstand. Cliché I know, but they seem romantic, and they taste good.

"Its fine, Kendall. I'm ready to make love with you." I lifted Logans bare leg, and began kissing up it, letting the tip of my tongue slide up and down gently before I pulled back and blew on the damp trail up his leg. I began kissing up his body, inhaling his scent, ravishing in that taste of his skin, and admiring his beautiful body.

I let my fingers drift across the waistband of his briefs and I looked up at him for permission. He smiled and kissed me gently.

"I'm not scared, Kendall. I trust you." He whispered. I smiled as I took his briefs off and tossed them into one of the open suitcases on the floor. I kissed him deeply as I covered my fingers in lube and delved them into his secret regions.

Logan cringed for a moment and gripped my hand before relaxing.

"I can do this…im fine." He panted. I kissed him gently and rubbed his quaking thighs as I began to prepare him, then I did something to help him take his mind off the pain; I dove down and pressed a kiss to his hard and beautiful erection, then I experimentally began to suck the tip. Logan cried out and gripped the bed sheets as he moaned, sending shivers down my body as I sucked gently.

"Kendall, Kendall o-oh…Kendall!" he cried as I pushed my fingers into his innocent body even further and found his sweet spot that would make him feel good.

Now, most people would consider Logan and I as unclean for being…forced in the past, but that was the past and this is now, and I considered Logan still a virgin to this. I kissed him as I pulled my soaked fingers from his tight caverns and kissed him. I stood up and yanked off my own boxers as Logan handed me the bottle of lube. I covered my own regions in them, blushing as I did, and then I tossed the bottle away as I grabbed his hand. I put my other hand on his stomach as I moved his hand to press flat against my chest, letting him feel the quick beating of my heart.

"That's for you, and only you, Logan. You'll be the only person to ever make e feel this way, the only one to ever take my heart." I whispered. Logans eyes filled with joyful tears as I lifted his legs into the air, spreading them gently.

"are you ready?" I whispered, putting one leg on my shoulder so I could grip Logans hand with one of mine.

"As I'll ever be. I love you." He whispered. I kissed him gently and wiped away his joy filled tears as I pushed in. The heat that combined our already hot bodies was smothering me. I had never felt this way before, and though the scars still litter my body, the hideous word scarred into my chest, Logan ignores it all, all of this uncleanliness as I ravish his beautiful body. He leans forward and hes eventually the one doing the work as he kissed my chest, having sex with me by riding himself onto my erection in my lap.

I lay him back down and finish us both off, picking up the pace towards the end. I knew I wasn't going to last long as my stomach curled into an unfamiliar feeling. I bucked wildly, staring into Logans eyes as I released and screamed his name, driving myself into his beautiful regions that I now markes as mine and mine only.

Logan sobbed in happiness as he himself finished and screamed my name, and we collapsed on each other not to soon afterwards. I took his face and began kissing him, pecking his lips over and over before I did it to his whole body.

"I love you." I would pant after every kiss. Logan held me close as he continued to quietly sob his happy tears and eventually we blew out the candles and cuddled, entangling our legs. I molded my body into Logan's back side as we fiddled with our rings, clinking them together gently.

"Kendall?"

"Yes, my love?" I whispered, squeezing his hips gently.

'Don't ever leave me…ever." He whispered. I turned his head to look at me.

"I promise." I kissed his sweet lips gently as we collapsed and slept, too worn out afterwards to do anything but sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

We returned from our honeymoon soon afterwards, and we all knew school would be starting up soon. James was in his third year this time, Logan and Carlos were just starting and this was my second year. The decision was sort of unspoken among us, but we all agreed on it eventually when we realized we wouldn't be able to stay at our parents homes.

So we all moved into an apartment, It was big enough for all of us, plus an extra room, and the complex was great enough that they allowed pets, which made Carlos so happy when he found a box with two puppies in it, obviously not siblings though, and brought them home.

One was a raggedy looking dog that Carlos finally settled on naming Stella, while the other dog was a type of Husky breed that James named Fox. Their not the only ones that got benefits though, I stumbled across a pet rung pig one day in the newspapers and adopted her without another thought. The previous owner had dubbed her "Yuma" and it stuck with the family.

The dogs and Yuma got along just fine so it all worked out.

Hanna had her baby a lot later than her due date had supposed, and after several weeks of worrying, she went into labor and Sebastian and her were blessed with the birth of their new daughter, Sophia Isabella Cardinson.(2) Sophia was just late, but the doctor said she was very healthy.

We were able to finally meet her, and I have to say, she's absolutely beautiful. She has pitch black hair like her dad and the beautiful cerulean blue eyes that Hanna had graced her with, even though she now only had one eye to show it off.

I don't know where we're all headed to after this, after everything's that's happening. But how hard it was for me to believe three years ago, that my life would change for the better and granted me a new path.

But Logan, Carlos, James, Hanna and myself are living proof that no matter how bad your situation, no matter what your problems are, you can always find salvation, and your life _can_ change for the better. And I think, really, everyone is treated to a happy ending.

And our new beginnings start now.

**A/N**

**Crap ending oh well, okay guess I got busy during the day and cant start my new story sadly. But y'all better be happy because it took me 3 cherry 7-ups, a thing of poptarts, a cup of pudding, a coke, and then several rounds of breaks that include dancing to Ievan Polkka and then a couple rounds of screaming and singing "rape me" by Nirvana, plus replaying some Marilyn manson and then ending it off with my whole new BIg Time Rush albums I got for Christmas to get me through this!**

**Please R&R **

**Thanks!**

**FAQ**


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